Hi everybody!
Yes, I know, the last chapter was kind of a teaser of how our two idiots might figure out what had happened. I know you were frustrated that they did not figure it out all. Well... they are beginning to see things a bit differently, though still not quite the way they had happened, and at least Erik feels torn about the new realizations...
As always, I want to thank you all for reading, for putting on alert, adding to favorites, and most of all, for the lovely reviews youare leaving in my inbox! And to reviewer "Guest" I say, I think I know who you are, and I hope you will see the wrongness of your ways in the end!
Now on to the next chapter which brings some recently negleczed characters back into the fold!
Chapter 23 – Twisted Every Way
A few more weeks passed before Erik finally found time to visit his old friend Nadir. He had been so busy, first with the negotiations with Raoul and the organization of Christine's recital, then with rehearsals for "Hannibal", that he had not found time to see Nadir. If he was honest, he also had kind of avoided the Persian during the de Chagny couple's stay in London, since he did not want his friend to guess the emotional turmoil he was going through. It was kind of easy not to let his wife and father-in-law realize how much the presence of that shameless woman affected him, since they did not know what she had once meant to him. He could explain away his bad temper as work-related stress caused by the tiresome negotiations, for instance, and since Amanda-Ann also had developed a dislike for Raoul, she would not doubt this excuse. Nadir, on he other hand, was a different cup of tea. He would not be fooled that easily.
But now, that a few weeks had passed, Erik felt the need to discuss Christine's visit with somebody, to share his innermost feelings upon seeing her again with a friend, and Nadir really was the only person he could think of to confide in.
Nadir looked up from the newspaper, he was reading, when Erik arrived. "Oh, look who's there," the Persian commented dryly. "Have you finally found your way here again? Where have you been hiding?"
When he noticed Erik's tense features, he turned more serious, though. "So it was not wedded bliss what kept you away," he mumbled sadly, "but rather the Vicomtesse de Chagny."
Erik nodded. "Her," he admitted. "But I cannot complain about my marriage," he continued. "Amanda-Ann is an angel, and I do not know how I would have been able to get through the weeks that whore was in London without my dear wife's constant love and support."
Nadir gave him a strange look. "Whore?" he asked. "Aren't you a bit harsh on the Vicomtesse? We do not really know why she married that pig, or do we?"
"You should have seen her!" Erik exclaimed, his voice sounding enraged and hurt at the same time. "He touches her inappropriately in public and she does not complain! She is obviously happy with him squeezing her buttocks or breasts with everybody there to see it!"
"And that means she likes it?" Nadir asked pointedly. "Maybe she just does not want to draw attention to the way he treats her, maybe she has reasons not to make him angry, especially in the case that he knows who you are."
Erik glared at the Persian. "And why would she care?" he sneered. "Remember, it was her who betrayed me, who stopped writing me when that fop made his intentions clear and who got engaged to him when I was still hoping for a letter from her!"
Nadir shook his head. "I cannot believe this," he said. "Something about this scenario does not ring true for me." He went to where Erik stood and put his hand on his friend's shoulder. "I was at the recital," he confessed. "I saw her, and I listened to her singing. I may not be much of an expert when it comes to music, but, Erik, I do understand a little bit about the workings of the human heart. When I first saw the announcement of the concert, I was surprised at the selection of songs she had chosen, all of them highly emotionally charged, all of them sad. The characters she portrayed all had somehow had to give up on their love, most songs spoke of resignation and loss. My first thought was that that was not the selection a happily married woman would choose. I admit that at first I suspected that maybe you were right, that she had left you and wanted to somehow mock you or irritate you by playing the part of the victim. But I needed to know for sure what her intentions had been in choosing those particular songs. That's why I went to the recital."
Nadir paused for effect, before adding softly, "She made me cry, Erik. She sang those songs because that's the way she feels. If she were the heartless bitch you make her out to be, she could never – never – imbue those arias with that kind of emotion. A fickle, superficial woman who enjoys being treated by her husband like a cheap whore could never convey such deep feelings. Such a person might sing with perfect technique, produce the purest sounds, but her singing would lack a soul. The woman I saw on stage was crying over her lost love, was longing for a past, where she had hoped for a future with her beloved. A woman who still thinks of the man she lost, who still loves him despite everything and who is not happy in her current situation."
"If she is not happy, it's her own fault," Erik said, his voice bitter. "Nobody told her to betray me, to become the Vicomte's public whore with the title of wife."
"Are you so sure?" Nadir asked. "Do you know why she married the Vicomte? Do you know if she had a choice? He might have tricked her, blackmailed her, forced her somehow to marry him." He thought about it for a moment, then added, "maybe he had found out that you are here. Maybe he threatened that he would inform the British police that you are a wanted man in France if she did not, you know... And by marrying her, he would not only have gotten her into his bed, he would also have made sure that she could not try to run away that easily and rejoin you, warn you. Is this scenario so inconceivable?"
