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Chapter Eighteen
Kylo watched as the last of the light cruisers sped off towards Geonosis.
General Jase had been quick with his word on communicating up to the troops on the Star Destroyer. A day later the light cruisers appeared. The smaller ships had landed smoothly around their choice of location on took the Supreme Leader and his troops and generals only a day worth of planning before they were prepared enough for departure. Kylo had been able to balance meeting with the troops along with staying by his wife's side.
He hadn't spoken much with her, Kylo didn't believe he was quiet yet ready to forgive her. Falynn had kept a secret from him, and even specifically instructed her handmaiden to do the same. Kylo didn't trust either of the two women and had not allowed them anytime alone together. Whenever Henne had inquired to be with her lady, Kylo had gone with her himself or sent a Stormtrooper to escort her.
Mayea the female doctor who had been attending to Falynn had been giving his wife regular treatments of medicine and care. For her younger age close to his and Falynn's Kylo was pleased to see how diligent she was and the proper amount of care she had given his wife. Whenever Mayea had gone in, Kylo had made sure he was in there with her each time to watch over the insertion of medicine, and rebandaging of Falynn's wounds. He was still in disbelief on how Falynn survived through so much blood loss. If he had trusted Falynn enough he would have been confident that Mayea would have been able to complete the recovery on her own, but he couldn't let his wife be alone.
Kylo hated the fact that his mistrust was keeping him there on Dantooine.
If he knew that Falynn would be mindful of her actions he would have gone to Geonosis and left her behind until she was well. The fact of the matter was that her actions were what kept them both on Dantooine. He was angry with her, more than he probably should be seeing how sick and injured she was. He was thankful that most times when he was by her side that the Empress remained asleep. Kylo never had to interact with her, but was still able to check in on how Falynn's recovery was going, and that the healing was on schedule.
He hated watching his troops depart without him.
Kylo trusted General Jase, perhaps more than any of his other officials.
The general took his work seriously and respected Kylo.
General Jase had come to Kylo the night before finding Kylo had locked himself in the small office of the farmhouse, after a quick visitation with Falynn. Kylo had been staring at Dantooine's holographic map mindlessly his thoughts distanced. Without being able to rest for the last few days Kylo's mind was nothing but a tired hazy maze. He had not laid down beside Falynn but had remained by her bedside before he had dozed off in the small wooden chair. Whenever he woke up his back ached and his muscles felt stiff. The General had knocked on the door, before entering. Taking notice of the holographic map he had arched an eyebrow but remained silent as he gave a slight bow to Kylo.
"My lord, everyone is ready to depart tomorrow morning," the general began then asked. "Was there any other preparations you would like us to attend to before tomorrow's journey?"
Not uttering a word Kylo only shook his head, the light from the map illuminating off of his pale skin. General Jase looked at the screen for a moment longer before looking at his leader. Clearing his throat he clasped his hands behind his back while taking a careful step towards Kylo.
"Pardon the intrusion," the General kept his voice neutral as he questioned. "Is there something bothering you, my lord? You seem to be lost in thought."
Kylo kept his eyes on the screen wordlessly, until he sighed and clicked off the holographic map "How far off was I in my plans? How badly did I fail?"
"You did not fail sir," the General's forehead creased as his brows furrowed. "The Resistance isn't far off. Their mission must have been minor. I am sure we will catch up. They don't have the tools to become too far ahead of us."
Kylo's hands now gripping on the control panel to the computer lowered his head.
"I want to go with my men to Geonosis," Kylo said quietly enough where he hoped the General wouldn't hear.
"You must stay by your Empress side," General Jase spoke with understanding. "We are not upset or disappointed that you are not joining us. No one would dare oppose or argue with the Supreme Leader wanting to stay by the Empress."
Kylo's fingers only curled into fist at the General's response.
"I will make sure to keep in steady contact with you, my lord," bowing deeply General Jase finished. "There is no reason for you to worry."
Kylo had only nodded before the General had left him once again in silence. Kylo wasn't sure how long he had stayed in the study, and only left when Mayea came to retrieve him. Kylo had followed her then stood by Falynn's bedside, and watched as she inserted a long syringe in her arm. Falynn's arm jolted from the puncture but she remained asleep. Her copper hair was damp along with her skin with little to no color on her face. Kylo felt sick as he looked down at her, hating to see her in this state and angry at why she was. Even though she looked to be in pain, he could not find it in himself to forgive her. Falynn was his wife, his Empress and in some way he had felt betrayed by her. Why hadn't she just told Henne that she needed the space. Why had she lied to Henne? Henne had explained that Falynn told her she was going to rest. The poor handmaiden herself seemed just as horrified and surprised at Falynn's disappearance as he had been. Kylo knew in the state Falynn was in it would be easy to pry into her mind, to receive the answers that he wanted. However, doing so would possibly slow down the healing process...or worse. Breaking into ones thoughts was not a pleasant experience, and a skill he often only used in torture for information.
