Friday
Neurochemicals like oxytocin and vasopressin are also classified as neurotransmitters. Made and released from the hypothalamus, they act directly on neurons and have been linked to pair-bond formation, monogamous behaviors, and drug addiction. Hormones like estrogen and testosterone can also work as neurotransmitters and influence synaptic activity.
Knock knock.
I sighed.
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK.
I clenched my teeth.
Other neurotransmitter types include corticotropin-releasing factor (CRF), galanin, enkephalin, dynorphin, and neuropeptide Y. CRH, dynorphin, and neuropeptide Y have been implicated in the brain's response to stress.
"MAMORU-BAKA! OPEN THE DOOR!"
What on God's green earth could possess that woman to show up uninvited at my apartment on a Friday night?
"MAMORU-BAKA I CAN HEAR YOU GROANING! I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE! OPEN UP!"
I shoved away from my desk with an exasperated sigh and crossed the small space of my apartment, already yelling at the endlessly infuriating girl I was certain I would find on the other side of the closed door.
"What do you want, Odango-Atama?" I yanked the door open, revealing a very flustered, and very wet, Usagi. What the hell happened to her?
Her tiny frame was shivering from the cold, but her eyes were lit with raging fire. She shoved me out of the way in a huff, her frustration matching my own, and the water dripping from her golden locks formed miniature puddles across my carpet. Before I could stop her, she plopped herself down on my leather sofa and folded her lithe legs into herself. I could practically see the steam coming off of her-and the water damage to my sofa-in real time.
"Sure, why don't you come in? I'm not busy or anything." My voice was hardly above a murmur, but boy, did that elicit some daggers from those baby blue eyes. I smirked, unable to hide my pleasure at causing her a fraction of the annoyance she fostered within myself nearly every day.
"Oh, please," she shot back, this game of ours perfectly rehearsed. "It's not like you're out on a date or anything, are you?"
A single eyebrow rose on my forehead before I delivered the finishing blow.
"At least I didn't wait around in the rain for someone who never showed up."
Ouch. The flame in her eyes instantly extinguished and she dropped her gaze to her lap. Damn it, I must have hit the nail on the head. I didn't mean to hit it that hard.
"Shut up," she managed, but it was more of a retreat than a retaliation. "I don't know why I even came here."
Suddenly, my hands were on her shoulders, keeping her in place as she tried uselessly to stand up from the sofa. Her blouse was wet beneath my fingers and a new frustration began to rise inside of me as I pictured her alone in the rain, waiting for some jerk. "Just tell me what happened, Odango."
Her chest rose with her quick intake of breath. After a momentary silence, her story came out in a rush, the words spilling out of her lips so quickly that I fumbled to catch them, almost unable to decipher where one stopped and the next began.
"Well you know that new carnival is in town and the girls and I all had plans to go together but then they all canceled on me because Ami has extra cram school for her practice exams this weekend but honestly I should have expected that and then Minako forgot she was going back to England with her dad on a business trip because she wanted to see all her old friends which is like totally so Minako and Rei said there's an important event at the shrine tomorrow that her grandpa was making her prepare for and she couldn't get away and Makoto didn't even show up to school today so I guess she's sick or something and-"
I waved a hand in front of her, genuinely starting to worry about her lack of oxygen. "Skip to the end, Odango."
After another deep breath and a pointed glare, she continued as if I hadn't interrupted her.
"And I was telling Naru and Umino about how awful it was that I was going to have to go alone because it's the last weekend it's in town and that's when Natsuki-san invited me to go with him." A pause. "But then he never showed up." She averted her eyes again.
The spark of anger that ignited in my chest wasn't as surprising as it could have been. For some reason I couldn't explain, I seemed to be stupidly protective of the dumpling-headed blonde. I had noticed this before and filed it away for further examination, but currently could not allow myself to get wrapped up in it. Maybe it was because she wasn't the brightest match in the box, or because she was so impossibly small, or because she was just too cute for her own good… Whatever the reason, I was sure she just couldn't properly look out for herself.
I swallowed the rage back down with practiced ease and continued cooly, "Nothing is worse than being stood up. I'm sorry that happened to you, Usagi."
Silence. Okay, maybe that came out a little more sincere than I intended. The warmth that had previously been flaring in my chest crept across my cheeks and it took everything in me not to hide my face.
Usagi was obviously surprised by my comment too, because she looked up at me as if I had just bit her on the behind.
