Me and Pairo walked down the shopping district of Yorknew City. He was leading me through the open area market stalls. I thought Yorknew City would be way different from cities back home. In reality, it was; but it was familiar enough that it felt just like any other city street.

It was packed to the brim with people. People who were rushing to get to places and meetings. People hawking things like CDs or cheap beads. People absent-mindedly talking on cell-phones that could only, to my great horror, talk and text. The occasional old man with a sign begging or playing music for money. Four kids scamming a pair of tourists who didn't know better. All the while everyone was doing their best to be in their little bubbles, yet still consumed by the crowds of people around them. All the people strutting around as though every single person were, paradoxically, the most important person in the world and completely anonymous and invisible.

The city itself was grey, dingy, and concrete full of concrete. When we left the center of the Yorknew city, where Evira's condo was, you could see the slow evolution of the city, like the core of a tree. Newer buildings fought for space next to older, smaller buildings that look like they'd been around for hundreds of years. The slow march of gentrification and quick assault of skyscrapers making the buildings have this unevenness to them. There'd be a building twenty or thirty stories tall, only to be followed by a smaller one that were only three or four stories tall, slowly petering out as the buildings became smaller and smaller. Neon lights and cheap looking signs that probably were brand spanking new for '99 dominated the stores that lined the streets we passed. Cars honking in the vain hope they could magically make the car in front of them go forward in gridlock traffic, not giving a fuck if someone was ran over, as long as it was green. Even if it wasn't green, they'd honked. Hell, I don't blame them. Once you experience rush hour traffic…. it changes you…

Oh yeah, everything was dirty and worn away as hell; old bubble gum turned into black tar on the street, grime and worn away paper flyers on the cheaper looking buildings. Newspapers blowing down the street like tumbleweed in the old west, and garbage spilling out of trash cans. Shit, there was even an old payphone with graffiti and stickers all over it. I took a big whiff of the air when I got outside too: smelled like dust, car exhaust, and cement. Refreshing. Not like that clean smell of the wilderness, let me tell you. If the air doesn't burn your nose hairs off, it ain't a city.

Then you'd be in another part of the city and it was new, shiny, and clean. All the people dressed up nice and gawking at high scale shops. Police were walking around when they weren't even around three blocks ago when gangbangers were walking around, hustling and looking for marks. Then you'd realize it was the richer part of the city: the shopping district. The safe part. Like a white, concrete safety zone.

A good old city. Just like I'm used to.

It had its quirks like any city. I think this one was threefold: that it was big and built on a hill, and had a river running through everything not uphill. Detroit wasn't anything like New York, but Yorknew was still a city bigger than Detroit by a good margin. Yorknew is pretty big for 2019 time as well, so it's probably mindboggling huge for people in 1999. A lot of hills man, too many for my liking. Leaving Evira's building was like going down a roller coaster at some points. If the driver wasn't as good as he was I'd have been scared for my life. And while most of the buildings looked similar to what I'm used to, a lot of them had this weird… other worldly, fantasy look to them? Like from somewhere ancient and old… Some parts felt like I was in Europe or Asia, not that I've ever been to those places mind you, but I have seen the travel channel.

But the most notable thing for me was... it felt like I got into a time machine and went back to 1999. It felt like Back to the Future. Everyone was wearing clothes that were terrible even back in '99! Or maybe they didn't know it was terrible, hmm... High waisted jean pants, disgustingly bright colors, no sense or idea of color coordination. Oh god, I forgot people wore technicolor vomit nylon track suits; they looked like parachutes! When do those thing die?! So help me god give me the strength or I'll kill them myself! It was cold today too, so I was subjected to people were wearing weirdly colored neon jackets and horrific sweaters. It felt like I stepped into the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, or god help me, Save by the Bell.

Fuck retro fashion. I was in a hell only the color blind could live in.

And don't forget, not everyone wears the latest fashion. So they were just starting to wear shit that Britney Spears, NSYNC, and all those boy bands and rappers would make popular around 99' and early 2000's; and badly too I might add… I saw some people wearing grunge or waaay too much denim. I felt my face burn red for them. I'm not a fashionista or anything, but I felt like George Jetson meeting Fred Flintstone. Ok, not that bad, but I'm more than twenty years in the past. It was trippy and disturbing.

The shopping district was well maintained compared to the rest of the city, but that should be the case. A city's tourism lives and dies from two thing: shopping and shit to do. And shopping falls into the second category as well, so it's doubly important. But I'm used to the malls back in the city, er, Detroit's Metro city area to be specific. By comparison, Yorknew City's shopping district was big, but had a lot of open market things. Not like a block party, but an honest god football field sized, RPG-type market. People playing all types of instruments from all time periods. One band was basically playing Monster Hunter music. Pairo said the song was called Asaichi Nite and was from a place called Whale Island. I asked him why it was called Whale Island, and he answered 'because it looks like a Whale.' Bit by bit I grow smahter-like, h'yuck.

Pairo knocked me out of my musings by pointing out a stall that I was looking for. He led me through the crowds of people as we met a tan, brown-haired man in charge of the weapon stand. He looked like Ali Baba or something. There was a young lady with him as well, no doubt his assistant. She looked similar to her boss but had a Princess Jasmine look or something. I turned to Pairo with a smile, ready to see him ogling a pretty girl and preparing to crack a joke in response, only to find the young man not even bothering to look over the woman like a normal teenager his age would. Instead, he was scrutinizing everything. He was subtle about it, too. I only knew he was doing it because he wasn't doing the thing a hot-blooded teenage boy going through puberty would do: checking out that chick in belly-dancer clothing.

I had to commend the two employees, especially the assistant. It was below forty degrees, but surviving Michigan winters and surviving the White Death has taught me to embrace the cold. One must become the cold to survive Michigan, just like the White Deaths… Alright, I might be exaggerating, but not by much. Michigan gets cold, alright? What I'm getting at is, I'm used to the cold; even in the shitty Fred Astaire dance clothes I'm wearing. Here they are, two people in Aladdin clothes in near freezing weather. That isn't even an insult, I genuinely give them props.

After my brief digression as an imaginary climatologist, I turned to Pairo. I couldn't get much of a read on the teen. He was incredibly quiet, more so than I was when around unfamiliar people. I couldn't even break the ice with Pairo. He'd just give me noncommittal answers, or a nod and a smile. Even the ride over here was so quiet I grew comfortable. And I walked through an evil forest of pure silence, with face-eating monkeys. For a week. That's how quiet this kid was.

"So, what are you looking for sir?" said the owner of the stall, breaking me out of my thoughts. His female assist waving to the weapons like Vanna White from Jeopardy.

He had various blades of all shapes and sizes. Some normal like cutlasses, katanas, and or broadswords. And some exotic like a whip sword thing, clawed gauntlets, or a weird sword that's curved in like a sickle. He also had concealed weapons like a cane sword and a penknife of all things. I don't know the laws of Yorknew City, but those last two had to be illegal.

I sighed, I didn't need a sword. I honestly didn't want one. I knew I was going to bring Stick. I had trained with heavy wooden swords for close to three months. I beat animals to death with them. I knew how to use it. While it wasn't the deadliest thing in the world, in my super strong hands it was. Besides, the dumbest thing I could do was to use a new weapon I was unfamiliar with during the Hunter Exam.

I scratched my head and looked around. I found what I wanted: a display case full of knives. They were in a glass display table in front of me. I had no clue what I wanted, only a vague idea. I wanted a knife similar to my training knives. But those were wood too, little more than tiny sticks, so I had no reference to base my purchase on.

Pairo looked at me curiously as I debated with myself on what kind of knife to get. None of them looked at all like the dummy knives I used. That was easy to tell, let me tell you. I became frustrated. Hell, even Panza's bone knives weren't represented here, since they were more sharpened bone than an actual knife. And I didn't want to use them during the exam. I wanted to keep them as souvenirs of my training and victory over that forest. Also, they were bone, so they could break easier than metal. I didn't want them to break during my Exam, for numerous reasons.

