A/N: First and foremost, thank you to everyone who has commented/reviewed/liked/favourited this fic. Honestly, it means a lot to me to know you guys are enjoying it. Secondly, I would like to apologize for the incredibly long delay. I've been dealing with a lot in my personal life as well with work. Long story short, our cat was diagnosed with cancer last summer and she had begun to decline this past spring and we ultimately had to make the difficult decision to have her euthanized in June. So my creative juices were just not flowing. Then through the stress of work on top of it all, I just wasn't in a good head space to write.
So without much further ado, here it is, the long awaited chapter! Enjoy!
Black coffee in my throat, I know it stings just a little, but it keeps me calm
Thinking of how I was trying to go against the stream
But now I know somewhere I was wrong
The wind could carry all the labor away
In spite of my exertions, it's not real to me
Your words will come floating in the air
"So let us just surrender ourselves to the sky"
Black coffee in my head, I know the way I try to do it is the trickiest way
悪魔でも天使でもない だから 自分らしいかたちでいい
風がすべてさらってく 心に宿るは甘い夢
もう少しがんばってみる?
"So let us just surrender ourselves to the sky"
So don't go away, cuz I wanna face you and say
"Can't really explain, but there's something true. No tomorrow, live today!"
風が昨日をさらってく 心に宿るは暖かい日差し
そう必ずたどり着く 美しい場所へ
The wind could carry all the labor away
In spite of my exertions, it's not real to me
Your words will come floating in the air
"So let us just surrender ourselves to the sky"
So let us just surrender ourselves to the sky
By Rie Fu
Chapter 17: Beautiful Words
The group of friends returned to Ayaka's home where they stayed up until the late hours of the night recounting the events of the festival. The hot topic of discussion had been Hitomi's mystery man, the black kitsune. Suzume and Ayaka had been determined to figure out who he could have been, going so far as to scour all their social media outlets to see if anyone had posted photos of him. In the end, it was to no avail. Although they had found images of him, he was always in the background and not the central focus.
Exhausted with her friend's pseudo interrogation of her, Hitomi retired to her cot on the floor. She couldn't think how else she could describe in any more detail than she already had. She pulled her blanket up over her head, blocking out the light and muffling the sounds of her friends still gossiping away. The restful sleep she longed for appeared to evade her. She tossed and turned, restless as her mind refused to let go of the mystery surrounding her kitsune.
At the first hint of dawn breaking, Hitomi quietly got up from her cot and tiptoed over her still soundly sleeping friends. Before leaving the room, she grabbed her duffle bag and made her way to the washroom. She slightly groaned to herself upon reading the time on her phone. It was nearly 6am, much earlier than she had thought.
Deciding there was no point in trying to go back to sleep, she changed out of her pajamas and into a fresh set of clothing she had packed. She splashed her face with some cool water, washing off the remnants of make-up. Her hair, still styled from the night before, would have to do as it was. The amount of hairspray and bobby-pins Suzume had used kept her hair well in place.
Not wanting to wake her friends or any of Ayaka's family members, Hitomi did her best to make her departure as silent as possible. She took careful, soft steps in hopes of not making a racket. Only when she had exited the home did she finally breathe a sigh of relief. With the more difficult task over, all that was left was to return to the Ryokan.
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Upon Hitomi's arrival at the ryokan, she was greeted by one of the nakai at the welcome desk, "Good morning Kanzaki-san," she said cheerfully while bowing her head. "If you haven't eaten yet, the dining room has just opened." At the mention of food, Hitomi felt her stomach churn and emit a quiet but audible growl.
Before she could even consider her choice, an offer was put forth to her, "Hitomi, would you care to join me for breakfast?" Folken asked, startling Hitomi. Befuddled and as a loss for words she couldn't find a reason to decline. They walked silently together to the dining room and took a seat at one of the many empty tables. One of the waitstaff attended to them shortly after they had been settled, pouring each of them a cup of coffee while taking their orders.
Hitomi cradled the cup of coffee in both hands, holding it up to her lips and inhaling its rich aroma before taking her first sip. She didn't care much for the taste of coffee on its own, often finding it to be too bitter. What she took pleasure in was the memories the delightfully fragrant aroma seemed to invoke.
"I must say, I was surprised to see you return so early this morning." Folken spoke, breaking the silence between them.
Hitomi sniffed her coffee once more before lowering back to rest on the table. "I didn't sleep well and just wanted to go home." she answered nonchalantly.
