Reyna winced as she slowly sat on the dishwasher. Bianca glanced at her but didn't say a word as she continued to write on the containers of ingredients. It seemed like she was dating them. Reyna knew that Bianca took great pride in her restaurant, and when Reyna had helped there a few times as a favor to Nico, she was chewed out for taking any shortcuts.
Reyna glanced at her phone and saw no updates from her men. They were watching the four corners around the restaurant with someone taking up the roofs. Reyna placed her phone on her leg and looked back at Bianca. Besides her, only a waitress and cook remained.
"Were you serious earlier?" Bianca asked. She placed some ingredients down in a shelf before moving others to a freezer.
"About what?" Reyna questioned. She glanced back at her phone. Bianca walked towards her and leaned on the counter.
"When you asked what love was? Were you just joking?" Bianca wondered. Reyna frowned slightly, unsure of how to answer. Bianca and Nico were the only two she told about her issues. Was it really an issue? Or, was it just how she was?
Reyna felt emotions. She felt the same emotions that everyone else did, but she just didn't understand them. Reyna didn't know how people could just say that they were happy, sad, or angry. How did they know?
Reyna knew what anger felt like. It was when she just wanted to hit something and felt herself tensing up. Her heart started to race, but why were there other emotions that made her heart race? How was she supposed to tell if she was just feeling angry or something else?
It was Bianca who suggested making a list of how each emotion made Reyna feel, so it would be easier for her to identify what she was feeling. When Reyna was mad, she felt her body tense up so much that her muscles felt ready to snap. Her Puerto Rican accent came out stronger, and she felt her heart beating faster.
Sadness was when she didn't feel like eating. When she just wanted to lay in bed all day and curl up with her dogs. Bianca called it depression, and then she had to go through the trials of explaining that to Reyna. In the end, Reyna didn't think there was a difference between sadness and depression, and Bianca gave up on trying to explain it to her.
Happiness was a harder one to identify for Reyna, even with the notes she wrote down. She had so much experience with anger and sadness but not really happiness. It wasn't to say that she was not happy most of the time, but Reyna just didn't know when she was happy. How was she supposed to identify an emotion if she didn't know what it felt like?
"I wasn't joking," Reyna finally answered. She sighed and looked down. "I'm sure I've loved people before, but I don't know what it feels like."
Reyna understood the textbook definition of each emotion, but it just didn't translate in her mind to what she actually felt. Bianca's technique helped, but Reyna had a long way to go. Nico mentioned she could try a therapist, but Reyna reminded him the last one had been an idiot. Nico called her out for listening to what he said, and she told him to shut up.
"I know that on paper I'm supposed to love my family. But, what does that feel like? My mother would beat my sister and I, and then, she would apologize and treat us like those mothers in television shows. It seemed like there was a switch in her that would flip everyday, so we never knew if we were going to get a kiss to the cheek or a fist to it," Reyna continued.
"My father was no better. He heard voices in his head and jumped at every shadow. There was some days where he would think we were plotting against him, and I don't even remember how badly he beat us. I usually woke up in a pool of my own blood. Or Hylla had taken the blows for me."
"Holy fuck. How old were you?" Bianca asked after a few moments.
"I'm not sure," Reyna began. "My father died when I was twelve, and my mother almost beat me to death after that. I think she was mad I stained the carpet when I stabbed my father in the throat. Hylla killed our mother."
"Reyna, I'm so sorry," Bianca sympathized. She stared at Reyna with wide eyes. "That's horrible."
Reyna shrugged. It was just her lot in life. She accepted it long ago. Bianca slowly spoke, "Is that why you're so messed up? No offense."
"I don't know," Reyna admitted. "It might be genetic. Could be from my childhood. Maybe, I was just born like this. I really don't know."
"I used to tell Nico that you were a bad influence on him. That you would do something to get him killed. I'm so sorry that I judged you without getting to know you," Bianca apologized.
"Bianca, it's okay. I know you just want to protect your brother," Reyna insisted. She frowned and looked down. "I want to protect Hylla too, like she protected me. Is that what love is?"
"Love is complicated," Bianca replied. She sat on the dishwasher next to Reyna. "It's hard to explain. When I think of love, I think of how excited I am to see someone. How happy I am to see them. Like Nico. I see him everyday, but there's this smile that comes to my face every time I see him."
"So, you smile when you're happy?" Reyna questioned. She reached into her pocket and grabbed her notebook. Bianca gently grabbed her hand.
"It's not always a smile. People can smile for a lot of reasons, but they might not be happy," Bianca explained. Reyna sighed and lowered the notebook. Why were emotions so complicated? Then, there was also the fact that people pretended to be feeling an emotion that they weren't. How could they understand an emotion enough to do that?
Bianca must have noticed how angry Reyna was getting, since she reached out to squeeze her hand. Bianca spoke, "It's going to take time, Reyna. I know you can figure out your emotions. Tell me more about this woman."