But nothing I saw popped out at me. Especially with how many ways these knives tried to differentiate themselves from their competitor. Like this fancy knife with a long, circular hole in the middle of it. I don't need a hole in the middle of my knife. That's just a recipe for disaster with my enhanced strength.

"If you don't know which one to pick, I recommend picking the one that feels best to use," Pairo said, shaking me out of my choice paralysis.

He asked the merchant if I could hold and wield the knife. The man hesitated, ready to say no for some reason, but Pairo logiced the fuck out him,

"Sir, we simply wish to buy a weapon. If we had any intentions of stealing your wares, we would have stolen something more valuable, more auspicious to pawn, and less difficult to acquire. Also, we would have avoided speaking to you, as that would have made identifying us as your thieves trivial. The majority of robberies happen within a short time frame, with one person serving as a distraction. I believe you are aware of this, being a long time weapon merchant," the entire time Pairo stared at the man with complete confidence in what he was saying, with absolutely no hesitation.

The stall keeper opened his mouth, then closed it as he had nothing to say. He pulled out three knives I was curious about and laid them out for me to touch.

After fooling around with them, I picked the one made by some guy I didn't care about. They looked like vintage US army knives. A simple, long double-bladed knife as thick as three of my fingers. Nothing complicated, nothing fancy. No muss, no fuss. All that mattered was it felt good in my hands. Pairo said the creator was famous for making his blades incredibly durable. I didn't care, much to Pairo's chagrin; the finger he was lecturing me with wilting down like a dead flower. Honestly, I just wanted a pair of good knive. I didn't need a backstory.

I asked for two and bought them with shoulder holster sheathes, not bothering to haggle since they seemed to be priced fairly. I had a lot of other stuff to buy anyways.

The next stall was a camping supply stall. This time it wasn't hard to find what I wanted, so I gathered everything quickly enough. But when I brought my bundle of supplies to the seller, it was way overpriced. I don't think a sleeping bag costs a fucking thousand US dollars.

I was about to give the man a yelling before Pairo put a hand on my shoulder and took over, "Sir, this is too expensive. You're overcharging my friend here."

"Yeah, what's it to you, brat?" The jolly fat man with a charming disposition said to Pairo.

"How about forty-five thousand Jenny for everything? That should be a fair price for this equipment," Pairo said evenly, his face neutral and impassive. I was beginning understanding Pairo always had absolute control of himself and the situation he was in, but the only ones that knew that were Pairo and me. And I only knew because this was the second time in less than an hour.

The shopkeeper scoffed. Not even bothering to be reasonable, "Tch, get your asses out of here. Scram! I don't need you guys to buy nothin'," The man said, very professionally and charismatically. I'm surprised he didn't get customers by the droves, with his customer-focused attitude and all.

I looked on, curious what Pairo would do next. The teen didn't even flinch or look perturbed.

"That is unfortunate. I believe the Mercutio would like to have a word regarding your improper manners. But no need to get the Mafia involved. I'm sure the police would like to hear about a merchant discriminating based on our background. The several laws you're breaking regarding the selling of volatile and corrosive liquids to the public without a license, however, are far more severe. To say nothing of the improper handling and containment of it," the brunette teen blasted the man with talk-fu so hard the man looked confused and disoriented.

I looked at the corner where I bought some kerosene. Before that area was fine, but now it was leaking all over the place without pause. That definitely wasn't like that when I got here. Not only that, but there were several other containers of noxious liquids leaking out. I could imagine safety inspectors salivating from that.

I turned to the young man, impressed.

"He's right ya' know, look at that. That shit ain't safe. I'm going to get the propa' authoritah, yessiree!" I said, slapping the table in front of me as I hammed it up as hard as possible.

The stall owner looked confused, then at us with anger, "You two did this. What scam are you guys pullin' here?"

I was shocked, shocked he accused us! But he had no proof at all so he could go suck it. Hell, I didn't even see Pairo do anything, and I was right next to him the whole time.

Pairo just kept verbally drilling the man at a normal speaking tone, impeccably neutral like the Terminator. Somehow the combination of it all was more intimidating than if he had yelled, "I do not know what you're talking about. Now, are you willing to sell us these goods at our agreed-upon price, or should we get the 'propa' authoritah?" the teen said amused, smiling and looking at me from the corner of his eyes.

"Respect our authoritah'," I said in my best Cartman voice as I did my best not to laugh like an idiot.


A few hours before sunset and we were done. I had a giant duffel bag of equipment like I fucking promised. There was enough camping supplies, food, cooking equipment, clothing, and chemicals here to make a soldier look under-equipped. All I need was Rambo's machine gun, and I'd be set for war.

We waited by a street near the shopping distract waiting for the car Pairo called to arrive. Silence hung in the air, the defining sound of the day between us it seemed. I was sitting on the curb with my bag full of everything, as well as eating an ice cream I bought like the giant two-year-old I was. While Pairo elected to stay standing, poised and dignified. Alright, not either of those things, but compared to me he was. He was eating ice cream too because he wasn't that mature to resist free ice cream.

Pairo was definitely an 'to each their own' kind of person. Not that I minded. I was similar as well, but it felt weird getting to meet another of Evira's kids and not really talking to them or bonding. I don't know, seems like if we're 'family' we might as well be familiar, right? So once again I tried to break the ice.

"So, does Evira have any 'Robins' that she's hiding?" I said out of nowhere like an idiot.

Pairo looked at me, confused. But he seemed to understand what I was getting at from context and shook his head.

Then silence spread between us as he looked away, going back into his bubble. Again.

Argh. This was irritating. He was like a brick wall. I'm usually the one who enjoys being silent, but this was stupid. I'm the adult here, right? Why did it feel like I was the little kid being led around on a shopping trip?

Maybe the fact I was greedily eating my vanilla ice cream like a fat kid who escaped from fat camp?

Nah, ice cream is awesome. Besides, I basically am a kid who escaped from a fat camp. Or, Hunter Exam camp.

I tried one last time, "So, how did you become part of the 'family'," that last word I said as facetiously as humanly possible.

"It was actually five years ago. I was saved from a... terrible event," Pairo said, his voice full of haunting sadness.

This time, he spoke! I wanted to put my arms up like a referee calling a successful field goal. But the subject matter did not agree with my silliness, so I withheld my stupidity and settled down.

"What do you mean?" I said evenly, but gently.

"I'm not allowed to discuss it, but you're 'family', aren't you? You should know," he said slyly.

I sighed, "I guess Evira didn't tell you who I am, huh? Or my backstory? Considering you weren't at the meeting?"

He shook his head, but continued to speak to my complete astonishment, "No, she didn't. She said you were a distant relative, by blood. While you do look like Flole and Evira… you're not related to them, are you? You aren't even familiar with the culture of this world, let alone this continent. And you're certainly not comfortable around someone who is supposed to be family. You aren't even from 'here', are you?"

We both knew what 'here' meant. God damn this kid was smart as shit.

I clicked my tongue in hesitation, thinking over what I was allowed to say and what I wasn't, "I don't know. I had some weird…voodoo...Nen... thing put into my head that makes it difficult to say things from where I'm from. I think the effect is gone, mostly, but the principle still applies. I can't say anything pertinent," I finished, vaguely and disappointedly.

Pairo seemed to understand my babbling as he nodded, his brown eyes like microscopes examining me, "I understand. I'm in a similar situation as well. I cannot reveal my background for fear of my life."

I nodded, "I get ya', but your situation sounds worse. I don't think I'll die if I tell anyone."

He frowned, his eyes far older than his teenage appearance, "You would be surprised. You cannot escape prejudice, discrimination, or evil; no matter what country, or world you escape to."

I mirrored his frown, "Ya' know, I'm pretty sure you figured out my background, but how? I look like any other person, I think. I even have weird colored hair," I said as I grabbed my curly, strange colored hair. I saw so many fucking people with weird hair that I was beginning to reconsider the idea that this world wasn't some anime.

