Chapter 33 - After Hours


Will looked thunderous as he addressed the Glee Club. "I just got word from Shelby Corcoran. She says that Vocal Adrenaline came out of rehearsal last night to find their tires slashed."

All eyes immediately turned to Puck, who shrugged.

"Wasn't me. I know it sounds like something I would do, but it wasn't."

Quinn nodded. "Puck was with me last night."

Santana raised a brow but kept those thoughts to herself…for now. If Juno wanted to take another ride on Puckzilla or lament about the unborn child neither of them could feasibly keep, that was her business.

Will folded his arms. "Puck, come on."

Puck glared at their instructor. "I'm telling you, I didn't do it. I really was with Quinn. And I can prove it." Puck dug around in his bag for his phone, scrolling absently for a few seconds. He leapt over Artie and crossed the room to Mr Schuester. "Look at the time stamp. There's no way I could've made it over to Carmel and back in that time."

Will sighed. "I guess it really wasn't you."

Kurt coughed. "He'd like an apology."

A nod. "Sorry, Puck."

Puck shrugged. "It's cool, Mr Schue, I would've thought it was me too."

Will smiled fondly at the boy as he retook his seat in between Quinn and Tina. "Since we know it wasn't Puck or Quinn, we have to get to the bottom of this. Ms Corcoran is looking at disqualification from Regionals if nobody comes forward."

Rachel put up a hand. "Whoever did this needs to confess. As Captain of the Glee Club, I will have to take action but I promise I will be lenient."

Mike frowned. "Don't they have anything on the security cameras?"

Will shook his head. "Apparently, the security cameras were disconnected. The job of someone with wire cutters."

Puck's eyebrows shot to his hairline, impressed. "Damn, whoever did this might be a bigger badass than me."

Artie cleared his throat. "How do we know this wasn't Aural Intensity?"

"We don't, but Vocal Adrenaline hasn't done anything to me. They went behind our backs and humiliated us, it would make sense for one of us to be the culprit."

Kurt grinned. "One of us, huh? How do we know you didn't do it?"

Will gaped. "I'm an educator, Kurt, I would never."

"So is Mr Corcoran but it didn't stop her from…" He trailed off, clamping his mouth shut.

"From what, Kurt?"

"Nothing." He sighed. "I just don't think anyone's in the clear besides Puck and Quinn."

"Alright," Will perched on the piano bench. "I'm going to go around the room. I need you all to tell me where you were last night between the time school got out and midnight."

He turned to Artie. "Artie?"

Artie gaped. "Are you serious? How could I have reached a security camera to cut it with wire cutters?"

"You may not have acted alone and I need to clear everyone. If you don't mind…"

Artie sighed. "I was at home playing Halo. Shouldn't come as a surprise."

Tina rounded on him. "You told me you were busy last night."

"Tina!"

Tina shrugged. "Playing Halo isn't being busy, so did you just want to blow me off?"

Puck let out a low whistle. "She's got you there, dude."

"Shut it, Puck," Tina hissed. "Well, Artie, what's the truth?"

Artie bit his lip. "I'm sorry. I kinda just wanted a night in to myself."

"So just tell me that. You don't have to lie."

Will coughed to interrupt their domestic drama. "Do you have any proof of that, Artie?"

Artie nodded. "I was playing online with my friend Connor from the AV Club. He can vouch."

Will scribbled his name on a piece of paper and turned to Tina.

Tina grimaced. "Since I wasn't out with my boyfriend, I went to the school library after school until seven, which the librarian can vouch for. Then I went home and had dinner and was in my room until I went to bed. And before you ask, I was in my room alone so no, there's nobody to corroborate my story. But if you seriously think I'm brave enough to slash one hundred and four tires without getting caught, you clearly haven't been paying attention."

Mercedes shrugged. "I don't know, you've been pretty badass today girl."

"I'm a goth, that's what happens when we get mad."

Will waved his hand and moved to Rachel. "Rachel?"

Rachel fiddled with her skirt. "I was…um…singing."

Will squinted. "Singing. That's pretty vague, Rachel. You're always singing."

Kurt huffed under his breath. "She's trying to save me from potential embarrassment. We were practising a duet together at her house."

Mercedes gaped. "You two? Why didn't you tell me?"

Kurt shrugged. "It didn't come up."

Will frowned. "What were you singing?"

Rachel avoided Will's eyes.

Kurt smiled. "Actually, it was pretty incredible. We started with What is This Feeling from Wicked once Rachel found out that I blew the High F, she wanted to know how I tackled the rest of the libretto. Then we grew tired of Schwartz and messed around with some Sondheim."

Will fully did not believe him. "Care to demonstrate?"

"Is nobody going to address the fact that Kurt blew the High F?" Artie gaped.

Everyone else shrugged. "We already knew," they chorused, besides Finn who was completely lost.

Kurt moved primly from his seat and grabbed Rachel's hand, leading her to the centre of the room. Will moved to the side to let them set up. "You know this song in your sleep, just play along."

