Hmm, hmm
Wake up and smell the coffee
Is your cup half full or empty?
When we talk, you say it softly
But I love it when you're awfully quiet
Hmm, hmm quiet
Hmm, hmm
You see a piece of paper
Could be a little greater
Show me what you could make her
You'll never know until you try it
Hmm, hmm
And you don't have to keep it quiet
And I know it makes you nervous
But I promise you, it's worth it
To show 'em everything you kept inside
Don't hide, don't hide
Too shy to say, but I hope you stay
Don't hide away
Come out and play
Look up, out of your window
See snow, won't let it in though
Leave home, feel the wind blow
'Cause it's colder here inside in silence
You don't have to keep it quiet
Yeah, I know it makes you nervous
But I promise you, it's worth it
To show 'em everything you kept inside
Don't hide, don't hide
Too shy to say but I hope you stay
Don't hide away
Come out and play
By Billie Eilish
Chapter 12: Come Out and Play
Hitomi stirred from her slumber to the delicate sound of the furin dancing in the gentle breeze. As her senses slowly awoke, she became aware of a number of things that were not as they should have been. For one thing, she found herself to be laying on the edge of the futon with very little of the kakebuton covering her. Her eyes tried to focus on her surroundings, taking notice that she certainly wasn't in her room.
Panic surged through her body, sending her on high alert. If she wasn't in her room, then where was she? In the back of her mind and in the pit of her stomach she already knew the answer. Cautiously she turned her head to gain visual confirmation. Her eyes widened as they came to land on the still soundly sleeping silver haired boy.
Her heart raced wildly and she could feel the blood rush to her cheeks. This is bad, this is bad, this is bad! Her mind reeled, trying to determine if there was any possible way she could escape without waking him. She would need to be extra careful and stealthy if she were to pull it off. Luckily, she realized that he had long since released her hand so she at least had that going for her.
With great care, she slowly but surely inched herself off the futon trying her best to not disturb his slumber. She kept her eyes trained on him as she maneuvered her body, watching for the slightest indication he was beginning to wake. She hadn't exactly thought through what she would do if he did awaken. She shook off that thought and focused solely on her escape.
She felt a wave of relief wash over her when she managed to slide out and onto the tatami floor. She quickly glanced toward the doorway to the engawa. It wasn't that far, she reasoned. She could make it, she just needed to be extra quiet. Each step felt like a lifetime as she silently tip-toed across the room. The tension in her body begin to relax the moment she had successfully crossed the threshold of the room to the outside.
Without another thought, she diligently made her way back to her room. The sun had only just begun to rise, indicating to her that she would have plenty of time to get back without being spotted. To save some time, she cut through the courtyard at a hastened pace. Only when she had entered the safety of her room did she feel herself finally relax. She took some deep calming breaths to steady herself. She'd had more than enough exhilaration for one morning.
Hurriedly she changed out of the yukata and into her freshly laundered school uniform. She grabbed her school bag and departed, heading for the dining room to grab a quick bite to eat. It wasn't until after she had consumed her breakfast that she realized a flaw in her plan. She wasn't entirely sure where the ryokan was located, which made it difficult to determine her commute to school.
"Good morning Hitomi," Folken greeted, startling her. "You're up rather early. I hope you slept well."
Hitomi turned to face him, she couldn't very well disclose what had occurred the previous night. "Oh I'm just used to waking up early. I usually have track & field practice first thing before class." she nervously explained. "Speaking of which, I don't know how I'm going to get to my school…"
Folken smiled at her, "You needn't worry, I will have one of our chauffeur's drop you off." He turned to signal the head nakai over, "Please tell Chesta to bring a car around to drive Kanzaki-san to her school." She bowed and departed without saying a word.
"Th-thanks, Folken."
"Hitomi, my offer still stands. If you desire to stay, you are more than welcome." She stared up at him feeling herself becoming lost in his warm and inviting eyes. It had been so long since anyone had extended her such an abundance of kindness. It was a very tempting offer he had given her. She could make this ryokan her home if she truly desired it. A part of her was screaming to say yes, but she wasn't prepared to give up her home just yet. Home… she thought, it had been the place where she had grown up, where she had made so many memories and it was all she had left of her family.
"I know, I just… I'll need to think about it." She finally answered him.
"There is no rush, take all the time you need." His voice, velvety and smooth, reassured her. When the car had pulled up, he walked her to the door and watched her depart.
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Hitomi struggled to pay attention all throughout her morning classes. However, instead of finding herself dwelling on grief she was distracted by the events of the previous night. She couldn't quite figure out what had compelled her to help Dilandau. Particularly after he claimed he had done her a favour by breaking her heart.
Had he done her a favour? Her immediate reaction was to disagree with the very notion. How could he have thought showing her that was anything akin to a favour? She gripped her pencil tightly, directing her deep-seated rage at it.