Pairo laughed, "It wasn't too hard. You don't have any of the mannerisms associated with someone who lived in Yorknew City. You didn't greet anyone correctly, or even barter with any of the merchants we came across. Your accent is Yorbian, and but not one I ever encountered or read of. While it is obvious I'm not from here, the moment you speak and act is when you reveal your ignorance. This is why the camping supply seller knew we were foreigners. The obvious sign is the one you should be most worried about," he said as he held up a finger like a teacher.

I looked at him with annoyance. I know I asked, but it irritated me that I was being lectured by a kid ten years younger than me. Even if he is obviously a genius or something, "Yeah, what's that Jimmy Neutron?"

He chuckled, amused at my behavior like I was the child here, "It's obvious you're a tourist in a world you should know. You're a stranger in a city you should have lived in for years. You're curious about your surroundings, even when it should be common to you. And you keep referencing things that I've never heard of. I never heard of a Jimmy... Neutron? I gather he is someone intelligent?"

I started chuckling at the idea of Jimmy Neutron being real, "Yeah man...ppfft... smartest man from my world. Made a show about him and everything."

He shook his head in good humor, "I can tell you're joking, but I recommend you limit your 'outside' knowledge to people that know."

"Fair enough," I nodded, thankful to Pairo for pointing that out. Rather not get this world's XCOM involved. Considering what Hunters are, I don't want to imagine what that kind of group that would be like with Nen and superhuman bodies.

That was good point, though. The information Zelle uploaded into my brain was basic as hell. When I think about my 'background', it feels like I'm reciting something from second hand. Like I was recalling a biography from a history book twenty years ago. I didn't know anything, really, about the world. I hadn't experienced it. I would see something and understand it, but it wasn't instinctual or familiar at all. Like, vaguely I knew people haggled here, but I didn't bother with it because I never did it before. Ah, fuck. Similar to how Americans tip, but people from Europe don't since they pay their employees better.

Shit, exactly like a tourist. I'm a fucking tourist.

I huffed in frustration as I stood up while holding my duffel bag over my right shoulder. The car was a few blocks away, but traffic was slowing it down. It would be here in a few minutes. In the meantime, I turned to Pairo and asked him a question.

"Hey Pairo. Answer me something. I'm guessing you knew the existence of multiple universes for some time, right? So my background was simple for someone as smart as you to guess from my behavior. Going by that train of thought..." I left it be unsaid, since I knew Pairo was smart enough to guess what I was getting at.

He shook his head, "No, no one will figure out you're not from this world. I could only tell because of my association with Evira. Otherwise, you would only be a rather peculiar man. And all Hunters are eccentric."

That was good. Well, not the fact that every Hunters are eccentric. That's... that's... starting to become obvious from the Hunters I know. Oh boy... Gah, whatever! The important thing was I didn't want people to start questioning me during the Hunter Exam, "Ok, that makes me feel better. Another question: why didn't Evira bring you to the meeting if you're 'part of the family'?"

Pairo shrugged, "Why would she? She keeps her cards close to her chest. She has thousands of people working for her, not all of them loyal. While I am under her protection, I am not part of her 'organization', so there is no reason for me to know you're secret. I believe she only told a handful of people. I only know because I believe Evira wanted me to know, indirectly."

"Not really indirect for someone as smart as you. Might as well be painted on my face," I said, exasperated.

I turned to our ride. It pulled to the curb I had sat at minutes ago. The vehicle was black, even the widows, looking like an old-school BMW except not actually a BMW. It was… a DMW…

As I questioned whether or not I could maintain my cover in the face of the stupidity to come on my journey to the Hunter Exam, a mobster came out of the car. He had black hair and was in a black suit like the mobster he was. He opened the doors for us and bowed.

"Master Pairo, Master James. Please enter and let me take your bag."

I shrugged and dropped the bag into his arms. The moment it hit his arms, his eyes widened in shock as he stumbled backwards from the weight of the bag. I couldn't help but smile as he struggled to move the eighty-pound bag of equipment I had been lugging around one-handed. Damn it feels to be strong.

"You first, kid," I gestured to Pairo.

He nodded and entered. I entered after Pairo, watching the gangster from the tinted windows in the back seat of the car as he fought to put my bag in the trunk. He would have intimidated me my first day on this Earth. Now he couldn't even lift my bags.

"That was cruel of you, James," Pairo said, but the smile and amusement in his eyes told a different story.

"Eh. He probably gets paid well. Got to make him work for it," I said, shrugging.

Time to go home and rest. Tomorrow was the day I headed off to Zaban City.


The night went by almost too fast. I was half-awake all night from the excitement and anticipation of what would happen today. Tossing, turning, and wondering what tomorrow would bring. Yet, I felt rested. Weird.

Right now I stood in front of a black BM- excuse me, DMW on the curve of Evira's condo. I had my duffel bag, Stick, knives holstered under my clothing, and damn near everyone I knew from this world behind me.

I was wearing a three-piece suit that was similar to the one Flole and Evira wore. It was an incredibly dark, green suit that almost looked black if you took a quick glance and weren't paying much attention. Even the vest and tie was the same color. I looked like an agent from the Matrix and I hated it. The only thing I was happy about how I looked was my lack of beard; I had shaved it the night before.

I turned around. There was Mayer and his children, Flole, the Twins and Pairo. All standing there looking at me like I was going on vacation. All of them except the Maids had gotten here a few minutes ago. Clyde and Kalvin were chatting excitedly with Pairo, catching up from the looks of it. Mayer was standing as stoic as always, arms crossed and staring at me impassively. Flole was talking to the Maids about some work-related things that I had no idea about. Something about an auction.

Anyways, there stood my benefactors. The only people missing were Evira, Zelle, Panza, and half a zillion apes. But yeah...these were the people who got me ready for the Hunter Exam.

I stared at them with immense respect and gratitude. Even Flole and Pairo, the two I wasn't that close with.

I coughed awkwardly, similar to how Mayer would get everyone's attention. They all broke their conversations and turned to me. All of them were smiling, even Mayer who had a little smirk. He somehow knew I felt awkward at this moment. I hated having all eyes on me, even if they were friends.

I looked at the sky as I fidgeted in my spot, "Whelp...yup. This is it, thanksguyseeyallater!" I rushed as I tried to get into the car as soon as possible. I guess I hadn't completely gotten over my social anxiety.

Kalvin and Clyde pulled me out of the backseat of my car like I weighted nothing, "Nonono! You will not say goodbye like that, James!" the duo said in unision. They started tossing me up and down chanting 'Victory, victory'.

"Let me go! This is embarrassing!" I yelled in mid-air as they laughed their heads off.

Claudette was cheering as well, pumping her fist while cupping her mouth and chanting. Both Flole and Pairo looked on in amusement. Briannaisa looked at me with a different kind of amusement, enjoying my embarrassment.

I got tired after the tenth time being launched high into the air, so I decided to escape my torture. Twisting my body like a cat, I used what the twins taught me of acrobats to post my hand on Kalvin's head. I launched myself off him and landed on my feet in a crouch.

The twins looked at me with grins of respect. I guess they were happy I learned enough from them.

Mayer spoke up, "Do you have everything? It would be a tragedy if you trained all this time only to forget your Hunter Exam papers."

I pulled out my papers, as well as an id and passport that read 'James Tao Long'. Ragfragin' last name! Apparently, Evira had gotten me everything done while I was training in the mountains. I don't know how she got my picture though, especially since my face was different. Especially now that I had shaved too.

"Good. You will do well James, I am certain," Mayer nodded.

"No. I'm gonna' do more than well. I'm gonna' pass this," I said, with absolute confidence.

The group smiled and nodded, though I saw in their eyes a small shred of doubt.

I don't know what came over me.

