Chapter Twenty-One
Maya was reluctant even to enter the lounge area again, and it was hard to blame her. But she refused offers to find someplace else, determined to beat this particular fear. They had talked mainly of neutral subjects during the walk – details of the new network and theories as to the interference – but now she perched on the edge of one of the benches and grew more serious.
"We're both going to have to decide where we want to go now, too," she began. "Not until things are settled here, obviously, but – have you thought about it?"
"Depending on what the Midian androids decide to do, I may go with them, to help them reestablish their community," he began. "If Commander Maddox follows through on his threats, I may not be able to return to Federation space in any case," he added, ruefully. "However, I am inclined to believe that he will be unwilling to risk the consequences of calling too much attention to what he has done here. If that is so, then someday I might wish to try teaching. That has always interested me."
"Professor Data," she said with a smile. "You'd be a good teacher. Patience must be one of the most important requirements."
"Yes, it must be." He hesitated, unsure if he should say what he was thinking but also afraid not to say it. "Maya... I am sure that you do not wish to make any final decisions until you are feeling better. And I am sure you are already aware of this... but wherever I am, you will always have a home there if you wish it. Always."
His voice was not quite steady as he finished, and she looked up at him with a hint of tears in her eyes. "You do say the most wonderful things," she whispered, leaning her forehead against his. "And you always mean them, which is even more wonderful."
He smiled, though he also looked possibly on the verge of tears himself. "I am very glad you feel that way."
Maya shifted her head to rest against his shoulder, but aside from this neither of them moved for several moments. At last she sighed and spoke up reluctantly. "I'd better try this sleeping thing again before I lose my nerve." She looked up at him, smiling wryly.
"You will be all right. I cannot promise that you will not have another nightmare, but I will be here when you wake up." He stood and moved to sit on a nearby bench, but she stopped him.
"No, I'd rather – could you stay here, next to me?" she asked, not quite looking at him. "I know it's small, but we don't have to worry about being comfortable, right?"
"No, we do not." Now he felt uncertain as well, longing for this closeness and yet also almost afraid of it. Perhaps it was only because their plans were as yet unsettled, this phase of their relationship still new and tentative, but he was suddenly convinced he would manage to do something wrong. That was the way of emotions, it seemed – they made you want to interact with others that much more, yet at the same time made that interaction infinitely more complex.
But despite their sudden, shared nervousness, this, at least, was hardly a complicated request – or so he told himself as he sat down next to her, then leaned back stiffly to rest in a half-seated position against the wall. Turning to her side, she rested one hand and her head on his chest, and Data, in what seemed the only possible response, put his arm around her.
"I can hear your micro-reactors," she said, smiling a little, but the smile quickly faded and she sighed. "All right, now I'm just stalling." She shifted a fraction closer, holding him a little more tightly. "Wish me luck."
"Good luck," he said obediently, and the next moment he heard her systems drop down to half power mode. Following her example, he pulled her closer, hoping she could feel it, or at least that it would help her be aware of his presence.
Almost exactly half an hour later, she jerked awake, gasping faintly and sitting up. She looked around the room uncertainly at first, then reached out to take hold of Data's arm as he also sat up on the opposite side of the bench. "I'm – I'm all right," she said, quietly and not entirely convincingly, but though her face was troubled she had clearly not suffered anything like her earlier experience.
"Did you have another nightmare?" he asked.
"No," she replied, slowly. "Some... very odd dreams, but not really nightmares. I don't quite recall them anymore. But I think... I might have been dreaming about the Enterprise." Then she laughed a little. "You know, I think I finally feel – awake. I didn't even realize until just now how... vague everything felt. But now things finally seem real again. Or for the first time." She shook her head wonderingly. "I still don't remember anything... but I don't feel as though I'm sleepwalking anymore."
"I am very glad that you are feeling better, Maya." While he had hoped that rest might also help with her recollection, she already seemed much steadier now – more at ease with herself, and it was a very welcome sight. As much as she must wish to have her memories back again, if she recovered in other ways she would be far more able to cope with that loss.
"I still have a lot to sort out," she said, slowly, "but at least now I feel more able to sort things out," she added, unknowingly echoing his thoughts. "I've been relying on you – and I know you don't mind -" Here she paused and smiled, reaching to squeeze his hand. "But... I need to be able to rely on myself, too. I think it might be better if – if I was on my own for a while." Now her pause was an uneasy one, as she watched anxiously for Data's reaction. "It seems like the best thing. I'm not sure for how long, but – I need to feel sure of myself again before I can decide where I'm going. You do understand, don't you?"
