She is done thinking. Bella stands up from against the tree and starts to make her way to the planned destination. It's getting cold out since spring has arrived. Bella quickly stops by her room and layers her body with thick clothes. She sees the sweater Rosalie got her and decides against it, eventhough she knows it's her best option. She opts for her old one instead. It may not keep her warm as the other one, but at least she won't feel dirty in it. Her heart already feels heavy as it is.
At this moment she could almost hear Rosalie's voice nagging and insulting her truck. What use of a vehicle if it keeps falling apart? But her family isn't made out of money and it was a gift from her father. It's precious to her. It still sucks that she has to walk but thankfully the Denali's temporary resident is just ten minutes away.
Her phone remained in her room, on silent mode. She needed the peace and quiet. She needed the room to think and to decide. She couldn't if she had interruptions.
Guilt is a terrible feeling.
Her eyes pool with tears once again at what she had done. She doesn't understand it; couldn't when she tried. What the fuck happened? How could she have let it happened?
Feeling angry at herself, she takes faster strides there. All these feelings are going to make her combust and she couldn't take it. But the one feeling that stands the most is deep sorrow for what's about to happen. There's no way Irina could forgive her. What she did is unforgiveable. The probability of her losing Irina is very high. Her soul aches for the blonde. If it were up to the small girl inside her, she'd just lock herself up in the room and never come out. But she's not a small girl. She's reaching womanhood and being an adult means facing the music, even if it ends up killing her soul in the process. So no, she doesn't want to run away anymore.
The more she thinks about it, the more broken she feels. The tears picked up again and she has no way to control them now. Thank God it's early morning so she doesn't have to see passers-by weirded out by the sight of her.
She sees the cabin in sight and her heart sinks further, her steps heavy. Her hands start to tremble. She just hopes by the time she reaches Irina, she could pull herself together at least and make a somewhat coherent speech before breaking down like a desperate and underserving cheater she is.
So she waits, just a few steps short from the front door, knowing they could smell and hear her frantic heartbeats. She isn't lazy or reluctant to move but she knows if she were to take more steps further, she'd use much more of her limited energy and she's barely standing now.
The door flungs open and the sight of the blonde breaks her heart further. Irina sees her mate distraught and quickly zooms in to reach her, "Bella? What's wrong, dear? I've been trying to call you for hours."
Bella tries to savour the last few minutes she has left with the caring blonde before she opens her mouth and ruin it all. That's right, it's her damn mouth that got her into this mess. Irina tries to pull her in and that's when Bella stops her. She couldn't let Irina comfort her, not when she has betrayed the blonde's trust like that.
Irina grows more worried by the second but allows the space that her mate obviously needs.
The lump in her throat got bigger and heavier, turning her tongue almost numb. But she finds the courage anyways and pulls the last bit of her strength.
"I'm so sorry."
When the words left her mouth, she feels a huge force crumbles down on her and her legs give out. Irina manages to grab her and Bella instead falls on her lap instead.
"Bella, you're scaring me. What happened? Why are you crying?"
The two other Denalis appear at the door, no doubt due to Bella's crying and Irina's panicking. Bella takes many deep breath, understanding that she has to get this out or she'll chicken out like any other cheater out there.
God, is this how cheaters feel like? She'd honestly rather be cheated on than to endure this guilt and torture.
"I-I... I kissed Rosalie back! I'm so sorry, Irina. I'm sorry!" she cried and cried and cried.
She could feel Irina's body goes rigid at her admission and she doesn't dare to look into those beautiful golden eyes at all.
"Bella, Irina, let's take this inside before nosy neighbours catch on," Tanya gently chimed.
Seeing Irina unmoved, Kate takes the initiative to pull Bella up and guide her inside while Tanya grabs Irina. Bella's crying goes worse looking at the silent Irina.
"You don't deserve this, I know. I'm so sorry. It happened and I reacted poorly. God, should I leave?"
Bella rambled and stood up to leave. She feels so unwelcomed as the voices in her head whisper.
You never deserved her.
She was better off with Laurent.
You're a fucking cheater.
A cold hand grasps hers and pulls her into a warm embrace. She realises it's Irina and the voices sounded so true and right that she struggles to escape. She doesn't deserve Irina's love. She never did and she never will earn it!
"Please don't. You deserve better," she whimpered. "You deserve so much better than me."
"No. Don't fucking leave! You deserve me! And I you!" Irina yelled and pulled Bella tighter to her. "I'm sorry my reaction gave you the wrong idea but Bella I'm not hurt and I'm not mad. At least not at you. I could never fault you for this."
Those words are so unexepected but her conscious gets the better of her. No! Cheaters aren't supposed to be forgiven so easily. She deserve yellings, insults and hurtful words from Irina! From any of the Denalis, really. But Irina's too kind and she realises she could only get the backlash from the other two sisters. From Irina's shoulders, she looks at them and pleads.
"I hurt your sister. I'm hurting your family. Please, say something."
