Chapter Twenty

Arzin and Norman were both watching for the two androids as they entered the lab. "Maya, are you all right?" Arzin asked.

Though she was again walking under her own power, she was still unsteady, her gaze uncertain, and for a moment Data expected her to respond only with more confusion. But she looked slowly around the lab, nodding faintly, and when her eyes again found the Trill, she ventured a guess. "Arzin."

As surprised now at this apparent regression as Data had been earlier, Arzin was at least able to hide it better. "Right. I'm glad I'm not too forgettable," he replied, keeping his tone light.

"I remember this," she said, glancing around the lab once more. "And -" she broke off, her face falling. "Oh, what did I say?" The words were barely a whisper, and she turned to look at Data, her eyes wide and frightened. "I shouldn't have – I – I'm sorry, I didn't mean to... Oh, what did I say?" she asked again, with growing horror.

"You do not need to apologize," Data began, but she covered her face with her hands in despair.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she said again.

"Maya." Arzin intervened, stepping closer to her. "It's all right," he said soothingly. "Come sit down over here. Let Norman check and make sure you're all right. You remember Norman?" She looked no less alarmed, but nodded at his question and willingly followed him to the exam table. "Norman's just going to run a scan, just like he did before. You'll be fine."

Even through whatever was weighing on her, she seemed to understand, at least, and once the scan was underway Arzin retreated to talk to Data. "Did she lose her memory again? What exactly happened?"

"She seems to be recovering from it now, but I believe she was having trouble with recall," Data said. "She seems greatly concerned with something she might have said, but – what she did say made very little sense. And – she does not seem to wish to speak to me," he added, bewildered.

"I doubt it was anything you did, Data. The way she's apologizing... maybe she's afraid you're angry at her for disappearing, that would make some sense, but she seems convinced she said something wrong. What exactly did she say?"

Data repeated the conversation, leaving Arzin shaking his head. "You're right, that doesn't make much sense. Falling, nothing seeming real – that sounds more like a nightmare than anything else. But – well, maybe that's it. If this sleep mode is enough like real sleep, she might have had a nightmare, or even a night terror – maybe about dying. If it felt real enough..."

Data nodded slowly. "Perhaps you are right. But – could you speak to her first, after Norman is finished? I do not wish to risk upsetting her any further."

"I'm sure it wouldn't upset her, but I'll talk to her if you'd rather. Try not to worry. Whatever this is, we'll figure it out."

"Thank you, Arzin." Data managed a smile. Not worrying was impossible, but he could at least try to show it less.

The test results were again inconclusive, and even Norman was beginning to seem frustrated by the lack of useful information. The only difference this time was that Maya was too sunk in her own misery either to worry or to joke about it, as she had before. When she noticed Arzin approaching, her unhappiness only seemed to deepen, and she looked wistfully over at Data. He had removed himself to a discreet distance, and she hugged herself as she realized that he intended to stay where he was. "Is Data all right?" she ventured, before Arzin could speak.

"He's mostly worried about you," he replied, again trying to keep his tone light. "Are you feeling any better?"

"A little," she said, unconvincingly. "But – he doesn't want to talk to me?"

"Only because you seemed so upset earlier," he reassured her, though the words seemed to have no effect. "You seemed to think you'd said something wrong, but – we're not sure what that might have been."

This broke through her gloom at last and she turned to look at him squarely for the first time. "Then – maybe it's still all right," she said, in a voice that hinted she was almost afraid to hope. "I hardly knew what I was saying, I was sure I must have – Do you know what I said?"

"Yes, Data told me," the Trill replied, more confused than ever. "He said that you talked about falling, and that everyone was gone. And you told him that he'd left a very long time ago. But you must have just been upset, rambling. Did you have a nightmare?"

"Then it's all right, he doesn't know," she said, with a look of dazed relief. "Oh, it's all right." She smiled very slightly, though Arzin didn't think he'd ever seen such happiness in anyone's expression before.

