BURNING FLAMES OR PARADISE
CHAPTER TWELVE
OUT OF THE WOODS
Remember when we couldn't take the heat?
I walked out, I said, "I'm setting you free"
But the monsters turned out to be just trees
When the sun came up, you were looking at me
DECEMBER 2009
"Katherine, welcome!" Martha greeted her, flinging the door wide open with her usual flourish. She pulled Kate into a tight hug before releasing her and taking the bag she was carrying. "Take off your coat, get comfortable. Richard should be back in a few minutes."
Kate paused. "Oh, I thought - am I early?"
Martha shook her head. "Not at all. He had to run to the store," she clarified. "Come in, would you like wine?"
"Please." She glanced around as she took off her shoes, marvelling at the impressive decorations, despite Rick and Alexis only returning a few days before. Knowing how much Rick loved Christmas she's not surprised that he managed to decorate, but since he would only be in town for two weeks, almost every inch of the living room covered in garland and tinsel was more than she'd expected.
"Did you decorate before they came home?" Kate asked when Martha handed her a glass of wine.
Martha chuckled and motioned to the living room. "Oh heavens no," she admitted as they sat on the couch. "Richard didn't even unpack his suitcase before he was dragging us to get the tree."
Kate smiled and shook her head. That sounded like him, all right.
"I've been meaning to call you," Martha continued. "I don't know what exactly happened between you two, but I never wanted it to come between us. I care for you as one of my own, Katherine. As much as my son was hurting, I can only imagine you suffered as well." She placed her wine glass on the coffee table. "I hate to think of you trying to heal alone."
Kate's eyes filled with unshed tears and she blinked, willing them not to fall. She had been alone, and all of her own doing. God, why did she make herself suffer more than she needed to? "I couldn't," she admitted after a long silence. Her glass joined Martha's, and she dropped her gaze to her hands where they lay tangled in her lap. "Rick walked away, but I didn't even try to follow. I couldn't even bring myself to get the things that I'd left here." She shook her head and sniffled. "It was just too hard."
Martha reached out and placed a comforting hand on her knee. "And now?" she encouraged.
"It's easy," Kate answered, lifting her gaze to the older woman. She knew Martha was telling the truth, that she saw Kate as family. For so long she'd been without her mom, so to finally have that figure in her life again overwhelmed her. And she'd pulled away, had lost out on so much support.
She let her tears fall, finally let herself feel her emotions. "I'm sorry, Martha," she finally managed. "I'm so sorry."
"Oh, Katherine," Martha breathed, scooting closer and pulling Kate into a hug. "You have nothing to apologize for."
"Did I hear the door - oh my God, what's wrong?"
Kate and Martha looked up at Alexis's panicked voice, and Martha stood, walked over to her granddaughter.
"Nothing," Martha assured her with an arm around her shoulders. "We were just having a brief heart-to-heart."
Kate swiped her cheeks and stood to accept the hug Alexis offered. "I'm just being dramatic," she joked. "Welcome home."
Alexis beamed. "Thanks. It's good to be home. Dad should be back soon," she added with a knowing glance at the duffel bag by the door.
Kate felt her cheeks flush and she moved over to retrieve it. As soon as she dropped it inside Rick's bedroom door she heard the front door open and his familiar voice ring through the apartment.
"Is Kate here yet?"
"Yes, and it took you long enough," Martha answered, a mild scold to her voice.
"Yeah, it was crazy. I should've expected that. But alas." Rick's voice got louder as he approached his room, and when he spotted her in the door, his face morphed into a crooked grin. "Hey you," he said, quieter, for her ears only as he reached for her.
Kate smiled and stepped into his solid frame, accepted the brief kiss he dropped to her mouth. "Hi," she echoed, lifting herself to her toes so she could continue kissing him.
To hell with dinner, she just wanted to consume the meal in front of her.
Her hands dipped under his belt and she scraped her nails along his lower back, just above his ass.
His hips jerked forward, colliding with hers, and she smiled against his mouth even as his tongue tangled with hers.
"Kate," Rick moaned, pulling away. "Not now."