As furious as he was he would not subject Falynn to that.
Kylo had stared up at the sky until the last light cruiser had gone out sight.
With a shuddering intake of breath Kylo turned back towards the farmhouse. Lifting his helmet that he had been gripping in his fist Kylo placed it back on his head, before entering the farmhouse. Henne was standing outside of the master bedroom hands clasped in front of her. She looked up at Kylo with a pleading look, to which he ignored as he walked past her opening the door.
He stopped midway in the entrance surprised to see that Falynn was now sitting with a hand on her head as she slowly sipped from a cup of water. Hearing the creak of the door open Falynn's head lifted her eyes lighting up, before her face darkened as her eyes met with Kylo's dark helmet.
"Have your troops left?" she asked her voice a bit louder than it was a couple of days ago, but still hoarse. Kylo only nodded. Falynn frowned as she asked. "Then why are you wearing your helmet?"
Even in this state, Falynn remained to be blunt and unfiltered.
Kylo didn't answer as he moved to the side of the bed and sat himself down in the small wooden chair he kept by her still looking glazed as she kept them on her husband Falynn took another sip of her water before setting the cup down.
Shifting her face away from him and to the doorway Falynn's expression became shadowed.
"Henne didn't do anything wrong."
Arching an eyebrow Kylo wondered how she even knew that her handmaiden was outside of the door. Perhaps she had been informed that Henne had stayed close by even when she wasn't allowed in the room without an escort.
Instead of remarking on her comment Kylo asked. "How are you feeling?"
"A bit sick to my stomach and with some head pains but other than that I am fine," she answered before laying her head back on the pillow. "You could have gone with them. I would have be fine-"
Kylo snarled as he cut her off. "Don't even start on that. That attitude of yours is what has gotten us both in this mess in the first place." Clasping his hands between his legs Kylo leaned forward. "I can't...trust you...not right now. Not until you tell me your intentions of going off on your own...what was the purpose of that?"
Moving her gaze back to him Falynn remained silent.
Kylo could watched as she swallowed down some air than tilted her back where she could only face the ceiling. "I didn't want to feel helpless. I wanted to try to do things on my own...I told you I was sorry and I mean it."
"Sorry won't bring back lost time," Kylo replied coldly as he stood up. "I will remove my helmet when I believe I can trust you again." Kylo walked to the door than turned around to say. "I would like not to wait two weeks before we head to Geonosis...I am glad to see that you are doing better."
Then Kylo was out of the room as something cracked inside of him.
Falynn watched as her husband silently left the room tears welling up in her eyes once again. Everytime she had woken up she had found herself crying. She wished that Henne was allowed alone with her, where she could confide once more with her friend. Her friend whose life she had endangered with her own stupid decisions. Falynn forced herself to sit up holding up her arm to see where a small bandage was now placed over the puncture. Falynn had no idea that she had been poisoned. Mayea who had been attending to her wound had explained that the creatures had been laigreks. Poisonous bug like creatures, whom often hunted in groups. The young doctor had guessed they had been locked away in that base for a long period of time, and were probably on the brink of starvation. On top of the poison Mayea also had to consistently re-bandage Falynn's wounds to prevent infection. Issues from her multiple injuries and poison was making this a longer healing process.
If she tried to move too much she would cause more strain and possibly lengthen the process. The realization had Falynn laying back down as she stared mindlessly up at the ceiling.
Kylo had placed his helmet back on.
He was going to hide himself away from her once more. Not that she knew she didn't deserve it, but it set something empty and hollow inside of her when she had seen him walk in the room with that damn thing on. Falynn was confused on why it mattered so much to her, when the reason she went off on her own in the first place was to locate the Resistance to go against what Kylo stood for.
However it did. Perhaps for many reasons
Falynn had never felt so much of a failure in her life.
Towards everything.
A tear slipped down her cheek until she heard a soft knock on the door.
Falynn didn't even bother to sit up as Mayea came into the room in her usual cream colored overcoat, her blond hair pulled back in a tight ponytail. Falynn's only response was to hold up her arm, causing Mayea to slightly chuckle before lightly holding onto her wrist.
