Howdy everyone, for once while posting this I'm actually awake! So I'm going to take the time to say hi, and thanks for sticking with me this far, I really appreciate it.

Now, in regards to this chapter, it does contain some very dark shit, like, really bad. For this I am sorry, but it does also contain adorable fluff, if that helps? Either way, if you are worried about the content, please feel free to send me a message, I will give you a trigger warning list, or a 'clean' version for you to read that has that section removed.

Okay, with that out of the way, I hope you all enjoy, and I'll see you at the end. - J


Chapter 22: Confessions

The following morning was far more peaceful. She woke slowly, sprawled out on her stomach across the mattress. It had to be early, as Kelly's even breathing told her the woman was still asleep. With a languid stretch, she dragged her eyes open. The sun was up, light filtering in through the dark curtains to fall on the ridiculously beautiful face beside her. A small smile tugged at her lips as she allowed herself to outright stare, her chest full of that familiar warmth that she finally had a name for. She loved this woman.

Damn, who wouldn't?

She grinned as she reached over, brushing a stray lock of dark hair from her face. She looked a little more tanned than the last time she had visited, and the freckles across her nose and shoulders seemed to have multiplied. At a guess, she'd been somewhere fairly sunny for the last week, but Sophie wouldn't ask, MI7 apparently had some fairly strict confidentiality rules and it was already questionable for an agent to have people know they're an agent. Kelly was working hard to balance her new career with her home life and frankly, Soph had no words for how much she appreciated it. Unable to help herself, she leaned down, pressing a light kiss to the woman's lips. She wanted to tell her, tell her how much she adored her, how much she appreciated everything she did… But there was something about the idea of it that honestly terrified her. Obviously Kelly cared about her, she knew enough of the woman to know that. Hell, no-one put up with this much crazy if they didn't have pretty strong emotions… But there was something horrifically vulnerable about saying something like that, and honestly, she had no idea whether she was more afraid of Kelly not returning her feelings, or if she did.

"Pretending to sleep won't get you another kiss." She smirked to herself as she watched the other woman. Kelly was an incredibly light sleeper, and she was willing to bet good money she'd actually been awake since Sophie had brushed her hair aside. Her suspicions were confirmed as Kelly's nose scrunched into an adorable pout, one eye opening a crack.
"Bugger." She grumbled and Soph chuckled, resting her chin on her arm.
"Good morning." Her tone was light and cheerful, Jones' pout faded as she leaned over, claiming a much more substantial kiss that Sophie was all too happy to allow.
"Good morning." She smiled as she moved away and sat up, stretching her arms above her head.
"Still a couple of hours before the match, we should get to breakfast." She was already far too awake for this hour of the morning, Soph grumbled and rolled back over to bury her face in the pillows.
"Spoil-sport." Her grumpy muttering was answered with a laugh and a warm body draping across her back.
"Come on, if you get up now, we have time for a shower." Lips brushed the nape of her neck and Soph grinned at the shiver that rolled down her spine. She turned her head so her face was free of the pillow.
"Damn, you're persuasive."

Following a very fun shower, Soph went looking for her hockey uniform. She ruffled her hair with a towel while Kelly took up residence in front of the vanity to use the hairdryer. Short hair had its perks, and as long as she didn't go to bed with it wet, hers tended to behave itself fairly well. Tossing the towel to one side, she grabbed her shorts (she loathed the skirt), and a polo shirt while not particularly playing attention; this became apparent when she pulled the shirt over her head and it fell almost as low as her shorts.
"Pretty sure this isn't mine." She caught Kelly's eye in the mirror and the other woman laughed.
"Unless you just shrunk in the shower…" She smirked, Soph scowled. Rolling her eyes, Kelly turned on the stool and held out her hands. Soph pouted, but moved forward, allowing herself to be pulled to stand between the woman's legs.
"It suites you." She smirked up at her and Soph huffed.
"Pretty sure it fit you better, bloody giant." She scowled as Kelly laughed.
"I'm five-five, short stuff, average, not a giant." Her amusement wasn't nearly as annoying as it should be, Soph growled. She was five foot three, which wasn't super short, so she hadn't even really paid much attention to her height before she started seeing Kelly. Honestly, it still didn't bother her, height wasn't really relevant, but it was fun to tease. Shaking her head she leaned down, smirking as she stole a kiss.
"You're not average, love. You're fucking incredible." Retreating quickly before the blood rushing to her face could kill the smooth moment, Soph pulled the too-big shirt off over her head and tossed it onto the bed, fishing for her own in the drawers. Wearing Kelly's was tempting, but it was too risky to wear anything that loose fitting during a match, it was just asking to be grabbed at.

