He was sure he would see her again. Theirs was not a farewell like so many others in which he saw his fallen comrades die.
She would always be there, immortalized not as something lifeless, but as a brilliant being that shines with every breath.
Somehow, he was certain she would come back to him. Someday.
The sound of the flying ship flooded his ears. The sky darkened outside, but inside, no one could remove the scorched smell from the nose.
"Now what?" asked Armin without waiting for a proper answer, in front of the window where you could see the dark clouds whose shadows, in contrast with the moonlight, drew figures on him.
"We keep moving forward," Levi said, looking at his hands.
"Now that you're back, you can rest." Queen Historia's words rang out between their confused faces.
He knew that none would be able to. Not for a while. They were destroyed, exhausted, drained. Not in peace. How to rest with mildness after something like that?
The candlelight barely illuminated the room. There was electricity, but no one tried to turn it on. Outside, tree limbs beat hard against the walls, the whipping wind the only sound. They were still silent when the first drops of rain began to fall.
On one side of the room, in the loneliest corner, Mikasa hugged her scarf with dry tears on her cheeks. Looked lost in her mind, like the last time he watched her on the way back to Paradis. Armin drummed a pencil on his head, trying to decipher the complexities of world politics as he wrote the next island statement. All his concentration on such a task, with no room for another thought.
Jean was lying on a sofa, defeated. Suddenly he dedicated furtive glances at Mikasa, but otherwise didn't seem to care of what happened around him. Connie ate from his plate without emphasizing anything else.
Historia fidgeted in the middle of the room.
"So what will you do now?"
Everyone really seemed to like asking that. Thousands of reporters after returning, the few survivors of the militia and now, the queen with pleading eyes to get something, even a glimpse of life from her former colleagues.
The rain intensified, reaching torrential power.
"I want a house." Levi broke the silence with his characteristic monotone.
Historia's blue eyes focused on him. He was in a wooden chair covering his bandaged hand firmly, face obscured by shadows.
"That is excellent! We can make it happen..." she observed him more closely, "after a visit to the hospital first, though."
Armin and Connie accompanied him on the journey to his new home. There weren't few looks of disbelief at the mention of wanting to live at the edge of the forest.
"And I want a lab," he declared one night as they walked among the new businesses, when he'd only been released from the hospital for a few days.
Levi took in the bright, luminous shop windows around him. The modernization of Paradis didn't stop even with the disaster. His walk was uneven because of the wound on his knee that, apparently, would never heal.
Mikasa shot him a questioning look, eyebrow raised.
"Ahh, that's fine, Captain. Do you have a project?" Armin was helping him with his buying for the new house.
"It's necessary to keep her sane."
"Her? Who…?" Mikasa stopped Armin taking his arm. When he looked she shook her head. Both nervous, they decided not to press.
Weeks later, Levi had another request.
"We have to go for books. The library must be big enough."
Of course, books weren't cheap, so the Captain planned to spend most of all his savings on them.
Connie nodded several times in succession while Jean scratched his neck.
"I wasn't aware that you were such a fan of reading?" asked Jean, and Connie widened his eyes nervously. Those days what was said to the Captain had to be well-thought-out, Armin had suggested. You never knew what he'd say next.
"When she sees them, she'll be the happiest," Levi said, looking out the window with a frown.
"Sure, Captain," Connie amended quickly, pulling Jean towards the exit.
Now, on the way to the newly built cabin, Armin and Connie couldn't help but hope that all would go well when Levi saw the house.
Arriving in front of it, they stopped. The house was wide and one-story, made of strong, dark wood. A pair of large windows adorned it with a porch on the front. Was surrounded by hundreds of trees, the sound of the wind and birds the only disturbance.
Both young men looked at the veteran uncertainly, unsure if it held up to his expectations.
Levi just eyed silently, weighing the image slowly.
It's just how it should be, he thought.
"She'll like it."
Armin strove for a smile.
"She… yes. She'll like it," he managed to say.
"We'll visit often," Connie assured.
Levi nodded and started the march toward the door, stopping midway. He looked at the grass around him.
"Bring flowers to plant. She'll want to study them".
On each visit, just a couple of days apart, they just worried more and more. Sometimes one went alone, other times several in a group, but they always tried to check his well-being in some way.
When Connie went, they ate together. Armin told him about the new challenges of being a commander, or about a new book he had read. Two things happened in those days: Levi wore an even gloomier demeanor or a relaxed one. Mikasa just sat silently next to the man, both having a cup of tea. Jean played cards with him.