Rachel sighed softly. "We'll talk after."

Kurt nodded and turned to the room. "Since we don't have the band today, it'll have to be a cappella."

Will nodded. "Take it away."

Kurt fixed a smug smile onto his face as he got into character. "Dearest darlingest momsie and popsicle."

Rachel composed herself quickly and looked resolute. "My dear father."

They looked at each other, hoping their voices sounded polished together. "There's been some confusion over rooming here at Shiz…"

To both of their surprise, the performance did come off as though they had rehearsed well into the night. Kurt was a natural Glinda and had been singing the part for years, as was the case with Rachel's Elphaba. Kurt thanked his lucky stars that Wicked came tumbling out of his mouth when explaining to Will.

"…My whole life long!"

Rachel, now with a spring in her step due to the adrenaline associated with performing, crept around the piano and up behind Kurt. "Boo!"

Kurt pretend to squeal and flinch away from her "Ahh!"

A light smattering of applause rippled through the room.

Rachel put a hand on her hip and turned to Will. "Does that convince you?"

Will nodded begrudgingly as they sat back down. "That was really good, both of you. What time did you leave Rachel's house, Kurt?"

"My curfew is 11 so I left at 10:30."

Will nodded. "Okay, that kills two birds. Mike?"

Mike swallowed heavily. "I was with Matt at his house. I stayed over."

"On a school night?"

Mike frowned. "We've been best friends since the age of four. Our families are very close. It's not unusual."

"And your parents would verify this if I called them?"

Matt snorted. "You think we're lying?"

"I…I don't know, Matt, I'm just trying to be very sure. Because if there's any doubt, I'd have to take it to Principal Figgins."

Matt rolled his eyes. "Yes, they would verify it."

"That's all I needed," Will put his hands up. "Mercedes?"

"It was a pretty boring night," Mercedes groaned. "I did homework, had dinner, watched TV with my brother and went to bed."

"Were your parents there?"

"Call my mom, she'll tell you the same thing."

Will put his head in his hands. "This isn't making this easier, guys. Finn?"

Finn shook his head. "It wasn't me! I went to football after school and then helped my mom with some cleaning."

"All night?"

Finn sighed. "Everyone's just going to think I'm stupid."

"Tell us, Finn," Will urged softly.

"Well, I kinda forgot that my mom had just mopped the floor so I ran to get some juice and slipped and hit my head. I kinda passed out all night."

Behind him, Kurt smiled adoringly.

"And your…"

"Yes, my mom would tell you the same thing. And I'm fine by the way."

"Good," Will muttered in reply, embarrassed that he had missed a step in his questioning. "Okay, that just leaves Santana and Brittany."

Brittany shot her hand up. "Santana was with me. Lord Tubbington led us into a secret bunker where he has his poker games."

Santana put a hand on her knee. "What Brittany means to say is that we had a sleepover last night."

"Yeah, I bet you did," Puck smirked.

"Don't make me take a razor blade to that head before your 'hawk grows back, Puckerman."

"Santana," Will admonished. "Is there anyone else that can back up your story?"

"Unfortunately no," Brittany muttered. "Santana said she wasn't in the mood for a threesome."

"Britt," Santana hissed, looking everyone deep in the eye. "I don't give a shit."

Kurt smiled. "So that's everyone, Mr Schue. I guess you were wrong."

Will looked at the boy suspiciously. "Yeah, I guess I was."

"Where were you last night Mr Schue?"

"I don't have to…"

He caught the unimpressed glares of his student and sighed.

"I was at home, I haven't exactly been the happiest since finalising my divorce, alright? I watched TV, had a few beers, and went to bed."

Kurt smirked. "Is there anyone who could back up your story?"

"Okay, okay, easy on the snark, Kurt."

Kurt shrugged. "Sorry." He didn't sound like he was at all.

Will rubbed his hands together. "Alright, well I guess none of you did. I'm sorry for not immediately trusting you all but this is serious. I had to be sure. I'll go tell Figgins that you guys are innocent. You can all leave early if you want."

Will left the room leaving the New Directions in a state of shock.

"Well, that was weird," Finn whispered to nobody in particular.

Puck leaned back in his chair. "Alright, which one of you did it? I want to know who to go to for any future badassery."

Quinn shrugged. "It was obviously Rachel. She was acting really shifty and her boyfriend just betrayed her."

Rachel gaped. "It wasn't me! I…I was with Kurt."

Quinn grinned. "Yeah and that lazy alibi might have worked with Schue, but we both know you two could've done any song from Wicked with no rehearsal."

Rachel preened at the compliment but also looked a little outraged. "How do we know it wasn't Mike and Matt? Being each other's alibi is a little suspicious."

"What, just like you and Kurt?" Matt snapped back.

"I'm just saying…everyone has an alibi but it was obviously one of us. We all agree on that, right?"

"Honestly, it sounds like something Santana might do."