Their shower had taken longer than was probably necessary, so they only had time for a quick breakfast before they made it out to the pitch.

Annabelle and Roxy were already there, so they dropped down to sit on the benches beside them.
"Alright, boss?" Soph grinned to her cousin, who smirked back.
"Cheltenham's due in ten, first years are in position." She supplied and shared a knowing look with Kelly, who grinned like a proud parent.
"They're going to be pissed after school challenge." Jones advised and they all nodded.
"Ready for this, Rox'?" Soph looked to the blonde, who shrugged. She'd joined the team pretty late, but so had Sophie and Annabelle last year. From what she'd seen in the few practices they'd had, the woman was pretty good.
"Should be fun." Roxy smirked and shared an adorable grin with Annabelle. Soph rolled her eyes to Kelly, who shook her head.
"Pot, kettle, love." She snarked, but before Soph could retort, she leaned down, pressing a sweet kiss to her cheek that had the blood rushing to her face and proving the woman's point… Goddamn it.

The Head girl took off to check on the team, Roxy in tow, leaving Soph and Kelly to themselves.
"Thwaites is going to flip her fucking lid." She couldn't help but grin to herself as she watched them make their way across the field.
"Hm?" Kelly tipped her head and Soph nodded toward her cousin.
"If she sees them together. Going on her treatment of Annabelle after I left, I'm willing to bet she hasn't gotten over her crush." There was a slightly vindictive edge to her smirk, but really, who could blame her? Verity was a dick. Kelly seemed to share the sentiment.
"Roxy's going to kick her ass." She smirked and Soph allowed herself a wolfish grin.

Oh, this would be fun.

At that point, the Cheltenham bus pulled up the drive, surprisingly unmolested by paint. Soph frowned in confusion until she noticed the puddle it parked in. It hadn't rained around here for a week…

She had to admit, it was delightful watching the Cheltenham girls fall over. Their shoes were designed to dig into grass, so walking over smooth concrete was questionable at the best of times, though not particularly hazardous. Oil coated concrete, however… Her cousin was a genius.

A whole lot of laughter later, the opposing team made it onto the grass and began a furious march toward the pitch to the eternally funny tune of 'who let the dogs out'.
"You'd better get up there." Kelly nudged her with her knee and Soph sighed.
"Suppose I should, see you after?" She stood and stretched her arms up, grabbing her stick from its spot against the bench before turning to Jones, who stood with a smile.
"Yep." Stepping forward, Soph allowed herself to be caught around the waist, leaning up for a kiss.
"Have fun." They ended it quickly and Soph grinned as she stepped away.
"Oh, I will." With that she turned heel, striding quickly off toward the team with her stick up on her shoulder.

This would be an excellent game.

