Katniss

Coin has Prim and my mother…the Hawthorne family…the refugees from District 12 - Greasy Sae, Thom, Delly Cartwright – every single person from my life before the Games who remains in 13, their fate is now tied to mine. But wasn't it always? Didn't they lose their homes because of my actions? All I have ever done over the last two years is bring heartbreak and danger to my people.

I feel completely paralyzed as these thoughts race across my mind, unable to sort through any of it and too frightened to make a meaningful decision; I am beyond terrified that anything I do will result in someone being harmed. I know I should have adapted to these kinds of threats by now; Snow spent two years torturing me this way, and now Coin has slid into his place. Will this never end?

Annie does her best to calm me down. She tells me about her plans for the baby, how she wants to name him after the sea. She runs her fingers through my hair and sings songs about sailors and sirens and the call of the ocean. Not once does she try to ply me with false comfort or tell me that our situation will resolve cleanly - we both know it would be a lie. Enobaria paces the room and passes the time by observing the goings-on outside the tall windows of my room. She never settles down, doesn't stay still; her restless energy mirrors the chaos I feel inside me.

Hours after the meeting with Coin, Peeta returns to our room and my companions take their leave. Annie kisses my cheek as she goes and Enobaria squeezes my shoulder, their affection making me emotional. Life is weird; these two unexpected friends of mine care about my suffering enough to remain at my side while I quietly drown in anxiety. This is something I never thought I wanted, something I never thought I deserved.

Peeta seems exhausted and prudent – he's physically responsive to my touch but he is restrained and succinct when I try to question him about what went down when he met with the others. As we lay down in our luxurious bed, he wraps me in his strong arms and pulls me in close against his powerful chest. I have missed him so intensely since we were separated in 13; I've yearned for his formidable body and the wonderfully ardent things he can do to mine, but I've been too fearful to resume that part of our relationship. I'm constantly on edge. I'm jumpy and nervous, much like when I was recused and brought to recover in 13. My mind feels much the way it did back then; it is as though all the progress I have made in piecing myself back together over the last few months has been wholly shattered. I am no longer the woman I was the last time we were together. I don't feel worthy of being with Peeta yet; I want to be mended first – restored fully from the broken girl I am now.

He murmurs his soft affections against my forehead, stroking my hair with one hand and tightly gripping my hip with the other. No matter what comes next for us, he and I have each other. My only wish is that soon we will be free to leave the Capitol without Coin's presence hanging over us, waiting in the shadows to pull us back to her.


The swearing-in ceremony for Coin is dripping with pomp and circumstance, far out-stripping any performance Snow could put on. Coin has everyone she wants the people of Panem to see her with sit on a stage that will face the crowds gathered to witness this event. Coin will position herself at the center of the platform, flanked by both victors and her top soldiers and advisors from 13, while still raised above the masses. She wants the world to see her as the undeniable new leader of Panem, supported by rebels and victors alike.

The processional music begins as Coin makes her way down the Avenue of the Tributes, waving at the crowds as she approaches the City Circle where we wait for her. I remember the view from her route, riding towards Snow before both of my Games; one time I was filled with fear, the other I was full of rage, both times I was consumed by fire. As I watch the new president approach us, I realize I sit where Snow once stood, and I fight back a wave of nausea.

How much will I be hated once she announces the Capitol Hunger Games? Will the victors serve as targets for the crowd's fury? Or will the people be satisfied with her decision? In the time after the Dark Days, did the leaders feel this way when they proposed the first Hunger Games? Did it seem to be the only way to carry out justice after all the chaotic years of devastation and bloodshed? Or did they remain unsure? I sit on the stage, facing the crowd of civilians and soldiers, and fear this cycle of retribution will never end.

Once Coin reaches the stage, she ascends the stairs and throws her hands out to welcome her audience in a style reminiscent of Effie Trinket. "People of Panem," she begins, her voice echoing around the City Circle with the help of a hidden microphone. "I am President Alma Coin of District 13. My home was destroyed by Snow's government, and we were forced to survive underground. We stepped away from the fight, but we never forgot. Coriolanus Snow held power through terror, oppression, blackmail, and murder. You have fought against this! I have fought against this! And now, we are free of him!"

The audience cheers at her words, but I can't even look at her. All I can see is Prim screaming my name as Gale dragged her away from the reaping; all I can smell is blood and roses and rot. Things will never change, not for Panem, and certainly not for me.

"As we take out next steps…our next…our…." Coin's voice fades out, and I lift my head to see what is causing the holdup in her spectacle.