"Th-thank you," she whispered, absolutely dumbfounded.
"That's one heck of a story, Odango. But it still doesn't explain why you're sitting here, uninvited, ruining my furniture." It was much easier to fall back into the rhythm of our usual pattern than to continue in this strange, uncharted territory of behaving like actual friends.
She sprang to her feet and her tiny hand flew to cover her gaping mouth.
"Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry, Mamoru! Where are your towels? Here, let me dry it for y-"
I grabbed her by the wrist before she could go ransacking my meticulously organized apartment.
"It's fine. Stay here, I'll get you something dry to put on."
I left her, frozen and not yet recovered from my emotional whiplash, no doubt, and returned shortly with a set of sweats and a few towels. Placing them in her hands, but reserving one towel for my tortured loveseat, I turned her around and pointed her in the direction of the guest bathroom.
"That way. The first door on the left."
"Th-anks," she stammered again and scurried off. I couldn't help but chuckle at her surprise and the way her little feet padded almost noiselessly across my bamboo floor.
After attempting to rescue the couch, I returned to my seat at the desk and I closed my textbook with a loud thud, abandoning any intentions I previously had. I didn't really feel like studying tonight, anyway. A grumble from my stomach prompted a glance at my watch. 6:48 already? She probably waited around for that asshole for an hour at least...
I hadn't noticed how tense I had become until Usagi's reemergence caused me to nearly jump out of my skin. Before me now was an entirely different girl than the one on my doorstep a few moments ago, and my heart continued to bang against my ribs, despite the lack of a threat.
There are no words to describe the feeling of seeing a beautiful woman dressed in your own clothes. My sweats swallowed her, engulfing her slender frame in thick material and making her appear even smaller, if that was possible. She had let her hair down from her usual odangos and it cascaded around her in waves of sunshine, glittering with millions of tiny raindrops like stars in the night sky on its way to caress the carpet beneath her. The combination of hair and fabric nearly enveloped her, the only visible skin her face, fingertips, and toes peeking out at me. Yet she had never looked so undeniably sexy. I mean, undeniably fifteen! She is fifteen, Mamoru! But God, did I love seeing her in my clothes.
"Hey, baka, you're majorly creeping me out."
It wasn't until she spoke that I realized I had been staring. I casually picked my jaw up off the floor and strolled over to the telephone, refusing to acknowledge my obvious ogling. Lifting it from the receiver, I asked her, "Are you hungry? I was thinking we needed some odangos."
She rolled her eyes, but offered no complaints as I placed an order for delivery. Whatever this night had in store, it was going to be a lot more interesting than neurochemicals.
"Ughhhh Mamoruuuu you're totally cheating!" She wailed. It was our third round of Super Smash Brothers and she still hadn't managed to get in a single punch.
"You know, you're the one who picked this game in the first place." My fingertips handled the buttons easily, each combination attack following one after another.
"Yeah? Well I'm usually better when I'm not being distracted by an annoying, dirty cheater!"
KNOCK OUT!
I plopped the controller down on the coffee table and eyed her with a smirk.
"Trust me, Odango, I don't need to cheat to beat you."
She slammed the controller down next to mine with surprising force before rounding on me, hands on her hips, face scrunched in righteous indignation.
"You're lucky that this is just a video game! Because I could totally kick your butt in real life if I wanted to!" She jabbed a finger into my chest and I laughed out loud at the not-so-threatening gesture.
"You think you could beat me up?" I rose to my full height, my head towering over hers, making a point of looking down at her. "All four and a half feet of you?" An unconscious grin stretched across my lips at the fresh wave of wrath contorting her features.
"For your information," she seethed, finger still digging into my chest, "I am four feet and eleven-" *jab* "-inches!" *jab*
With her stretching up on her tiptoes to access as much height as possible and my hunching down to emphasize just how much height I had on her, our faces had become incredibly close, separated by a mere inch or two. She was absolutely adorable when she was so angry. Maybe that was why I loved teasing her relentlessly. And being in such close proximity to those shining blue eyes, those flushed cheeks, and those ridiculous, pouting lips caused a drastic change of atmosphere. And, instantly, I wasn't playing anymore. The space between us was electric, as if the inches between us carried a lethal, painful current that could only be stopped by closing that gap...
Knock knock.
"Delivery!"
Thank God. I rushed to the door, leaving a very flustered looking Usagi in my wake.