She arrived just in time, Annabelle was standing strong as Thwaites approached, but she could see the slight tremor in her hand as it gripped Roxy's just that little bit tighter. She took up comfortable position just off to their left, not guarding, but close enough to intervene if needed.
"Not surprised they put you in charge of these animals Fritton..." Thwaites trailed off of whatever rant she was about to start on as her eyes dropped to Annabelle and Roxy's hands. Oh, that dumbstruck look on her face was bloody priceless, where was a camera when you needed one? After, what looked like, a complete mental reboot, the woman seemed to recover.
"Oh, looks like you've found someone willing to have you. Nice to know there's still people with standards that low." She sneered and Soph was proud of her cousin for keeping her cool, Roxy, on the other hand, already seemed to be struggling. To keep this from being a fight before the match had even begun, Soph snorted.
"You would know." Granted it was a slight insult to Annabelle, but Soph didn't care, the way Varity froze was bloody hilarious.
"No-one was talking to you, Daniels." The girl barked back but quickly backed up a couple steps. Sadly, she still had more insults to throw.
"Pretty sure you're supposed to put mad dogs down, Fritton." Clearly expecting an easier target, the idiot directed this comment to Annabelle, who, wonderfully, didn't so much as blink.
"Are you volunteering to try?" She smirked and tipped her head, Thwaites' previously smug expression fell, Soph grinned with purposeful menace she hadn't used in over a year.
"Last I checked you had trouble fighting off a flying walkie talkie..." The head girl paused, as though thinking on something, when she was done, she pulled on a mask of obviously false concern.
"Are you sure you're okay to play today? Would you like to sit down?" Bold, Annabelle took a step forward as if to help her to a chair, Verity recoiled. At this point, all eyes were either overtly, or discreetly, on them. Soph allowed herself a slightly smug smirk. Thankfully, even the blonde could tell she was outmanned.
"Screw you, Fritton. We'll see who needs to sit down." Turning on her heel, she strode off toward her team, Soph glanced off to the side, where Kelly was now sat with Camilla, a cup of tea that was almost certainly not entirely tea in each of their hands. The older woman smirked and Soph winked back before stepping forward to throw an arm about her cousin's shoulders.
"Never thought I'd see the day... I promised myself I wouldn't cry." She feigned sobs into the girl's shoulder as the other two laughed.

Oh, this game was really going to be fun.

With the tempers already up before the match even started, the pitch was eerily tense as the Bursar ran through the rules. School challenge and the slime at new year's had embittered the Cheltenham 'ladies' by enough without the added rage emanating off of their team captain. St. Trinian's, of course, was always ready to fight on a happy day, but with the insults being tossed about toward their head girl and lingering tension from their schools' rivalries had everyone up in arms. As the whistle blew, Thwaites took out Bursar and the match began.

It actually started off as a pretty normal game, by St. Trinian's standards, at the very least. However, two goals in and Thwaites snapped, swinging her stick around and catching Roxy clean across the stomach, despite the taller blonde being no-where near the ball. It was at this point, that everything went to hell. Soph couldn't say she knew any of the particulars, but as a player from the opposing team charged toward her with ill intent, she would be lying if she said she didn't greatly enjoy sweeping her legs out from under her with her stick and sending her sprawling face first into the grass. Up by the goal, Roxy and Thwaites were rolling across the field while Annabelle quite happily dispatched any Cheltenham Ladies who came to their idiotic leader's aid. Sophie wasn't about to interrupt either fight, so, shrugging to herself, she dove head first into the mess of girls taking up the centre of the pitch, cheerfully blowing off some steam while she waited for things to settle down a bit.

Eventually the girls of St. Trinian's won the day and the Cheltenham team (those who were still conscious) backed down, carrying their fallen comrades off to the side-lines, where Matron was cheerfully patching up either side. Soph looped an arm around Janie's middle to heave her off of a screaming girl and hand her off to Zoe and a few of her girls to calm before directing her attention to the main match of the day. Thwaites was sprawled on the grass, sporting a nicely developing black eye and, if she wasn't mistaken, missing a couple teeth. Most were probably the false ones she had to wear to replace those knocked out by Sophie all those years ago, but there were definitely a few more gone. Roxy herself was looking a little worse for wear, but ultimately fine as she stood with Annabelle fussing over her.

Idly, Soph nudged the girl on the floor with her foot, she groaned, and slightly dazed eyes drifted over to focus on her. Ah, still conscious then. With a cheerful smile, Sophie crouched down.