"Maya, I still don't understand." Glad as he was that she seemed to be feeling better, he was sure there must still be some strange miscommunication that should be sorted out. "Data had all your memories for years. Whatever you think you shouldn't have told him, he already knows."

But she was already shaking her head. "No, he doesn't. Not this. This was – after I died. I know, that doesn't sound possible," she went on. "But I did have a dream – except I think it was a memory. I was... lost. Losing myself, a little at a time. And I think – I think it was happening in Data's brain. That's why I can't remember now, I forgot everything while I was dead. And it was – it was horrible. Everything just fell away and I couldn't stop it." Again she seemed on the verge of tears.

"Are you sure it wasn't just a nightmare? We don't really know what your dreams might be like now. It's possible they're much more vivid than they used to be." She shook her head once more, though less emphatically, and Arzin continued. "I'm not trying to make light of it, believe me. One of my best friends when I was growing up had night terrors a couple of times, and it would take him days to shake off the effects. I'm sure it felt incredibly real... but that still doesn't necessarily mean that it happened."

Maya laughed humorlessly. "How's that for irony? The first thing I've truly, vividly remembered since I – came back, and it might not have really happened. And I don't even want it to have happened. It's just that – it's the only solid thing in my head right now. Dying once in Sickbay, and then... dying again someplace else, very, very slowly."

Arzin sat down on the table next to her. "All right, we're both intelligent people, so let's be logical about this. From what you know of cybernetics, is the scenario from your dream even possible?"

"I don't know, I've been trying to think. I have a feeling that there was at least one previous transfer of human memories to a positronic matrix... but I don't recall any details and I can't ask Data. From what he's told me about what happened with me, he must have been in the Sickbay when he first downloaded my memories, so he probably would have used something like a cortical stimulator. Maybe it didn't interface correctly with his systems. Or maybe because I was already dead, my memories had started to degrade – maybe not much, but just enough to effect the transfer."

She sighed, shaking her head. "Or it's possible that what I thought took two years actually took two seconds and my subconscious is – distorting everything. I don't know. I'm probably not thinking straight. It's like I haven't slept in days. Everything feels so unreal."

"Like you've been up all night cramming for an exam," Arzin suggested, and she nodded.

"I'm so exhausted. Except the last thing I want is to try sleeping again."

"I know you're tired of hearing this, but – time," he said, with a wry smile. "If it was a nightmare, you'll get past it. If it really happened... then we'll try and find you someone to talk to about it."

"A psychologist," she sighed, trying to smile.

"Or maybe just a very good listener. In the meantime, go talk to Data. You don't have to tell him any details, and I'm sure he won't push. You're right, though, we shouldn't tell him in any case. Real or otherwise, he'll blame himself."

She nodded miserably. "He blames himself for too much as it is."

Arzin could only agree. "But all he wants right now is to know that you're all right. Go talk to him, it'll be fine." She hopped off the table, managed a smile, and turned to follow this advice

Sensing Maya's approach at once, Data gave up any pretense of monitoring the androids' work. For a moment he only stood awkwardly, then took a step towards her. "Are you feeling better?"

She nodded, biting her lip. "A little. I – I'm sorry I worried you," she began, then seemed to run out of words all at once. After a beat, she quickly crossed the short distance between them and put her arms around him.

Though still afraid of saying the wrong thing, Data felt a wave of relief as he pulled her close, resting his head against hers. "I am glad you are safe," he finally managed, and Maya pulled back just enough to look up at him, smiling genuinely now, if a little shakily.

She could not hold his gaze for long, however, and looked down. "I had a nightmare," she admitted. "That sounds so foolish. But I dreamt about – about dying... and it was so much more real than anything else I can remember. And all I could think of... was getting away from it. I don't really know what I said after you found me... I hope it didn't upset you too much."

"I was upset primarily because you were – and that was not your fault," he added quickly. "I have never had a nightmare as such myself... but I did sometimes dream of you. Knowing that you were gone made such dreams... extremely emotional for me. As much as I wanted to see your face again – it was still very difficult. I cannot imagine how it must feel to dream of one's own death."