I frowned as I picked up my duffel bag that fell to the ground when the twins picked me up. I tossed it into the back seat with one arm. I turned around to face the group, Stick in my right hand as I stood there like a soldier. They looked at me confused.

With the suddenness of a bomb going off, I slammed my right hand into my chest and roared, "Kalvin! Clyde! Claudette! Briannaisa! Pairo! Flole! And most of all Mayer! I will pass this exam and become a Hunter! No matter what it takes! I stake my life on it! On my former name of James Hartford, and to honor my borrowed name of Tao Long... I WILL PASS!"

I yelled those last three words at the top of my lungs, willing the group to feel the absolute certainty I felt. To have them believe in me as I believe in their training. My face set in steel, but I felt the emotion starting to well up inside me. My eyes became wet as I stared at the people who changed me. I closed my eyes, fighting the tears that threatened to spill out. I saw the memories flash through my mind.

More than three months.

Fifteen weeks.

One hundred and five days.

Two thousand five hundred and twenty hours of training.

Almost twenty-four hours of training, seven days a week.

Almost three years of training if broken up into two hours a day.

A nightmare I hope to never again endure.

All the pain. All the work. All the struggle. I refused to let their training and my efforts go to waste. I didn't have much pride or confidence before, but now I had a whole hell of a lot of it now.

I felt a massive hand land on my left shoulder. My eyes opened to reveal Mayer, smiling proud. His eyes burning with the same belief I had in my heart. I turned to see the others. They had the same smile that Mayer had, and the same burning belief in me.

My smile could have powered all of Yorknew City. With all the passion in the world, I clenched my fist and punched the air with all my will, my friends and mentors doing the same.


After the exciting kickoff days earlier, this was boring.

I'd like to say my trip to the Kukan'yu Kingdom was filled with adventure, intrigue, romance, drama, excitement. But...

It was boring as hell! All I dealt with was tourist shit like waiting on line, sitting on my ass, and a hell of a lot of mosquitoes. Some asshole tried to get into my duffel bag while I napped, and I tossed him out of a bus window. That's the most eventful it's been. The trip has gone like this:

My boat trip to the western side of the country was uneventful. I choose not to go Dolle Harbor, where I think everyone from Yorbia was going. I heard there was a big storm that was hitting around that area. I rather not drown, thank you very much. Besides, if took that route, I'd be cutting it close to taking the test. I didn't want to show up right on the day of the exam. Besides, land travel is faster than sea travel.

So I took another route to the port city called Jabotao. From there I took a bus to the center of the kingdom and then a taxi to my shortcut to the exam: the city of Cayo. In Cayo was the Royal Kukan'yu Station. It connected the entire continent together and had a train that went directly to Zaban City.

I could have flown…but I've never flown before and I dunno. I didn't like the idea of sitting in a giant flying tube. Call me a chicken, but I enjoy being on solid ground.

The exam took place on Thursday and it was Wednesday morning. So I was making good time. The boat trip only took a day and half: and bus and taxi took the rest of the day to get here. The train to Zaban was only a three-hour trip, so I'd be there by three or four at the latest. The exam started at noon so I had a good day to rest. Man, this would be cake.

The only issue would be finding where the test would be in the damn city. There was nothing on the paper but a time and place. Assholes.

As my taxi pulled up to the station, I realized how big this fucking place was. It was a massive silver domed building that looked like an alien mothership. I counted thirty rails running through the station, but that was from the floor I was on. The building was a four-story train station with dozens of trains coming and going every few minutes. It was the largest train station in the world, and it certainly showed. I mean, this thing served the whole continent, so no wonder it was godly huge.

I exited my taxi. A duffel bag slung over my left shoulder, a wooden sword in my right, and a dream in my heart. The wind blew through my curly maroon hair as everyone looked at me in awe. My passionate eyes glaring at my competition as the world awaited me…

…Nah. Shit was busy as fuuuuuuuck. I was practically kicked out of my cab the moment the car's tires hit the curb. An elderly couple pushing past me and jumping into my car the moment my feet hit pavement. I would've been trampled on if I hadn't rushed out of the way. It was insane.

Hundreds of cars, buses, and vans were fighting for space on the curb like it was a special game mode in Twisted Metal: fight for mundane parking space, GO! People were running around fighting for cabs or jumping out of vehicles while saying their goodbyes to their loved ones as fast as humanly possible. A dozen people bumped into me while I stared at the madness happening all around me. Every single of one them falling to the floor or stumbling back because I weighed close to three hundred pounds with all the shit I had on me.

That's what they get for not paying attention.

Though, I was one to talk as I walked through the massive entrance of the train station like a man with shell-shock. Station employees were yelling and directing people to their gates. Or helping to move passengers' luggage on their carts like they delivering ER patients into life-saving surgery. Hell, even though the entrance was as big and vast as a football stadium, it was so packed with people that I felt claustrophobic.

I craned my neck up to see two giant golden statues holding up the roof of the train station. They looked like Buddhist monks or something, but with jacked muscles and fierce faces. I looked up in awe at the hundred-foot statues.

Breaking out of my reverence, I looked around for any signs of buying a ticket to Zaban City. There must of been thousands of people in this place. Even with my height it was hard to see above sea of people. I needed to find the ticket booth.

But then I saw a store filled with candy and decided to buy as much as possible. That seemed more urgent.

I haven't eaten sweets in months. Or, not enough sweets.

CANDY! CANDY!

The teller looked at me like I was insane. I realized I was holding five pounds of candy underneath each of my arms while actually saying, 'CANDY!' out-loud.

"Uhhh. Sorry about that, I've been deprived of sweets for three months. All I've been eating is delicious, nutritious food. But it's not the same, ya know? I mean, yesterday was the first time I had ice cream in months. It was like sex, it was amazing! I must feed my sweet tooth," I babbled to the young teen behind the register.

He looked at me like an idiot. He didn't care about my plight at all, "Yeah, that'll be..."

I ignored him as I took out my black debit card with practically infinite funds. I still had like, ninety-five thousand dollars worth of jenny on that card.

He shoveled the candy into an enormous plastic bag, and he triple bagged it too. He then handed it over to me, which I took like it were the meaning of life. I nodded at the teen and left to find my train, eating candy like a child.

To my complete and utter sadness, most of these candies sucked. It tasted like Halloween filler candy! Some of it was good like the...sigh...ChocoRobo-kun chocolate balls. What kind of person names candy like that? Whatever. I still ate a lot of candy, far too much of it; but I didn't even make a dent in the bag.

My friend back on... old Earth? Well, he was an MMA fighter and used to binge eat after training for months for a fight. He said he couldn't control himself after being so strict with his diet. Like he just needed to eat, especially sweets. I never understood, until now. I now know his pain.

After wandering around, fighting my urge not to keep eating candy, I finally found the ticket tellers...and there was a massive line to the Zaban City ticket kiosk. It wasn't even spitting out tickets though, instead, there was a sign that said 'HUNTERS! LINE UP HERE!'

I sighed and got on the line that was more than a few hundred strong. I was behind a fat man in white long-johns (what is wrong with this world?) and blue tabard or an incredibly oversized shirt with a belt over it. A man dress as I now shall call it. He also had a bag that looked like a purse, I guess to keep is equipment. He had a bulbous nose and brown hair with a square haircut. He had a pleasant smile on his face.

The man turned around, almost like he knew I was checking him out. The top of his head didn't even reach my chin, so he had to turn up to look at me. He smiled sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head, before speaking to me, "H-hello there. My, you're a tall one! Here for the Hunter Exam, are ya'?"

I raised an eyebrow at my fellow line waiter, "Yup. This'll be my first time."

"Oh wow, a rookie huh? Seems like there's a lot of you guys this year. Hi, my name is Tonpa. Nice to meet you!" He said with a warm smile as he extended his hand for a shake.

I gave the man a smile back. Something was... off but I couldn't quite place it. I ignored it for now and shook Tonpa's hand "Nice to meet you too Tonpa, the name's James."