"See, something I don't understand, Verity... Is why you'd attack Roxy. What, exactly, has she done to piss you off?" She tipped her head, not particularly keeping her voice down but not shouting either. Dimly, and probably only due to half her head keeping track of the woman at all times, she was aware of Kelly making her way over.
"Fuck you, Daniels." Thwaites growled back, rolling with a heavy groan onto her side to spit blood into the grass.
"You know why." She mumbled but Soph deadpanned.
"Do I? I think you need to remind me." She flashed a wolfish grin, raising her voice just enough to drag the Head girl and her girlfriend's attentions away from each other.
"Huh?" Annabelle looked between them curiously and Soph straightened up and folded her arms.
"Speak up, Thwaites, share with the rest of the class." She gestured to her cousin and the blonde on the floor struggled to her feet, embarrassment and rage warring in her face to turn her a lovely shade of purple.
"You're such a bitch, Daniels. Should have known this place would only make you worse. Criminals and animals, the lot of you." She sneered and Soph arched a brow, her smirk fading as the girl picked up momentum.
"I know what you did at the gallery, I saw that whore Jones on that balcony. She really was the-" Her insults stopped rather quickly and it took Sophie a moment to figure out that it was because she'd embedded her fist in the girl's face, sending her, once more, to the ground. Honestly, she didn't even remember doing it, but before she could take another step forward and teach her a very, very important lesson regarding insulting Kelly, the woman herself arrived, stepping over the prone girl to catch Sophie's hand.

"Good to see you too, Verity." Her tone was cheerful, but her expression sober as she gently ran a hand up Soph's arm until it landed comfortably on the back of her neck. All the tension fell from Sophie's shoulders like someone had cut a rope and she sighed as she shifted to rest a hand on the woman's hip. When Kelly was clearly satisfied Soph wasn't preparing to maim anyone, she turned to the girl on the floor with a smile.
"Jones? What are you doing here?!" It was hard to take someone seriously when they were attempting to recoil into the ground, but even without that, Sophie wasn't sure any of them could be intimidated by Verity Thwaites anymore.
"Cheering on my girl's team." The hand on the back of her neck squeezed lightly and Soph paused as her stomach flipped. Jones said it so casually to others, whenever she tried, it took a good few attempts to get to words past her lips.

Bloody show-off.

She was pulled from her thoughts by Verity's dumbstruck expression, the girl was still sat on the floor, apparently not quite ready to try for her feet again yet. Probably wise.
"What is it with this school? Do you become head girl and they just throw you the nearest psychopath to keep you company?!" She probably didn't intend it to be funny, but Soph failed to repress the snort that escaped her and quickly raised a hand to her face to at least pretend to hide her laughter. Kelly smirked as she shook her head at her antics but Roxy and Annabelle were too busy scowling at the girl on the floor.
"Just as well you're all gay, god help us if you ever reproduced." It was muttered, but Sophie heard it and her laughter cut off abruptly. That, was rude.

"Verity, would you like to tell us why, exactly, I beat you halfway to hell and back?" Her tone was ice, Kelly's thumb brushed back and forth against her skin and she squeezed her waist gently in response. She wasn't going to kill the bitch, but she was going to shut her up properly. The blonde on the floor looked appropriately afraid as her head snapped up to stare at her.
"Daniels, no, I-" Talking fast, her panic was audible, but Soph cut her off.
"Now, Thwaites." She growled but resisted the urge to take a step forward, unwilling to take her hand from Kelly, not for the sake of tormenting Verity Thwaites, at least.

Aw, look at her, growing up.

"Soph, what are you talking about?" Annabelle frowned at her in confusion but Soph only nodded toward the prone blonde.
"I was... Um..." Verity began muttering, but Soph's eye cast to the rest of the gathered crowd. Both teams had moved closer over the course of the conversation, edging in to hear what was being said.
"Louder." She huffed at the girl, who winced.
"I was watching someone in the showers." Gaze on the floor, the girl spoke up and, going on the gasps and murmuring around them, it had definitely been heard by all. With a sour grin, Soph jammed her free hand into her pocket.
"Who?" She arched a brow as Verity shot her a dirty look, staring back down at her without mercy. It was her own damn fault, if she hadn't been spying on a naked girl, Soph wouldn't have lost it… And she'd never have gone to any of her other schools, never have gone to Claymore... Her anger at Verity and the adrenaline of the recent fight were running away with her head, she bit the inside of her lip, hard, trying to keep her mind focused on the situation. Dimly, she was aware of Kelly moving fractionally closer, almost as if she could tell something was up. Fortunately, everyone else's attention was on Thwaites, who after a long moment of staring, finally opened her mouth.

