A/N: Self-harm


Once he was sure he had given his slave enough punishment until they were back at his tower, Shockwave pulled out with a loud wet pop that made J-23 flinch. Shockwave released his slave and let him crumple to the floor as he let the elevator continue to the ground floor. He had no pity for this slave who sought to deceive and scorn him.

"I trust this will keep you from entertaining any more of your foolish thoughts of freedom." Shockwave looked down at his slave, curled up and sobbing. His optic though was drawn to the port dripping with his transfluid, thighs stained with his paint. It...pleased him immensely. His optic glowed brighter. "You are mine, utterly, and completely."

Shockwave lifted the mech over his shoulder, where he cried out from the no doubt jarring pain as he was taken out of the elevator. Never again would J-23 entertain such thoughts of escape or freedom. J-23 shook as Shockwave opened the back of his transport. His arms twitched, likely in a painful healing process. His slave whimpered as he prepared to move him, and slid him back over his shoulder to set him inside.

J-23 squeezed his optics shut, but when they opened-Shockwave was levelled with a glare of unbridled hatred. Quick as a flash, Shockwave stumbled back as a fist caught him square in the optic, cracking his optic and splintering his vision as his slave fell from his grasp.

Before he touched the ground, J-23 transformed and sped away. Shockwave remained a bit stunned from the hit, but his optic glowed ominously as he watched his slave flee yet again from him. There wasn't going to be a next time.


Jack hadn't stopped until he reached the arena, never daring to look back to see if Shockwave had pursued him or not. When he transformed out of his alt he shivered, making a mad dash for the entrance and racing inside as he took for the office. The only bit of good news was that his panel has regrown, though it was a dark protoform grey. Everything else though, no amount of healing was quick enough to get rid of each painful step that shot up his spinal strut.

The guard saw him rushing down the hall, and Jack was more than relieved he was allowed entry without being hassled. It made keeping the stains easier to hide, even if his valve still felt stung and ached and oh frag why?!

Jack stepped into the office, his optics finding Megatron's larger frame immediately. Soundwave noticed him first, tensing just slightly at the state of him. "Where's the washrack in here!"

Soundwave pointed to the right, Jack rushing in that direction and barreling into the washracks with little abandon. He hurriedly turned the faucet on, grabbing a cloth and scrubbing painfully hard at anything he could reach. Jack scrubbed every inch of him, scratching his plating to get the dried stains off him. Sobs broke out in renew, tears streaming down his cheeks as he brushed away everything that happened in that elevator. The solvent made it a bit easier, wearing down the stains, but it didn't feel like it was enough. It was never going to be enough.

A knock on the door made him flinch, especially when Megatron's voice came through. "Wayward, what happened? Why did you run in here in such a hurry?"

"Go away!" Jack snapped, pressing tightly against the walls of the washroom, kicking the door for good measure so Megatron couldn't miss how upset he was.

The other mech was silent so long that Jack wondered if he left, but then he spoke. "I am not leaving until you tell me what's wrong."

Jack couldn't help sneering. "Now you care about me? Where was this earlier, huh?!"

"Are you still upset about that plan?" Megatron questioned. "It needed to look genuine or no one would have bought it."

Jack let a bitter, almost hysterical laugh that felt just as broken as he did right now. "You really want to know?" He snarled. "Everyone saw that tape, including Shockwave!" He was gratified to hear silence. "He recognized me, because next thing I know he showed up at Knock Out's, dragged me out and raped me!" he was screaming by the end of it but everything just came rushing out.

Jack couldn't even hear Megatron when he spoke through the door, if he did at all, trapped in the reaches of his own mind as he replayed the scenario over and over again. Shockwave touching him, every painful thrust, feeling something deep inside crack and fracture. Jack clutched his face, optics wide and horrified. Then before he knew it, he smashed his head against the wall.

He didn't want to do this anymore! He wanted to go home, be safe in his bed, away from this terrible place. Maybe if he was the one who did it he would stay dead! Then at least this nightmare would be over. Primus or Unicron, they had a sick sense of humor to send him back for him to be tortured and humiliated.