For a moment Data did not feel that he understood at all, a wave of emotion driving out all logic. Of course she was right – even he knew that beginning a relationship with her feeling dependent upon him was hardly a wise step – but part of him was irrationally certain that this was merely the first step towards leaving him forever... a way of letting him down gently, as the phrase went. He could not imagine Maya using such a tactic, however, and he instinctively did his best to reassure her. "Of course I understand. You have been through a great deal. You must look after yourself first."
But she caught his unhappiness at once, and it was her turn to reassure him. "Data, I'm not saying goodbye. There isn't very much I'm sure of right now, but one thing I know absolutely is that I want to spend more time with you, get to know you – again," she added, with a small, wry smile. "And you'll need to get to know me again a little, too. But I hope – I hope very much..." She took a deep breath and tried again, tears prickling her eyes. "You deserve someone who loves you absolutely, with everything they have. I can't do that right now... but I want very much to be that person someday." Leaning forward, she kissed him gently. "Whatever else happens, I want us to be part of each others' lives."
"Yes," he finally managed. "I want that as well." He hardly knew what he was saying – putting his feelings into words was often still difficult for him under the best of circumstances, and at the moment he felt more than a little overwhelmed from her kiss – but Maya was still smiling and the moment felt right. No, not simply right, he decided, but full of more amazing possibilities than he had ever dared to imagine.
They sat together in comfortable silence for a while, hands still clasped and heads leaning towards each other, and when Maya finally spoke again Data was faintly surprised to realize that he had lost track of time. "I'll have to be careful of where I go," she said, musingly. "Maybe one of the newer colonies. They must always need help, and they won't be inclined to ask too many questions of someone who can fix things. What do you think?"
"You do not necessarily need to be too limited in your choice," he said. "Norman could be very helpful in creating a new identity for you. Earlier he told me how he created an identity for himself as a Starfleet officer to infiltrate the crew of the original Enterprise. No one questioned his bona fides. Of course, that was some time ago, but I imagine the basic technique has not significantly changed."
"Impressive. So Norman was the first android in Starfleet," she said with a wry smile. "At least in a way."
"Yes, that is true," Data agreed. "I am sorry you cannot go back. You enjoyed being a Starfleet engineer very much."
"Maybe it's better that I can't go back. I don't remember enough to be nostalgic for the old days, and I don't much like Starfleet now, considering what they've done here. What if they had decided that you were expendable?" She frowned, troubled, then sighed. "Or I might be expendable now, too. No, that still doesn't seem quite real. I worry sometimes about accidentally breaking things, and my sight in particular still seems different... but otherwise I feel like myself, at least as far as I can remember. I still feel just... human."
"You are human," Data replied gravely. "Though of course mine is not the most unbiased opinion. If physical form is to be any significant measure of humanity, then I will never be any more human than I am now."
"Data." She leaned closer again, her tone equally grave. "Maybe mine isn't the most unbiased opinion either, but you are absolutely human, in the very best sense of the word. That's another thing I'm sure of."
Not for the first time since his arrival here, he almost wished he was capable of blushing. "You have always felt that way," he finally managed, taking refuge in the familiar. "When you first learned you were being assigned to the Enterprise, you very much looked forward to meeting me... but not out of curiosity about meeting an artificial life form, but because you wished to have someone with whom you could discuss your warp field theories. You thought of me as a colleague. And though you did particularly value my intelligence, you felt the same about any intelligent person. You simply felt it would be easier to talk to me, as you sometimes felt – inhibited in conversation. You tended to speak quickly and move very rapidly from subject to subject."
She started to speak, then paused awkwardly. "I didn't really think of it until now, but you know all sorts of embarrassing things about me," she said.
"Embarrassing? Yes, there are incidents that could be described in that fashion," he admitted, equally awkward. "However, embarrassment to one degree or another is a constant of life. I would doubt that your life holds any more such incidents than anyone else's, but in any case I would not presume to judge any aspect of your past.
Maya smiled. "My secrets are safe with you, is that it?"
"Of course they are," he replied, torn between surprise that she would doubt this, and guilt at having had such access to her life.
"No, I know that," she reassured him at once. "I know. I'm very lucky that you were the one who had my memories all this time. And... you probably knew more about me than most even before that."
"That is most likely true. You told me a good deal about your life during the time we served together, and you were not normally inclined to share such things. Even at the time, I felt... honored that you would share your stories with me, and now I appreciate it even more. I understand better now how sharing past experiences can create a deeper bond between individuals."
"And we've shared experiences in a way most people haven't," she said, with a wry smile.
"That is also true," he replied, with a wry smile of his own. "I am relieved that it does not bother you too much."
"Well, it is odd, but so is most of the rest of the situation, so..." She gave an elaborate shrug.
"I could tell you about some of my experiences that might be considered embarrassing, if you feel that might help," he offered, sincerely, and Maya bit back a smile.