"Annabelle! Okay?! Are you happy now?!" Thwaites's outburst left everyone stunned, barring Soph and Kelly.
"Yes, actually. See you around." She needed to get out of here, so, affecting a cheery smile, she gave a little wave and turned to Kelly. She didn't need to speak, Jones understood and turned to walk with her without a word, taking her hand with a firm grip that eased the tension in her chest just a little. As they left, somewhere over her shoulder, Soph heard Roxy snort.
"Sucks to be you." The blonde's grin was audible and at any other moment, Soph would have laughed.

They moved quickly through the school, making a beeline for their bedroom without a word between them until they were safely inside... When Soph punched the wall.

It was embarrassing; she had hoped she'd grown out of this shit. It also hurt. The poor thing had never recovered from her anger management issues last year, and now pain crackled down her arm like lightning. Honestly, she almost appreciated it, as it dragged her head back down to Earth. Pulling her hand away, she found the wall was also completely undamaged, which was nice, she'd hate to have to walk past a hole in the wall every day to remind her of her lapse.

"Want to talk about it?" Jones had moved to sit on the bed, having shrugged out of her jacket and now set about removing her boots, apparently unbothered by the little display. Soph quickly turned her gaze back to the floor, facing the wall in case she needed to take another swing.
"It's her fault." She spoke through grit teeth.
"If she hadn't been being a perv, I wouldn't have beat her up. I was a weird kid, but mostly good. My record was practically spotless before that... If it wasn't for her I'd have stayed at Cheltenham, never would have gone to Claymore... Never would have met..." The name froze on the tip of her tongue.

This was straying dangerously close to her history, her secrets. Could she even speak it out loud? Let alone to another person?

Jones' hand found hers and pulled gently. She went without resistance, allowing herself to be pulled to sit on the bed beside her, to be led into a painfully gentle embrace, like Kelly was afraid of breaking her. Her eyes burned at the warmth of it, the comfort and care…

Oh, fuck it.

"Jennifer Neil was deputy head at Claymore Institution, where my mum sent me after I beat the shit out of Thwaites. When I arrived there I was… angry, pissed that my life had been fucked for the sake of one asshole. I hated Verity for being a creep, the teachers for not believing me, my mum for not taking my side… Hell, even myself, for letting my anger get the better of me." She pulled away to yank off her shoes and shin guards, tossing them across the room before flopping back onto the bed. Kelly didn't let her lay there alone, she shifted to lie beside her, her expression attentive, but calm. Listening, not judging.
"I acted up, I was fourteen for god sake. Who wouldn't? Suddenly there were a whole load of new rules and I was already so angry… I've always been bad with authority so I rebelled. It was only little stuff, some graffiti, wandering where I shouldn't, petty theft, nothing huge. I didn't want to hurt anyone, just be a nuisance. Apparently that was enough to get on her radar…" She paused, unsure of how to go about this. It was hard to explain even to herself… Kelly's hand found hers and squeezed gently, cool fingers entwined with her own. She let out a sigh.
"There was this old shed, on the back field, completely condemned, practically falling down where it stood. She used to drag me out there in the middle of the night, pull me out of bed. I honestly don't remember how she got me to go with her at the start, but by the end I was going quietly. The way the school was, if you were weak, you were fair game, and if anyone knew… I didn't want that. So I'd walk behind her without a word. It took twenty minutes to get there, it was so far away. She told me I'd brought it upon myself, that if I refused to behave of my own volition, she'd have to beat me into shape. She was a very literal woman." A shudder rolled down her spine and for a moment she felt sick. The nausea passed, but the hollow feeling in her gut remained, almost automatically, she rolled onto her side, almost relieved when Kelly opened her arms and pulled her closer. Burying her face in the woman's shoulder, Soph focused hard on her; on her warmth, the strength in the arms around her, the beat of her heart, the way she smelled. Her mind would stay here, in this moment, she wouldn't let it fall back into the past, she would tell the story without living it again.
"At least three times a week she'd drag me out there. Never predictable, never in a pattern I could see. She'd tie my wrists together and secure them to the only stable support beam left, the rope left marks but I kept my sleeves down, no-one asked why." She allowed herself a bitter smirk.
"The scars are from a switch, birch I think. She used to carry it around with her at all times, 'as a prop', according to the other teachers. She'd use it to point to things on the board or hit someone's desk when they weren't paying attention. I have no idea how she kept the wood so clean, considering how much of my blood had been on it." It wasn't a joke, not really, so she wasn't offended that Kelly didn't laugh. Long fingers began to card through her hair, light, soothing.
"No idea what kind of crazy she had going on, she'd accuse me of a long list of stuff; being a delinquent, sleeping around, theft, reckon she might have been using me to not cope with someone else she knew, or used to know. I don't know, I never really cared."

