I'm only happy when it rains
I'm only happy when it's complicated
And though I know you can't appreciate it
I'm only happy when it rains
You know I love it when the news is bad
And why it feels so good to feel so sad
I'm only happy when it rains
Pour your misery down, pour your misery down on me
Pour your misery down, pour your misery down on me
I'm only happy when it rains
I feel good when things are going wrong
I only listen to the sad, sad songs
I'm only happy when it rains
I only smile in the dark
My only comfort is the night gone black
I didn't accidentally tell you that
I'm only happy when it rains
You'll get the message by the time I'm through
When I complain about me and you
I'm only happy when it rains
Pour your misery down (Pour your misery down)
Pour your misery down on me (Pour your misery down)
Pour your misery down (Pour your misery down)
Pour your misery down on me (Pour your misery down)
Pour your misery down (Pour your misery down)
Pour your misery down on me (Pour your misery down)
Pour your misery down
You can keep me company
As long as you don't care
I'm only happy when it rains
You wanna hear about my new obsession?
I'm riding high upon a deep depression
I'm only happy when it rains (Pour some misery down on me)
I'm only happy when it rains (Pour some misery down on me)
I'm only happy when it rains (Pour some misery down on me)
I'm only happy when it rains (Pour some misery down on me)
I'm only happy when it rains (Pour some misery down on me).
By Garbage
Chapter 5: Only Happy When It Rains
The week seemed to endlessly drag on for Hitomi. She wasn't keen on her new roommate, the ever deplorable Dilandau. She didn't understand how someone with so little personal possessions was able to make such a mess. He left his clothes all over the home, not bothering to change his shoes half the time, which in turn tracked in dirt from the outside.
Since she also refused to prepare meals for him, he often resorted to ordering in food and he had this irritating habit of not cleaning up his fast food wrappers. Despite all appearances, Dilandau was not oblivious to what sort of affect his actions were having on Hitomi. They were performed completely on purpose. It was all a part of his devious plan to make her life miserable. He was taking great pleasure in watching her spirit slowly break piece by piece.
By the week's end, Hitomi was beyond exhausted. The mental strength she needed to muster to put up with her unwanted roommate had worn her down significantly. Her only escape was to run, so she did just that. Every morning she woke up early to head to school, to meet up with some of the other members of the Athletic club to get some running in before class. But a morning run wasn't enough for her, she stayed behind after the final bell to run some more. Dilandau couldn't understand her strange fascination with running in circles around the track. He couldn't see what type of satisfaction it could provide.
Saturday morning had rolled around and the Kanzaki home was shrouded in silence. Dilandau was peacefully asleep, exhausted from staying into the wee hours of the morning playing video games with some friends online. His fits of rage echoed through the home, waking Hitomi numerous times through the night.
Hitomi eventually stirred from her slumber to the sound of her phone buzzing on her desk. Groggily she sat upright, looking towards the noise in a daze. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes, wondering what time it must have been. She felt as though she had hardly slept the whole night. Her eyes came to settle in her alarm clock next to her bed which had read eight o'clock on the dot. Her eyes widened and she let out a panicked scream. She had overslept! How had she missed her alarm?
Upon picking up the clock she noticed someone had flipped the alarm switch off. There was only one culprit that came to mind, "DILANDAU!" She shouted, fully enraged. In her fit of anger, she scrambled to get dressed. She was going to be late for track practice.
She ran around her home, desperately gathering her things into her duffle bag. "Dilandau!" She shouted his name, cursing him to hell and back. Glancing at the time, she noticed she could spare a moment to wake the still sleeping demon. She stormed up the stairs and burst into his room. There he laid, still fast asleep. Her shouting hadn't even registered to his ear. She walked over to the futon, deciding she had had enough. She didn't care about the consequences, she was livid. She forcefully nudged him awake with her foot.
"Don't you ever go into my room again!" Hitomi fumed at the still half asleep Dilandau. "You might not be in any clubs, but I am! And I am late for practice!" Dilandau yawned, not really caring for her plight.