"Home?" Folken repeated, a smile pulled at his lips. "I'm flattered you consider this your home,"
Suddenly becoming aware of what she had said, Hitomi felt her cheeks begin to flush. "I mean, I just needed to go back to my… my room and get cleaned up." she tried to clarify, all while nervously laughing at herself. Home… do I really consider this my home now? It wasn't something she had thought would have happened. In the short while she had taken up residence there, she felt less like a stranger; even despite the odd run-in she had with guests. There was something oddly calming about the ryokan. It allowed her to let down her defenses, dropping her guard and to feel like herself again.
Sensing her embarrassment, Folken took the opportunity to shift the conversation. "I presume you enjoyed yourself at the festival last night?"
Torn from her thoughts, she gave her head a gentle shake, "It… was better than what I had expected." she brought her cup back to her lips, inhaling the fragrant aroma once more before taking another sip. "I can't remember the last time I had fun with my friends like that. It felt nice." she gazed longingly at her reflection in her black coffee as she lowered her cup, her lips curling into a gentle smile as her mind drifted back to her mysterious black kitsune.
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Ayaka sat cross-legged and hunched over on her bed, her phone cradled in her hands. She let out a long and exasperated sigh as she scrolled through her social media feeds. Not a single hint or clue as to whom Hitomi's mystery man could have been. "How does no one know who he is!?" she asked aloud, feeling an overwhelming sense of frustration as she closed up all her feeds. When none of her still slumbering friends responded, she leaned over and gave the nearest one a little shake.
Yukari's brows furrowed as she tried to ignore the shaking. She had heard Ayaka's complaints, but was much too tired to answer back. They had stayed up into the very early hours of the morning trying to search for the mystery man and Yukari was beginning to regret that decision. Hitomi had the right idea trying to sleep through it, Yukari came to admit. When the shaking stopped, Yukari allowed herself to relax thinking she had successfully fooled her friend.
It was all a ruse as Ayaka couldn't stand to be ignored. When she realized her tactic wasn't working, she quietly adjusted herself on the bed so that she could lean over and spoke clearly into Yukari's ear, "I know you're awake Kari-chan." The unexpected sound of Ayaka's melodic voice startled Yukari, causing her whole body to jolt. "See, I knew you were faking it." Ayaka repositioned herself into a more comfortable position. Yukari rolled over onto her back and glared at Ayaka.
Groggily Yuarki asked, "I take it there's no new leads on the mysterious Kitsune-kun?"
Ayaka shook her head no before reaching for her phone to check it once again. "How is it that no one has any idea who he is?" she wondered aloud as she opened the photo of him dancing with Hitomi. The dim lighting and colourful ambient lighting had obscured any identifiable features he may have. But one thing was for certain, Hitomi had looked genuinely happy for once. It brought a smile to Ayaka's face as she recalled the previous night.
Yukari lazily sat up, stretching her arms and back as she did. She glanced over at Ayaka and gestured for her to lean towards her. "I know who it should have been," she said in a quiet tone. Ayaka raised her brows and turned her full attention to Yukari, eager to find out who. "It should have been Di-kun."
"What!?" Ayaka exclaimed. Yukari brought a finger to her lips, urging her friend to quiet down. "Well explain yourself. What do you mean it should have been him?"
"You can't let Hitomi know this. Do you swear?" Yukari held up her pinky finger, awaiting her friend's decision. Ayaka didn't hesitate to lock her own pinky finger with Yukari's. Her friend had some juicy gossip and she needed to hear it. Satisfied that Ayaka had agreed, Yukari continued, "So a couple weeks ago I had asked Dilandau to go to the dance and meet up with us. I told him I had a blind-date set up for him. I showed him pictures of what she would be wearing and I even had a costume for him already. It was a white and silver yukata with a matching white kitsune mask. It perfectly matched Hitomi's costume! All he had to do was show up at a specific time. But…" she trailed off purposely for dramatic effect.
Intrigued, Ayaka demanded,"but what!?" leaning in closer.
"But there was a last minute change of plans. Apparently some large group was checking into the ryokan yesterday. So he wasn't going to be able to make it." Yukari leaned back, recalling the conversation she had with him the previous morning. She had tried to convince him to still make the attempt to attend the dance at least.
"What do you mean you can't go?" Yukari asked, looking confused at the black tote bag that Dilandau had held out towards her. It had been the bag she gave him earlier in the week containing his costume for the dance.