Jack thought maybe it was working when he heard the crunching, but realized too late it was the door being pried open as he felt the servos pull him away from the wall. Jack struggled to escape. "Let me go, let go! I can't take it!"

"No, Wayward, listen to me," And Jack found himself being spun around as Megatron gripped his shoulders, energon blurring his vision as pain radiated in his helm, "this isn't the way to-"

"Shut up!" Jack snarled, shoving at Megatron but he didn't budge. "You can't come in here acting concerned when this was your fault!"

Megatron's blue optics narrowed, but he vented slowly. "Is that it? You see this as my fault?"

"It is!" Jack snapped. "I'm your friend or I'm your pawn, which is it?"

"I had no intentions of revealing you to Shockwave-"

"You're avoiding the question!" Jack snarled, in no mood for Megatron's dodging. "Why is it so hard to tell me you care?"

"Because I'm not used to it." The silver mech looked as surprised as Jack to hear it. He let out a deep vent. "You were the first who showed any concern for me, wanted to be around me...and," it looked as though Megatron were trying to force the words out it was so awkward, "I have grown to care for you as well."

"You have a funny way of showing it." Jack growled, not accepting the words at face value. This could just be another part of the nightmare. "I brushed aside the incident with Taciturn, but then the arrest happened and I thought...am I just someone for you to use?"

Megatron looked at him incredulously. "No."

Jack glared at him, the pain in his head fading but the energon still dripped down his helm. "It makes sense, doesn't it? I have no skills, and I'm functionally an expendable resource that can never run out, isn't that right?"

"I have never seen you as such!" Megatron growled, infuriated that Jack could suggest such a thing to him.

"Yeah? Then tell me what I'm good for huh? Other than dying and patching up wounds!"

"You are resourceful, and quick, a capable fight-"

Jack's expression screwed up. "I didn't ask to know what I was like."

"I don't know what it is you're asking me." Megatron said tightly. "You wanted to know how you're useful-"

"Yes, I want to know to why you keep me around!" Jack felt frustrated, and sore, everything aching inside and out as his healing was taking too long. "I want to know what I mean to you!" Megatron paused, staring at Jack while waited impatiently for an answer. Jack's spark squeezed tight when none came, his plating cold despite the solvent still warm against his plating. He lifted his servos and tried to push Megatron's away from his shoulders. "If you have no answer, then there's nothing left to talk-" he stopped, his optics widening as he was pulled into a silver chest, arms wrapped around him-holding him. "W-what?"

"I am not good with…words or feelings as you are," the mech grumbled, "but you make me have them, and I will prove to you how much you mean to me; name it, and I will do it."

Jack remained still, but slowly his fingers gripped the sides of Megatron's arm, hesitant to return the-the hug, incredulous as it was to believe. "Never, and I mean never, jeopardize my safety in your schemes again."

"Very well," Megatron agreed, but Jack could hear a stipulation coming on. "Yet you are aware that everything I do now brings the threat of danger and death."

Jack's fingers tightened, closing his optics briefly as he nodded. "I'm aware." He said, and finally let his own arms wrap around Megatron as much as they could, and leaned against his helm against the mech's chest. "I've been aware of it," he added, "and it hasn't chased me off yet."

"It would make it exceedingly difficult to keep you safe from my 'schemes' if you were in constant danger." Megatron raised a brow but didn't push Jack away.

Jack nodded, unable to deny that. "I suppose I should clarify it then." He said. "I can handle the danger, I can handle the fighting, and I can handle any task you give me-but don't go behind my back again for your plans. Tell me if you want me to do something, because I'm not a terrible actor either-I can be surprised if you want me to be."

"Those terms are agreeable." Megatron nodded in confirmation. "Now clean yourself off- the solvent is still sticking to you." He grimaced as he pulled away, chest stained with solvent and energon.

Jack nodded, and shifted to clean the remaining residue away. He glanced over to see Megatron wiping it away as well, and glanced at the wall. He flinched at the sight of the crack and the stains. It…still hurt, both physically and emotionally. This…helped, but he knew he would take so much more time before he felt like himself again. "May I use the backroom to recharge? I…don't feel like being around anyone right now." Or ever, but that wouldn't be possible.