Santana rounded on Mercedes. "Haven't you got tater tots to be eating somewhere? If I did it, I'd say I did it. I'm not a coward."

Finn stood up and faced the team. "Look, there's no point arguing over who did it. The point is, whoever it was really stepped up for us and we should be thanking them."

"Thanking them? We could be disqualified, Finn!" Rachel cried.

Kurt, who had a large smirk on his face, simply stood up and stood next to Finn. "We're not getting disqualified, Rachel. The situation's been handled."

Finn gaped. "It was you?"

"Don't look so shocked," Quinn smiled. "Kurt's a badass."

Kurt sighed. "Yes, it was me. Let's face it, the only people smart and devious enough to remember the cut the cameras are Puck, Quinn, Santana, and myself. Puck and Quinn were doing Gaga only knows what last night, as was Santana. I'm the only one left."

"But why?"

"Because stealing their statue was a stupid idea and we needed to show them that we may be underdogs, but we're not going to take their shit lying down. Shelby and Vocal Adrenaline needed putting in their place."

"Nice," Puck crowed.

Tina put a hand up. "Wait, I don't get it. Why would you lie and also give Rachel an alibi?"

"Yeah, what's going on there?" Finn echoed.

Rachel looked up at Kurt with teary eyes. "You know, don't you?"

Kurt sighed softly, smiling at her. "Yes, I know."

"Know what?" Mike wondered.

Kurt looked to Rachel, who nodded gently.

"Ms Corcoran is Rachel's birth mother. She planted Jesse as an excuse to get closer to her."

Rachel became lost. "She did?"

Kurt nodded solemnly. "I'm sorry, Rachel. I do believe that somewhere along the way, Jesse's feelings became real, but it was all masterminded by Shelby. I believe she signed a document stating that she couldn't have contact until you were eighteen, so this way you could approach her. It was kind of smart actually."

"How did you even find out?"

Kurt sighed. "That's a longer story and one that I'm not willing to go into in front of everyone else. We can talk later if you'd like to hear it all."

Rachel nodded.

Puck cleared his throat. "So back to the slashing."

Kurt shrugged, sitting on the piano stool. "I had a lot of things to be angry about. First, they break into our school and use our auditorium. Then they TP the choir room. Jesse and Shelby both hurt Rachel. They just keep stepping on us and it was no longer okay with me. I thought about defacing something at Carmel, but it was easier and more damaging to slash their tires. I got a blade and just went to town in the parking lot. I was in and out in around five minutes."

Puck nodded approvingly. "Is it weird that I'm kind of turned on?"

Quinn swatted his arm. "My hormones are out of control so I'm turned on by everything. But especially this."

Matt frowned. "What did you mean when you said that the situation has been handled? Mr Schue's talking to Figgins about what happens next."

Kurt grinned. "I was hoping someone would ask. I knew that Shelby would come straight here when she realised what had happened, so I had a plan to get us out of it. As long as nobody looked too closely into where I was last night, it would work. Covering for Rachel protected both of us.

"I may have paid for the damages out of Carmel's booster budget, the very same funds that bought the cars in the first place."

Santana gaped, hints of a smile playing on her lips. "You did what?"

Kurt shrugged. "It wasn't heavily password protected. A few guesses and I was in. I thought they should know what a struggle it is to run a Glee Club without a budget, so I may have siphoned some funds for our Regionals costumes."

Santana fanned herself dramatically. "Now I know I love you."

Kurt preened. "Mercedes, Tina, and I needed money for materials and they're going to look stunning. Meanwhile, Vocal Adrenaline will have to repeat outfits now. Plus now some of them don't have cars to get to and from rehearsals. It's a win-win."

"Except for one thing," Tina pointed out. "They need a culprit."

"Then I'll pin it on someone else if they ask. But with the situation resolved, I don't think they're going to. Thank you and goodnight." Kurt retook his seat and accepted his praise.

Will entered the room not minutes later, looking confused.

"Something the matter, Mr Schue?" Kurt smiled knowingly.

Will flapped his mouth open and closed like a fish. "Shelby Corcoran received an anonymous donation that matched the damages from the Range Rovers. Whoever did this has paid up apparently and we're all in the clear."

Everyone applauded.

Will sighed. "That doesn't mean this was a good thing to have done. This could have been way worse."

Puck shook his head. "Not when we've got a Fairy Godmother ninja looking out for us."

Will looked even more confused. "I…suppose you're right, Puck. Anyway, we're about out of time for this session, but come back tomorrow ready to rehearse. Have a good day, guys."

The Glee Club shuffled out of the room and said their goodbyes to their teacher and each other, wondering what on earth that past hour had been about and some of them wondering how exactly they could thank Kurt Hummel for his magnificent deviousness.


Author's Note: I really don't know what this is. The first 100 odd words were supposed to be a prompt for myself for much later, but I kept going with it in one sitting and this is the result. Enjoy? Also, a quick reminder that I'm always taking prompts for either this story or separate one-shots if you guys have any ideas! Much love!