"If you're so late, then why are you bothering me?" He asked slyly.
Hitomi let out a scream in frustration. "Just stay out of my room! You hear me!" She shouted as she stormed out of his room and out of her home. Glancing quickly at her watch, she determined she could still catch the next train if she sprinted. She let out a defeated sigh, it's not how she wanted to start her morning.
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Yukari stood waiting ever patiently for all the members of the Athletic club to arrive. Being a third year, she was now the head manager for the team. With that came even more responsibilities. She pulled her phone out of her pocket, noting still no text from Hitomi. Her brows furrowed together, where is she? She wondered, thinking perhaps Hitomi had changed her mind about staying on the team.
"Yukari!" Hitomi shouted as she ran at top speed and leapt down the hill towards the track. "I'm so sorry!" She bowed forward, not out of respect, but because she was completely out of breath. Yukari raised a brow, she was both impressed and irritated.
"You know you're supposed to save the running for the track, not the commute here." She was more or less irritated because judging by Hitomi's disheveled appearance, she had exerted herself a great deal already. "Go sit down, have some water and relax." She turned to her junior managers, "Go ahead and get started with the first years' time trials."
Yukari turned her attention back to Hitomi, taking a seat next to her on the bleachers. "Wanna talk about it?"
Hitomi, having just guzzled down most of her water, took a deep breath. All her sprinting had certainly caught up to her. She sighed and slumped forward. "I overslept…" She began, "But not on purpose!" she added. "Dilandau turned off my alarm." she spat his name out in disgust.
"Are you sure you didn't accidentally forget to set it?" Hitomi dramatically rolled her eyes.
"Oh please, have a little more faith in me…" Hitomi grumbled.
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After track practice had concluded, Yukari offered to walk with her to the rail station. Hitomi politely declined, instead opting to take an extended shower in the girls' locker room. She wasn't in a hurry to get home. It was no longer her sanctuary. She had tried to explain to Yukari how terrible it was to have Dilandau living under the same roof, but her friend brushed it off figuring Hitomi was just being overdramatic.
As she showered off, Hitomi reflected on her past choices. She had wished she had just told Yukari about her experience on Gaea. But she risked being ostracized or potentially committed to a psychiatric hospital. Although so much time had passed while she was there, upon her return it was like she had never left. She had woken up on the school track with Amano and Yukari hovering over her. It was the same night she had been whisked away to Gaea with Van. However, instead of running into the soon-to-be king, Hitomi had simply fainted.
For a time, Hitomi had wondered if it had all been a dream. It wasn't until she noticed her pendant missing that she knew for sure. She was certain that Gaea had indeed existed. Fate was cruel, she had determined. She was gifted with the memories of that fantastical world but she couldn't share her tales with anyone.
Oddly enough, it had been Dilandau's sudden intrusion in her life that had sparked a new hope for Hitomi. If Dilandau was real, then Gaea had to exist. Which meant Van was real. Her friends there were all very real. And if he could make it here to Earth, then there had to be a way for her to get to Gaea.
She had tried in the past to replicate the events that led her to that magical world. She studied the alignment of the planets and the stars, theorizing that maybe they had something to do with summoning the pillar of light. Every night she forecasted as being ideal, always resulted in her being disappointed. Even her tarot cards had failed her. No matter how many times she had asked, they refused to give her the answer she longed for. It had been almost a full year since she had tossed her cards away in a box, lost somewhere in her closet.
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It was well into the evening when Hitomi finally arrived at her home. She had taken a detour to help clear her mind. She needed to figure out how to return to Gaea. There was nothing tying her to Earth anymore. Although she had a small group of friends, they didn't fill the void of her heart and soul. She was alone. She didn't even have a plan for her future! She didn't care about getting into university, she simply went through the motions. She was only mimicking her friends and classmates with their aspirations. She didn't want to keep lying to them or herself. I need to get back to Gaea… she vowed she would find a way. One way or another she would get back there.