He noticed the black leather gloves and the rest of the attire I was wearing. His eyes opened wide. I wore the gloves to hide the mark on my hand, "Wow," he placed the back of his hand against his mouth, as though whispering a secret, "Are you some kind of gangster or something? Don't worry, I can keep a secret."

I looked at him oddly, "Maybe, maybe not. I don't know if that's the kind of question someone should be asking when they first meet someone."

His eyes opened wide as he put his hands up like I was going to beat him up or something, "You're right! Pardon my rudeness!" he bowed shallowly before rising up and rubbing the back of his head, "Though, I guess if you were a gangster you wouldn't want people to know, huh?"

I sighed. I don't know why, but it felt like every person on line was my enemy, regardless of how nice they were, "Guess so. Let me ask you something: you called me a rookie, this isn't your first time doing this right?"

He nodded with a smile, "Yeah, heh, I've been doing this for a long time. Never managed to pass it, though. I always had bad luck, and I'm not in the best of shape either, hehe," Tonpa finished by patting his tubby belly.

I chuckled at his self-deprecation. He was out of shape. I guess anyone could take the Hunter Exam, right?

Staring at Tonpa made me realize I was being a bit paranoid. Maybe not everyone was out to get me. Well, not yet anyway. We weren't even at the exam site yet.

Clicking my tongue, I looked up at the slowly shrinking line. A kid with silver hair, almost white in fact, was led to a small door before disappearing like the rest of the other candidates. I pointed it out to Tonpa.

"What's going on here anyways? Why are we being led to that door to buy tickets?" I said with a frown on my face.

He looked at me for a minute before talking, "I guess you wouldn't know, being a newbie and all. Millions of people try out to be Hunters, with only a few hundred ever getting to the Exam itself! The Hunter Examiners can't screen all applicants. So to get rid of most of them, they have prescreening ahead of the main exam. They hire thousands of people to judge and eliminate candidates during their trip to the Exam."

I whistled, "Damn, millions? I guess that makes sense doing it this way. It'd be impossible to judge millions."

"Well, millions is probably an exaggeration, but not by much. Most people give up long before they even make it halfway," Tonpa said, nodding his head like a sage.

I decided to pick the man's brain. It might be useful, "So, what do you think they're doing in there to screen the applicants?"

He rubbed his chin in thought, "From my experience, they will probably question us on something. The truthfully, I don't know what. I recommend answering with what they want to hear, that's usually the best strategy," he said seriously, pointing a finger up for attention, while splaying his other hand.

I nodded my head. That made sense. It's not rocket science. I mean, you take a test you give them the correct answer.

We didn't talk much after that as the line slowly shrunk. After maybe twenty minutes we were the next two up. As the man before Tonpa was led away from the line, my new acquaintance pulled something from a small bag slung around his shoulder. They looked like two orange cans of soda of some kind.

"Whelp, good luck James! I hope you pass the pre-screening test," he stuck out his hand, offering me one of the drinks, "Let's have a toast to friendship."

I smiled at his gesture, but reluctantly raised a hand, "Thanks Tonpa, but I ate a bunch of candy and I don't want to upset my stomach with any more sweets."

The man frowned, but pushed the soda can into my hands, "Don't worry about it. Think of it as a gift."

I was touched. I barely knew the man, and he had already given me advice about the Exam and was now offering me a free drink. I smiled, putting Stick into my duffel bag and grabbing the drink from Tonpa. I stored it into my bag, along with the rest of my bag of candies. I had been carrying with it my pinky and ring finger this whole time.

"Good luck, Tonpa. I'm sure I'll see you in Zaban City," I nodded to the man as they led him off to parts unknown.

He nodded back and smiled, "Good luck to you, James," as he followed the train station employee.

I stood there in front of the line for five minutes before an employee came to me, "Sir, may I see proof that you're taking the Hunter Exam?"

I nodded and pulled out my Hunter Exam papers from my back pocket and showed him. The man nodded and led me away, deep past the gates and through the doors all the Hunter candidates had disappeared into. He led me past even where the people were operating and controlling the rails for the station, way back into a maintenance area. I felt like I was about to be jumped or shot in the back of my head.

But right as my nervousness reached the point that I was about to throttle the man for information, he stopped in front of a room and told me to enter. It was a white, metal door that was the same as all the other doors here. It even said 'MAINTENANCE' on it.

I shrugged and entered the room. I expected something crazy like a whole number of people judging me. What I got was a bare, large maintenance closet. With a man lazily reading a book at a flimsy, metal table, looking bored out of his mind. Save for said table, the only thing in the room were two chairs at the table, and an assembly of pipes, electrical boxes, and some maintenance equipment like toolboxes and brooms behind him. There were two doors on either side of the wall behind the man. I heard and felt the vibrations of the passing of trains. We were right next to the tracks.

The hell? Did they run out of money for this exam or something?

I shrugged as I looked at the man in front of me. He was youngish, probably around my age, but... The first thing that stood for me man he was pale as fuck. Like on your deathbed, pale. He had short black hair with a skunk streak down the center of it that looked like a swirl. Also, that hair had a major case of bedhead. His eyes had dark shadows around them, like he never slept in a day of his life. For some strange reason, he wore black pajamas with generic white cartoon ghosts on them. Even stranger, he had a conical cardboard birthday hat on his head. It said 'Congratulations!' on it.

I felt like I was being mocked for some reason...

He looked up from his book to see that I was staring at him in confusion. The ghostly man sighed and pulled a white notecard from the book he was reading. I guess he was using it as a bookmark? He placed the card in front of his face like an old man without his reading glasses would and began to read it. He droned on in a voice that was a low, monotone and exhausting to listen to. The sleepiest voice I ever had the displeasure of hearing.

"congratulations on making it this far hunter candidate. all you must do now is answer a simple multiple-choice quiz and you can move on to zaban city. you will have ten seconds to answer. please answer with the number one or the number two. please raise your hand when you are ready to answer. any other answers other than one or two will be de-de-sorry, there's a smug on the paper." he said, my energy-zapping away from hearing the physical manifestation of sloth speak in front of me.

My jaw was gaping at two things: How is this Mr. Corpse Bride here an examiner? And why does he need a notecard to remember a speech he's probably been repeating for hours?!

"i think it says 'deemed' yeah, deemed. ok, so any other answers other than one or two will be deemed incorrect and you will be disqualified," he looked up at me with a tired look. then he yawned…

Fuck my thoughts are starting to sound like his voice.

I shook my head and slapped my face a little to fight the effects of his infectious narcolepsy, before turning back to him and finding the man asleep. His head laid against the table, snoring softly.

I squinted at the man in outrage before kicking the table. He woke up with a fright. He looked around, confused, until he saw me and realized where he was.

"oh. sorry about that. i guess you'll be the last candidate i'll screen. im really sleepy today," he said as he yawned, stretching his arms over his head as he started to fall asleep. Again. Mid-stretch.

I wanted to scream.

I kicked the table again and he continued where he left off, without missing a beat.

"ok, so you're question is this: a terrible villain with a vendetta against you has kidnapped your mother and your father. he will only kill one, but you get to choose who lives. select the number one to save your mother, or the number two for your father," he said as he presented the number of choices with his fingers.

then he began to count down from ten... I MEAN HE BEGAN TO COUNT DOWN FROM TEN.

Damnit, I wasted a second. My first instinct was to pick number two, but I squashed that immediately. Rushing to pick would be the stupid thing to do.

The problem was that there was no right answer to this question. I mean, the right choice for me was my father. But that was because of my issues, not sane logic. This was a sadist's choice, one that was impossible to satisfy.

I thought back to Tonpa's advice: What did the examiner want to hear?

I looked up from contemplation to find the man fucking asleep, while somehow still counting with his fingers.

Fuck this world.

