When you were standing in the wake of devastation
When you were waiting on the edge of the unknown
And with the cataclysm raining down, insides crying save me now
You were there impossibly alone
Do you feel cold and lost in desperation
You build up hope but failure's all you've known
Remember all the sadness and frustration
And let it go, let it go
And in the burst of light that blinded every angel
As if the sky had blown the heavens into stars
You felt the gravity of temper grace falling into empty space
No one there to catch you in their arms
Do you feel cold and lost in desperation
You build up hope but failure's all you've known
Remember all the sadness and frustration
And let it go, let it go
Do you feel cold and lost in desperation
You build up hope but failure's all you've known
Remember all the sadness and frustration
And let it go
Let it go
Let it go
Let it go
Let it go
Do you feel cold and lost in desperation
You build up hope but failure's all you've known
Remember all the sadness and frustration
And let it go, let it go
by Linkin Park
Chapter 9: Iridescent
It would be a few more days before Hitomi was finally discharged from the hospital. Even though her wounds were healing well, she was required to undergo a full psychiatric evaluation. She loathed her daily sessions with Dr Mizuno. She had no issue with her as a person, but she dreaded having to open up and discuss the problems that plagued her mind.
It would have been much simpler if she could have told the doctor the whole truth, but explaining about Gaea would have resulted in her donning a straight jacket. It wouldn't help her case and goal to get out of the hospital. So she had to get creative, and danced around the truth. Gaea became a holiday overseas where she made new friends and ultimately fell in love with a boy named "Tatsuya." Before they parted, they had promised their love to each other, with Hitomi giving him her most prized possession, her heirloom necklace.
As the years passed, she longed to reunite with him. After the tragic accident that stole her family, she tried to reach him, to find him but it was to no avail. That was until an old acquaintance had strolled into her life to purposely make her life miserable. He offered to take her to meet her old flame, only to discover he had moved on.
The sessions with the doctor, as much as she loathed them, did help. I hated to admit it, but the doctor had made good points. But perhaps what she enjoyed the most was being able to express herself in a judgment free zone. No matter what she said, the doctor assured her that she wasn't there to judge, but rather to support and help her.
Hitomi felt relieved to see Yukari waiting for her after she was discharged. "You got everything?" Yukari asked, wanting to make sure nothing got left behind. Hitomi held up her duffle bag, which her friend had dropped off earlier in the week, and the bouquet of flowers that had been transferred into a vase.
When they arrived at the Kanzaki home, Yukari jumped into action to help her friend get settled in. While Hitomi had been in the hospital, she enlisted the help of Dilandau to make sure the house was clean, particularly the bathroom. The scent of her friend's blood would forever linger in her memories. Her body shuddered at the memory of seeing the bathroom for the first time. It pained her that her best friend thought that taking her own life was the only solution.
She tried to shake off the memory, and went about showing Hitomi all the work she had accomplished in the past few days. She and the rest of their friends had prepped enough meals for Hitomi to live off of for the next week. Hitomi scolded her friend for making such a fuss and had done too much for her.
"Hitomi, we were all worried for you. We just wanted to make sure you didn't need to worry about anything else." Hitomi shifted uncomfortably, not knowing what to say. She knew she should be happy and grateful, but she still didn't feel comfortable expressing such emotions yet.
"Thank you, Yukari." Hitomi finally said, "and let the others know, I am grateful. I'm just not used to this…"
Yukari pulled her friend into a tight embrace. "We all care about you, whether you believe it or not. So please don't ever hesitate to ask us for anything, ok?"
"Okay, I'll try." Yukari smiled and gave her friend one last tight squeeze.
"I'm glad to hear you say that." She loosened the embrace, "Now if you need anything, even just to talk, just give me a call or send me a text." Hitomi assured her that she would be fine and pulled out the bottle of antidepressants she had been prescribed.
Before Yukari made her departure, she pulled Dilandau aside to speak to him in private. "I know I've already said this, but thank you for saving her. I really don't know what I would have done if she had of…" she trailed off, knowing full well she would have blamed herself. She looked up and locked eyes with him, "Just… please keep a watchful eye on her for me. I don't want to lose her."
