BURNING FLAMES OR PARADISE
CHAPTER NINE
ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS STAY

All I know is that
You drove us off the road


OCTOBER 2008

The closer the car got to the party the more nervous Kate got, her leg bouncing uncontrollably until Rick placed a calming hand on her knee.

"You'll be fine, Kate," he assured her in a low voice, his thumb brushing over her patella. "We've been in public together before."

Her hand covered his and she squeezed, lifted a prayer to whomever was listening that the shaking in her hands would calm by the time the car stopped. "It's different," she insisted. "We've been on a few dates, and got caught by paparazzi once. This is an actual event, with a red carpet and photographers and reporters asking questions, and-" She gasped for air, her chest constricting, stomach churning. "Oh God, I'm gonna be sick."

Rick shifted in his seat and looked directly in her eyes. "Kate," he said, his voice deep, soothing. "You don't have to talk to them or answer any questions. Just hold onto me and smile."

Kate focused on his eyes, so clear and concerned, and finally offered him a small smile, just a lift of her lips. She was still nervous; he was a public figure, sure, but he stayed under the radar most of the time. Their one encounter with paparazzi had been relatively minor, just a picture of them walking hand-in-hand on a sunny day.

But this was different. Not only was it a party for the launch of his book, but it was for Heat Wave, the first Nikki Heat book.

The book that she'd inspired.

She'd read it, having given him her final blessing per their arrangement, helped him with procedural details and given careful feedback on the character of Nikki herself. Aside from the dedication and acknowledgments, she'd approved every word. But that didn't mean she wasn't nervous.

She was terrified.

What if the book wasn't successful? What if Nikki wasn't a hit, or people hated her? What if the critics, or Black Pawn, blamed Kate? What if Rick did, too?

"Just stay close to me when we get there," Rick continued, breaking her out of her thoughts. "I won't leave you to the wolves."

Before Kate could voice her fears of the book's success and its potential effect on their relationship, the car slowed to a stop in front of the midtown bookstore playing host to the party, and the bright lights of dozens of photographer's flashbulbs threatened to blind her.

Rick looked out the window, then back at her with a lopsided grin. "Ready?"

Kate took a deep breath.

No.

"Sure."

Rick exited the car first, and Kate took a moment to appreciate the way his broad frame filled out his suit before she took his outstretched hand and carefully stepped out of the car onto the red carpet.

She was immediately struck with shouts of "It's her! It's Nikki Heat!" and yelled questions about her relationship with Rick. But, as he'd suggested, she just smiled, took his outstretched hand, and walked past them.

Unfortunately, his promise to stand by her side the whole time was short-lived, as his publicist whisked him away almost immediately. Kate joined Ryan and Esposito, who had wrangled tickets for the event, at the bar.

"You clean up nice, Beckett," Ryan observed, earning a snort from his partner.

Kate just raised a brow. "I didn't realize you two were such fans of Rick's work." She looked at Espo as she teased them, knowing for a fact that her friend hadn't picked up a crime novel, by his own free will, in the five-plus years she'd known him.

Espo just smirked as he lifted his champagne flute to his lips. "Some of us just like the high life."

"Uh huh." She spotted Captain Montgomery across the room and lifted her glass in greeting, but when she brought her attention back to Ryan and Espo, she found them staring at her intently. "What?"

"We asked if you've seen the dedication."

"No," Kate answered, brows knitted in confusion. "Why?"

The boys just shared a look, and Ryan handed her a book. She opened it, her heart racing, and felt her breath catch.

"Hey guys," she heard Rick behind Ryan, "having a good time?"

Kate ignored the conversation happening in front of her as she read.

To Kate, with all my love, who has changed my life more than she knows.

She finally noticed the silence around her, and she blinked away the tears in her eyes, looked up at her boyfriend. "Rick," she breathed, "this is-"

"Too much?"

"No." She set the book down and reached for his hand. "It's wonderful. Thank you."

Rick pulled her into his arms and locked his fingers at the small of her back. "I meant every word." He kissed her slowly, a long caress of his lips against hers. "I lo-"

"No," Kate interrupted, her fingers over his mouth. "You're not saying it out loud for the first time here."

Rick smirked. "Later, then."

She kissed him again. "Later."


"Rick, that's amazing, congratulations," Kate said, her joy evident through the phone. Although she was at work for another few hours, Rick had needed to call her right away, homicides be damned. She could spare a few minutes for great news.

Rick couldn't help but grin. "Thanks. When are you off? Wanna come over and celebrate?"

"Ew, Dad!"