Despite everything, they didn't see the Captain unhappy.
"I think it's time to tell him something, he can't really be thinking of staying there forever," Connie said.
"He does, really. Last time he told me that he'd occupy tools for repairs in case something broke in the next few years. Years!" Jean exclaimed in exasperation.
"Let him be."
"But, Mikasa!"
"I, too, think we should talk to him," Armin said.
"Yes! I can't understand what he intends to achieve like this" Connie sighed.
"I don't think achieving anything is the case. He just seems to be," Armin paused a little to choose his words, "waiting".
"Waiting for what?"
Armin rubbed his eyes. He didn't believe everyone had noticed.
Levi woke up every night on the verge of screaming. Wounds on his hands from hitting the wall asleep, between nightmares that had no end. His worst dreams no longer included only the corpses of Isabel and Farlan, his squad, or Erwin, but each moment he wanted to do something different.
He always said that he'd live his life with no regrets. And he thought he had succeeded. But his dreams were a way to remind him that something leaked between his greater conviction. To remind him that, maybe, just maybe, if he'd acted a little different, none of this would've happened.
Could such a small thing have changed anything? A word of affirmation, the acceptance of eloping and living in the forest, a further attempt to stop her? Would they have been enough?
His dreams believed that.
If so, she wouldn't have gone off in such a way, leaving him alone, keeping to flight with only one wing.
"I will not leave." They looked at each other. Neither had expected another answer. "With all the shit out there, you should be busy. That garbage is necessary, this one isn't."
Silence surrounded them. Levi stirred annoyed at the prevailing incomprehension.
If she were here...
"Oh, sure!" said Armin. "I mean, no. Coming here doesn't bother us, we're just worried."
"We don't know why you want to be in this place, alone," said Connie.
"I can't leave. She'll come back one day and make a fuss if I'm not here, waiting for her."
Armin felt a lump in his throat.
"Captain ... Hange-san is dead. You know, don't you?"
"Tch."
Levi got up from the chair and walked to the door, outside the house. The others followed hastily behind.
It was unusual to discover the Captain in such a state. Sitting on the floor, he glanced at the sky, without energy. A mask of nothing on his features. An almost imperceptible tremor in his left hand.
"She… somehow, she was always there. Talking nonstop or laughing, or hugging me without my wanting it. She always..." his voice broke, and Levi closed his eyes. "I have to wait for her. I know I'll see her again. I just have to wait a little longer. And be ready for when she arrives."
Tears ran down Armin's cheeks, Connie blew his nose a little. Jean peered at him sadly and Mikasa pursed her lips and nodded.
They never questioned the subject again.
Later, visits began to be different. Jean and Mikasa came together hand in hand, Armin brought that blonde titan with him, Connie introduced a young girl with brown hair and an affable smile as his girlfriend.
Levi entertained himself between fishing a bit, scrubbing the floor to shine, reading, and preparing all kinds of teas possible. When trying a new variety of green tea, its floral scent transported him to the past.
It was in the days when Hange didn't know how to proceed with the Azumbito. She was sitting in her office, head against the desk and hands pulling at her hair.
"You'll be bald soon."
Hange lifted the side of her face, barely an eye in sight.
"Agh! This is a disaster."
Levi put a cup of green tea in front of her.
"Take it. You need to sleep."
"Sleep? How could I sleep if I can't think of just one, miserable good choice?"
Levi crossed his legs and gazed at her, one cup of tea between his fingers.
"Erwin would know what to do in a moment" she muttered softly, barely a whisper, a thought aloud.
"What did you say, shitty glasses?" Levi asked, annoyed. Is that what you torture your mind with on a daily basis? Even Erwin would have trouble solving a problem of this scale.
"I didn't say anything," Hange sighed, lifting her head and rubbing her eyes. Levi decided to let it go. For this time.
Hange brought the tea to her nose and sniffed it, shuddering with happiness.
"Ahhhh, it smells delicious! What did you say was its name, Levi?"
"It's just green tea."
"You should give me some sheets, and I'll analyze them in the laboratory to see if I manage to..."
Her voice gradually faded with each word, until it was silent. They both knew that since she took over as Commander, the laboratory had been abandoned. The only reason it wasn't a lair of dust was that Levi made himself clean it whenever he could.
"If you want, we can take a day off and go to the lab..."
Hange shook her head.
"No, it's no use. There are more important things."