Erik slumped into a chair. He had not thought about this. "Oh my God," he groaned. "What if you are right? What if she sacrificed herself in order to keep me safe? What if she is enduring all that shame so that I may be able to lead a normal life? What if she is innocent?"
"Her singing convinced me that she is innocent," Nadir commented, "even though it looks as if she had abandoned you out of her own free will."
"But if so, if she only agreed to this marriage for my sake, if she is submitting herself to his … if she is enduring him, then what have I done! I betrayed her myself by marrying Amanda-Ann!"
He choked as he remembered his last conversation with Christine. "She called me an unfaithful bastard," he confessed.
Nadir smiled. "See?" he told Erik. "I am right. She was somehow forced to marry that Vicomte, but she had hoped that you would understand her sacrifice and still honor the love the two of you feel for each other. When you married another, it hurt her. And it was her turn to feel betrayed."
"Amanda-Ann," Erik gasped. "I don't know if I would ever have married her if I had not thought that Christine had abandoned me. But she... She loves me, she believes in my love, and I am certain her father was right, when he told me she would die prematurely if I did not marry her..."
Nadir nodded. "I know," he agreed. "And I am not saying you should not have married her. On the contrary, I am glad you did. The two of you are good for each other. Her love for you has filled her with an energy she might not have had otherwise, and having her to care for and to be loved by, has been very beneficial to your emotional well-being, too. And it is not as if there were a chance for you and Christine to be together eventually. After all, she is married, and the Vicomte will not allow her a divorce, since this would cause a scandal. Should you have remained alone, pining for your lost love? Therefore I am glad that you have Amanda-Ann to fill the void in your heart. But I wish you and Christine had had a chance to discuss these problems. It might have helped you both to understand the decisions the other one has made or has had to make. I hear the de Chagnys might come back next year again, maybe then you will be able to clear things up with her."
Erik nodded. "You know what," he confessed, "Amanda-Ann has been telling me something similar for quite a while, namely that Christine, who she considers her friend, is unhappy, that she must be in love with somebody other than her husband, but that, for some reason or other, her love is hopeless."
Nadir smiled. "You have a very perceptive wife, Erik," he told his friend. "You should trust her feelings."
When he left his friend, Erik had a lot to think about. Was it possible that Christine had somehow been forced to betray him? That her heart still belonged to him? If so, he had hurt her terribly, not just by marrying Amanda-Ann, but also by the insulting way he had treated her. But would it really change a thing if what Nadir suspected were true? Did it matter, whether or not Christine still loved him, since she was lost to him anyway? Would that knowledge allow him to love her as well, even though he was married to Amanda-Ann?
Amanda-Ann! Erik sighed. He knew he did not love her the way he had loved Christine, but she was very dear to him. And if Nadir was right, and Christine was nowhere near as guilty as she seemed and thus not undeserving of his love, where would that leave him? Could he love two women at the same time or would it be a crime against his dear little Amanda-Ann to keep Christine's altar at the bottom of his heart as well? Amanda-Ann, who was not to blame for any of this, who was an innocent bystander, and who deserved to be loved by him with all his heart.
Xxxx
A few weeks had passed since the de Chagnys had returned to Paris when Christine finally dared asking Raoul if he would allow her to visit the Girys. She knew that he did not like her continued friendship with these two, since he considered them beneath his social circle. He therefore only very rarely allowed her to meet with her surrogate mother and sister.
Meg's plaster had come off recently, and Christine thought that was as good an excuse as any for wanting to see her foster family. She wanted to see for herself that Meg was going to be fine and would be able to dance again soon.
Raoul listened to his wife's humble request to be allowed to see her friends, then licked his lips in anticipation. "Well, I will be generous," he said, "but when you come home, we go straight to our bedroom ..."
Christine nodded. She knew by now that she had to pay with her body for every favor she asked of her husband. She bit her lips. That was certainly something she could not tell Mme. Giry. The ballet-mistress would be appalled if she knew what kind of abuse Christine had to go through on a regular basis. But there were other things she needed to discuss with her foster mother and with Meg. She needed to talk to somebody about the things that had happened in London that weighed her down.
When she arrived at the Opéra Populaire Christine pushed aside all thought of what she would have to endure upon her return home, and focused solely on the meeting with the Girys.
Meg was able to walk again, but the leg was still a bit stiff from having been in a plaster for so long, and Meg was out of practice from having been forced to sit still for weeks. The doctor had given her a list of easy exercises that she should try in order to get back in shape.