"I don't know much," Reyna admitted. "Her name is Thalia. She has blue eyes like a storm. Tattoos as well. I didn't focus too much on them, but they were under her shirt. I think that's more personal, right? Because you're the only one who can see it. She's also muscular and fit, even fights better than me. Always breaks my damn nose. And, she flirts with me. Does that mean she loves me?"
"Love is more intimate than that," Bianca revealed. She looked at Reyna. "You and Nico are close friends, but I wouldn't say you love him. Not like it is with Thalia at least. For Thalia, it's probably just a crush. She likes you."
"Likes?" Reyna asked. "What's the difference between liking someone and loving them?"
"There's different types of love," Bianca stated. "The love that I have for my brother is not the same as I would have a boyfriend."
"But, how do I know the difference?" Reyna asked. Bianca looked at her, and it seemed like she was at a loss for words. "Fuck! Why are emotions so fucking difficult? It's fucking bullshit!"
Reyna finished her rant and took a deep breath. She sighed and pushed herself off of the dishwasher. Bianca stood and spoke, "Do you enjoy seeing Thalia?"
"I do," Reyna muttered. She rubbed her forehead and looked up. "I look forward to it. I go out of my way to see her."
"When you think about seeing her, do you wish that time moved quicker? So you could just jump to seeing her again?" Bianca probed. Reyna nodded. "Can you feel anger leaving you when you see her?"
"Most of the time. Until she starts to foil my plans," Reyna responded. "What does that mean?"
"Normally, I would say it means you should ask her out on a date. Your situation is a little more complicated with you being a criminal and her being a vigilante," Bianca commented. Reyna looked down and felt her phone buzz.
"We have an all-clear. No one is around," Reyna informed. She pocketed her phone and looked at Bianca. "You didn't see those men come in today, did you?"
"No," Bianca replied. She walked to grab her purse and met up with her cook and waitress. They all walked to the front door. Reyna followed behind the three with a slow hobble. It hurt to put any pressure on her knee, but she just had to grit her teeth and bare it.
"Three weeks now," the cook spoke up. He had a heavy Italian accent. "Everyday."
"Always looking at the back office," the waitress added. Reyna frowned and turned her head towards the back office. It was nowhere near the kitchen.
"I'm worried they could be after Nico," Bianca admitted.
"I'll have my men here every night until we figure this out," Reyna promised. Bianca smiled gratefully, and they stepped outside. Bianca locked the door. "I parked down the road. I'll walk you three to your cars."
The four of them walked around the back of the building, staying on the sidewalk. As they made it to the cars, Reyna counted four cars. One of her men flashed the lights, and she gave them a dismissive wave. They didn't drive away until the three restaurant workers were in their cars.
"Thanks again," Bianca said as she rolled down the window. Reyna nodded. "I'm going to make you a pizza just for yourself. I promise."
"I'll hold you to it," Reyna replied back with a grin. Bianca smiled and rolled up her window. She waited for the cook and waitress to pull out of the lot before she did. Reyna watched her men trail behind Bianca. They would only follow her for a block or two to make sure no one was around.
Reyna turned and walked towards the alley way. It was easier than walking around the whole building again, and her leg was really starting to hurt now. Reyna made it down the alley and tried to hide the pain from her face. As she made it to the end of the alley, she saw a blur of movement that her eyes could hardly make out.
Reyna felt a strong breeze brush by her right ear. Her eyes widened, and she turned, grabbing her gun. Something solid and cold slammed into her temple. Reyna's head snapped to the side, and her knees folded underneath her. She collapsed to the ground.
It took her a few moments to regain her senses. Reyna groaned and slowly brought her hands to her head. Blood trickled down the side of her face. She blinked a few times and looked up at the large figure standing over her. Clarisse stared down at her.
This was a new one. The vigilantes never attacked Reyna if they weren't trying to stop her schemes. Wait. Had Clarisse been the one following Bianca using hired thugs? A foot stomped down on Reyna's chest, and she groaned as her still healing ribs were jolted.
"You fucking piece of shit," Clarisse growled. She raised her right hand, and moonlight glinted off of a metal club. It looked like she had taken a lead pipe and welded a chunk of metal to it. Reyna scrambled to grab her gun, but the makeshift club slammed into her sternum, snapping a rib instantly.
Reyna yelled in pain and felt the club lift slightly, only to slam down into her stomach. Reyna yelled again and tried to twist away. Clarisse dropped straight down onto Reyna's chest in a sitting position like she was in a sumo match. Another yell was torn from Reyna as the breath was pulled out of her lungs.
"You're so fucking lucky I threw you out the window the first time," Clarisse growled. She flashed a pair of handcuffs and roughly grabbed Reyna's right arm. Reyna was too busy trying to breathe as the cuff closed over her wrist. Clarisse stood and dragged Reyna to her feet.