Levi felt a sting in his chest but nodded. He hated seeing her in that state. She was still herself, even with that inherent energy in her being, but it'd been a long time since he saw her as excited as when she was analyzing a titan. For a while, he was almost tempted to get her one...
Back to the present, Levi sniffed the green tea and savored it slowly, as if with only that bond he could go back to that day, have been able to do something different.
Memories of the past had long ago ceased to be disturbing and threatening. Happy ones were the only ones that came to mind when he least expected, full of nostalgia. He enjoyed the silence and keeping everything clean.
The calm was momentary.
A few years later, the visits were no longer sporadic and more than one person came to his cabin every day.
The youngest, Kay, was only about six years old, and her eyes were identical to her mother's, even in her neutral expression. Her mane was also a copy, and the only sign of her father was in the way she spoke. The middle one, Roger, was a seven years old brown-haired boy that loved climbing on to trees to fall face down on each attempt.
Anthony was the oldest. He was nine years old, and his father's wisdom seemed to prevail in his deep blue eyes. On numerous occasions, Levi found the boy staring at him, and he shook off the feeling of being scrutinized to the core.
"Get down from there!" Levi yelled in annoyance. Roger was at the highest point of the tree at the side of the cabin, greeting them with glee. Suddenly, he began to stagger.
Levi ran and caught him in flight just before hitting the ground. Anthony and Kay ran scared toward them. Levi let go of Roger in one go, and he fell on his butt. His friends started laughing at him. Levi headed back to his chair on the porch shaking his head.
But Anthony caught a glimpse of a barely perceptible smile on his lips.
"Why don't you live with us or one of the uncles?" Anthony asked him once. A pertinent question, after all, for him this short man without one eye was part of the family.
"I'm waiting for someone," replied Levi, shaking the boy's hair.
Countless days he listened to Uncle Levi talking about that someone. He told the children numerous stories about her, of her insatiable curiosity that had gotten her into more than one trouble, when she greeted a car, her love of books, how she, in the company of the wise commander, the man that smelled everything and the woman with short hair contrived ways to have fun, of what she used to say about nature... so many times that the others had bored with the same stories and preferred to scamper among the trees.
But not him. He'd asked his parents for her, and why wasn't she back with Uncle Levi yet. It seemed rude to make someone wait so long.
His father had told him that sometimes, waiting was what kept some going.
"What if she doesn't come back? What if she can't?"
"If she can't," Levi frowned, not having seen it like that "then I'll go find her."
He arrived at the cabin as every day, hoping to see Uncle Levi watering the flowers, but there was no one outside the structure.
He entered the house and Levi was in front of him, dressed in a suit. At eleven years old, Anthony was certain that his uncle had never left the forest area.
"Are you going somewhere?"
Levi just nodded as he took his cane and covered his gray-black hair with a hat. Anthony followed him, holding his breath as he saw him emerge from the edge of the forest.
"Where are we going?"
"They built a new monument in the square."
Anthony had heard of it but hadn't visited yet. He knew his father in person supervised the construction.
After walking for a couple of hours, Levi's limp seemed to get more pronounced, but he didn't complain. When they reached the city the houses lined up in front of them. He stopped with most of his weight on his cane and absorbed everything. Bustle flooded the streets.
While walking, they bumped into several people and each time Levi expressed his displeasure by dusting off his clothes.
Finally, they reached the center of the city. A gigantic concrete circumference surrounded a large fountain. The circle contained the engraved names of each dead person in the last war: Pixis, Dot. Shadis, Keith. Blouse, Sasha. Zackly, Darius. They were the ones Anthony was most familiar with, either because of his parents or what they taught him in school.
Higher up were the statues of the heroes of the Paradis alliance. Meaning, his family. There were Uncle Connie, Aunt Mikasa, Uncle Jean, His father, Levi, and in the center, looking at the front with ferocity, the statue of one Commander Hange Zoë. She was regular-looking, with glasses on the face and a somewhat strange nose.
Levi stopped in front of her face, squeezing his left hand so much that his veins pounded.
"She did well. She did the best job posible, and it's thanks to her that humanity was saved." He inched closer, without taking the eyes of the factions carved in marble. "Hey, four eyes, if you hear me say it, you'll know?"
"I'm sure she knew how well she did it."
"No, she didn't."
Anthony ran his eyes over the faces of the others. It seemed a fairly faithful representation to him.
"Is that what she looked like?"
Levi tilted his head slightly.