Coin's mouth is opening and closing as though she is trying to speak, but no sound is coming out. I shoot a glimpse to Peeta, who is watching Coin with a look of uncertainty. When I glance around at the others, I see that everyone is regarding the president with varying expressions of concern – something is wrong, but no one seems to know what it is. She brings her hand up to her throat, and I wonder if she is short of breath or suddenly desperate for water. But as she pivots away from her audience, I can see the wild panic in her eyes. There are murmured inquiries of President Coin and Madame President and ma'am are you alright from the people around her, but before she can try to answer, her eyes roll up into her head and she crumples to the ground with a sickening thud.

People in the crowd scream in confusion and I see Annie cover her mouth in shock. Boggs and Plutarch rush to Coin's side, turning her on to her side and checking her over as she twitches. Her movements remind me of Snow in his final moments, filling me with a sense of foreboding.

Boggs looks up from Coin and speaks urgently to Plutarch, who blanches in response to whatever is being said. He summons over two soldiers from 13 who quickly move to carry Coin's limp body off the stage through a side door.

The whole thing is over in a matter of seconds, leaving behind a hectic energy filled with restlessness and dread; I find myself looking to the people nearby for any indication as to what I should be doing, but no one else seems to know either. Peeta grips my hand tightly and I see him flick a quick glance to Finnick, who has his arms around Annie and is whispering in her ear as she sobs into her hands. Haymitch is conferring off to the side with Plutarch and Beetee, while Jo and Enobaria hold their own private council.

After a few moments without further information, the crowd begins to get agitated. Amidst the shouted questions and calls for news, Plutarch finally leads us through the same door they took Coin. Boggs is waiting to speak with us a few paces down a brightly lit hallway; he looks pale and tense and advises us all to swiftly return to our rooms. When I try to ask what just happened to Coin, he shuts me down, making it clear that all he knows is a Capitol-grade doctor is in with her now.

It feels as though we scatter to the wind, simply desperate to get away from the surreal situation we have found ourselves in. As Peeta pulls me along the labyrinthine corridors, his hand warm and strong around mine, all I can think is, what the hell just happened? It feels like there is more going on than meets the eye, but my mind can't focus on any one fact long enough for me to make sense of anything.

"Peeta!" I entreat, but he doesn't even acknowledge me. So, I try again. "Peeta stop!" I dig my heels in, bracing my legs in an effort to break his concentration. I don't understand where he's so intent on dragging me, but I do know that I need him to slow down and let me in. He snaps his head around, as though he's shocked to see me there behind him. His eyes are glazed, and his mouth is set in a firm line, and I can discern uneasiness there. He knows what's going on, I abruptly realize. He darts his eyes to the side, drawing my gaze to the gardens and the greenhouse just outside the windows. I nod in understanding and we quickly resume our hastened pace.

We walk rapidly across the lawns and he ushers me inside the greenhouse, keeping his hand firmly on my lower back. He moves with jerky motions, checking to make sure there is no one inside to overhear us, but his frantic actions only serve to worry me more with each second that passes.

"Peeta," I plead, my voice cracking in alarm. "What is happening? Please – please tell me!"

He stops his anxious pacing and drops his head but doesn't turn to look at me. "We did this," he admits, his words quiet and broken. "Me and the others," he clarifies. "After what Coin said in the meeting yesterday…we couldn't let her continue on this way." He takes a few large steps towards me, closing the distance between us. "You understand, right?" He reaches out and grasps both of my hands tightly in his. "Please Katniss…. Tell me you understand why we did this?"

I can't speak. My love, my friends, my allies…. They all just partook in an assassination attempt against the president. They did this. It's unthinkable! But…the thing that upsets me the most though, is that I do understand. I would do the same – I have done the same. By killing Snow, I did what had to be done to keep the people I love safe; Peeta and the others did the same when they took out Coin. We would have spent the rest of our lives looking over our shoulders, never knowing when Coin was going to send someone to silence us forever. She said this was going to be the final Hunger Games, but who is to say she would abide by that? How long until she steps out of the shadow of President Snow and embraces his highly-effective means of ruling Panem? How long until the Hunger Games – or something worse – makes a permanent return?

When I don't respond fast enough, Peeta begins to get the wrong idea. "You disagree, don't you?" he whispers, his tone agonized. He's disheartened, desperate for me to absolve him of the guilt he feels in this moment. The thing is, he shouldn't require me to do that for him – but if it is what he needs, I will give it to him, because Peeta deserves to feel peace over this decision.