I only had five seconds left, and I didn't know what to do! I hated my mother and would be satisfied with her leaping into a dark pit, but I knew that was wrong, morally and ethically so. I wouldn't pick that in any real situation either. But I also would never even pick my father, and knowing him he would ask to be picked. I would honestly save my father, despite his protest. But still, that was incorrect! I couldn't sacrifice one person just because I favored the other. They still both were people. Right?

FUCK! What was the god damn answer?! I only had three seconds to answer. Fuck this Morton's fork bullshit! Morton could eat a dick!

I could see his third finger slowly falling down as adrenaline pumped through my veins. My body willing my mind to find a solution to this, honestly, impossible situation.

Honestly...honesty...honest...

I looked at the man who was wearing anything he wanted, sleeping in front of me without care, obviously not wanting to do this job. I studied him. He was absolutely honest about who he was. Was that the right choice? Maybe silence was the right choice? What was it? Damnit!

His fingers were down to two. Two seconds.

As his finger dropped down to one, I was still at a loss as to what to say. I clenched my teeth and balled my fists in frustration.

I decided

I shot my hand up in the air.

"yes?" he said, his body still sloped over in sleeping position, head face down on the table. His lone finger being held up in the air like he was asking for the check at a restaurant.

How the fuck did he see me raise my hand?

I sighed. That's not important right now.

"I pick number two. My father. I would save my father," I said, angrily.

He raised his head and looked at me impassively, studying me with his tired eyes, "and why is that?"

I sighed and said the truth, hoping it would be the right answer, "Because I love my dad and hate my mom."

He looked at me for a moment, studying my face before sighing and turning his head down to his book, "you may pass. take the door on your right."

A large buzzing sound rang out from the door on my right. I looked at the man and hesitated, "That's it, I passed?"

The man looked up from his book, tired eyes gazing at me impassively, "go, shoo," was all he said as he waved me away like a fly.

I sighed and walked through the door. What I saw was a sharp right that lead down a long hallway. I followed it until I found another door. I opened it to find myself standing out on the train tracks. It looked like I was in an abandoned area of the train station. It was dark, damp, and sketchy looking as all hell. There was graffiti on one of the cement walls, with the wall itself cracked and damaged. I felt like I walked into the wrong-part-of-town's wrong-part-of-town.

I looked around to see a bullet train on my right with a man waving at me from the shadows of the tunnel. It was an old model from my point of view, but it was brand new in 1999 time. It was round and fat, with the roof of the thing wide and flat. Strangely there were no electrical wires above the vehicle that I knew a bullet train usually had. I shrugged and let go of the door, letting it close behind me. It locked with an audible 'click'. I turned around to find there was no door handle. Fuck.

I sighed in frustration and walked over the tracks to the train's back entrance. The man was standing against the door looking like a conductor: blue hat, blue uniform, white gloves. I don't know what else to say, pretty standard stuff. Yet, that was enough to trigger the Thomas the Tank Engine theme to start playing through my mind. The man gestured me to enter through the door at the back of the train car. I did as motioned, as I fought to forget the stupid tune.

My eyes opened as wide as they could the moment I entered the train car. This train was fucking packed. I had to push my way through a bunch of people who thought they were tough shit. That was until I moved past them like I was a rugby player who had the ball and was inches away from scoring. I was still annoyed at the question I had to answer a few minutes before. So I did the reasonable, the adult, and the logical thing to do: I took it out on people. Some poor fool tried to push me, only for me to check him with my shoulder and send him sprawling on to the floor. After that, moving through the dozens upon dozens of people standing in the aisle became a little easier. Assholes.

I finally managed to find an empty seat in the in the back of the next car over, to my right. It was next to the silver-haired kid I saw earlier. He was staring out the window, his chin propped up on is his hand. I was surprised no one else was sitting here, but I shrugged and sat down.

The moment I did I frowned. I felt a weird sensation. Like I might be close to death or maybe in extreme danger. It wasn't anything like the apes I fought, more of a warning. Hell, even Clyde's was stronger: his I felt when he got mad at the leopard. I was really confused, turning around in every direction to find the source of the said feeling. I finally found it at the seat right next to me. Literally sitting right beside me.

It was the boy glaring at me from the corner of his eye with cold murder. He had the eyes of a killer. He wanted me to leave the seat.

Hell no.

The only rule of public transportation: you only give your seat up to old people or pregnant women. I don't think either of them were taking this exam.

Who the hell did this kid think he was? I sneered at him, my top lip curling and revealing my teeth like an old school mobster. Fuck this kid, I ain't standing for three hours holding my bag, nya' yeah see, nyaaah? With all the shit I dealt with last week, hell three months, he could shoot lasers from his eyes and I still wouldn't care.

Ignoring the kid, and finally enjoying a moment to relax, I dropped my bag between my legs and sighed in relief. I placed Stick between my crotch as I struggle to fit my long legs in the tiny leg space provided for me on this stupid train. Fucking tall-people problems.

After a few minutes I managed to scrunch my legs up into something resembling a comfortable position. But in actuality, not even remotely, close to being comfortable. This trip was more mundane, boring, and needlessly aggravating than for my liking. I opened my plus one duffel bag of HOLDING (TM) to grab some food. I had a sandwich that Claudette made for me that'd hit the spot right now.

I could feel the kid put more of that weird atmosphere Clyde used on that Sabertooth Snow Leopard to turn it into a god damn kitten. Still not strong enough kid! I felt the world shake with Clyde's. Compared to that, this was cake.

Oh, and the fate of Mr. Kittie Cat? They lured the kitten behind the barn. Then they beat over the head into unconsciousness, snapped its neck, turned into meat, and we all ate it. I kept is pelt as my rug. The end.

Pfft... Nah, the twins took her in. It was a girl, much to my surprise and embarrassment. I guess it should be called Ms. Kitte Cat? Anyways, Mayer told me he had a headache dealing with the Twins begging him to keep it. Then Briannaisa started begging too. Then the three of them realized they were adults, didn't need Mayer's permission (Mayer told them that too), and so they decided to keep it. It now resides in Yorknew City, staying with two oversized toddlers and a (much to my surprise) cat obsessed Briannaisa.

These were the people that trained me. Yessssssirrreeeee. Insane giant man/womanbabies. Seeing who they really were is jarring, to say the least.

I sighed as I was snapped out of my thoughts by the kid's constant glare that was getting stronger and stronger. Just as it was getting unbearable, I turned to the kid and snarled, "Look kid, I'm not happy with my seating arrangements either," I presented exhibit A, B, and C: my cramped legs (and nuts, but I ain't tellin' him that), "but I ain't gonna' bother you and I know you don't want to bother me. So let's just pretend the other doesn't exist and go on our merry way, capeesh?"

The kid looked at me, eyes wide with surprise. He really was a kid, probably no older than twelve or thirteen. His head was covered in a giant ball of wild silver, almost white, hair. His eyes were light blue and he was wearing a white v-cut shirt with a dark navy, long-sleeve shirt underneath. He had grey shorts on during the winter… but it was warmer on this continent than Yorknew City during January; so that wasn't too unusual. He had brownish boots on, with a weird white design covering them. The only thing that he had with him was a skateboard, propped up against the wall next to him, for some reason…

I sighed, feeling bad about telling off a little kid even (if that glare was any indication) one that was probably close to Clyde's strength. I didn't care how strong he was. All I cared about was resting and relaxing for three hours.

I pulled out the bag of candy to get to the bottom of the bag where my pastrami sandwich was being held. I hesitated when I realized I'd probably have to eat all the food the Claudette gave me if I ate that sandwich. Wait, would I? Fuck, I don't know if she put her Nen-thing into the sandwich. I have a cellphone, but the only number on it was Evira. I'm not calling Evira to ask if her daughter Nenned my sandwich up.

My face turned sour as I realized the predicament I was in. I could eat it when I was somewhere safe, but not here. Damn it! I guess I'll eat some candy.

I suddenly felt a different, more powerful gaze, land on me as I opened up my bag of candies...