Meg explained her progress to Christine and showed her which exercises she could already do without effort. "In two to three months I should be able to begin dancing again," Meg announced cheerfully. "Of course, at first, I will only be able to dance in the back row, and maybe only in some dances," she continued, "some movements might still be too strenuous for my ankle. But I will do my best to get back to my previous level of excellence as fast as possible."
After a while the conversation shifted to the de Chagnys' recent trip to London. Christine talked a bit about the city, which Meg and Mme. Giry found very interesting. They had never been abroad. But once Christine had described all the sights she had seen, Mme. Giry finally approached the sensitive topic of Erik.
"Sets and costumes for Donizetti's "Elisir d'Amore" arrived here a few days ago," she said, watching Christine closely. "I heard they come from a theater in London called "The Music House". Isn't that the theater...?"
Christine nodded, then looked to the floor. "Yes," she whispered. "Erik leads that theater. I met him."
Mme. Giry felt her foster daughter's unease and rushed to her side, putting an arm around Christine's shoulders. "Did you talk to him?" she asked.
Christine sighed. "He was terrible!" she cried. "He treated me like an eccentric noble woman who has no business being on stage and is just using her husband's influence to get a chance to perform in a theater!"
Mme. Giry's jaw dropped. "You sang?" she asked. "There? In his theater?"
Christine nodded. "Yes," she said. "Raoul wanted to make it up to me somehow that I had to give up my profession, so he arranged for a recital in London. At Erik's theater." She still tried her best to pretend her marriage was a happy one.
"That must have been hard for you," Mme. Giry tried to comfort Christine. "But did you find out if what Raoul told you is true? Has Erik truly married the theater owner's daughter?" Even though Christine had shown her the incriminating leaflet, she still could not believe that Erik would give up on Christine and marry an heiress.
"Yes," Christine's whispered. "He is married to this Amanda-Ann, the only daughter of the gentleman who owns the theater."
"Did you meet her?" Meg chimed in, "what is she like?"
Christine sobbed. "She is adorable!" she confessed. "And I am sure she had no idea Erik was spoken for. I imagined her to be a seductive temptress, who bought the man she wanted with her money and a theater, but..."
Tears were running down her cheeks as she continued, "Amanda-Ann is about my age and the most innocent young lady you can imagine. She is also very ill, and if you ask me, she won't live much longer. Erik does care for her deeply, and she worships the ground he walks on. But..." She hesitated. Should she tell the Girys that she thought Erik did not love his wife the same way he had loved herself? Had she even been right about her observations, or had it all been wishful thinking on her part?
"Tell us," Mme. Giry encouraged her. "Tell us everything you want to talk about. We are here for you, we will try to comfort you and offer you understanding."
Christine nodded. "It is just... I do think Erik loves her in his own way, just not … I mean, when he looks at her, it is different from the way he used to look at me... "
Mme. Giry closed her eyes as a sudden thought crossed her mind. "Could it be," she began uneasily, "I mean, you said Erik's wife is very sick and might die soon, is it possible that he married her … out of pity for her? Because he realized she loved him? Or out of sympathy for her condition? Realizing that she, too, may have suffered form her handicap, just in different ways? Is it possible that he is trying to make this woman's last few months or years happy ones? Maybe he was hoping you would understand his motives and wait for him, knowing that his marriage would be a short-lived one?"
"I don't know!" Christine groaned. "I have been asking myself the same recently. But if you were right, if he had just married her for those reasons, why would he not have told us what was going on? Why would he not have asked me to wait for him? He just simply stopped writing!"
Mme. Giry nodded. "I know," she admitted. "I will never understand why he did not answer our letters anymore. The only explanation I have is that a letter might have gotten lost..."
"But we were without news from him for months!" Christine reminded her.
Mme. Giry sighed. "But what if for some reason he wanted to be married by the time he would tell us? Maybe he feared that you would beg him not to go through with his planned wedding and he thought he could not resist your pleas, but was worried what it might do to this Amanda-Ann if he did not marry her? Maybe he feared the girl would die of a broken heart in that case and therefore thought it better to arrange the wedding first and tell you afterwards, explaining his motives to you and asking you for your understanding and to wait for him till he would be free again. Might this be what actually has happened?"
Christine thought about it for a while. "Maybe that is how it happened," she admitted. "But there is something else. He did tell Amanda-Ann that there had been another girl he had wanted to marry, but he told her that this girl had married somebody else! And that simply was a lie. I mean, he got engaged first. I only married Raoul after I had seen proof of Erik's infidelity."
"But you married Raoul immediately after he showed you that announcement," Mme. Giry reminded Christine. "Erik may not have known that you knew about his engagement. But he somehow heard about your wedding, which may have taken place shortly before his. So... he may not have been lying to his wife at all. He would not have known that you married the Vicomte out of spite because you felt betrayed by him. He may have thought that you married the Vicomte, because you wanted to."
Christine broke down crying. That thought had not occurred to her yet.