"I will ensure you won't be bothered." Megatron promised the little mech, who tossed the mesh cleaning cloth into the bin by the door, and hurried to the back room to escape the flurry of emotions which still churned and raged within him.

Jac couldn't look at Soundwave again as he rushed past him, going through the door and making sure to lock it behind him. His vents heaved, chest tight as he practically crashed onto the berth, everything washing over him in a wave of despair as the final traces of soreness between his legs faded. It did not help him forget the terror and pain though, even if when he looked down there no trace of it would be left.

It had happened so quickly, less than a breem as the elevator went to the ground level. And god, people must have heard! Jack had been so loud, pain scorching his plating as hopelessness had settled in for what felt like an eternity. Even if anyone didn't hear, someone would see the evidence on the elevator floor, see the fluids, his panel and the thought made his tank churn and spark drop.

And Knock Out...He and Breakdown had tried to help him! Breakdown even got shot because of him. Was he okay? Were they both going to be okay?

Jack's spark burned with bitterness at the fact Shockwave just kept ruining everything, but fear followed; Shockwave knew where Knock Out lived, what if he got the red mech in trouble for 'harboring' Jack? His fists clenched as he dug into the berth, squeezing his optics shut. Everything had been ripped apart, and he didn't know how to fix it.

The only positive, if he could call it that, was Megatron would no longer be going behind his back. Jack would have to wait and see if he kept his word...while Jack kept lying to him.

Jack vented as the knowledge burned in his chest, of how Megatron was going to make an effort, and Jack would keep deceiving him. Slowly, an incredulous thought formed. 'If I tell him, would it help things?' He felt foolish for bringing it up, but he couldn't shake how hypocritical it was of him to expect Megatron to be honest but keep this all from him.

It could ruin everything Jack was working toward. Yet it wasn't right for him to hide things from Megatron now. Soundwave knew and nothing had happened...

And if he told Megatron of the future, of what would happen to Cybertron, maybe it would get him to listen, even if he thought it was all scrap. Megatron so far has listened to him, mostly, and maybe if Jack made a convincing argument it would get him to listen to this too. 'I can still keep the future from turning this place into a wasteland.'

At least, that was what he hoped. It was up to Megatron whether he would heed his words or not in the end.

Jack sighed, because it was just a waiting game now, and his spark beat a bit faster at that. Terrible things kept happening to him, he wanted something good to finally come out of it. Shortly after he fell into a troubling recharge, shifting and turning in his sleep with his worried thoughts only for company.


Jack peeked out of the back room cautiously when he heard voices outside the door, the tones waking him up from his recharge. However, as soon as he recognized it, he breathed a sigh of relief. Breakdown and Knock Out were alive. It didn't matter now how much or little he slept, but Jack was a bit confused why Knock Out brought Breakdown though didn't dwell on it for too long as genuine relief at their safety came through. He gulped, but looked out enough to see them. "Knock Out? Are-are you okay?"

"Fine- up until Shockwave barged back up into my apartment and blew a hole in the wall!" The medic all but shrieked, calming down some when Breakdown placed a servo on his shoulder. "I'd barely gotten Breakdown patched up when Shockwave started demanding to know where you were going, talking about how I was going to be demoted from my caste, or end up on his dissection table! If it weren't for Breakdown neither of us would have made it out of there alive."

"You-you fought Shockwave? He shot you and still managed to fight him?" Jack asked, perhaps a bit more surprised than he should be.

Breakdown grimaced. "Ah, not really; just surprised him long enough to get the scrap out of there." He said, but frowned. "I take it he's more than just a vengeful ex?"

"Yeah. A lot more." Jack scowled, looking away so he didn't have see the expression in those optics. "I'm...sorry, that I brought that down on you gu-bots."

"I certainly don't like that I'll have to pay for a new wall, but at least you gave him a good punch in the optic before you got away." Knock Out said. His expression then turned concerned. "Although he did have energon on him; were you hurt too?"