"It went on for about a year. I couldn't say exactly how long, but at some point I encountered a first year trying to care for some fresh bruises. I knew her, quiet kid, sent by her dad to 'toughen up', she wasn't exactly one to get into fights and no-one particularly wanted to fight her, it would be like kicking a puppy. I asked her about it and she was so scared... It took an hour to get her to talk to me. Neil had started picking new victims to prey on. This tiny girl was to be the new me. As fucked up as I was, somehow that got through to me." The fabric beneath her face was wet and her eyes burned. Still Jones said nothing.

"I fought back, hard. By the time we were found, she was barely breathing. Lucky there was enough evidence on me and the girl to prove she'd deserved it, or that it was self-defence or something, I don't know. But the school wanted the scandal gone. The offered to keep the particulars of the incident off of my record if I kept it to myself, sweetened the deal with a fairly hefty bribe. I didn't want to do the police thing, have pictures taken of me, of my injuries… I wanted to forget. I took the money and left the school, and my file for that one just says 'Antisocial Behaviour." She scoffed.
"I had a lot of nightmares after that, still do, I suppose. Took up drinking to help me sleep at Michaelson, hence the bike crash." She rounded off and the room fell into silence.

She'd done it. She'd told another living being what the fuck had happened to her. Truthfully, she'd spent a lot of time telling herself she was fine; that it hadn't affected her. Obviously that was fucking impossible, but denial was a hell of a drug. It had only been in this last year that she'd noticed how twisted her head really was, and it was kind of completely thanks to this bloody woman still gently running her fingers through her hair, nails scratching lightly at the nape of her neck… The woman she loved.
"Thanks for telling me." The quiet words were breathed against the top of her head, the arms around her squeezing gently.

It was that, the rush of warmth in her chest to chase away the hollow cold, that finally caused her to break. Kelly continued to hold her, seemingly aware that no words would comfort her as she sobbed herself to sleep.


So yeah, Sophie has some past issues. Now, I would like to address how calmly she recounts all this, because the way I've done it was very intentional. It might seem kind of weird, or even out of character, given how melodramatic we know she can be, for this giant and terrible thing to be told so casually and so calmly (for the most part). However, Soph has spent a lot of years repressing this trauma, rationalising it, bottling it up and leaving it in the corner to be 'ignored'. So really, at this point, she can't do anything except be calm about it, until someone pushes her just that little bit further, as Kelly does here in being so accepting and supportive. That's when the bottle breaks and you end up crying all night. It's an important step in getting over repressed issues, at least, I think so. I'm not a therapist, I can only speak from my own experiences.

Either way, I hope you enjoyed this chapter, I'm sorry it's shorter than you're used to by now, but hopefully we'll be back up to obscenely long chapters next week. Thank you, as always, for reading, and I hope to see you next week. - J