After she had changed out of her shoes and put on her slippers, she was ready to lay down the law. She had put up with enough of Dilandau's lack of respect for her home and her personal space. She was putting her foot down.
With all the determination she could muster, Hitomi barged into Dilandau's bedroom. He was seated on the floor, enthralled in some video game. Judging from his appearance, Hitomi figured he hadn't even bothered to change into clean clothes. He was only wearing what she guessed were his boxers and a black, tight fitting tank top that clung to his well defined physique. "Hey!" She shouted, trying to get his attention. However he couldn't hear her through his noise cancelling headset.
Hitomi clenched her hands into fists, irritated that he had probably spent his entire day lounging around playing that stupid game. Spotting the powerbar that his gaming console was plugged into, she made her way over and flipped the master power switch off.
"What the fuck!?" Dilandau shouted. He was especially angry as he was close to leveling up his character. He just needed to finish off one more boss. "Onna! What is your problem!?" He demanded, slamming his controller down.
Hitomi stood her ground. The duration of her commute home she has thought long and hard about her new house rules. Now it was time to deliver and she wasn't about to take no for an answer. "As long as you're living in my house you will abide by my rules!" she said firmly. "Rule number one: you are to never, EVER, go into my room!" She held up a finger, as she planned to count out each rule, "Rule number two: you do not bring home any guests with first running it past me. Rule number three: you will clean up after yourself. I am not your housemaid. And as long as you're here you will contribute to the house chores."
She felt good about herself. She had got out all she wanted to say without faltering. She had worried her emotions would have gotten the best of her, but she reminded herself she had to act tough. It also helped that with him sitting on the floor, she felt like she could be more intimidating.
However, while she may have been satisfied with her performance, Dilandau most certainly was not. Clearly annoyed and unimpressed, Dilandau rose to his feet. He strode over to Hitomi so that he could look down on her. "Oh really? Rules eh?" he spoke, his annoyance only increasing. He continued to close the distance between them, forcing Hitomi to back herself up against the wall. "And why if I don't want to obey your rules huh? What are you going to do about it?" He slammed his hand against the wall by her head.
Hitomi felt her heart race. Was he actually going to harm her? Had she completely miscalculated him? He wouldn't dare….or would he? She parted her lips, but no words came out. Dilandau smirked, "That's what I thought, onna." He removed his hand from the wall, "I'll do as I please. Now get out." without saying a word, Hitomi scurried out and fled to the safety of her room.
She closed the door behind herself, leaning against it before slumping down onto the floor. Her confidence had been completely wiped out by him. I'm so weak… she thought to herself, feeling her tears begin to well up in her eyes. "Van…" she whispered his name like a prayer. "Please Van… if you can hear me… I need you… please save me from this…" she clasped her hands together, praying with all her might.
What Hitomi didn't know was that Dilandau had been on the other side of the door. He wanted to relish in her misery. He admitted, he was impressed that she tried to be intimidating but she was just a weak girl. He could break her so easily. She still thinks that pathetic king is going to save her? He scoffed at the very notion. If she only knew the truth, he thought to himself. As he made his way back to his room an interesting idea popped into his devious head. Oh yes… he thought sinisterly while stroking his cheek, that would completely break her…
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A/N: This chapter was a little bit of a challenge to write. Again, I basically scrapped my original draft. It was so devoid of emotion. And again, not really accurate for a typical high school student in Japan. One big change I have made to this fic in general is I didn't have Hitomi quit her running. I don't know why I made that choice before and I regret it. By keeping her in track & field it opens up a lot more possibilities. And let's be frank, would Hitomi really give up on her running? I think even at her most depressed, I think it would be one thing she'd still cling onto. I suppose I was just ignorant of being depressed actually affects people and it's not a one shoe fits all mental illness. With age comes wisdom or something.
Any ways, hope you're still enjoying the fic. I have a lot planning to do for the next couple chapters. They're going to be completely dismantled and reworked.
If you have any comments, questions or want to give any feedback, please don't hesitate to let me know :)