Jack flinched, his expression twisting in pain. "Y-yeah..." He said, voice barely above a whisper. Knock Out frowned, looking to the normally angry looking Megatron who now appeared furious at the mention of the scientist. Even Soundwave seemed a little more tense than Knock Out had seen him.

"Oh. Oh." Was the simple reply, saying all that needed to be said on the subject. Breakdown seemed to take the hint too.

"Knock Out said this would be a good place to lay low for a while. Can't return to his apartment since Shockwave knows he lives there, and it wouldn't be hard for him to find mine if he really does have a vendetta against us now."

Jack's spark twisted. "I'm sor-"

He was stopped by Knock Out holding up a servo. "Don't apologize, remember what I said? You are not at fault for what he does." he said firmly.

"You can't go home though." Jack replied.

Knock Out shrugged casually. "I'll find another place eventually. Or have Breakdown here build me one." He added cheekily, causing a light glare from the aforementioned mech.

"Or you could come stay with me for a little while." Knock Out looked just as surprised as Breakdown must have for it to slip out. "Ah, what I meant was-"

"That does sound like an idea." The medic said, but then his optics glanced back at Jack. "I know it's the last thing you probably want but, do you want me to...check?"

Jack's tank lurched, and his fingers nearly dented the metal of the door. "No." he said quietly. "I don't."

"Alright then. If you feel any...changes, let me know. I'll be here before you know it." Knock Out assured him.

Jack vented, nodding. "Okay then." he said quietly, but then he frowned. "Though knowing Shockwave," he grimaced, "he'll have already guessed by now that I'm here, and who knows what he'll try to get me back."

"We'll be prepared for him, Wayward." Megatron assured. It was something Jack was rather concerned about actually.

"How?" Jack questioned. "Shockwave isn't stupid, he'll probably have some plan already in motion."

"We'll be ready." Megatron repeated. "He will not take you away from me again."

Jack nodded, but felt conflicted inside. Looking around at the others, he returned his gaze fully to Megatron. There was nothing but conviction in those blue optics. Jack made his choice. "Can I talk to you for a moment? In private?"

Megatron frowned, but vented as he nodded. "Very well."

Jack stepped back to let Megatron inside the room, quietly closing it afterwards. He braced himself, and clenched his fists briefly at meeting Megatron's gaze. "Let me start by asking you this; do you ever think that Cybertronians could ever go beyond this solar system? Like, way past the colony planets?"

The silver mech raised a brow. "An odd question, but yes, I do - once things have changed."

Jack nodded. "Then...out there...is a blue planet that hasn't been formed-at least not really." he grimaced at the thought of what lied dormant there. "But this planet...is where I'm from."

Megatron frowned even harder. "Wayward, are you sure you don't want Knock Out to check for damage?"

Jack sighed, and shook his head rapidly. "I know this sounds insane, but please hear me out, Megatron. What I'm telling you is one hundred percent the truth."

Megatron vented deeply, rubbing his brow. "You'd better have a point that you're not delirious."

"I do." Jack said. "You see, I-I wasn't originally like this, I used to be an organic-" Megatron scowled at him and Jack pressed on quickly, "turned into this-this by P-Primus," his spark twisted, because the more he said it, it felt less true it felt, "by something like Primus, and given this form. I-I'm from the...future, and I was sent back to stop, well, prevent a planet-ending war from happening."

Megatron stared at him. And stared some more. "Wayward, you probably smashed your head a little too hard in the shower last night." The mech stated gruffly. "Knock Out is going to look you over-"

"I'm not making this up!" Jack felt his temper rise. He forced it down though, because he realized that Soundwave had seen the proof in his head, while Megatron didn't have that access. "I-I know what those crystals are, what they can do and they're evil and-and...you shove one into your chest just to get more power...after you cause Cybertron to descend into civil war." his voice grew quieter and softer, his gaze lowering with every word.

Blue optics narrowed dangerously, peering into Jack's very spark. "What are you saying? Assuming anything coming from your mouth is true. You're insinuating that I'm the reason Cybertron will die?" The gladiator stated accusingly, and beneath the anger, Jack could hear a hint of hurt in his voice.