He spun around to see his daughter standing at the kitchen table, textbooks in her arms and a mortified look on her face. "That's not what I meant, pumpkin," he insisted. When Alexis just made a gagging noise and sat down, he chuckled and turned his attention back to the phone. "Well, maybe a little. I better go."

"Me too. If I'm not out of here too late I'll try to come over."

"Sounds great."

"'Kay. Love you."

Rick felt his face flush at her words. Although they professed their love for each other a few weeks before, he was still getting used to hearing Kate say it. And her saying it first was rare.

"Love you too. Bye." He turned to Alexis, smiling when he saw her engrossed in her homework. While he'd spent his teenage years causing trouble and getting expelled, she was the exact opposite, and showed study habits of someone much older than her 14 years. Alexis was smart and dedicated.

She'd be fine.

"Hey, honey?"

"Hmm?"

Rick sat next to her and covered her book with his hand, causing her to look up. He saw her curiosity, and slight concern, in her expression. "We need to talk about something."

Alexis set her pencil down and turned to him. "Okay. What's up?"

"You know my new book has been doing well."

"Yeah, Paige's mom loved it."

"Great. Well, Black Pawn wants to commit to at least two more books, make a trilogy."

Alexis burst into a grin and she almost flew into his arms. "Congratulations, Dad! I'll bet Kate's thrilled."

Rick winced. He hadn't told Kate about the multi-book offer, just about its successful debut and several week stay at the top of the Times best seller list. And he hadn't told her about the other offer, either. He needed to tell his daughter first. "I've been offered something else, too. A different series."

"Something new?"

He shook his head. "No, something established, just to take the reins for awhile." He fell silent, drawing out the suspense, until Alexis yelled "What?!" and made him jump. "Bond. I've been asked to write the next Bond."

Alexis gasped. "Bond?"

"James Bond," Rick repeated back, grinning. It was a dream of his, always had been, ever since he'd read Casino Royale as a child and decided he wanted to craft stories like that. He laughed when Alexis launched herself into his arms again, felt her grinning into his shoulder.

"Dad, that's amazing! Congratulations!"

"Thanks, pumpkin." He allowed himself a few moments to enjoy the hug, then nudged her away. "There are a couple catches, though."

"Of course."

"One, I couldn't write anymore Nikki Heat, it'd be too much at once."

"Hmm. Okay. What else?"

"I wouldn't shadow Kate anymore."

Alexis considered. "Okay."

"Three-" Rick paused and took a deep breath. "They want me to go to London to research."

"London?"

"Yes."

"Oh." Alexis was silent for a long time, so long it almost became uncomfortable, but finally she exhaled and nodded. "All right. How long would we be gone?"

"I don't know yet," Rick admitted. He didn't have all of the details of the opportunity, only what he'd told Alexis. He'd wanted to talk to her about it first, before getting his hopes up. He'd only accept if she was okay with living in London for the foreseeable future.

His thoughts turned to Kate next. He was in love with her, and he believed that she loved him too, and the thought of her coming with him to London was thrilling. Shadowing her to write Naked Heat had been wonderful, and their relationship had grown more than he'd hoped. He didn't want to give up Nikki Heat, but writing James Bond was a lifelong dream.

If he could write Bond, and do it with Kate at his side? That would be even better.

Alexis seemed to read his mind. "What about Kate? Would she come too?" she asked.

Rick sighed. "I haven't told her about it yet."

"Ah." Alexis gathered her books and pressed a kiss to his cheek. "You should talk to her. I'm going to finish my homework upstairs."

"'Kay. I'll call you for dinner." He grabbed his phone and pulled up his text conversation with Kate, his fingers hovering over the keyboard. When's your next day off?

Her reply came almost immediately, bringing a smile to his lips.

Tomorrow. Wanna come over?

I'll bring the coffee.


She was speechless, her mind unable to form any thought coherent enough for her mouth to communicate to her boyfriend. Pride, fear, nerves: each emotion swirled inside her, leaving her frozen in place.

James Bond. It was a huge deal.

"Yeah, it is," Rick replied.

Kate blinked at him. She hadn't realized she'd said it out loud. "I'm so proud of you" she finally praised, grinning despite her internal conflict.

She wasn't even sure what was causing her distress. Well not completely. Writing the next Bond novel was a huge step for him, but he'd insisted on hands-on research for Nikki Heat, so she had no reason to believe that shadowing someone in MI-6 would be off the table.

"There's one more thing, though," Rick continued, and Kate steeled herself.

"Okay."

"If I want it to be as accurate as possible, I'd have to go to London." He paused, gave her just enough time to fidget. "For at least a year."