Kate nipped at his bottom lip and swept her tongue along it, reveling at the snap of his hips, his growing desire. They'd only been apart for a month, had talked plenty over the phone and Skype - talked and improvised other activities - but being with him again, in his home, in his arms, with food he'd cooked in the kitchen-
Food.
Dammit.
"Later," she promised, her fingers fluttering against his ass. "Come on, let's eat." When he just reached for her again, she easily stepped away. "With your mother and daughter," she reminded him with emphasis on his two relatives.
Rick scraped a hand over his face and took a deep, calming breath. "Right. Christmas. Dinner. I just really missed you."
Kate couldn't help but smile. "I missed you too. But I'm staying over," she continued, motioning to her duffel bag, "so we'll have plenty of time later."
Rick returned her grin. "And I can't wait," he teased, sliding his hand into hers.
She looked down at their joined hands and drew her bottom lip between her teeth as he led her back out to the living room. When she'd been in London for her birthday, she'd opened herself up to him again, had gladly accepted his invitation into his bed. And they'd talked, a long-overdue, much needed conversation about their last breakup.
"I still love you, Kate," Rick murmured into her hair, tightening his arm around her shoulders. "I've never stopped."
Kate sighed and propped her chin on his chest so she could look at him. "Me too. I've missed you," she admitted. "I've missed this. We could've at least tried to have a long distance relationship."
Rick's eyes narrowed. "I didn't think you wanted to. You rejected me, remember?"
"No," Kate said slowly, pushing herself up. She crossed her legs and perched herself by his hip. "That's not what happened at all."
Rick sat up and leaned against the headboard. "Yeah, it was," he insisted. "I asked you to come with me and you said no."
"You wanted me to drop everything and follow you here, Rick. You just dismissed my life, my career that I've worked so hard for." Kate shook her head. "I don't believe this. You think it's my fault. In your mind, you're blameless."
"That's not fair."
"No, you're not being fair. You expected that you'd come to London and I'd just put my life on hold and come with you. And when I said no, you fucking walked out. You didn't even give it a chance. Sure, it would've been hard, but not impossible."
"Look, Kate, I don't know if you realize this," Rick responded, his voice bitter, almost sarcastic, "but you're not exactly easy to have a relationship with. You're a bit closed off. It's hard enough when we're in the city, but with an ocean between us?" He shrugged. "I'm not optimistic about those odds."
Kate's jaw dropped and she just stared at him, speechless. She thought they'd moved past their last fight, the hurt from that break up. She'd certainly felt some healing, had thought their reconnecting was the start of a renewed, stronger relationship.
Obviously, she was wrong.
"I'm trying, Rick," she finally managed, her voice cracking with the emotion she didn't want him to see. "I'm sorry I'm not perfect, or that you can't see past your expectations to recognize that I've been working on myself."
She couldn't look at him, refused to meet his eyes as she slid from the bed and retrieved her clothes, even as she heard him mutter a curse and stand. She started tugging her dress over her head but was stopped by his hand on her arm, and she paused, lifted her gaze to his.
"I'm sorry," Rick breathed. "You're right. I just assumed you had one foot out the door, so I did, too. I ran. I lashed out, then blamed you." He lifted his palm to her cheek and ran his thumb along her cheekbone. "I assumed you'd pause your life for mine, and that was wrong, too. And I'm so sorry."
Kate searched his eyes, looking for any sign that he might just be saying what she wanted to hear. But there was nothing but sincerity and regret. She covered his hand with hers and gave his fingers a light squeeze. "Thank you."
"Can you forgive me?"
She gave him a soft smile and took a step closer. "Of course," she assured him, looping her arms around his neck and lifting her mouth to his.
JUNE 2010
Rick bounced on the balls of his feet as he waited for the elevator to arrive at the homicide floor at the precinct. The original plan upon his return had been for him to meet Kate at her apartment after her shift, but she'd texted him earlier, explained the case she caught that morning was getting more complicated by the minute, and she didn't know when she'd get home.
She'd offered the next day as an alternative, but he hadn't seen her in almost three months, since she'd visited for his birthday in April. He didn't want to wait another day to have her in his arms, even if she might kill him for surprising her at work.
As soon as the elevator doors opened to reveal the organized chaos of the busy precinct, and he spotted his girlfriend at a whiteboard appearing to give some kind of orders, he knew that it was worth his potential death to see her at work again.