"No, Peeta," I respond softly. "You did the right thing." I cup his face and pull him in to me, pressing our foreheads together. He reaches up and grips my forearms, exhaling audibly, his breath hitching into a sob filled with relief at my words. "Why didn't you tell me?" I press him.

He shakes his head and pushes back just enough so that he can see my whole face. "I don't even know the details," he explains, his voice ragged. "I just didn't want you to get caught in the crossfire if anything went wrong, so I kept it from you."

My mouth settles into a frown as I tell him resolutely, "Don't make decisions to protect me, Peeta Mellark! That is not your place! The rebels did that to both of us in the Quell, and I'm the one who suffered for it! No more, do you understand!"

He wraps his arms around my neck, pulling me in against his chest. "You're right, you're right," he murmurs into my hair. "I'm sorry, Katniss. No more, I promise."

He proceeds to tell me what went on yesterday after the meeting with Coin, warning me against speaking openly with the other conspirators before all of this is settled. If any of us are suspected of killing Coin, the integrity of the entire rebellion may be called into question. She certainly wasn't wrong about that. If we're caught, there isn't anything we can blame our actions on without putting the lives of those who remain in District 13 at risk.

The heavy feeling of unease in my stomach is threatening to overwhelm me, the sheer intensity of what's gone on today threatening to crush me into nothingness, when we hear the door to the greenhouse creak open. Peeta spins around, immediately on guard, pushing me behind him and blocking me from sight with his broad body. My heart jumps up to my throat, the fear that we're about to be arrested solidifying into something tangible and suffocating. I grip the back of Peeta's shirt until my knuckles are bone-white. It takes a few moments for me to grasp that I can only make out one set of footsteps moving towards us, and what's more, it's a tread I recognize – Gale.

I let my forehead fall against Peeta's back, but the tension doesn't leave him until he sees Gale round a corner. Peeta lets out a loud exhale and reaches out to prop himself up against the surface closest to him. I'm able to see Gale as he comes upon the two of us, and I watch as his expression falls when he catches sight of Peeta and I so close to one another.

Peeta huffs out an incredulous chuckle and quips, "Odds Gale, you scared the shit out of us."

Gale doesn't acknowledge his statement, just clears his throat and asks, "Catnip…can I talk to you for a minute?"

I nod as Peeta steps away from me. He turns his head and reassures me, "I won't go far." I give him a small smile of appreciation for his words. I know he doesn't want to leave me alone; he has trouble trusting that I won't be taken away again. To be honest, I don't trust that it won't happen either. But he also understands that I need to speak with Gale, and I need to do it on my own.

Peeta's noisy footfalls fade away, and once I hear him leave the greenhouse, I turn fully to face Gale. He's watching me with a slight frown, but in that one expression I am able to see all the tender longing he's struggling to hold at bay. He and I didn't leave things in a good place when we were he left 13, but so much has happened since then and I'm so bone-numbingly tired that all I can think of when I see him standing awkwardly in front of me, is that I just want my best friend back. Despite all the ugliness and distrust and disconnect that fills the space between us, I am ready to let it all go.

He moves towards to me, but stops abruptly, not allowing himself to get closer. I wish I wanted him to rush forward and hug me, to sweep me up in his arms and tell me how much he's missed me; I wish I did - and maybe someday I will again - but right now I'm grateful for the distance he's maintaining. The idea of someone other than Peeta or Prim or one of the other victors putting their hands on me threatens to make me break out in a cold sweat.

He must read the relief on my face because his grimace deepens at my response to his reservation. After a few moments he hesitantly begins, "I haven't really seen you since the night of the final battle." He means he hasn't seen me since I murdered Snow. "Are you alright?" he asks, his voice quiet.

I shrug, because when will I ever really be alright again? "What happened?" I ask instead. At his look of confusion, I clarify, "Peeta told me what happened after the meeting with Coin yesterday. Where did you and Finnick go? What happened between then and now?"

He shifts his weight and ventures another step closer to me. He takes in the tension that shoots through my body and scowls at my reaction. He crosses his arms defensively in front of him and exhales loudly. "Of course Mellark told you everything," he grumbles.

"We don't have secrets," I defend. "Would you have kept this from me if I hadn't brought it up?"

"I would have protected you!" he snaps back, his voice suddenly too loud and harsh for the tranquil space we're occupying. I know he's referring to more than just the events of the last twenty-four hours - Gale wants to believe he would have kept me safe back in 13, perhaps even as far back as before the Quell. But he's wrong, because the instant Peeta and I lifted those berries to our lips, Snow was coming for me.