Usagi pressed her back into the couch and sighed contentedly, patting her full stomach. "That was sooo yummy! Thank you for feeding me!" She flashed me her winning smile, accompanied by a tiny bow and a giggle.
"Don't tell me you're full already." I gave her a knowing look and the corners of my mouth twitched as her eyes nearly popped out of her skull.
"Are you saying what I think you're saying?" Her bulging eyes sparkled with that special twinkle reserved for only one thing:
"Ice cream?" I offered.
She squealed with delight and nearly pulled my arm out of its socket as she dragged me onto my feet and into the kitchen.
"Ice cream, ice cream, ice cream!" she sang as I served her a bowl. She gazed down at it affectionately, her eyes flooded with emotion the way a mother gazes at her newborn baby. "Chocolate and strawberry?" She graced me with that eye twinkle once again. "Mamoru, how did you know?"
"Odango, I hear your orders at the Crown every day." I shrugged, playing it off. "Besides, it just so happens to be my favorite, too." I left out the part about my only trying the combination after seeing a certain cute blonde order it more than a few times.
She beamed, her smile spreading from ear to ear, her warmth reaching out to me. "Maybe you're not such a baka after all."
Once it was clear Usagi couldn't eat another bite (although I was sure she wanted to), I checked the clock once again. 9:06. Had I really just spent over two hours with this girl and actually had an enjoyable time? We ate dinner together, played video games, teased each other as usual, but ended up laughing together. It was almost like we were friends. Was my apartment the entrance to some sort of parallel dimension?
As great as this night had been, the orange glow escaping from behind the window curtain signaled the coming of night and the end of the date-the day. It would be dark soon, and the strange static I had felt before dinner was beginning to float in the air again as if it was carried by the lowering rays. Tiny tingles bit at my fingertips, my ears, my lips, and I stretched my hands unconsciously before busying myself with the dishes.
"Well, it's been fun Odango-Atama, but I should really get you home before it gets too late," I said over the rush of water from the faucet. No response. Did she hear me? I stole a glance at her from behind the kitchen counter.
Usagi was curled up on the sofa, legs crossed, hugging a pillow to her chest as she twiddled her fingers.
"Yeah...," She mumbled, "about that..."
I sighed. It was always something with this girl. At least she hadn't body slammed me today. "What now?" I jeered, rolling my eyes. "Did mommy and daddy kick you out for another thirty percent score?"
"No!" She glared at me from underneath her golden bangs. Then, her eyes softened again and she looked away sheepishly. "But I don't have anywhere to go tonight."
I cocked an eyebrow at her as a million and one inappropriate images flashed in my mind. What is she playing at?
It was her turn to sigh. "Well, remember how I told you about all the girls canceling on me? I was supposed to stay with Rei for the three-day weekend because my parents are celebrating their anniversary at an onsen. But she has that thing at the temple and she said I would just get in the way. And I can't stay with any of the other girls because... Well I already told you all of that, I guess. And Shingo is staying with his friend all weekend and I really don't want to be alone at my house at night and..." She trailed off, obviously embarrassed, a gentle pink hue staining her full cheeks.
She could not be serious. She really wanted to stay here? With me? A grown man? Alone in my apartment? Not to mention the fact that we absolutely loved each other-loathed each other! Well, she loathed me. Or so I thought. Certainly she wouldn't be trying to spend the night with me if that were the case. Maybe she had picked up on my protective nature and knew she would be safe here. Which was absolutely true; I would do anything to keep Usagi out of harm's way. And, to be totally honest, I was intrigued by the thought of her sleeping in my bed... I mean, the guest bedroom. But the fact still remained that it was completely improper and strange and just altogether not a good idea.
I pinched the bridge of my nose in frustration, filing away a mental note to have a little conversation with Rei later.
"Look, Odango-"
"I promise I won't be any trouble!" She jumped from the couch and clutched her hands to her chest, the pillow flying recklessly across the room. "You won't even know I'm here! I'll be quiet as a rabbit so you can do your studying or whatever you need. And I understand if you have plans. You don't need to entertain me, I can take care of myself. I just... I don't want to be all alone at night."
How does she do that?
She was gazing at me with such fervor that her already gorgeous blue eyes now reflected the low, evening light the same way that the sunset gleams off the waves of the sea, her current flooding over me. How could I say no?
"Fine," I snapped. "But we need to set a few ground rules." I held up a finger, signaling for her childlike bouncing to cease. She complied and listened attentively.