"Uh, why don't you tell me one of yours and then one of mine?" she suggested.
"I once grew a beard," he said, simply.
"A beard?" Again trying not to smile too much, she studied his face. "No, I can't even picture that. Why did you grow a beard?"
"I was attempting to appear more dignified and intellectual. But I believe I succeeded only in making Counselor Troi laugh."
"I still can't picture it," Maya said, shaking her head. "But you certainly don't need any help appearing intellectual. Or dignified, for that matter. I think you look just right the way you are."
"Thank you," he replied, pleased. "But at the time, I believe I was feeling – uncertain about myself. Geordi said that it seemed to be a symptom of insecurity."
"Everyone must feel that way sometimes. Even the people who seem the most confident."
Data tilted his head. "Do I seem confident?"
"Well, yes. In a quiet way, but you do."
"That is something I have sometimes had difficulty with since installing the emotion chip," he admitted. "I find that it is much more common now for me to second-guess myself. Especially in regards to -"
He broke off, but Maya knew what he meant. "In regards to me," she finished, gently.
"Yes. The decision to attempt to transfer your memories – was the most difficult of my life. There were so many things that could have gone wrong... things that did go wrong... and I did not know what was best to do. I was – frozen with fear." He smiled faintly. "There was a glitch in my program." Pausing, he searched her face for a moment but saw only faint confusion at the metaphor and continued on, hiding his disappointment. "At times I think there still is. I am still not sure of what is best."
"Few of us are. All we can do is the best we can at the time, with whatever we've got to work with. And... I know things went wrong, but I'm doing all right now, aren't I? For an amnesiac, I mean." She smiled, making sure that he knew she wasn't complaining, and he smiled in return.
"You do seem much better. I am very glad."
She shrugged, showing the same sort of vague discomfort she often had when she was not quite certain how to respond to something. "All right, now tell me one of my embarrassing moments," she said.
After considering for a moment, he suggested, "I could tell you how you got your nickname at Starfleet Academy."
"What was my nickname?" she asked, suspiciously.
"'The Vulcan.' It came about as the result of a practical joke."
She shook her head. "This doesn't sound good."
"If you would rather hear a different story -"
"No, no, go ahead. What happened?"
"One of the other students – you were never certain which one – set up a booby trap in one of the cabinets in the chemistry lab. When you opened the cabinet to retrieve a piece of equipment you needed, you found yourself sprayed with water."
"That sounds... surprisingly tame, actually," she said, frowning slightly.
"It was water that had been dyed green. It was several days before you were able to get the dye completely out of your hair."
"Ah, that's less tame. But how did the nickname get started?"
"You did not know how to respond, so you did nothing at all. You stared at the others in the room, and they stared at you. When you did not become angry, or indeed react in any way, one of the other students stated that it was 'like playing a practical joke on a Vulcan.' And the name... stuck."
"Yes, of course it did," she laughed, ruefully. "That's probably the only thing anyone ever remembered about me."
"You did find it difficult at times to fit in," Data said, carefully. "As did I. It is counter-intuitive, but possessing intelligence is often not the best way to gain friends in a school environment."
"Well, of course it isn't. Everyone was jealous of you."
"And of you. You were best at Engineering, of course, but you excelled in most subjects. Your roommate in particular envied the fact that you rarely studied."
Again she shrugged, smiling wryly. "That's just being good at taking tests, isn't it?"
Data smiled. "You have always had that habit, of deflecting praise. Though you once told me that I was the only person who could compliment you without making you feel terribly uncomfortable."
She shook her head. "I don't think you've ever made anyone terribly uncomfortable, have you?"
"Perhaps Commander Maddox," he replied, growing serious.
"No, we're not talking about him," Maya said, firmly. "We have much better things to discuss."
"Yes. I have already been able to say so many things that I never imagined I would be able to tell you. Though in some cases... I find that words are insufficient."
May nodded, smiling slightly. "Yes. Sometimes they are." Again she leaned closer and kissed him.
It was no less overwhelming this time, but Data at least felt more to respond now, raising one hand to rest against her face as the kiss slowly deepened. She made a small sound, somewhere between a sigh and a moan, and he experienced something else he had never felt before: a rush of physical longing that was almost a need, a sensation that at any other moment might have seemed to indicate a malfunction. But he understood now that this was how it should feel to be with Maya, and his arms gently slipped around her.
A moment later the quiet was shattered by an alarm sounding. Maya tensed and jumped to her feet as Data also stood, taking out his comm badge. "Arzin, what is happening?"
But there was no reply, and they exchanged worried glances as they turned and hurried down the hall. At first Data kept trying to contact Arzin, but as they drew nearer they soon realized something of what was happening. "That sounds like fighting," Maya said, uneasily, and Data nodded, picking up their pace.