"You seem to be in a better mood," the woman commented. "How are you feeling?"
Falynn only shrugged a shoulder. "I could be better. Not dead though so I guess that is a good sign to say the least."
"We treated you before anything became fatal," Mayea noted as she sat down in the wooden chair. "Surprise our lord is not in here. He seems a bit protective over you when it comes to your treatments. Watches me like a hawk."
Falynn only scoffed at this.
"I am sure he will inquire later," the Empress replied back as she steadied her breath feeling the large needle inserting itself in her arm. "How is Henne doing?"
"She always remains outside your door," Mayea answered slowly pulling out the syringe before quickly dabbing the spot with a damp cloth. "You shouldn't need any more insertions after tonight. Any poison left in you is now gone."
Falynn nodded but kept her eyes on the doorway.
Mayea didn't need to tell Falynn that Henne had not left her spot by the door. Falynn could feel her easily, and each time she did a wave of guilt rushed over her. It was her fault that her handmaiden was no longer able to be by her side without someone there with the both of them. She had apologized to her friend who had only smiled and said all was forgiven. Falynn did not miss the light that was now no longer lighting Henne's eyes. Something had happened to her while Falynn had been missing. Falynn hadn't been told but she knew that Henne had faced consequences for her lady's mistakes. Yet Henne remained outside of the door loyal as she ever was.
A deep empty pit grew in Falynn's stomach.
She had insulted Kylo for his selfishness. Made him a villain because of it when she herself was no better. Whether her venturing out had meant well, for what she thought was for a larger purpose she had been greatly mistaken. Sitting back up Falynn reached for her cup of water, and only shook her head when Mayea had offered to grab it for her. The doctor placed her hands in her lap and tilted her head to the side, before giving Falynn a small smile.
Arching an eyebrow Falynn set the cup down. "What is it?"
"You know you should really allow yourself to depend on others," Mayea simply said while standing up. "With all due respect, my lady, it would save you a great deal of time and a lot less heartache." Placing her hands in her pockets she gave Falynn a brief bow before heading out of the room.
Falynn watched after her for a moment then sighed and cursed silently to herself.
Cursed because she knew what the woman said was the truth.
Falynn had gotten used to the tough act, had gotten used to playing solo and fending for herself. So much that it had blinded her to reality. The reality that she was not strong enough to be on her own, even if she wanted to be. She had several more scars now forming on her body to prove such. However, Falynn didn't want to remain that way, but she wasn't going to get where she needed to be alone. Once Kylo had forgiven her...if he ever did she would ask him to continue to train her when he had the time.
The medicine that Mayea had given Falynn had begun to take its effect and quickly claimed her into unconsciousness.
The next week had seemed like it had taken light years before Falynn was starting to feel like her regular self again. By the end of the first week, she thought she would possibly die of boredom alone cooped up in the bedroom. She had asked if there were any books to read, a source of music, anything to keep her mind from aimlessly wandering. Each time she had been refused and told to go back to sleep and to get more rest, mainly from her husband. Kylo barely spoke with her, not even when he thought she was asleep. He sat by her bed silent as he hunched over quietly breathing through his helmet. Falynn had tried asking him where he was sleeping, or how he was feeling but he somehow always dodged the question with replies back such as.
"I have to go," or, "you should be resting."
Before getting up to walk out of the room, to come back hours later to sit by her. Henne on the fourth day was allowed to come in with Mayea. The female company was nice, and Mayea had allowed the two friends to chat. Falynn remained casual with her conversations asking how Henne was doing, had she been resting okay, that she was more than welcome to come and stay at the farmhouse. Henne had only responded with a smile and nod, but every night Falynn felt the absence of life from her handmaiden knowing she had gone back to the base. The truth of it stung her, and the fact she wasn't able to openly ask what happened destroyed her even more. Henne had been Falynn's only true source of light, and remained to stay by Falynn, but she knew she had damaged something in between them, or perhaps just inside Henne.
On day six Falynn was feeling well enough where she had propped herself up in the bed, and was able to comb through her hair and braid it. As her fingers were midway through one of her copper strands the door swung open. Falynn's raised her eyebrows at Kylo who paused before shutting the door behind him.
"Shouldn't you be laying down?"
"I am feeling better," Falynn answered as she quickly finished her braid. "Plus I don't think I can sleep anymore. I have slept almost nonstop for the last week. My body is feeling awake, and I haven't gotten out of bed."
Nodding Kylo went over and sat down in the small wooden chair his back a bit more straight than it had been in the last few days.