Kate's voice cut through the air and Rick found himself hanging onto every word, even if those words were discussing a murderer.
"We have the profile," she was saying, "now we have to work it. Ryan, you take a few unis and continue canvassing. Someone had to see something, and, no offense Espo, but they're more likely to talk to a fellow Irishman."
Espo tilted his head in understanding. "None taken. Want me to talk to the first vic's boyfriend again? I still think he was hiding something."
Kate nodded. "Yeah, take LT. Montgomery's probably getting his ass chewed at 1PP. Let's give him some good news when he gets back."
Her eyes roamed over the room and passed Rick, and he saw her do a double-take back to him and grin. She started to move towards him, but was cut off by Karpowski, so Rick headed towards the break room to wait and drop off the box of cupcakes he'd picked up, along with coffee for the two of them.
"Yo, welcome back, Castle," Espo greeted him with a clap on his back, reaching into the box. "Sorry we can't catch up."
Rick shrugged. "Later," he promised. "Good luck."
Kate appeared after a few minutes, and she rushed into the room, surprised Rick with a hug that almost knocked him over. She gripped the back of his shirt and pressed her cheek into his chest, and Rick felt her whole body relax.
"Tough case?" he murmured, wrapping his arms around her waist. She rarely showed affection in the precinct, so he took advantage and dropped a kiss to her head.
Kate nodded and took a step back. "You don't even know," she admitted. Her gaze dropped to the table next to him and her eyes brightened. "Is that for me?" she asked, motioning to the coffee.
Rick grinned. "Of course."
"Oh my God, you're the best." Kate took a long drink and moaned, sinking into a chair. "God, that's good. I thought I wouldn't see you until tomorrow."
"Yeah, well," Rick shrugged, joining her at the table and picking up his own coffee, "I couldn't wait. Plus, I know the boys missed me," he teased.
Kate quirked an eyebrow but just continued drinking. After a few minutes of sitting in a comfortable silence, her ankle hooked around his, she stood and dropped the cup in the trash. "I gotta get back out there," she sighed, arching her back in a stretch.
Rick snagged her hand when she started to pass him, and he brushed his lips across her knuckles, just about the only PDA she was comfortable with in the precinct. "Want another set of eyes on the board?" he offered, tightening his grip on her hand as he stood.
Kate bit her bottom lip, and he recognized the look, knew she was considering it. After a minute she shrugged. "Oh, what the hell."
By the time they left the precinct hours later, it was almost dark, and Rick hailed a cab to take them to Kate's apartment. As he'd reviewed the case file he'd noticed an inconsistency in the statement from the first victim's boyfriend, which Espo had been able to capitalize on during his questioning. They'd ended up getting a confession, so by the time Captain Montgomery returned from 1PP, Kate was already writing up her report.
"This is nice," she sighed, leaning into Rick's side as they climbed the stairs to her second-floor apartment. "You coming home with me. I forgot how helpful you can be, too."
Rick found her hand and squeezed. "It was fun," he agreed. When she paused and gave him a look, he shrugged. "Not the murder part, of course. But working together. I missed it."
Kate unlocked her door and led him inside, hung her keys on the hook behind the door before turning to face him. After he shut and locked the door she reached for him, trailed her hands up his chest and toyed with his shirt collar. "Maybe we can convince Montgomery to let you shadow me again," she suggested, her gaze dropping to the skin she uncovered with each button.
Rick leaned back against the door and tugged his shirt from his pants, so when she finished unbuttoning he dropped it. "Yeah," he agreed, "Nikki Heat might have more adventures." He gasped when Kate unbuckled his belt and slid her hand under his waistband. "Jesus, Kate. Anxious much?"
Kate stepped forward, crowding him against the door, and captured his mouth in a passionate kiss. "Shut up and follow me," she husked, stepping away and walking towards her room, an extra shimmy to her hips.
Rick grabbed his shirt from the floor and obeyed her command, kicking his shoes off in the living room, his belt falling to the floor in the hallway. She was already on her bed when he caught up, bare and waiting, and he froze in the doorway, his mind going blank at the beauty before him.
