hI. So this has been a bucket for all my excess chaotic energy, and became my go to WIP every time I needed to procrastinate over a piece of coursework, which means it's filled with rEally random topics from Zen to Freud (there used to be a Frozen reference at one point). It was super fun to write, and I hope you enjoy it as much I did! Updates might be sporadic (depending on how much I procrastinate); warning for eventual slash (H/D)


1. Bumpy road from Zen


"Against conceptualization, that was the central idea," There was a manic glint in Terry's eyes as he tried to explain over the Great Hall noise to Draco— his bitterly resigned Charms partner— why Zen Buddhism was relevant to their project. "Like, every time we try to understand things in words, by categorizing, naming, forming rigid knowledge structures out of handpicked basic concepts that are basically random… that's conceptualization. And if we want to achieve true enlightenment we have to transcend that."

"...True enlightenment, you say?" Draco couldn't stop the old drawl.

Terry nodded, softly sincere as ever. "We started a cult, of course, based in the Ravenclaw tower." Draco choked on his food. It was embarrassing. "It worked out surprisingly well until Anthony pointed out that our cult itself is a conceptualization. And now the cult— and our house itself— have descended into anarchy and chaos."

It was all spoken with such applaudable serenity. Draco wondered whether he should fear it.

"Oh no," Terry suddenly sounded stricken, "my narrative was also a conceptualization wasn't it?" He looked absurdly horrified with himself, and promptly moved to stand up and leave— but not before Draco fixed him back down with one outreaching arm.

"Boot, Terry— Charms, please. And this is all very… charming, but may I ask—" Draco massaged his forehead with the other hand, "Why did you start telling me this?"

"Oh, Draco, come on, you're the only person I could talk to, nobody else understands!"

"And you're hoping I do?"

"Why, the wild swings between despotism and anarchy— shouldn't you be familiar with it? I thought at least this we shared with Slytherins?"

"I— Terry, please, come back to Earth and bless us with progress on this damned project, or I'm resorting to despotism."

"Wait— I'm sure an analysis of conceptualization is relevant here, I'll show you—"


Eighth years, they were called. In reality they were simply a pathetic small group of eighteen year olds, who were shoved together for every class and were assigned, in Harry's opinion, unnecessarily many compulsory inter-house research projects. And little did he know, Harry thought miserably, that while Ravenclaws helped avoid certain Slytherin-related awkwardness, they were a whole other menace of their own.

"So, Luna showed us drafts for the book she is writing on magical Zen Buddhism, and as a house the Ravenclaws came to unite in our search for enlightenment. Only it didn't last long, which really is such a pity."

Harry thought it's safe to say the group meeting wasn't going well. Hermione was pinching her brows so hard Harry worried it'd bruise, "I swear to Merlin, Anthony, if you don't drop this blithering nonsense—"

"—hey, I take offense in that! This is why you aren't a Ravenclaw, Hermione. You don't ever dare looking outside the confines of the system you're in! Right, Michael?"

"Sorry, Hermione. I swear we aren't all like this." He said smoothly.

"Michael! You tried to mix the Draught of Living Death and Pepper Up just last week! What did you even want? Draught of hyperactive death? Zombie factor?"

Harry sighed, "you wouldn't actually drink that right?"

"Of course not. I'm not a Gryffindor," Michael quipped, "I did wonder though, it could have been fun. What is the hyperactive death? Wouldn't you stay high as a kite forever?"

Anthony gasped in outrage, "and what? To become stuck in an artificial existence?"

"We are stuck in a possibly artificial existence anyway, you can't even prove that any of this," Michael waved around with exasperated stoicism, "is real."

"Oh for Rowena's sake— if that's what you focus on— the same derivative age-old scepticism— then you're certainly more stuck than I am— that's why we need the transcendence and—"

"Please, Anthony. We've personally experienced and rejected Zen Buddhism, since it's only lead to anarchy and—"

"I take offense in that— what makes you so conceited to think our feeble attempt even approached—"

It went on. It would keep going on. "Not-all-like-this my arse," Harry muttered helplessly. "Oh look at the time, I've got— umm— Quidditch practice! I'm not on the team, I know, but umm— ciao!" Harry scrambled away from the table, hyperconscious of Hermione's glare that said Harry Potter you coward, but completely unnoticed by the Ravens.


"You know, the whole of you lot really 've got problems." Ron had said to Michael at some point.

"Oh, we know, we know. The truth is, we all are an utter mess. Just in different ways, that's all."


"I can't believe we ended up with this." Blaise mumbled sleepily. Across from him on the library desk, Draco was becoming more and more flustered, angrily flipping through tombs after tombs. "Big fields and weight-altering charms. How did this happen, Draco?"

"It's Higgs field, moron," Draco sighed dramatically, "Terry Boot chose it, obviously. And his first suggestion was 'Zen subjectivity of mass', so consider this a partial victory."

Blaise snorted gracelessly, "I'll 'consider it a victory' when you wipe the murder off your face."

"You and Pansy will end up copying out the standard textbook content," Draco aggressively whisper shouted, "while I'm going to be stuck with Muggle quantum mechanics for the next possible months."

After seven years of similar accusations, Blaise was completely unfazed. "Oh cut it out, Draco. Just get to the tale— how did you get here?"

Draco sustained the glare for four whole seconds before dropping it, "Neither of us liked anything the other suggested. So he said we each only get three vetoes."

Blaise's eyes widened, "are you kidding? A firsty would have known not to call the first veto."

"Not if I was so lucky to have called the first veto right before he said that."

"Oh my, Malfoy out-Slytherined by a Ravenclaw."

"They are all secretly devils."

"Really, seven years of common room veto wars have taught you nothing?"

"I salvaged what I can— this was his second suggestion. At least I didn't wait till the third where he could rain absolute hell on me."

"Despite it all, Draco Malfoy and Muggle— what's it called? aquatic mega-nix?"

Draco glared again, "ploys and guilt-trips, And this is a one time stumble. I'm not being fooled by their apparent innocence again."