"Judge yourself" he handed him a crumpled photograph from his pocket.
Despite the age of the image and the brown tone of the same, the details were clearly noticeable. They were all smiling, except Uncle Levi. His father sat between Mikasa and Eren, whom nobody spoke about at home. Connie and Jean embraced a young woman who, he knew, was called Sasha. On one side settled Onyankopon, who sometimes stopped by the island. But in the middle, he found a face he hadn't seen before, but that was so familiar to him from stories that imagining her in motion was not difficult at all.
Hange Zoë wore a broad smile and looked at the camera with the excitement of a child with a new toy. Like Levi, wore a dark suit. She had her arm on his shoulders, and he was sulking. However the obviousness of his gesture, and the youth of his factions, Anthony was able to catch a completely new look and posture on him: despite being in the midst of a war, he was more relaxed than ever, with weight less of above. These days he was always carrying something that he never seemed to get rid of.
"The sculptor is quite talented, she's identical."
Levi clicked his mouth.
"Garbage. Something is missing… in her eyes. She would never have been so still for so long."
Nonetheless, Levi stood there, staring at the statue, for hours. Anthony sat on the floor behind him, repeating each carved name in his mind. So many souls, lost for such a foolish thing. Hatred, was said, existed as part of human nature, but shouldn't humanity, with its many advances, be able to devise something more than killing each other? Right now rumors of a new confrontation from the other side of the world were already being heard.
"Oi, let's go."
"Let's get to the new tea shop I spoke to you about. It has new varieties from all countries! I know you're gonna love it!"
It was late when Anthony arrived running to the cabin from school, wet from the persistent stormy rain. They were all already there, his dad must have called them before him. Kay and Roger sat on the floor next to the bed, dozing. The adults argued among themselves in low voices.
"How is it going?" gasped Anthony.
His father lowered his head. Bad news.
Uncle Levi was lying on the bed; eyes open, and blinking from time to time, but didn't seem to be present. From a few months to now, his hair looked paler every time, and his knee didn't stop bothering. Anthony didn't think it was that bad.
"She won't come back, will she?" squawked Levi, with difficulty.
His father sat to his side and took his hand.
"Maybe, if you just wait a little longer..."
"No."
"But," started Anthony.
"I've waited long enough. Seeing her in that stone... she's not there, but made me miss her. I want to look for her."
His father tightened his grip, his eyes filling with tears.
"We all know, here. You did a great job, Captain. Devoted your heart to all of us and took care of our family, there's no need to give us anything else. You're free. Thank you"
In the end, the only sound was the silent sobs of everyone there.
Levi opens his eyes and is surprised to see with both of them. There's a salty smell and humidity permeates the environment. The sun prevents him from distinguishing something for a moment, but after getting used to it, he realizes that he's in the middle of the beach, the vast sea in front of him.
"Leviiiii!" He hears a voice scream, and his heart stops for an instant. Every day, he wanted to hear it again, but it was so long ago that he didn't believe that the time would come.
He turns completely and there she is, in Legion's uniform, rolled up as that day when they discovered the ocean. She stands just a few meters away and jumps nonstopping making him gestures with her hands, as if it were possible not to see her.
"Oi, four eyes. It took you too long," he reproaches her as soon as he can.
"Whaaaat?! Meeeee!? You know how much I've been waiting here? The others came forward, and I had to..."
Levi takes her in his arms and savors every second. Her scent, the firmness of her body, he doesn't want to miss any detail. He pulls away a little and looks into her eyes. And there it is, that glow which was missing before, that emotion, life and passion, that only she can devise to convey that way. A blush lines her cheeks.
There are so many things he wants to tell her, but as always, he doesn't know how to. Fortunately, and also as always, she seems to understand him without the need to formulate a sound.
"I got a house."
She smiles in a more pronounced way.
"I know, and I love it! Although really, Levi, the bathroom was very small, how did you manage to dump everything in there? Oh, but the library! That's something worth looking at. And I could spend my whole life studying all those flowers. Do you remember that one you sent for from that country of Oyankopon? The purple with orange? I think it has healing properties! And here hasn't been so bad, Levi, I've discovered so many interesting things, do you see this? It's eaten! If you put it on fire like this..."
Levi listens to her with attention, enjoying every word she says, seeing her move her arms effusively, feeling the warmth in her company. He flashes a small smile and sighs. For the first time in an eternity, he feels light and at complete peace. He is, finally, where he should be.