"Just that. I have to work tonight. There's a big party checking in tonight that wasn't supposed to arrive until tomorrow. I shouldn't even be here right now." He said cooly, avoiding making any sort of eye contact with her.
Yukari pouted her lip, over emphasising how disappointed she felt. "Can't you swing by for a little bit? Even just for a half hour? Or even just one dance! I promise you won't regret it!"
Dilandau let out an irritated sigh, "Tell your friend I'm sorry. Maybe another time."
Ayaka couldn't help but ponder a few things about the whole situation. "Did Di-kun know who you were setting him up with?" Yukari simply shook her head no. She knew that he would have been more likely to show up if the date was a mystery woman as opposed to someone he already knew. She had previously tried more traditional ways of playing matchmaker with him and Hitomi, all of which had failed. She needed to take a different approach.
"I guess this was just fate." Yukari concluded.
"Fate?"
"Yea… Hitomi mentioned last night that she had a dream about meeting whoever this black kitsune guy is. So maybe… maybe this was just meant to be?"
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Hitomi slowly made her way back to her room, her mind still processing the events of not only the previous night but also her conversation with Folken. So much had occurred in the span of twelve hours that her mind couldn't seem to keep up. As she arrived at her door, she lazily dug around in her bag looking in search of her keys. She nearly opened every side pocket of the faded teal duffle bag before finally finding her keychain.
Lost in her thoughts, she failed to hear her neighbour leave their room, "I see you enjoyed yourself last night." Hitomi let out a high pitched shriek, nearly dropping her keys as she whirled around to come to face Dilandau.
Gripping her keys tightly and trying to calm her racing heart, she shouted, "Don't sneak up on me like that!" Dilandau couldn't help but smile at her unexpected outburst. It was a rare sight to see her have a genuine reaction.
Once she had calmed herself enough and regained some composure, an unsettling thought had crossed her mind. "W-what do you mean by that? Were you there?" she didn't understand why the idea of him being there put her on edge, but she needed to know.
He let out a chuckle, "You really think that I would attend one of those silly festivals? What a joke!" He casually pulled out his phone from her pants pocket, feeling it vibrate yet again, "Your friends have been pestering me non-stop since last night, wanting to know if I knew who this mysterious Black Kitsune guy is." he proceeded to open up the conversation with Ayaka, and showed her the photos that had been sent to him. Hitomi couldn't help but breathe a sigh of relief. She wasn't thrilled he was in possession of those pictures, but she felt relieved that he hadn't been there. "I have to say, I'm very surprised by you. I never took you to be that type of girl."
"What type?" Hitomi defensively fired back.
"Oh you know," he began as he made his way past her, "the type that knows how to have fun." he stated in a matter of fact tone before continuing on his way.
She stared at him blankly as he walked away, stunned by his words. It wasn't the response she had expected, especially from him. She gave her head a little shake, before turning her attention back to her door, which she promptly unlocked.
Once inside, she set her duffle bag down and slipped her feet out of her slippers. As she made her way to her bathroom, she began the tedious process of pulling out all the bobby-pins that had helped keep her hair in place. She grimaced as some of the pins snagged and pulled on her hair. When she had dislodged the last pin, she ran her fingers through her hair to verify none remained. Only then did she step into the shower, proceeding to give her hair a very thorough wash.
The shower had been much needed. The hot, steamy waters had eased and relaxed her whole body leaving her feeling rejuvenated and refreshed. She felt ready to tackle whatever the day had left to throw at her. The feeling however would be short lived. As she made her way towards the low set table where she had intended to begin her homework, she bumped into a small stack of boxes.
Hitomi let out a small yelp of pain as her foot collided with the lowest box. The collision, although minor, still had generated enough force to cause the topmost box to fall over, scattering some of its contents onto the tatami floor. Begrudgingly she knelt down to tidy up the small mess of her possessions which she had brought from her bedroom of her family's house.
The box had contained mostly non-essential items, many of which she didn't recall packing up herself. This must have been the box Yukari had packed up, she concluded as noticed a common theme of its contents: jewellry, accessories and some brightly coloured clothing, all of which she had been avoiding wearing since the passing of her family. However, one item did stand out, that certainly did not belong.
Hitomi felt her body freeze and tense up as her eyes came to settle on her deck of tarot cards. A flurry of thoughts and emotions whirled through her, ranging from anger, sadness and ultimately fear. Of all of her possessions, they were the one thing she didn't want to see or touch. Her mind raced, worried what may happen if she were to touch them, even if it was just to toss them back into the box. The cards were tainted with memories, many of which she longed to forget.