To prevent herself from exploding with anger, she decided to entertain the idea that just maybe he was right. If she hadn't seen with her own eyes, would she have believed him? She already knew that answer, a big old no. She would have just passed it off as him trying to get under skin. It begged another question in her mind, would she have been happier living in ignorance or knowing the truth? Either way, her heart was bound to be broken.
When the bell chimed for lunch, Hitomi made her way to the school's roof to meet up with friends. She was dreading it, but she had promised Yukari she would be there. She took a deep breath before opening the door to the rooftop.
"Hitomi!" Yukari called out, delighted to see her friend had rejoined them. Hitomi forced a smile and made her way over, taking a seat at their table. "Soooo...what'd you and Di-kun get up to?" Yukari asked, waiting eagerly for all the details. "You didn't text so… am I right to guess it went well?" she gave her friend a suggestive wink.
"Ahh... umm… nothing special," Hitomi began, "We ended up going to ryokan."
"You guys got a room!?" Ayaka gasped.
"Oh! No, no, no!" Hitomi exclaimed. "Not like that!" she could feel her cheeks begin to burn with embarrassment. She hadn't meant for it to come out like that. "H-he works there part-time." She desperately tried to explain. "I just went along for the ride…" she laughed nervously, hoping they would buy it.
"Ohhhh! Give us all the details Hitomi-chan!" Suzume grasped Hitomi's arm in a pleading gesture. The drama and romantic intrigue had her well invested in her friend's tale.
"Really, nothing happened." The look on her friends' faces told her they didn't believe it one bit. "Honestly! Nothing happened, I swear." She looked downward at the table, it was a half lie. Nothing happened in the sense of what they were assuming, but something else did happen.
Yukari had picked up on her friend's frustration and sensed there was indeed more to the story. "Okay, okay Hitomi-chan, we're just glad to have you back." She went about changing the topic to pull the spotlight off Hitomi who was clearly not ready to be bombarded with so many questions.
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It was mid morning by the time Dilandau finally awoke from his slumber. He stared aimlessly at the ceiling, trying to recall the night before. His head aching from the copious amounts of sake he had consumed. He regretted the decision now, but it felt like the right thing to do at the time. He needed to silence the voices and the feelings that were trying to overwhelm him.
He stretched out fully on the futon, letting out a tired yawn. He couldn't fully recall how he got to bed. The night seemed all a giant blurr. All except for one thing; her. He remembered her presence, her face, her touch, her embrace. Those captivating, emerald eyes that pierced through him. He gave his head a gentle shake, why did his thoughts always lead back to her?
He turned to look to his left, noticing there appeared to be an empty void in his bed. He slowly rolled over, bringing a hand to caress the slight indentation that had remained. His eyes narrowed as he came to realize someone had been in his room with him. But who, he had wondered.
He closed his eyes, trying to once again recall the night before. Sake, sake, more sake, Hitomi, sake, disappointment when sake was all gone, trying to stand and the world begin to spin out of control. Something had grabbed him, he recalled. Something had stopped the spinning. His eyes shot open upon his realization. It had been her all along. But why? His mind wondered. Why had she been kind to him? He knew he didn't deserve it.
Why does it always come back to her?
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When classes had finished for the day, Yukari rushed to find her Hitomi. She needed to know all the details. She had invested a lot of time and effort trying to pull her friend out of the dark abyss and back into the light. When Dilandau had transferred to their school, Yukari had seen it as the perfect opportunity. He wasn't just new, but he had a certain air about him that drew so many in. She knew he could be her friend's knight in shining armour. As fate would have it, things seemed to line up just perfectly. It's like they were meant to be, she smiled to herself with satisfaction.
"Hey Hitomi-chan," She threw an arm around her friend, grabbing her bag out of her hand. "Let's go talk, just the two of us okay?" Hitomi heaved a heavy sigh, she recognized the look on her friend's face. There was no avoiding it.
"Fine…" she said, feeling defeated. They walked down to the sports field, taking a seat on the bleachers while they casually watched the boys track team begin their practise.
"So? Spill the beans! I've been dying all afternoon!" Yukari batted her eyes giving her best impression of the puppy-dog face.
"We went to the Ryokan he works at and it turns out the owner is an old friend of mine." She paused, hesitating about what she was going to say next, "You remember Tetsuya?" Yukari's eyes went wide. "It's his older brother Satoshi who owns the ryokan…"
"Oh my god! Does he know what Tetsuya did!?" Hitomi nodded.
"Yea, he knows… We did a lot of catching up and he offered to let me spend the night. Since it was getting pretty late it just made sense."
"Oh…" Yukari responded, her enthusiasm dissipating. "Well that was a little lackluster. Here I thought you and Di-kun might have finally hooked up." she sighed, leaning forward to rest her head in her hands.