"There isn't anything that anyone could have done to protect me in 13, Gale. Peeta chose to fight in 2 so I wouldn't have to, and I was with Haymitch or Prim or Finnick or Annie practically every minute from the time you all left." He rolls his eyes, and because he's been my best friend for years, I know what he's finding fault in – he believes my choice in company wasn't enough to keep me safe. This makes me so angry that my ire snaps out like a whip. "Shut the fuck up, Gale!" He practically stumbles back off his feet at my curse. "Haymitch has the fastest reflexes I've ever seen, and Prim is tougher than you can imagine! Finnick is a victor for a reason - he was my ally in the Quell, so I know what he's capable of! And Annie…. Odds, you'd be so stupid to underestimate her." I'm sick and tired of his pettiness, and I have nothing left in me to play at politeness. "Now answer me and tell me what the hell is going on!"

He glowers and, in this moment, I can so completely see the similarities between Gale and I that my anger at him immediately deflates.

"Please, Gale," I gently implore him.

He blows out a frustrated breath and nods in acquiescence. "Odair and I went to see one of his…clients." At my gasp of horror, he grimaces. "Yeah, it was awful, Catnip. Although, he acted like it was worse for me than it was for him." I'm sure Finn played down the trauma of this interaction in front of Gale, but I can easily imagine how much it must have been tearing him up inside. "When he told me we were going to visit a former Capitol client," he continues. "I…I honestly thought it was going to be a woman." His cheeks redden in embarrassment. "It wasn't. I mean, I know what happened to him from that interview you all did, but it's another thing to be confronted with it face-to-face. The guy was as old as Snow and just…awful." I can only describe Gale's face as unnerved - haunted; I know from experience, once you're confronted with the true awfulness that Snow was capable of, it changes you. Snow sold Finnick, and this man was buying. "Odair didn't do anything like what he used to…but he talked to the guy – held hands with him." Homosexuality has never been something we were exposed to in the districts – it just didn't seem practical when all we were concerned with was surviving from day to day. I remember it was shocking when I first saw how common it was in the Capitol and can empathize with the confusion Gale must have felt when he saw it with his own eyes. "The guy eventually gave him something in a vial, something he said would make a death look like it was natural. When we left… I volunteered to be the one to do it."

I gasp in shock. "Why?" I ask.

"Odair has Annie, and a kid on the way," he answers hastily, shrugging off my concern. I hear the words he doesn't say though – I have no one, I'm expendable.

While I disagree with Gale's assessment of himself, I support his choice; and I am relieved that Finn wasn't forced to face the trauma of his past and be the one to assassinate the president all in one day.

"Plus," he adds awkwardly. "I figured I owed you." I'm confused by this, because Gale stopped owing me anything years ago. He explains, "You knew what she was, and you tried to warn me. I was too stubborn to listen, maybe I just didn't want to believe it. You've never lied to me before Catnip, and I should have trusted you."

I don't know if there's anything I can say to that.

He clears his throat again and continues, "This morning I met with President Coin. I still couldn't fully let go of everything…. I've wanted this fight for years. I mean, I know what she did and I hate it, but it's just hard. But then Coin…she threatened ma and Vick and Rory and Posy. She threatened you, and Prim and your mom. Told me I'd get a promotion in the new government if I kept my mouth shut. For me, it just couldn't be denied any more. I…. I put whatever was in the vial into her tea when she went to answer the door for her next meeting. I saw what happened during the ceremony…. That was me. I did that. It…. Odds, I felt like it took so much of who I know I am to do this, to follow through with it." He gasps, as if in pain. "How did you all do it, Catnip? In the Games – you all killed people." He thinks for a moment, and then almost incredulously he adds, "Odds, even Annie and Mellark have. Just…. How?"

He's practically in tears as he pushes me on this point. And because I can't lie to Gale, I shake my head and tell him, "You do what must be done, and every day you pay for it."

"Does it get better?" he rasps, his voice edging with desperation.

"No, no it doesn't," I concede softly. "You just make room for it in your heart."

He looks disappointed by my answer, but ultimately doesn't pursue the topic further. We sit in silence for a few heavy moments, but it no longer feels as natural as it once did between us. "Where will you go?" he asks finally. "You know, after all this."

I look at him in confusion, because to me the answer is obvious. "Back to 12," I respond.

He nods, a tiny smirk on his face like he isn't really surprised by my answer.