My head turned to see the boy staring at my bag of candy like it was the Holy Grail. My first instinct was to hide the candy like Gollum from the Lord of the Rings, but I felt bad for telling off the kid. Rolling my eyes, I shifted the bag towards him.

"Here, you want some?" I said, reluctantly.

The boy looked at the candy with a shine in his eyes, before looking back at me with a squinting, suspicious look, "What kind of game are you playing mister?"

I looked at him, confused, "What are you talking about?"

"Maybe you're trying to poison me, or kidnap me? Are you some kind of weirdo who steals kids, mister, to do terrible things to them?" he said with a very unchildlike smirk.

"What?! No! Screw you, kid! You know what, I'm taking back my candy!" I said, like an angry child, turning my body away from him and shielding my candy from the kid.

I started to chomp on a Chocoball when I heard the kid speak up behind me.

"Wait! I'm..." I heard him mumble something. I knew it was an apology.

I turned my head to him with a raised, dismissive eyebrow. My top lip curled.

"What, speak up? I can't hear you over CHEWING MY CANDY!" I roared, annoyed I've been called kiddie diddler twice in a week. I felt like Holden Caulfield, the only pure adult in this phoney world. I can't be nice to kids? What the fuck?

He was staring at me, his cheeks puffed up in anger. His eyes bright with childlike want. I glared back into his eyes, pettiness in my eyes. I can be childish, too.

For I am, secretly, the biggest child of them all.

The battle of wills intensified as he tried to use his childishness and weaponized adorableness as an evil weapon to pry my candy away from me without a proper apology. Nope. My will was built from years of Detroit RAGE AND HATE. HATE. LET ME TELL YOU HOW MUCH I'VE COME TO HATE YOU SINCE I BEGAN TO LIVE.

He looked away as his lips flapped, barely saying something through clenched teeth.

"Huuuuh?" I asked, my lip hanging high as a sail on a ship as I slowly moved another Chocoball toward my mouth. I'm pretty sure I resembled a donkey. That was the breaking point.

"Alright, fine! I'm sorry I called you a weirdo. Now can I have some candy?!" the boy said as he could barely restrain himself. Ready to leap over me and take my bag of candy in desperation.

I laughed both in victory and satisfaction. I opened the bag in front of his eyes, his mouth slack jawed at the ten pounds of candy I had. He started grabbing any and all chocolates first, devouring them like the little monster he was.

"Jeez kid, slow down. You'll choke or something!" I said, actually worried he'd choke.

"Do't worry, mshter. I cashn eat a lot of candsih," the boy said through a mouth full of chocolates spilling out of his mouth.

I actually felt disgusted watching the kid go to town on the candy. I grabbed the soda can Tonpa gave me from my bag and gave it to the kid, "Don't talk with you're mouth full! Here, Jesus Christ. Before you choke, I'm serious!"

The way he ate was like he hadn't eaten anything in a long time. That or he really liked candy.

He took the soda, popping it open and took a swig. His eyebrow popped up in surprise, before shrugging and swallowing and giving a big sigh. The silver haired boy looked at me with amused, but serious eyes, "Thanks, mister. Though if you're gonna' try and poison me, you're gonna' have to do better than that."

I rolled my eyes. This kid and his jokes, "Yeah, yeah. I'm a 'creepy adult', eat the rest of your candy. I hope you choke on it now," I said dismissively.

But the kid looked at me in confused, as though not understanding how I was being honest. I slowly grew confused as I realized he wasn't kidding, "Wait, what the fuck?! Are you serious?" I stared at the soda can in horror, then at the kid in worry.

"Yeah, there's something in this drink, though I don't know what it could be. My guess would be some type of laxative. From the taste, probably something powerful too," the boy said as he smacked his lips like he hadn't a care in the world.

I nearly shot up out of my seat, "Are you serious?! Oh shit!" I yelled, a hand on my head from worry. What if I accidentally killed this kid, "Oh fuck, we need to get you to a hospital or something! What are you doing, stop drinking that?!" I said in horror as he drank some more, his eyes filled with amusement.

My hand shot out and tried to grab the can from his hand, only to find him to be way stronger than me. I still fought back, trying to get the soda out of his monster grip. It lasted all of two seconds before the soda was crushed by the combined force of our super strength.

"Why'd you do that?! I was drinking it!" he said, half genuinely annoyed and half fucking with me.

"I can tell you're strong and all, but you can die from laxatives, especially at your age. You'll...uh...poop yourself to death," I said, remembering he was a kid and I had already cursed several times.

He started laughing at me, "You're stupid, mister. You really think I'd keep drinking it if it could affect me?"

When the boy finished his laughing, he turned and looked at me with dead serious, half-lidded eyes, "I've taken worse."

I gave the kid a flat, annoyed look. I could tell he wasn't lying, but he was trying too hard to sound badass. And I was genuinely concerned for the kid, so for it to be thrown back in my face like that was annoying. Also, I was tired of everyone half my age being some kind of prodigy or monster. Or both, "Pfft, stop trying to act cool. You ain't shit. I bet you just stopped wetting your bed, Q-tip," I finished as I pointed at the ball of whitish hair on his head.

He looked at me with shock and annoyance. I greeted his expression with a huff of annoyance as I rotated my self to face forward, "Eat the rest of my candy if you want. I don't care. Jeez, that's what I get for showing a little consideration during the Hunter Exam."

I crossed my arms and closed my eyes, readying myself to sleep my way into Zaban. I was tired lately. Not physically, but mentally. I guess the psychological effects of not sleeping for almost three months was hitting me. Hard. Everytime there was a lull or a time I didn't need to be alert, I felt sleepy. I slept through most of my trip, that's why I almost got robbed in the first place. So I tried to drift off into the sweet arms of Morpheus. Take me now sweet sleep…

But it would never come. I could tell the kid was staring at me. He was chewing loudly with his mouth open.

I opened my right eye and stared at the kid through the corner of my eye. He stared back at me, purposely acting as innocent as possible.

After five minutes of this I growled, "Why are you bugging me, kid? I gave you candy, do you really want me to leave this seat?!"

"Yes!" he said in like a child demanding a toy.

"NO!" I said finally as I closed my eyes and turned away from as I tried to force myself into dreamland.

"You're a weird one, mister, and kinda stupid too. What's your name?" the boy said from outside the blackness of my eyelids.

I sighed, defeated. I hung my head dramatically as I turned to the kid, "My name is James. What's yours?"

"Killua. So you're gonna' take the Hunter Exam too?" Killua said between chewing on candy.

"Yeah. Should be a straight shot to Zaban, then I just got to find the Exam site."

"Yeah, but this train isn't going directly to Zaban" he shrugged, "We went through the right door, which is the door they use for people who answered incorrectly. That's the tougher route. This train is probably going somewhere else," Killua said nonchalantly, as he licked his fingers of chocolate residue and nonchalantly moved on from that major point.

I nearly shot out of my seat, talking myself into denial, "No. No? No! No, that's impossible! We answered the question, the guy said we passed!" I said, desperately warding off reality, even though I could tell Killua was being completely honest.

"Nah, he said we could 'pass', not if we passed. You had to have heard it yourself. If I had to guess, they're not supposed to reveal the correct choice. Besides, I could tell by the dirt on the floor that fewer people passed through the left one than through the right," the white-haired boy lectured, while simultaneously waving a chocolate bar around.

I rubbed my face with my hands, trying to will reality into giving me a break, "That would make sense. Yeah, that would make a lot of sense… there would be more people who failed then passed."

Killua nodded his head happily as he did not quit eating my chocolate. God damn it, now I was starting to get annoyed.

"Yep. Like I said, you're kinda stupid. And too trusting," the silver haired asshole said without hesitation, cheerily too.

I sneered at the kid, "Yeah, hows that?"

The kid pounded his chest, throwing his head back as he forced more candy down his gullet like a pelican devouring a fish, "Someone gave you that drink, didn't they?"