Something about the look she gave him struck a chord within him. He wanted to simply roll his eyes and say "sure, whatever, I'll try," in a snarky, sarcastic tone. But it was the fear in her eyes and the desperate look on her face, it reminded him of a very similar look she had given him. He mentally tried to shake off the memories of his youth, the time before the scientist began their fate altering experiments on him.
"I'll do my best," he finally said, uncertain if he genuinely meant it.
Yukari felt a smile pull at her lips and without any warning, she embraced Dilandau. "Thank you," she said as she hugged him tight. Dilandau's body froze momentarily. This closeness was something he wasn't used to, it felt so forgein.
Shortly after Yukari departed, Dilandau, staying true to his word, went to go check on Hitomi. He came to a stop at her bedroom, the door had been left partially open. The floor creaked beneath his foot as he took a step toward the door, alerting Hitomi to the nearby presence. "Yukari, I'm fine," she called out as she continued to put away her things. "You don't need to stick around all day."
"Wrong person," Dilandau responded.
Hitomi felt her body freeze at the sound of his voice. She still couldn't shake the vision she had experienced in the hospital. Her heart raced with uncertainty. "You don't need to stay. You can go move into your new place." She answered in a sharp tone before turning to face him. "You've won Dilandau." She had gathered all the strength she could muster up. "You should have just let me die." She spat out bitterly at him.
He clenched his fist tightly. "You know most people would have been happy if someone saved their life." he growled.
Her eyes narrowed at him. How could he be so oblivious!? She thought to herself. "Generally if someone is trying to kill themselves, they don't want to be saved!" She could feel her body begin to quiver as she held back her anger and frustration. She wanted nothing more than to forcefully throw him out of her home. But she knew she could never physically overpower him. She was powerless against him. She turned away in defeat, she didn't have the energy to deal with him. "Just go away, please." her voice wavered as she tried to control the fleury of emotions coursing through her.
Dilandau left her to wallow in her own misery, returning to his room. He kicked over the tower of empty boxes as he made his way over to his futon. He was growing frustrated with the conflicting emotions he found himself experiencing. In the past, before fate had granted him a second chance at life, he knew exactly what he would have done. He would have left her there to die. There was no question in his mind about that.
What had changed, he wondered as he laid down on his unmade futon. The answer was not clear to him, which only frustrated him the more he dwelled on the issue. He let out a heavy sigh, he would figure it eventually.
He stared blankly up at the ceiling, allowing his mind to wander. He needed a distraction. He brought his hands to his head and rubbed his temples in an attempt to clear his mind. The effort would prove to be futile as he thoughts seemed to want to circle around her, Hitomi.
Sighing in defeat, he allowed his mind to think of her, reflecting on his first encounter of the moon witch. It seemed like a lifetime ago when he had set foot in Castelo, the Asturian outpost commanded by thorn in his side, Sir Allen Shezar. Dilandau had stood proudly before his Dragonslayers, his blood red eyes scanned the room observing the sad excuse for soldiers gathered. They were hardly a threat for him and his men. Crushing the fortress would be a breeze.
"I request that you supply weapons, food, and water. We're engaged in urgent military maneuvers." Dilandau demanded from the Knight of Cali.
"I'll do the best I can," The knight replied, his deep blue eyes glanced to his left at the sound of some commotion.
Dilandau noted the knight's distraction and chose his words carefully. Prior to their arrival he had received intel that the knight may have been hiding their target. "By the way, Sir Allen," he began, "You haven't seen a strange guymelef in the area have you?" He carefully watched the knight's reactions, looking for the faintest sign that he knew more than he let on.
Allen had remained cool and collected, however it was evident that there was something bothering him. His eye twitched ever so slightly after Dilandau's inquiry. "No, not that I know of. It wouldn't have anything to do with the maneuvers that require a floating fortress, would they?"