"You're not coming home, are you?" I venture, trying to keep the waver out of my voice.

He shakes his head and looks off over my shoulder. "Nah, I don't think I'm ready to face 12 anytime soon. I still want to have a role in what comes next, especially if Coin isn't at the head of it anymore. So, I'm hoping whoever steps up next can find a place for me."

I offer him a small smile, even though I don't share his enthusiasm or his views on the matter. I've had enough of this government, of politics and fighting. I just want to go home; I want the world to forget about me and move on from the story of Katniss Everdeen.

Somehow, I know this is a significant moment between Gale and me. We will walk out the greenhouse doors and go in opposite directions, we'll live different lives and probably not see each other again for many years to come. He has been one of the best friends of my life, but no matter how much we may wish it was different, we are not the same people we were before I volunteered for the Games. We never will be.

I reach my hand out and he gives me a sad smile. He knows I can't offer him more; this is all I can give of me that I'm truly comfortable with, the only thing I can offer that is real. He grips my hand and tangles his fingers with mine, squeezing it once before he lets me go.

"See you, Catnip," he murmurs, before turning and walking away. Quietly and on my own, I say goodbye to my best friend.


Later that evening, Commander Boggs gathers the victors together to inform us that President Alma Coin has died of natural causes. Members of her staff testified to observing signs of stress and physical deterioration in the president over the last few days, which must have manifested into a massive stroke she was unable to recover from. Evidently, she died not long after her collapse on stage, and much of the day has been spent behind closed doors trying to determine who will take over as the next leader of Panem. Representatives from all thirteen districts as well as the Capitol met and voted, unanimously electing Commander Paylor to fill the role. From Peeta's satisfied reaction, I gather that this woman is a welcome choice.

Boggs assures us that Coin's final Hunger Games will not take place, and that Paylor has no plans to enact anything of the sort in the future. When he tells us we all are permitted to leave the Capitol whenever we wish, I almost can't believe it. Coin is dead, and no one is suspected of having a hand in it. The war is over, and we can go home.

Over the next few days, a series of decisions are made regarding our futures.

We get confirmation that my family is safe, as are the other refugees residing in District 13. Boggs tells me they've also been given leave to emigrate anywhere they wish in Panem, no consequences attached, and no questions asked. My mother and sister choose to travel to District 4, where they will take part in the construction and development of a new medical facility and Prim will be able to complete her training to become a doctor.

Johanna and Enobaria will split their time between Districts 2 and 7. Johanna wants them to make their home in the forests of 7, but Enobaria refuses to fully give up the mountains of her home district. She wants to be part of the healing that needs to take place in 2 as the reconstruction of Panem moves forward. They will aid the forces stationed there, with Enobaria lending her voice to unify the broken factions of her district, and they will retire to 7 when they can, opting for a slower pace when the world calms down.

Annie and Finn want their baby to be born by the sea, and plan to head home to District 4. He still teases that we will all grow old together in a Victor's Village somewhere; and while I won't admit it to him, the idea of this coming to fruition gives me comfort. Maybe one day Panem won't need us anymore, and we'll be able to settle down away from the cameras and the politics. Until then, there will be phone calls and visits to tide us over, and letters relaying the news of our lives with photographs of the days to come.

Haymitch will return to District 12 with Peeta and I. I need to go home, and I think they do too. We're told many of the refugees in 13 are planning to return there as well, so I have hope we will be able to rebuild our district over the ashes and memories of the place that was once our home.

Boggs informs me that Gale has been offered a position with the military offices in District 2; Hazelle and the kids will follow along once he gets settled.

I am losing some of the people I love and saying goodbye to the life I had for my first sixteen years before my time in the Hunger Games. And while I am happy to walk away from the events of the last two years, my heart aches to part from the people I have gained in that time.

But then I look at Peeta, the golden boy who has saved my life, time and time again. He is everything I was never supposed to want, and everything I am blessed to have. He has been my ally, my friend, my fellow victor, and my enemy. At different times he was my fiancée, my neighbor, my lover, and my partner. He is so many things to me, and I know that as time moves forward, the words I have to describe him will continue to change – my hero, a husband, a father – all things I hope I will get to see.

In this moment, he is my love, and we get to go home.


A/N: Thank you to everyone who has come along on this journey with me. Thank you for your kind words, your encouragement, and your love for this little story I wrote for these characters we all know and love. Every single comment, follow, and favorite has meant the world to me - knowing that there are people out there who enjoy my writing never fails to put a smile on my face.

All that being said, we're almost at the end friends.