My eyes shot open before growing enraged. Fucking Tonpa. That sleazy piece of shit. In all the excitement I had forgotten he had given me the soda. Killua's nonchalantness, and his relentless need to keep busting my balls didn't help either.

"I'm gonna' kill that piece of shit Tonpa. Especially since he could have killed you or me…" I snarled.

"Huh. I'm alright ya' know. I trained against all types of poisons. It'd take more than that to bother me," the boy shrugged.

I looked at him, half in shock and half upset, "Still, he was trying to get me to drink that and crap my brains out. And even if you're fine, it's the principle of the matter! You're still a kid, ya know?"

"You're a weird guy," Killua said, staring at me curiously.

I shrugged, "So are you, kid. But humor me, why do you say that?"

He replied with a shrug of his own, "You're stronger than the rest of the people here, but you act like you're just a normal person. Not like the rest of the guys here who are pretending to be stronger than they are and are just normal people. Any one of them would throw me off this train if they were strong enough to get rid of me, but you gave me a bag of candy and a poisoned drink," Killua said innocently, but I knew that last one was a jab at me.

"Yeah? Well you're a kid who is really a kid but is really freakin' strong, and smarter than he has any right to be. I'm positive you're stronger and smarter than me, so why did you get on the wrong train on purpose?" I shot back, annoyed.

He shrugged, "I dunno, seemed like it'd be more challenging."

My face was frozen in disbelief. Why is crazy attracted to me?

That's when the speakers blared to life with the voice of a high pitched, maniacal man, "Hellooooo everyone! How are you tooooodaaay! My name is Spaulo Forza and I'll be your conductor on this crazy ride! We'll be leaving shortly!"

The disembodied voice sounded like a radio DJ trying way too hard. He also sounded batshit crazy.

I stared up at the sky in confusion, like Job from the bible wondering what the fuck God was doing to him. I knew something bad was going to happen. I turned to see Killua excited. His eyes were like stars, a chocolate bar hung out of his mouth and his face smeared with chocolate.

"Man, can't you take this seriously?!" I roared at the boy as I slapped the candy bar out of his mouth with my right hand, only for him to casually catch the broken bar with his left and place it back into his mouth devour it with one bite.

"Fine!" was all I could say impotently, defeated.

Killua shrugged, "I don't know why you're so worried. Everyone here stinks, can't you tell?"

I looked around to see that everyone looked tough and menacing. Plenty of people bigger and far more dangerous looking than either me or Killua. One guy looked like someone out of the Predator movie, with green fatigues and a giant rifle strapped to his back.

But... yeah I didn't feel threatened at all. In fact, I hadn't been nervous this whole time. I guess this really was the trash train.

Fuck, what does that make me?

Choo choo

I sighed before speaking, "I guess you're right, but still. We should be careful, Killua. We don't know what could happen. This is part of the Hunter Exam after all,"

"Eh, can't be too bad. Oh yeah! Thanks for the candy and poisoned drink, James!" he said cheerily. Cheeky bastard.

"That wasn't on purpose, stop that!" I roared. This kid really knew how to get under my skin.

The lights in the cabin turned off and the emergency lights kicked in. I looked around, assessing for any potential threats. I turned to Killua, who was holding my bag of candy defensively, as though protecting it from any potential threats.

"Seriously Killua!?" I said, absolutely flabbergasted.

He stared at me like a cat protecting its kittens. I facepalmed. I knew he was half doing this on purpose to piss me off, and half because he was on a whole other level than either me or the other candidates. And yet, it was still working. He kept pissing me off.

It annoyed me when someone who was obviously competent and talented didn't take things seriously. I never had that luxury in life. It was doubly worse when a kid was better than me and acting like an idiot.

The speakers roared to life again, "Hello ladies and gentlemen! We're about to kick things off as we head off to Zaban City! But before that, I want to let you all know that you did not in fact answer the question correctly!"

Everyone in the cabin grew nervous. Silence fell over everyone. I, on the other hand, was growing aggravated since Killua was more focused on the candy then the issue in front of us.

"The answer to that question was ding, ding, ding, to stay quiet! But don't worry! I hate subtly! What we need is excitement and straightforwardness, yeaaah! Therefore, anyone who stays on this train will be given the location of the Exam site as well as how to access it! Yeaaah!"

Fucking disco music started to play as the red emergency lights flashed to green, then blue, then back to red; over and over again. All in time to the music.

"I'll get you to Zaban City A-OK! But I can't bring everyone to the party, so I'll only be bringing the people who manage to get to the first two cars at the front of the train! Every six minutes I'll be increasing the speed by twenty-four kilometers, but I'll also be removing a train car every six minutes as well! Starting with the last car in the back! There are twelve cars on this train so you'll have an hour until there are only two cars left!"

Except for Killua munching on candy, the train car we were in was deathly silent.

We were the eleventh car on the train. We only had twelve minutes to get out of here. And this thing was packed as tightly a can of tuna. And we were at the back of the car.

"I should let you all know that I am a Speed Hunter! That means I love to go fast, fast, fast! So if you think this little train ride will start slow, slow, slow..."

I turned to Killua, a giant grin on his face from excitement. He was beside himself with happiness at his decision to pick this fucking train.

"I hope this is fun, right James?!" Killua said with a huge smile. He was sitting cross-legged, his arms over the bag of candy as he grabbed his ankles; looking very much like a child.

I squinted at him, willing him to disappear from existence with sheer eyesight alone.

Then we blasted off at a hundred miles per hour.


Author's Notes:

Hey all! Hope everything is going well and continues to go well!

So, as we start dipping our toes into canon before jumping to the deep end of the pool, I'll take some time to give you the measure of how strong James is right now.

This took a few hours to calculate, but it's as realistic a progression I can get with James in a world that is blatantly anime. This is taking into account a top-tier Hunter as a Master in Mayer, and four training partners and teachers that are hunters as well. Almost no sleep or rest, Briannaisa's Fantasy Island ability, Claudette's Cooking Mama, and Flole's ability imbued into the Stick. Like you took a world champion's resources and no sleep and gave to some schmuck. So this is his stats before we kick off the Hunter Exam:

Drum roll please...

Badumdumdum...

Height: 6'2, or 188.98 cm he gained an inch that he lost from malnutrition for, like, 17 years, due to Cooking Mama.
Weight: 193 pounds or 87.54 kg

Bench: 930 pounds or 421.8 kg
Squat: 1250 pounds or 566.99 kg
Deadlift: About 1500 pounds or 680.38 kg
Grip Strength: Ridiculous. He could crush a metal pipe with his bare hands.
Standing Vertical Leap: 10.86 feet or a 3.310128 meter jump

40 yard dash: 2.56 sconds, so about 31 miles per hour at a dead sprint or 49.88 kmh. He can sprint for a while too, a few miles without stopping.
He can run 53 and a half miles or 86 kilometers at 20 miles per hour ( 32.18 kmh) with out stopping or resting. This was with all the weights strapped to him too. You would think it'd make him far faster, but no. It just gave him a lot more strength-endurance than pure speed. James is basically a pack mule now.

As for where he lands with the other four main characters (I ain't counting Hisoka, not because he isn't a protagonist of the series, but because he's stupidly strong) if every attribute was measured out:

Killua
Kurapika
James
Gon
Leorio

With Leorio being slightly superhuman, Gon blatantly and Kurapika and Killua ridiculously so. James is dead center, the Mario or Ryu of the group. He shines at nothing, but he has nothing to pull down the group. If anything, he probably has the most maturity and understanding of how the world works, being close to thirty and a shitty, shitty life. Even if he goofs around when he isn't in life threatening situations.

So awards are:

Most Mediocre: James!
Most Personal Magnetism: Gon!
Most Cunning: Kurapika!
Most Dangerous/Strongest: Killua!
Most Luck: Leorio!
Least Luck: James...

Until next time dear readers!