Jack wished he could back out, but that would be just as cowardly to not finish this. "I wish it wasn't true," he said sincerely, but knew it sounded like little comfort, "but you had good intentions, I know you did. Something happened though, you couldn't change the council, couldn't change Cybertron and everything descended into chaos. This war went through countless planets in-including my own."

"This is nonsense." Megatron growled, having had quite enough of this. "I will not hear any more of this-"

"It's all true though! I swear I'm not making it up!" Jack said.

"Wayward!" Megatron snapped, infuriated now.

"M-Megatron I swear this is true. What do I have to do to make you believe me?!"

"How about some proof!"

"Soundwave!" Jack said suddenly, and Megatron jerked back at the outburst. "He knows everything because he looked through my head; if you won't believe me, then ask him and he'll tell you everything!"

"Soundwave believes this nonsense-"

"Because he saw it!" Jack said, drawing a breath he didn't need to use. "He thought I was a threat to you because I'd been with Shockwave for so long, and he wanted to make sure I wouldn't be. I had no way of tricking Soundwave, not with how fast he got into my head." he didn't want to beg, didn't want to break apart again, but the terror was starting to overwhelm him. "I'm being honest with you, I don't want there to be any secrets; you said you would try for me, and now I'm doing the same for you!"

Megatron's mouth curled into a snarl, before storming out of the room and making a beeline for Soundwave, who was not surprised by the gladiator's forthrightness, demanding the mech follow him into privacy.

Jack noticed both Knock Out and Breakdown staring after them, and the red mech looked back at Jack. "I take it that wasn't anything good?"

Jack shrugged uncomfortably. At least they didn't hear. Well, Soundwave probably had been listening with his mind reading. "Just...he needed Soundwave to confirm something."

Knock Out hummed, and seemed to be questioning the truth of his words, but didn't make anything more of it, for which Jack was grateful. Though Knock Out started when he heard a roar from Megatron through the door, following by a smashing noise. "Well, that doesn't sound good." Knock Out said. He cringed back when Megatron stormed out of the private room with a fierce scowl.

"Mega-" Jack stopped when that glare was leveled at him, and he vented but didn't say anymore as the silver mech continued stalking out of the room. Jack glanced at Soundwave as the other mech came from the backroom. "He…didn't take it well, did he?"

Jack winced at Soundwave's monotone "Affirmative." Jack wrung his hands nervously. Megatron couldn't stay mad at him forever...could he? Who was he kidding, Megatron's future self had a grudge against Optimus spanning a millennia probably.

"What did you tell him?" Knock Out asked.

Jack winced. "It's, uh, private." He said softly.

"Knock Out: attend to gladiators' injuries." Soundwave added, and the red mech huffed.

"Fine, keep your secrets." He jerked his chin up, and dragged Breakdown with him out of the office.

Jack bit his lip, waiting until they left before asking, "Did…he believe you at least?"

"Struggling to accept." Soundwave looked to the hall where Megatron stormed out to. "Megatron: furious about secrets."

Jack sighed, but he knew this was a very plausible reaction the silver mech would have. "I guess he wasn't too happy you kept it from him too."

"Affirmative."

Jack nodded. "I'll give him his space then; he's probably angrier with me than you, so at least make sure he doesn't do anything reckless, will you?" A small nod, and Jack vented, also nodding. His tank churned from low energy, and he pointed to the cubes. "I'm just gonna take one of these. I need to replenish my reserves."

Almost more than anything, Jack would love to go to whatever passed for liquor store around here and buy the strongest brew that they had. Today was going to be long, frag, it already was, and he needed something to help him forget everything right now.

But while getting black out drunk was tempting, Jack knew he couldn't afford the vulnerability that came with it. He was more paranoid about whatever Shockwave had planned, and didn't want there to be any chance of getting caught off guard again. So Jack bypassed the Engex, and grabbed the nearest cube of regular energon.

Jack went back into the other room, and sipped long and slow, filling his near empty tank greedily as he waited in the room. It was all he could do right now.