Finally they rounded a corner and discovered a full-fledged brawl ahead of them, just outside the lab that was their destination. There seemed no rhyme or reason as to who was attacking whom, but whatever had prompted it, one group of Midian androids seemed bent on destroying the other. Gradually it became clear that the larger of the two groups was attempting to invade the lab, while the rest tried to stop them.
Data shouted out orders for the fighting to stop, but to no avail. Either they could not or would not obey, and the battle continued as fiercely as ever. And despite its ferocity it was also unsettlingly quiet, without a sound beyond that of the blows and the occasional dull thud of an android being thrown against a wall or to the floor. "We must try to break through," Data said, reluctantly.
Still used to her human form, Maya shrank back instinctively from getting too close to the melee, but soon gathered her courage and nodded. "Yes, sir," she said, with quiet determination.
"Stay close to me. We will be fine." Though he had said this primarily to reassure her, they soon found that he was right; the other androids barely acknowledged their presence as they moved along the wall towards the lab. Now and then one of them was caught up peripherally in the fighting, but never did they have any difficulty in pulling away. But the battle was at its worst outside the main doors – now sealed – and they were forced to continue on to a side entrance. This was also sealed, and while Data kept an eye on the others, Maya finally succeeded in contacting Arzin, who opened the door just enough for them to slip inside.
"Is everyone all right?" Data asked at once, joining Maya in glancing around uneasily. The room was largely empty, however, with most of the androids apparently having gone out to defend the lab. Norman, busy at one of the consoles, did not even glance up, though it was clear he was alert to everything being discussed.
"We're fine, aside from being stuck in here," Arzin replied. "Are you two all right?"
Maya nodded, then shrugged. "They ignored us."
"They're ignoring everything except whatever they're attacking, as far as we can tell," Arzin said. "The interference isn't interference anymore, it's some kind of carrier wave. Norman's working on a way to stop it."
"So they're being ordered to attack each other," Maya guessed.
"Yes. The androids networked through the relay station are all right, and so are the ones whose network frequencies we were able to adjust. All the rest have gone rogue."
"But who could be controlling them?" Maya asked, but Data was already walking purposefully across the lab, straight towards Lore's shrouded form. With a flick of his wrist, he threw back the tarp – revealing Oscar 74, deactivated and motionless.
"Oh, no," Maya breathed.
Arzin thudded his fist against the nearest console. "Dammit, I shouldn't have covered him up."
"We must find him," Data said grimly. "Arzin, can you locate him on the sensors?"
"Uh, possibly." The Trill pushed aside his guilt and moved over to the sensor array, starting to work immediately. "Physically, Soong and Midian androids read the same, but there's a slight difference in the energy signature. I might be able to track him."
"Norman, have you been able to trace the carrier wave?"
"Yes. The signal is more powerful now and – cannot be so well-concealed. It is coming from – one of the secondary computer access points." A schematic of the facility appeared on one of the screens, a flashing light indicating a spot some distance from the main lab. "It is – one of the access points added by Commander Maddox."
"Is Lore there?" Data asked Arzin.
"There are at least forty androids in that vicinity... but it doesn't look like any of them are Lore." He checked for another long moment, then shook his head. "No, it doesn't look like he's there. I'll keep trying."
"I will attempt to reach the access point. Norman, will you come with me?" Data asked. "I understand that you have no desire to fight your own people, but I will need your assistance."
"I – will go with you," Norman said at once.
Maya spoke up firmly. "I'm going, too. I can help."
Data felt a stab of alarm. More than anything, he wanted to protect her – but was that the best thing to do? If they were not all willing to take some risks, they might simply fall together... but he could no more ask her to walk into almost certain danger than he could stop thinking. "I would also rather have you with me, Maya. But you can help from here. If you were to also attack the carrier wave remotely, that might provide Norman and I with a valuable distraction." Seeing her about to argue, he went on quickly. "And someone must stay with Arzin. Given the situation, we cannot be certain that he will be safe, even in here."
Maya sighed unhappily. "You're right. Things could still get much worse. I'll make sure he's all right." She took hold of Data's hand and squeezed it, gently, still growing used to her new strength. "Just be careful."
"You as well," he said quietly, briefly reaching out to rest his hand against her cheek. "I am sorry that you have had so much to deal with."
But Maya only shook her head, a faint smile on her face. "I'm glad to be here, remember? And I'm a lot tougher than I look."
Despite the situation, Data returned the smile. "Yes. You are." He looked at her for another long moment, then reluctantly turned to leave. "Good luck," he said, to both her and Arzin, before he and Norman walked together towards the side entrance and slipped out into the chaos.