Hitomi fidgeted as she reflected on the events of the previous night. She glanced at her friend, struggling whether to divulge more to her. She knew she could trust Yukari to keep the information between the two of them. It would have been easier to explain if she knew the whole story. She shook the thought off, explaining her adventures to Gaea would have to wait for another time.
When the silence persisted for longer than Yukari felt comfortable with, she had to prod deeper. Hitomi was holding back. She knew her friend well enough to recognize her nervous ticks. "Hitomi… something did happen, didn't it?"
"Uhh…." Hitomi, nervously laughed, avoiding looking at her friend, "Well, not in the way you're thinking. We both stayed the night because it was late." Yukari perked up, "As I was walking through the ryokan before turning in, I crossed paths with Dilandau. He had drunk an entire bottle of sake to himself and so I helped him get to bed." she paused, recalling how she prevented him from falling and the subsequent embrace she accidentally initiated. "After I got him to bed, I think he started having a bad dream… he was talking in his sleep…" she bit her lower lip, feeling nervous about continuing. "It was nonsense for the most part, but he had grabbed my hand." Yukari's face brightened at the development. "He wouldn't let go so I was kinda stuck there… for the night."
"Oh my-" Hitomi shot her friend a look, begging her to not make a big deal.
"It wasn't like that! And besides, I tried to get away, but he has a surprisingly strong grip for someone sleeping. Anyways, I had left his room before morning. So it's not like he probably even knows or remembers anything." I hope he doesn't remember any of it…
"Okay, okay…" Yukari relented, not completely convinced. "Well I guess we know the real reason why he didn't show up for school today. He's probably nursing one hell of a hangover." Hitomi silently nodded in agreement.
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Hitomi stood outside her home just taking it all in. Of all the times she had come and gone from it, she never truly appreciated it. It had always just been the place that had sheltered her, that her family gathered together. Could she really give it all up? The more she stared at it, the bigger it seemed to feel. Such a large home for a single occupant, it seemed almost wasteful.
Once inside, she dropped her school bag off on the kitchen table. The house seemed eerily silent, only the soft hum of the appliances filling the air. Has it always been this quiet? She wondered as she pulled out school books. With all that had transpired in her life in just the past month, she struggled to remember what was normal.
As she reached into her bag to grab her notebook, she discovered something she didn't recall packaging. She pulled out the brightly coloured paper, unfolding it in the process. It was a flyer for the annual school festival taking place the following week. How did this get here? She wondered, knowing full well it wasn't her own doing.
She briefly scanned the flyer, which contained a lengthy list of activities, most of which she had no interest in. The festivities all culminated on the Friday evening with a mythology themed masquerade fair. She flipped the paper over and noticed a message written in one of the corners. Please say you'll go! It read and was signed by none other than Yukari. Of course, I should have guessed… She flipped the flyer over again, contemplating whether to accept the invitation. She folded the flyer back up and placed it aside, she would have to sleep on it.
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As night fell, Hitomi had found the silence of her home almost unbearable. She had attempted to overcome the quietness by playing music from a stereo, however it just wasn't the same. The artificial voices couldn't replace the vast emptiness that filled her home.
Noting the hour was getting late, Hitomi made the decision to call it a night. She had long since completed her homework and her attempts to study were proving to be fruitless. Her mind kept pulling her back to Folken's offer. She looked up from her books, slowly closing them before putting them away. "It would be nice not to feel so alone all the time…" she thought aloud.
It would be quite the change and would take some time to fully adjust to. But maybe that's what I need… a change… She finished packing up her books and sluggishly made her way to her room. On her way, she had paused at Dilandau's room. She leaned against the doorway as she became lost in her thoughts about their encounter. She felt her stomach begin to flutter and her heart race as she relieved the moment he had reached out to her in his sleep.
She clutched the door frame for support as she felt the world around her spin wildly. Why had that simple act affected her so? Was it his display of vulnerability that had made him seem more human? She tried to shake off the invading thoughts and memories before continuing to her bedroom; her sanctuary.
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A/N: Apologies for the delay. I kept changing my mind on how I wanted this chapter to play out. I had a few different ideas and I just kept flip-flopping on which one to go with. So this chapter really got away from me. I had something COMPLETELY different planned. I'm not mad, I'm actually happy with it overall. More developments! YAY! I think I'm just really trying to make up for all the lack of character development in the original rendition of the fic.
So I do apologize if things are getting a little dull. But do not worry, big things will be happening very soon! Like maybe 2 chapters from now? The next chapter will take a bit to finish, I haven't quite worked out all the kinks yet. That and work has been a bit draining me mentally this past week. I wont bore you with the details. It just made it difficult to want to sit down and write.
