Title: Iris's eight step guide to slaying demons and looking fabulous
A/N: For the FashionXV zine! I wanted to have a little fun with Iris and fashion tips for this one. Even at the end of the world, you still need to be stylish. It's a once in a lifetime event, after all.
Summary: It's time for Iris's special, step-by-step guide on how to slay demons and look fabulous while doing so. As a warning, this guide is not Glaive or brother approved, but when have we ever needed permission?
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It's time for Iris's special, step-by-step guide on how to slay demons and look fabulous while doing so. As a warning, this guide is not Glaive or brother approved, but when have we ever needed permission? No, we're more than capable of fighting demons on our own. We have to be, honestly.
Now, as a warning, you will need a few things before we get started. The most important thing is access to weapons and combat clothing. I, fortunately, have my brother and his terrible secured cache. It is ridiculous how many swords he fits in there, I honestly think the royal armoury has less gear than he does. Sadly, some of you might not be so lucky as to have an weapons junkie for a brother. If that's the case, don't worry about it! You can make do with items in your house, the store, or just contact me and I'll secretly drop off a few choice items for you.
I want to clear up one thing before we start: I'm not writing this article because Gladdy hates my training with Cors. The world might be ending, but that doesn't stop him from being himself. I'm not that petty. No, my goal is bigger than that. This is about me giving back to everyone. Maybe it'll even save a few lives, who knows. Anyways, ready?
Step 1: A flimsy shield is worse than no shield at all
This is perhaps the most important step, even more so than the weapons. What's going to stand in the way of an eight-inch claw and your flesh? What's going to look good in blood or in rain? Your outfit. You can't get much done if you're bleeding out in a ditch.
It's important to use strong combat clothing. It doesn't even have to fit you properly, you can always adjust it in the next step. You want something that is tough enough to protect you from damage, but flexible enough that you can move effortlessly. If the material's too tough, you'll dodge slowly, making you an easy target. If it's too thin, then you're not really protected from anything.
It might be hard to find this material in regular stores. It's not really something that people use on a daily basis. In that case, just stop at your nearest Glaive depot and pick (or steal) one there. Or, if you're like me, take it from your relative. Just make sure to be stealthy!
As a bonus tip, take extras! You never know when your clothes might get utterly destroyed by some Flan's acid or if you're terrible at sewing (like I am) and need several tries to get it right. Spares are always useful.
Step 2: Find the you in your clothes
Now, you can skip this step if your clothes already a) fit you and b) look great. But if either of those things are missing, this part is essential. Now, sewing is hard enough as is with normal clothes, and with this type of fabric, it's almost impossible for a newbie. But don't fear! Just find a friend who's good with machines, or maybe call up one of your aunts. If you still have any. There's always an old lady somewhere with a sewing machine.
Don't be afraid to cut up your clothes to match your vision. There's always more where that came from (there's a reason my brother seems to only have one outfit: that's all I've left him). Keep enough fabric to protect yourself but adjust to rest. After all, who says you can't look great while slaying a daemon?
Personally, I like leather jackets and featherless gloves. It makes me feel really fearless and strong.
Step 3: Every rose has its thorns
Now, while I said clothes was the most important aspect, that doesn't mean you should neglect choosing your weapon. After all, while your clothes keep you alive, your weapon is what'll slay the daemon in the first place. And that's what we're all here for, to become daemon slayers.
I would say pick a weapon that matched your abilities and your clothes, but every weapon is black and almost everything my brother owns is black, so they balance out neatly. Make sure your outfit has plenty of pouches for small knives, smoke bombs, and other small weapons. They can mean the difference between life and death.
Step 4: Grand Theft Auto
Well, I call it Grand Theft Auto because for this step, you have to steal a fast car. The run-of-the-mill vehicle you take to the grocery store won't cut it here. Daemons are fast, and you need to outrun them if you can't beat them. You need a car that can outrun the wind itself.
I, of course, steal my brother's car when he's not looking. As the Crownsguard, he has access to some really nice things. Which mean I have access to them too. It doesn't hurt to know a mechanic who's willing to give me his spare keys.
Step 5: Write a will
I know, I know. It sounds dramatic. It kinda is. But you could get hurt fighting daemons and a will is very useful. People know how to divide whatever's left of your stuff, you can leave goodbye notes, all of those fun but sad reasons.
Step 6: Stare longingly at a loved one's photo
In my case, it's a photo of Prince Noctis. King Noctis? He didn't really have a coronation ceremony, so who knows what his title is. Now, you all know me and my big crush on him, but I promise you that is not the reason I stare longingly at his photo before I go. If I could, I would stare at a photo of my dad. Not my brother, because he gives me an earful every time I come back and I don't want to hunt while grumpy.
Unfortunately, I don't really have any pics of my dad anymore. I'd have to dig through rubble in a daemon-infested city to find them, and while I love my dad, that is probably not the best way to show my feelings. Prince Noctis isn't around either now, but I do have photos from his road trip, and they make a good secondary option.
Anyways, pick your favourite photo, and stare at it longingly. This might be the last time you can see their face and you want to make your peace with it.
Step 7: Slay Daemons
This part is pretty self-explanatory. Don't try to make your attacks look nice, just kill the monster and be done with it. If you can, set up a camera before hand to take some photos. Or get your brother's best friend to tag along, under an oath that he will not tell your brother a thing about it.
Step 8: Gloat
Now that you made it home in one piece and with some photographic evidence, it's time to show-off. You killed a daemon and the world (your brother especially) deserves to know about it. The best way, obviously, is to write an eight-step how-to article and rub it in his face. Now he'll know better than to ever question you again.