Reyna screamed as her back was slammed into the wall. Clarisse grabbed her shirt with one hand and grabbed the handcuff with the other. Reyna stared at the handcuff that was snaked in between the wall and a large pipe that went into the ground and the building. Clarisse then headbutted her.
Reyna saw stars and felt her other hand being grabbed. She felt cold metal on her left wrist, and the handcuffs closed into place. Reyna stared slack as she realized she was trapped to the pipe in the wall by the handcuffs. Her eyes slowly moved back up to Clarisse.
It was becoming harder to breathe, and she felt knees shaking badly. Her gut twisted, and she swallowed painfully. Her mouth felt full of cotton. Clarisse just watched her as she raised the club. Reyna spoke, "What the fuck are you doing?"
"The others have been letting you roam around for too long," Clarisse revealed. She swung the metal club into Reyna's back. Reyna howled in agony as the kevlar vest did little to soften the blow. Clarisse brought her club back again. "They think you are the lesser of two evils. That they can work with you and try to salvage this shithole."
"I know better," Clarisse snapped. She slammed the club into Reyna's ribs once more. Another rib snapping brought another cry of pain. Reyna collapsed weakly against the pipe that kept her trapped. Her legs were kicked out from underneath her, and she hit the ground awkwardly. "You tried to rape Thalia. You're going to fucking pay."
"I didn't," Reyna wheezed. The club slammed down on her knee brace, and she screamed as pain overwhelmed her. She felt Clarisse roughly tear her brace off, exposing her still healing knee. "I didn't!"
Reyna's screams of agony filled the alley as Clarisse beat her with the club, hitting any and every inch of Reyna's body that she could. Clarisse paid particular attention to her knee, making sure to step on it and use the toes of her shoes to shift and displace Reyna's broken kneecap even more.
A beating like this was something Reyna had no experienced in a long time. Even her mother had the decency to not use such barbaric tactics. Any attempt to shift and protect her body was useless. Clarisse just took the opportunity to bruise more flesh.
Clarisse mercifully stopped after what felt like an eternity. Reyna wasn't sure how much time had passed, but her throat felt raw from screaming. Every breath wracked her body with pain, and she could taste blood in her mouth.
"I should do the same fucking thing to you," Clarisse growled. She threw the club to the side and pinned Reyna to the ground. "I'm not a monster, though."
Reyna tried to speak, but her voice wouldn't work. She had felt pain like this before, after her mother beat her for the final time. Reyna needed a hospital, but she knew Clarisse wouldn't take her to one. Reyna coughed out blood, and it hit Clarisse in the face.
Two hands wrapped around Reyna's neck. She gasped and tried to move her trapped hands. Clarisse instantly tightened her grip, and Reyna couldn't suck in any air. Her eyes went wide as Clarisse sneered down at her and tightened her grip more.
Reyna desperately tried to breathe, but she couldn't. Her lungs refused to work, and the vice grip around her neck was going to kill her. Her legs refused to move for her, and she felt a cold feeling shoot through her body. Her lungs screamed for air, and an attempt to flail wildly failed.
A new sensation ran through Reyna's body. Her breathing tried to quicken, but she couldn't breath. Her eyes bulged, and she felt a tightness in her chest like her heart was going to explode. Her entire body started shaking. Reyna didn't know what this feeling was. She didn't have notes for these symptoms written down in her book.
Reyna barely made eye contact with Clarisse, and she reached out towards the other woman. Reyna tried to focus this feeling into a small ball, so she could give it to Clarisse. The hands around her neck suddenly released, and Clarisse gasped. She was shaking slightly.
Reyna gulped for air and tried to move both arms, but she was still trapped by the handcuffs. She sucked in as much air as she could, but she started coughing even worse than before. Blood pooled in her throat, and she tried pulling at the handcuffs. Her chest was still tight. Was it from not being able to breathe?
A pair of new hands appeared in Reyna's vision, and she watched the hands grab and pull Clarisse away from her. Someone yelled, "What the fuck are you doing?"
"What we should have done so long ago!"
"You can't just fucking kill her!"
"She tried to rape you!"
"She didn't!"
"I saw what happened!"
"I wanted it!"
Reyna listened to the argument, gasping and trying to breath. The tightness in her chest felt like it was constricting more and more. Her ribs felt like they would snap completely by how much she was trying to breathe, but her lungs felt like they were rejecting all of the air.
Reyna's head slumped back against the ground. She could no longer hear the yelling in the background. All she could hear was the ringing in her ears. Reyna only felt her heart beating a tantrum in her chest. So fast she thought it would explode like a bomb.
Her eyelids became heavier, and her head drifted to the side. Reyna's eyes closed, and her eyes rolled into the back of her head. Before Reyna passed out, she only had one thought in her head: she would die before learning what this new emotion was.