Very clever Allen, Dilandau thought as he raised a brow. Their mission was of the utmost importance and secrecy. He couldn't just divulge their interest in the strange guymelef. He would have to be careful with how he proceeded with their discussion. "Possibly," he answered in a nonchalant tone.
Allen didn't appear satisfied with the answer and pressed further, "Would it have anything to do with Fanelia to the west being attacked?" The question had Dilandau's full attention. He reflected on the attack from the night before. It had been glorious, and he delighted engulfing the sad little country in flames.
He let out a chuckle, "That run-down little country?" he stroked his cheek as a grin tugged at his lips. "Maybe it's leaders were eaten by the dragons that wander that valley." He looked back at the knight giving him a cunning smirk as he studied his reactions. "It's such a fitting end for such a backwater country, don't you think?" Dilandau was convinced that the knight was hiding his target and his words were chosen very carefully to provoke the cowardly king to reveal himself.
"At any rate, it was a country of cowards led by a king who's gone into hiding. Who cares what happened to them." His tone dripped with venom, intending to expose his prey. He let out a malicious chuckle, knowing his plan would succeed. He was abruptly interrupted by a voice coming from behind some of Allen's men.
"Not showing yourself during battle is cowardly, wouldn't you say?" the determined voice asked. Dilandau glared in the direction of the voice to see whom it belonged to. Before him stood a boy, a bit on the scrawny side he noticed. His eyes narrowed, he was displeased with the interruption. Deciding to teach the boy a lesson, Dilandau walked determinedly in his direction.
As he approached the lean, raven haired boy, something else caught his eye. Standing just behind him was a rather odd looking girl. He shoved the boy aside with ease to get a better look of her. Upon first glance, the girl could have mistaken for a boy with her sandy coloured hair cropped so short. Her clothing is what truly set her apart. It was so strange, so foreign. He had never encountered anything quite like it. She was a mystery and he was intrigued to know more. "I've never seen clothes like yours before. Where are you from girl?" he stared her down, looking for any sort of tell. She looked up at him, her emerald eyes wide with fear.
Before the odd girl could answer, Allen had intervened. "She's my new lover." he proudly declared as he walked up behind her, "I found her in the East." He placed his hands gently on her delicate shoulders and gave them a slight squeeze. "Her name is Hitomi," Allen proceeded to do what he did best and placed a tender kiss on the girl's cheek. Her cheeks had flushed a bright pink, but she didn't seem to protest. "As I said, Lord Dilandau,"
Dilandau turned his head away in mild disgust. He knew he shouldn't have been surprised by the knight. "You live up to your reputation, Allen Schezar." he spat. "I hope you put the same effort into our provisions." he glanced back at the strange girl. Her face gave away the charade. If she was indeed the knight's lover, then why did she seem so stunned by the grand gesture?
Dilandau ran his fingers through the silky silver locks of his hair and gave it a tug out of frustration. Why did it always come back to her? Had she used her strange power on him? His life had been so simple before he met her. He cared for nothing except himself.
He held a hand up over his face and stared at it intently. He could still recall how bloodied his hands had been after he had tended to her wounds. Why did it still bother him? And what was this nagging feeling he felt in his chest? He let his hand drop to his side, emotions are so bothersome, he determined. All they seemed to do was further complicate everything.
Perhaps tracking down the moon witch was not the best plan after all. Ever since he had found her, things had gone awry. She was a shadow of her former self. She was broken, just as he was and perhaps that was the root of it all. On some level they were the same, two broken souls.
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
A/N: My goodness, this was a challenge. I wanted to make this chapter longer, and I'm pretty sure it is compared to the original draft. Regardless, I wanted it to be longer, but there's only so much mental conflict and turmoil I can write about. That in itself was mentally exhausting and draining for myself. I do apologize if this chapter got a little boring. But I did want to delve into the mind of Dilandau a bit. The poor little pyro is so misunderstood.
I've apparently inadvertently put myself in a mental funk writing these past few chapters. They just forced me to tap into things I haven't felt in a very long time. Not sure when I'll get around to doing the next chapter. I think I'll need a few days to recoup before I'm mentally ready for what next.