Tears filled her eyes again even as she managed to smile. "I'm not very much like I used to be, am I?"

Though the chip had allowed him to understand the need for gestures of affection, there were still times – as now – when he was not entirely certain of what to do. At first she had needed simple reassurance as much as anything else, and holding her hand, for example, had been the obvious thing to do. Now the situation felt much more fraught, and he was afraid of making a misstep. Finally he rested one hand against her cheek, and was glad he had, seeing her smile become more natural. "In some ways you are quite different, yes. In others – you are exactly as I remember you."

"I wish I remembered me." She paused and sighed, leaning her face very slightly against his palm. "You're so patient with me... but I wish you didn't have to be."

"I am always patient," he said, perplexed. This was not strictly true any longer – he now sometimes felt very strong flashes of impatience – but for her he felt that he could wait forever if necessary.

"I know. But what if I never get any better than this? What if I'm always having nightmares and running off? You shouldn't have to deal with that." A tear fell and she quickly brushed it away.

Somehow, this conversation had become almost as frightening as having found her missing. "I would rather take care of you. I would never want to leave you."

"But it wouldn't be fair," she managed, then choked on a sob. "Oh, I don't know, I can't think," Again she moved forward to embrace him and he held her tightly.

"You are tired," he said quietly. "But of course you do not wish to sleep."

Laughing a little through her tears, she shook her head. "No, now I really don't want to take my nap."

For a while they stood in silence, and Data wished they might stay that way for a very long time. At last he spoke up again, recalling that she had not heard of their progress. "We have found a way to work around the interference. If you are feeling well enough, perhaps you would wish to assist."

Forgetting her exhaustion for the moment, she turned to look up at him. "What did you do? Did you find out what was causing it?"

"The cause is still unknown. However, we were able to find a way to change the frequency of the androids' network to allow them to connect despite the interference."

"That's a good idea."

"It was Arzin's. A very creative suggestion," he said, a little wistfully.

Maya nodded, thinking over the idea. "But do you have to -"

"Adjust each android manually?" Data finished. "Unfortunately that is the case, yes. All androids connected via the relay station have begun the process, however. I estimate that they should all be functional again in approximately two days.

"Good. But I'm not sure that I should help with that right now. I might start making mistakes."

Her android body naturally showed no other signs of it, but even Data could see in her eyes how exhausted she was. "Would you be willing to try to rest again if I stayed with you?"

The fact that she did not immediately say no to the idea showed what bad shape she was in. "That... might be all right," she finally said, clearly fighting off fear.

Data smiled. "Then we will try it. I must speak to Arzin and Norman first, however."

Not quite able to manage a smile, she only nodded. She went with him as he walked back over to the others, though she hung back from the conversation.

Arzin turned as they approached. "Everything all right?"

"Better, yes," Data replied, cautiously. "I am going to sit with Maya while she attempts to rest again."

Clearly surprised, Arzin raised an eyebrow, but said only, "Well, I hope you can get some better sleep, Maya. That can really make a difference."

Data nodded, then turned to Norman. "How are things progressing?"

"Everything – is proceeding as planned. There has been no change in the interference. Currently – six percent of us are again part of the network."

"I am glad to hear it," Data said, sincerely. "I know this has been difficult for all of you."

Norman nodded once, looking thoughtful. "Once we are – back to normal – we must decide what we will do. We cannot remain here now. It will be – too dangerous."

"I am sorry our plan did not work," Data replied, with very real disappointment. "I hope you will not go too far."

"That – is something we must decide together. But I also hope it will not be far."

"Please keep me informed if there are any further issues with the network." He glanced over at Lore, still under the tarp, and added dryly, "Though I hope we have already eliminated any potential problems."

"You'll have to decide what to do about him, too," Arzin pointed out.

"Yes," Data replied gravely. "Whatever else happens, I do not think it would be wise to allow Lore and Commander Maddox to meet again."