"Mhmm! Yes, yes. Right." She shook her head up and down furiously to demonstrate how seriously she was taking this.
"First, you will be sleeping in the guest bedroom. And under no circumstances are you allowed to enter my bedroom."
Her nose wrinkled in disgust. "Ew, why would I want to go in your room, baka?"
I waved off her comment. "The rule stands. Secondly, you are to maintain a curfew of 9pm. Sharp. I don't have the time to be chasing you all over Tokyo."
"Sheesh, okay, dad. It's not like I have anywhere to go, anyway, remember? All the girls-"
"And third, you will leave this place exactly as you found it. I won't be cleaning up after you. You're going to pull your weight around here. Dishes, laundry, cooking. The works."
"It's only three days." She gave me a pointed look. "And I really don't think you want me to cook."
That was probably true. I had never experienced Usagi's dreadful cooking myself, but I had overheard the girls tease her about it on multiple occasions. Not to mention the time she made Motoki cookies last Valentine's day. We ended up using them later to play disc golf. And, if her inability to walk in a straight line without hurting herself was any indication, accidents were bound to happen.
I swallowed my anxiety. "Be that as it may, those are my terms. Take it or leave it."
"I'll take it!" She raised her hands in the air, closing her fist around the invisible deal. "Thank you sooo much, Mamoru. You won't regret it!"
I seriously doubted that.
And that's how I found myself in bed, wide awake, thinking about a certain odangoed someone in the next room. The sheets clung to my clammy skin as I moved about restlessly, unable to get comfortable, thought after annoying thought jumping around loudly in my head. Was she asleep already? What was she dreaming about? Did she ever dream about me? I thought about how spectacular her long, golden tresses would look splayed across the black sheets next to me. How badly I wanted to touch those tresses, to see if they felt as silken as they looked. To see if her skin felt as soft as-
Ok, this line of thought was getting dangerous. Think about something else.
Naturally, my mind wandered to the one other thing I ever thought about when I lay awake in bed at night: I thought about Her. My mystery dream girl. Would she come to me again tonight? Why could I never see her face? Why did she seem to know everything about me, yet I had no idea who she was?
A fresh wave of sweat beaded on my brow. This wasn't doing me any good, either.
Resigned to sleeplessness, I switched on the lamp next to the bed and sat up, sliding the thick textbook from its nightly resting spot on the bedside table onto my lap and cracking it open. Might as well pick up where I left off.
The biological mechanisms underlying long-term partner bonds in humans are unclear. The evolutionarily conserved neuropeptide oxytocin is associated with the formation of partner bonds in some species via interactions with brain dopamine reward systems. However, whether it plays a similar role in humans has as yet not been established. Sexual monogamy is potentially costly for males, and few mammalian species along with humans exhibit it.
In the brain, oxytocin acts as a chemical messenger and has an important role in many human behaviours including sexual arousal, recognition, trust, romantic attachment and mother–infant bonding. As a result, oxytocin has been called the 'love hormone' or 'cuddle chemical'.
Tap tap tap
Sigh.
In females, the two main actions of oxytocin in the body are contraction of the uterus during childbirth and lactation. Oxytocin stimulates the uterine muscles to contract and also increases production of prostaglandins, which increase the contractions further.
For males, oxytocin function is less important, but it does have a role to play in moving sperm. It also appears to affect the production of testosterone in the testes. Studies of oxytocin also have found that it is an important chemical messenger that controls some human behaviors and social interaction.
Tap tap tap tap
Clench.
"Mamoru, are you awake?"
I gave up.
"Odango Atama, have you forgotten the first rule already?" After hurriedly slipping out of bed, I pulled open the door to find a wide-eyed Usagi staring up at me, her slender finger still outstretched toward the door, prepared to release another series of taps. Rather than pull back, she changed the angle of her finger, raising it in defense.
"Actually, you just said I couldn't enter your room, not that I couldn't knock on your door."
We stood there in silence, as she was clearly right, but it was also 1:00 am and I didn't need an overly alluring-I mean, annoying-young woman lurking in my doorway. And I was not going to invite her in. No matter how stunning she looked now that her hair had dried into glorious, soft, natural waves that stretched almost to the floor.
"Well?" I prompted when she didn't continue, my voice possibly a tiny bit too sharp. "What do you want, Odango?"