They give her a crestfallen look before joining in the hug. Bella's confusion grows and it makes her angrier at herself. But the hug is too comforting and she needs it to calm down. She needs it to be alive again. She tried to leave but their hold is strong on her. So she sags against their embrace and lets herself be held.
It's almost an hour later that Bella feels herself waking up and she finds herself being wrapped in Irina's gentle but strong arms. An euphoric feeling coarse through her. She thinks she can get used to waking up like this. Irina's adoring eyes on her and a small smile appears on her lips.
"Hi, sunshine. How do you feel?" She asked.
Honestly, she feels well rested. Her body feels refreshed. How could she not when last night she couldn't sleep a wink. She freezes as memories flood in. Bella tries to get up and distance herself but Irina doesn't allow it, "No, love. Please stay."
At Irina's pleasing eyes, she relents, though something doesn't sit right in her heart. But the last thing she wants to so is hurt Irina more than she did. She averts her eyes as the monstrous feelings revisit her.
"I promise you, I'm not mad. And I'm not hurt. I actually should have seen it coming. And I need to apologise," Irina said.
"No, fuck no! You have nothing to be sorry for," Bella argued.
Irina's so precious. How could she ever blame Bella's wrongdoing onto herself? Now Bella believes more than ever that she doesn't deserve the blonde vampire.
"We thought it wasn't possible but I had felt it the first time you and I met. I had sensed there was a unique bond between you and Rosalie."
Bella winces. She always felt comfortable around Rosalie but never once did she think Rosalie in a that way.
"Remember when Tanya said it was possible for vampires to have more than one mate?"
Bella nods but feels horrified at the upcoming revelation, "No. No. God, no! Please don't say it. Please, no."
Irina holds her face gently in her hands, stilling the now frantic human. She lands her cool forehead against her mate's and stares deeply onto brown eyes, "Breathe, Isabella. Breathe with me."
She guides Bella and manages to calm her down.
"We don't have to talk about this right now. I'm only mentioning it to you now so you understand that I'm not mad; either at you or Rosalie. I need you to know that I understand this isn't what you want or planned. I know this can be scary but you need to know I love you. You deserve all the love I have to give and I hope you will still allow me to win your love. Nothing changes between us. I still want you," Irina smiled earnestly.
Bella's sight turn blurry from the tears flooding her eyes.
"But I cheated on you. I kissed someone else!"
Irina smiles and presses a long kiss onto Bella's lips.
"There, I erased it and took back your lips."
Bella chuckles and shoves Irina's chest playfully. Irina laughs and allows her before grabbing her mate's hand and kissing it.
"Isabella, that kiss was driven not by lust but by your instinct. The same goes for Rosalie. But I hope you won't get angry at her because knowing my cousin, she would be halfway across the world right now, feeling angry at herself and feeling so confused. Most of all, I think she hates herself for hurting you."
Her heart drops at the image of Rosalie feeling heartbroken as well. She feels guilty for not thinking it that way because her mind was too concerned over Irina.
"How are you so calm about this? I don't think anyone else would be so nice."
Bella reaches out to carress Irina's face. Her guilt has subsided greatly looking at Irina's sincere feeling. There's a lot she doesn't understand about vampire mating but she trusts Irina now. Dwelling on it won't do her any good, she'd just open the pandora box that she's not ready for just yet.
"Because I waited so long for you, Isabella Swan. I love you and I know everyday spent with you is a victory for me. I'm not going to be foolish and allow doubts to win when I could be happy with you."
"You're so cheesy."
"Do you hate it?"
"No, I love it," she shyly confessed and blushed.
Irina coos and swoops in to get another kiss, which Bella is much too obliged.
"But I do have one condition I would like to impose."
"What is it?" Bella asked nervously.
"That you reserve your lips only for me at least until Rosalie has accepted and embraced the truth."
"The truth?"
"That you're my mate and hers."
Her heart skips a beat at Irina's statement. She feels ashamed that there's a small joy in what Irina just said. One mate is more than enough for her. She's always wonders how people in polyamorous relationship navigate it but she doesn't mind as long as everyone knows what they're doing and they're happy with it. But the idea of being in one actually horrifies her. She doesn't think her heart can split into two. Bella would definitely break.
So she nods eventhough she doesn't see it happening anytime soon, at least on her part.
"Do Kate and Tanya know? Are they mad?" She bit her lips.
Bella truly adores them both and looks up to them. But it is nervewrecking to be at the receiving end of their displeasure. She shudders remembering how Kate tortured Edward during the big confrontation. Kate looked murderous and lethal.
"Why don't you ask them yourself?" Irina pointed to the door. Sure enough the two sisters are standing at the door.
"We told you Bella, whatever makes you happy, go for it. I mean Tanya had screwed more men than the number of residents in this town, sometimes more than ten at one time. So, who cares?" Kate joked.
Tanya elbowed her in the ribs for the playful insult.
"As long as all three of you are happy, I have no qualm. We fully support you, however you want to decide this, Bella. But there is one pressing matter which requires our decision. Who wants to go and get Rosalie?"
