When it had all unraveled for them, she'd left a lot of things at his place. She'd said she couldn't believe it all fit in two suitcases. He'd come to find out, it hadn't. But most of it wasn't important, not things she noticed being missing, anyway. Somehow, that planner had found its way into his desk drawer. For the life of him, he couldn't remember how, but he knew no one knew it was there, and surely no one would rifle through his desk and through a planner from 2007. He opened it to the first page he found and put Jared's letter opener there, closing his desk drawer.
Once that was taken care of, he'd bagged and tagged his letter opener, now covered in Mitch's blood. He knew he couldn't leave her alone with Brody too long. She wasn't being rational and Brody was a good cop and he'd suspect something was up.
"Hey, Brody could you take that down to evidence for me?"
"John, I want to help" he said,
"Okay" John said, "So bring that down to evidence for me, we'll be here when you come back"
He kneeled next to where Natalie was sitting.
"Natalie" he whispered, "did you say anything to Brody?"
"No" she whispered, "You told me not to"
"Okay" whispered, "Just don't say anything more okay, just stick to what I've said, we'll be okay"
"John, why are you doing this? I stabbed him to kill him and I'd do it again"
"You can't be saying that" he said, "I know you want him dead, I do too, but he ain't worth your life"
"My life is over" she said
"No, it's not"
"There's nothing left for me to live for"
Hearing her say that might have hurt him more than the look in her eyes. She was strong, she'd survived grief before, but he knew no amount of prior grief would prepare her for losing another husband.
"He's going to want you to give your life up for him" he knew she wouldn't hear that it would get better right now, so he tried to play on her hatred for Mitch.
"You can't do this John" she said, "You could get in trouble, you could lose your job"
She was deflecting. That was good. It meant she was coming around to his way of thinking. He was a little shocked at her response, he thought she'd understood his choice. He supposed she didn't need to.
"I know what I'm doing" he said.
She looked at him and he didn't waver. Her blue eyes were full of pain, but he knew the look in them. She wouldn't let it slip.
Had it been a few minutes or a few hours? She couldn't tell. She knew Jess and Brody were fussing over her and John was- well, he was John. He was a surprising constant in her life, especially right now.
"You want to go home?" Jess said in that tone that she hated.
She looked at John, wondering what he was thinking. He gave her a nod. He'd take care of it for her, she was sure. Did she want him to? That was the bigger question.
She nodded, making eye contact with John again before Jess ushered her out of the station.
John watched her go, sure that the tone Jess had used with her was making her crazy. She didn't take well to being coddled, even at her worst. And he wasn't sure he'd ever seen her worse.
"John" Brody said, snapping him out of his thoughts, "I don't know what I took part in today, but I don't think it was good police work"
"Why" John asked simply. He didn't know what had happened, and he was sure it was going to stay that way.
"Just a hunch"
"You doubting my ability to do my job?" he asked.
"No" he said, "but-"
"But what?"
"I'm not sure you can be objective when it comes to-"
"Can you?" he asked.
"I wasn't the one interrogating him when he stabbed himself"
"You got something to say, say it'
"Something changed. I saw it on the way to Napa, and I've seen it every day since then whenever Jared, or Mitch, or Natalie gets brought up. Can you really do this? Keep his case on the books?"
"I'm afraid I'm right about who it is" he said once he sat down.
"Who do you think could do all this? Kill 2 people, dig up Nash's grave and frame Jared for all of it?" Brody asked.
"Jessica's father"
"Alright, he doesn't exactly follow the law to the letter, but –"
"Her biological father" he said.
"What? I thought Clint was –"
"Yeah, most people do" he said, "She doesn't like to talk about it, no one does" he paused, "Natalie and Jessica they're fraternal twins, and they have two different dads. Natalie, she's Clint's biological daughter, but she was kidnapped at birth, so it wasn't until much later they all figured it out because Ms. Banks blacked out the rape and the birth. Mitch Lawrence is Jessica's biological father"
"And what makes you think he's behind all this?"
"He's a cult leader. He can make people do terrible things. That's why Natalie was kidnapped. The doctor took her"
"He got a doctor to kidnap a baby" Brody asked, "How did Roxy fit into all this?"
"She was married to the doctor. When the doctor died, his sister came and took Rex with her, left Natalie with Roxy"
"Why?"
"The sister knew she wasn't Wally's kid"
"And Roxy raised Natalie by herself?"
"If you can call it that. Natalie raised herself. Roxy didn't-" he stopped himself before he let his emotions get the best of him, "anyway when Natalie was grown up, one of Mitch Lawrence's followers got her to Llanview. That's when they all found out about Lawrence raping Ms. Banks, about the kidnapping. That was when Jess learned Clint wasn't her dad"
"I guess that's why she doesn't talk about him"
"He's tortured them long after that. He got Natalie to marry him. He got her first husband killed"
"How do you know all this?" Brody asked.
"That's how I got to Llanview" he said, "I was there when he died. Or so we all thought"
"And the FBI just had all that in a file?" he asked.
John looked at him a little incredulously. Most people knew and didn't talk about it, how he and Natalie had been in each other's orbits for so long and then it just blew up. He was trying to hide how much all of this was bothering him, the fact that he hadn't known things were heading this way earlier. He should have stopped it faster. Her life had fallen apart so many times and he just kept failing her. Yeah, things were different this time- their friendship had been damaged too badly but- she was still Natalie, and she didn't deserve this.
"John? What does that look mean?"
He looked down. Brody was a good cop, he had good intuition. He already knew something in his retelling was off, "I've just known Natalie for a long time"
"So have I- I didn't know all of this"
"She doesn't like to talk about her childhood or who she used to be. She's grown a lot" and she doesn't get near enough credit for that, he thought.
"So why do you know?" he pressed.
"Brody-" he tried to get him to stop.
"Do you have feelings-"
"Stop" he said, "It was a long time ago"
"Does Marty know what's going on?"
"I don't see what that has to-"
"I've just never seen you like this"
"I know what I'm doing" he said, "Don't worry about it"
"You need to talk to a rep or a lawyer"
"I don't need one"
"He might die because he stabbed himself in handcuffs in your office while you are running the department" he said low, "this isn't going to work out for you if-"
"If what" he said, "you think I did something wrong?"
"I think you should let me take the statements"
"I got it"
"you're the witness"
"And I know how to write a statement"
"What about Natalie? I should take hers"
"You don't need her statement"
"She was a witness"
"She's in shock she just watched her husband's killer stab himself, you're not taking her statement"
"John-"
"I got to call IA anyway. They'll decide if –"
"IA is going to fire you" he said, "Let me help"
"Brody, you did a good job today. Let IA do their job, Natalie's statement isn't going to change the facts"
"Why don't you want me to help you?"
"I don't need the help. Let it go. I already sent Natalie home, if we need her statement it ain't going to happen to today"
He turned and went back into his office, taking a breath. Brody wasn't going to let it go. He was confident he could hold it down with IA, but he was right, she would need to give a statement. He'd need to talk to her before she gave it.