"Oh! Well..." She looked down, hiding beneath her long lashes in the bashful way I was beginning to be familiar with. "It's just that I can't sleep." She dropped her arms and shrugged, defeated. "I came out here to watch tv and then I noticed your light was on and I figured I would see if you wanted to join me." Her lashes fluttered as she lifted her gaze to meet mine.
It took every ounce of willpower to remain upright and not dissolve cell by cell into a puddle at her feet. "Sure." By some miracle, I managed a shrug. "I can't sleep either."
I took one step toward the living room only to be stopped by a hand on my bare chest. The feeling of her skin against mine sent a shock wave through my body and made me realize-
"Uh, you might want to put some pants on first, baka."
I felt my cheeks turn hot with a rush of blood. I slammed the door and quickly yanked on a pair of sweats over my boxers. So much for cool. After pulling a t-shirt over my head, I joined Usagi on the couch.
Unfortunately for her, we discovered there isn't much on late night television by way of anime or romance movies. After several minutes of incessant whining and furious button pressing, she gave up.
"Just put on whatever you would watch if I wasn't here." She chucked the remote at me before folding her arms and sinking deeper into the sofa.
"Are you sure about that? You'll probably think it's pretty boring." I watched her hesitantly.
"Yeah, it's fine," she yawned. "Maybe having some background noise will help me fall asleep."
I shook my head at her and changed the tv to the science channel. It was showing a documentary on the origins of the universe. Fairly basic, but at least it gave me something to stare at besides her. I pretended to be interested in the show. After a few quiet moments, she spoke up.
"Mamoru? Do you really think that's true?" Her voice was quiet, but full of emotion.
"Do I think what is true?" I asked, confused.
"You know, all that stuff." She waved her hand dismissively in the direction of the tv. "About the big bang and all that."
"Are you saying you don't believe in science, Odango?"
She must have been too tired to retort as she continued on, ignoring my teasing.
"It just sounds so... I don't know, boring? Unremarkable?"
I shook my head. "I don't think the creation of the universe was 'unremarkable.' The universe beginning with every speck of its energy jammed into a very tiny, extremely dense point, that exploded with unimaginable force, creating matter and propelling it outward to make billions of galaxies... sounds pretty remarkable to me."
"That's not what I mean." She dismissed that comment too. "I mean, I just can't believe that this was all random. That we weren't predestined to be here. That all of this," she gestured around herself, "doesn't mean something."
I didn't know what to say to that. Because truthfully, I felt the same way. If the dreams I had been having lately meant anything, it was clear that I had some purpose for being here. Every night when She came to me, I could feel it in my bones. I had known her before, I was sure of it. In a past life, maybe? Was that even possible? I recognized her each time, but I couldn't conjure her face in my mind once I awoke. But when she was with me, I felt inexplicably drawn to her, as if my soul was connected to hers. As if there was an invisible string connecting me to her, and I would surely die should that string be severed. But who was she? The one thing I knew for certain was that I had to find her.
I was pulled from my reverie by a small yawn beside me.
"I guess we'll find out some day." And with that, her eyes fluttered shut and her head slowly came to rest against my shoulder.
That same electrifying shock coursed through me at her touch, but I dared not move. The vision of my dream girl was quickly erased by the sight of the very real girl next to me and I could feel her warmth penetrating my cool exterior. Moonbeams streamed in from the window, illuminating her mystical hair. It was almost glowing. I couldn't help myself. With Usagi safely asleep, this was my chance. I kept my right shoulder firmly in place and delicately reached my opposite hand over to where some of her hair and spilled across her face and onto my lap. Ever so gently, I stroked the smooth strands, marveling in their luxurious texture. It was as if her hair was made of actual silk. Who the hell has hair like this? Only Usagi. I followed the tendrils up to where they had fallen over face. Before I knew what I was doing, my hand brushed the loose hair aside and tucked it behind her ear. My hand, seemingly with a mind of its own, decided to linger, resting against her cheek. I told it to stop, but my thumb began stroking soft circles against her alabaster skin. What am I doing?
"Mmm..." A small sound of contentment purred in her throat and her head shifted to rest on my chest, freeing my arm. She nuzzled into me and rested her tiny hand against my chest. "Mamo-chan."
I couldn't help but smile at the intimate nickname she revealed in her slumber. Instinctively, I wrapped my arm around her shoulder and held her close. She was so warm. It felt so natural.
"I'm here, Usako."