Maybe it won't be so bad, she tried to assure herself. It had been nearly two years since she had touched them, it was possible her gift of foresight may have faded. Get a grip Hitomi! They're just cards! They can't hurt you! She clenched her hands into fists, trying to regain a grip on her sanity. After taking a deep breath, she reached out cautiously to pick them up. When her fingers grasped onto them and she didn't find herself overcome with unwanted visions, she let her body relax.
She held the cards tendly in her hands, noting that she felt nothing emanating from them. The memories however, came flooding back, some of which brought a smile to her lips. She recalled the days before her adventure to Gaea where her readings were done for the sake of fun. The times where her cards didn't foretell of death and destruction. Her smile slowly faded as she remembered the horrible visions those readings had thrust upon her.
The musical chiming of her furin dancing in the gentle breeze broke her from the trance-like state she had found herself in. She shook off the memories, bringing her attention to the cards that she still held onto tightly. Her eyes lifted to look at the box before her, however she couldn't bring herself to put the cards away. She felt a strangely familiar force drawing her to the cards.
Should I? She wondered, her eyes drifting back to the cards in her hands, which she had unconsciously begun to shuffle. No, I can't...I shouldn't...but… she struggled to understand why she had felt the sudden urge to begin shuffling the cards. There was something soothing about the sound of the cards sliding against each other. It had simply felt so natural to do.
She paused in her shuffling to question her own actions. I have a choice, she told herself, remembering Folken's words clearly. Fate and destiny would always provide a choice, it would be up to her what to do with the given situation. What do I do? She stared intensely at the cards, still feeling uncertain.
Taking a deep breath, she cleared her mind and searched for what she truly desired to do. She shuffled the cards once more as the answer became abundantly clear. She needed to do a reading for herself. With a new found resolve, Hitomi drew three cards, laying them face down before her.
She turned over the first card, "Three of Birds, La Sofferenza…'' She focused on the card, recalling its meaning and significance. "Betrayal, heartbreak, grief…" She turned over the next card, "Il Pazzo, The Fool… new beginnings," finally she revealed the last card, "L'Amore, the Lovers… love, harmony, trust…" confused by the message the cards were giving her she reexamined the each card, tying them altogether. The first card was simple enough, her past was riddled with suffering and heartache. The second card, her present, something new beginning? She looked at the third card, could… could this be tied to him? The Black Kitsune… maybe he has some greater significance…
Wanting more clarification she made the decision to draw three more cards. However, these cards would be for him. Just who are you? She wondered before flipping over the first card. "Warrior of Birds, Combattivitià… direct, authoritative, combative…" He had a hard past, feeling the need to rise above his peers... She overturned the next card, "La Temperanza, Temperance… Harmony, patience, balance…" He's gone under inner change, finding personal peace? She looked at the previous card, noticing how it was such a stark contrast to his present. She finally turned over the last card, "Il Mondo, the World… completion, fulfilment, triumph…"
She looked back at the previous cards again, piecing them together. He's tried so hard to change his past. He's still struggling, but he knows he's on the right path now. And he will succeed, he will reclaim ownership of his life. Her eyes drifted back to the deck of cards still sitting on the floor. She had one question she needed an answer to. It would be simple, nothing complex. "Will we meet again?" she asked aloud as she drew one final card.
Her eyes went wide and her heart skipped a beat, "La Luota, the Wheel of Fortune..." Fate, destiny, good fortune...This has to be a joke!
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A/N: Holy crap! I can't believe I did it! And yes, I purposely ended the chapter like that! This chapter had undergone so many changes. I kid you not when I say I wrote about a half dozen different outlines for this chapter. I just couldn't make up my mind with how I wanted events to play out. I am happy with the direction I have chosen. It wasn't easy. Especially when I decided to bring tarot cards into the mix. That was a can of worms I wish I hadn't opened!
I had completely forgotten Hitomi used a very different deck. This led me on a wild goose chase trying to find out what the difference were, particularly with names. All I can say is thank you to the people who did extensive research on this when they made their own fan-made edition of Hitomi's tarot deck a while back. Their research was a life saver!
I don't have an estimate when the next chapter will be out. I haven't even begun outlining it. I really hope I can get it out sooner than later. Also, I have made a playlist on Spotify using all the songs from the chapters. It goes by the same name of the fic "Alone I Seem to Break"
And thanks again to all of you reading this fic! I'm really glad you're enjoying it!