"I could get used to this," he told her, shedding his pants and boxers at the foot of her bed before joining her. "We should come home together more often." He hovered over her and bent his head to kiss her, but before his mouth touched hers, her hands were on his face.
"Yeah?" she asked, her eyes locked on his.
Rick propped himself so he could look in her eyes. "Yeah. Now that I'm back in New York, maybe we can talk about the next step," he suggested.
"Next step meaning…"
"Living arrangements."
Kate smirked and tilted her head. "Richard Castle, are you asking me to move in with you?"
He searched her eyes, her face, trying to read her, to anticipate what she was thinking. They'd avoided talk of their future, having agreed to take their relationship one day at a time. But he knew what he wanted. And he hoped that she wanted the same thing.
He brushed her hair back from her forehead and looked deep into her hazel eyes. "Yes, Kate," he finally answered. "I'm asking you to move in with me."
Her smile widened, and she gripped his biceps, used them to lift herself to his mouth. "It's about damn time."
SEPTEMBER 2010
"By the way, what were you guys talking about before she left?" Rick asked one night that autumn, as he dished up the takeout they'd picked up on their way home from the precinct.
Kate handed him a beer, but she passed on a drink herself, unable to shake the feeling that she should avoid alcohol for the time being. They'd just wrapped up a hectic case, one that required the assistance of the FBI, so she hadn't had time to stop at a store. She would the next day, she promised herself, as long as she could sneak away without arousing suspicion.
Rick gave her a puzzled look when he spotted the water. "No drink?"
"Not tonight." Kate didn't offer any more, and Rick didn't press, so she joined him at the kitchen counter. "You mean Agent Shaw?"
"Yeah, it looked serious."
Kate took a long sip of water as she considered how much to tell her boyfriend. The conversation with the agent had been brief, but one that could affect not just her career, but her entire future. "Oh, right. It was interesting," she finally admitted. "She actually told me about a job opening. On her team," she added.
Rick froze with his fork halfway to his mouth, and he slowly put it down, his gaze turning to her. "Isn't her team based in DC?"
"Yes."
"So, you'd move there, and you'd travel all the time."
"Let's not get ahead of ourselves," Kate insisted, placing her hand on his. "I haven't even looked at the job, let alone decided whether or not to apply."
"I see." Rick pushed his plate away, his voice and movements stilted and cold. "And were you going to tell me?"
Kate tilted her head, confused at his reaction. "Of course. Why are you reacting like this?"
Rick shrugged. "I had to ask you about it," he pointed out. "Makes me wonder, is all."
"Okay, what the hell is wrong with you?" Kate pushed her plate away as well, her appetite gone. "This could be an amazing opportunity for me, Rick. And who knows, I could apply and not get an interview. Or interview but not get it."
"Oh, please," Rick scoffed, downing his beer and standing. "You're an amazing detective, and you impressed the hell out of Shaw. You're a shoe-in. So where would that leave us?"
Kate followed him as he retreated towards his office. "What the hell does that mean? We made it work when you were in London, and that was even farther."
"And you want to keep doing that?"
"No," Kate admitted, "but if I don't at least explore this, I'll regret it for the rest of my life." She reached out and curled her fingers around his forearm to stop him. "Hey, Rick, come on. Don't be like this. Don't make me choose between you and my career. Not again."
Rick let out a long sigh and turned, his dark gaze finding hers. "I wouldn't do that. Because I think we both know what you'd choose." He tugged his arm from her grasp.
"That's not fair."
"I can't talk about this anymore, Kate. Do what you think is best for you. I have to pack."
Kate sank onto his desk and scrubbed her hand over her face. She knew Rick was overreacting, that this argument was bringing up old feelings from when he'd gone to London. They were for her, too; but, much like he'd pursued that opportunity, she needed to do the same for herself.
He was leaving early the next morning for a week-long book conference in Atlanta, and although Kate wanted to continue their conversation, she could tell by the set of his shoulders that he had no interest in talking anymore.
She was doing the right thing. She was sure of it. But, when Rick slid out of bed a few short hours later and left without a word, she wondered what it might cost her.
A/N: This is the penultimate chapter. The next (and final) chapter takes place after chapter one, so if you need a refresher, please re-read. As always, thank you for reading!