She gaped at him. A year? She'd expected him to relocate, but a full year? Maybe more? What about Alexis and her school? His mom?

What about her?

"I haven't accepted yet," he continued, interrupting her thoughts. He reached across the couch and took her hand. "I talked to Alexis and my mother, and they both said it's ultimately my decision. Mother would stay here, live in the loft. Sublet for free," he added with a smirk. "Alexis is game for either. She loves New York, but I also know she'd love the adventure and the opportunity to experience life overseas for awhile." He turned to her, a tender look in his eye. "Before I decided, I wanted to talk to you."

Kate smiled and squeezed his hand. Although they'd been together - again - for ten months, and their relationship had evolved into a more conventional one and not purely physical, she was still floored that he wanted her input on such a monumental decision.

"It would mean no more Nikki Heat, right?" she asked, although she knew the answer even before he nodded. Her mind swirled with conflict. Having Rick in the precinct, working cases with her and her team, had been amazing. At first she'd needed to endure more than her fair share of teasing, especially when the book cover had been revealed with a naked silhouette of the titular character.

And his precinct-set Cosmo interview hadn't helped.

But still, a year without Rick? Or more?

She hadn't tried to have a long distance relationship since college, and while she was in a good place emotionally with her mom's case - and didn't let herself get lost in other cases as much as in the past - she wasn't sure how their relationship would endure.

Her worry must have shown on her face, because Rick's fingers along her jaw brought her out of her thoughts. She covered his hand with hers, turned her head to press a kiss to the inside of his wrist.

She knew what she had to do.

"I love you," she said sincerely, her gaze locked on his. "Go to London, Rick. It's your dream."

Rick's face lit up and he kissed her, his tongue teasing her bottom lip before he stiffened and pulled away.

"What do you mean, go?"

Kate cupped his jaw. "I mean go to London," she repeated with a chuckle. Had he misheard her?

Rick's brow furrowed, and he shook his head. "But you said to go - you wouldn't come?"

Kate barked out a laugh, but when she saw the confused look on his face, she stopped. Oh. "You're serious?"

"Yeah. Come with me."

She dropped her hand to his thigh. "I can't," she insisted gently. "I'd need a Visa to be able to work, and I don't know that I could even get a job. Especially not for a limited time."

"It'll be paid for by Black Pawn," Rick explained. "You wouldn't need to work."

"I wouldn't-" Kate stopped herself, the rest of her sentence lost to incredulity. "I'm a cop, Rick. It's who I am."

"No, it's what you do."

"I-" Kate scoffed. "As long as you've known me, you still don't get it, do you?" She stood, shoved her hands in the back pockets of her jeans. "I've dedicated my life to being a cop. I've vowed to serve and protect the citizens of my precinct and my city. I can't just walk away from that. Not for a day, not for a year."

Rick stood as well. "I'm not asking you to walk away from being a cop. I'm asking you to join my daughter and me on an adventure."

"I'm sorry, but-"

"Stop." He ran his fingers through his hair, a motion that Kate recognized as frustration. "Whatever you're going to attempt to apologize for, just don't." He sighed and shrugged. "I want to be with you, Kate. It's that simple."

"No, you want me to give up my career, to relocate to a city for an undetermined amount of time, a city where I don't know anybody."

"You wouldn't be giving up your career, just putting it on hold."

"It doesn't work that way!" She was almost yelling, hands curled into fists, her nails digging into her palms. She wanted to shake his shoulders, knock some sense into him, to run away. "You can't just not be a cop for a year, or more, and then just show up one day and say 'I'm back!'"

"Why not?"

Kate growled in frustration. "Never mind. I'm not coming with you, Rick, and that's final. I have a life here, a career. A home."

Rick pursed his lips. "I thought your life was with me."

His words almost knocked Kate on her heels. How could the two of them be so far apart in their perception of their relationship? She loved him, she had no doubt about that. But she hadn't thought about the future, about where they may go.

Obviously he had.

It terrified her, but she was too angry at him to think about it. Angry at his assumption that she'd just drop everything for him, for his career, to give up her own career that she'd worked so hard for.

"No, Rick. My life isn't with you. You're just part of it."

She regretted her words as soon as his face fell. But they were out there, hanging between them, the tension so thick she could almost feel it.

"I see." Rick sighed and grabbed his phone from the coffee table. "Don't worry, you won't have to deal with me anymore."

"Rick-"

"It's fine. I'll see you around."

In a moment that gave her deja vu from the last time they'd broken up, he opened her door, shut it behind him, the resulting silence deafening.

He was gone.