Noticing the posture Falynn inquired. "Were you able to get some sleep?"
As usual Kylo didn't answer, just tilted his head, as he did one of his examinations over her moving his helmet from her head all the way to the top of her head.
"I told you that I am fine."
"Excuse me for not believing you at the moment," Kylo retorted back.
Falynn fought the urge to roll her eyes, knowing it wasn't his fault for saying such things. "I told you that it won't happen again."
"But it did happen," he harshly threw back. "It did happen, Falynn. You can't erase that."
"So you are saying you are never going to trust me again?"
Leaning back slightly Kylo folded his arms and answered bluntly. "I don't know."
"Ren," Falynn began but Kylo held up his hand.
"Don't."
Falynn didn't argue knowing it wouldn't get her anywhere and for also realizing that she deserved this.
She never thought that once that Kylo had the helmet back on that it would hurt her this bad. That she would ache to see his face again. Perhaps it was because he saved her once again, but even so he was once again shutting her out completely. Falynn's eyes moved back to the door frame where she knew her handmaiden was standing outside once again.
"Whatever happens with you and me I want you to leave Henne out of it," Falynn turned to Kylo. "I know that I made a mistake, but Henne did not."
"She lied to me too."
"As I said before-"
"That she was trying to respect you," Kylo finished as he stood up. "I understand your compassion towards your companion. Don't worry about her...she had already faced her punishment and I allowed her to live. No harm will come to her."
Falynn's eyes narrowed unsure of what he meant.
"I suggest you get more rest," Kylo coldly ordered placing a hand on her shoulder and pushing her back down. "I have some work to do. I will come to check on you in a few hours."
Falynn watched as her husband made his way out of the room. She waited a bit more before she called out.
"Henne!"
The door creaked as Henne's head cautiously peered around the corner of the doorframe. Sitting up Falynn beckoned her in with her hand a smile. Henne only nervously peered down the hallway.
"It's alright," Falynn called out again. "Just leave the door open. It will be less secretive that way. It will only be for a moment."
It took Henne another minute before she decided to come into the room and to walk over before standing rigidly by Falynn's bedside her hands clasped uniformly in front of her. Falynn leaned back a little on her pillows giving Henne a weary smile.
"How are you doing, Henne?"
Lowering her head Henne let out a soft laugh. "That is a rather silly question to ask, my lady, when you are the one laying injured in a bed."
"I am healing quickly and well," Falynn replied, her face becoming solemn. "I am sorry for the predicament I put you through. I hope no harm came to you because of my errors."
Henne's hands moved to her throat, as she cast her eyes to the side but didn't say anything. Falynn watched the movements before her eyes widened realizing what had been done.
"He...he used his power on you?"
"I…-" Henne began and Falynn was out of her bed, hands on Henne's shoulder as she looked her up and down, before wrapping her arms around her handmaiden. "My lady?" Henne's voice sputtered out surprise. "You shouldn't be out of bed!"
"Henne, I was foolish! I was stupid and blind and because of that, Kylo Ren could have…-" A tear slipped out as Falynn buried her head in Henne's shoulder. "I'm so sorry."
A timid hand placed their hand on Falynn's back. "He didn't though, my lady,...so try to cheer up please...our lord...he cares for you." Falynn's head lifted up eyes now red rimmed as she looked at her friend.
"His helmet is back on," was all Falynn could reply.
"He came storming into the base looking for you," Henne explained her voice distanced as if she were back in the base remembering the event. "He was angry, but all he wanted to know was where you were. When he found out that I failed in my responsibility to protect you...he placed me in a temporary chokehold...but he almost immediately let me go. He had left his men to go look for the Resistance so he could search for you." Henne's hand dropped from Falynn's back. "When he brought you back, I have never seen him look…" Henne looked back towards the door frame. "My lady, I believe it would be best if I leave and for you to get some more rest." Stepping out of Falynn's arms Henne headed back towards the door. Placing a hand on the door frame the handmaiden turned to face Falynn. "You really should be more considerate of our lord, Falynn. There is much more to him than you give him credit for."
Falynn stood in silence as Henne shut the door, before clasping back on her bed. Henne had not been upset with her, because of her injuries, or her life being threatened. She had been upset with Falynn because of her disregard towards Kylo.
Kylo Ren had been the hero who had brought back his Empress. He was the man who had stayed by her side while still rallying his troops together, so they could take flight without him. All of it had happened because of her.
Even Henne had realized it.
Digging her fingers into the thick covers of the bed, Falynn was beginning who really needed to make the change.
