Sunday: Part 2
Everything was dark. It was cold. I was alone. And then She was there, and the light with Her.
"Mamoru." A small gasp escaped Her.
She advanced toward me and the light seemed to surround Her, blinding me. That damn light. If it wasn't so intense, I would have been able to make out Her face. But as it was, I found myself squinting just to be able to withstand its brilliance. Her face swam before my eyes.
Something cool pressed against my cheek: Her hand. She pushed my hair back out of my eyes and I moaned faintly, relishing Her touch.
"It's you," I declared.
This was not a dream. She had never come to me like this before. Never called me by my current name. She had finally found me. But I couldn't enjoy the moment.
All I could think about was Usagi.
She leaned forward then, Her face descending toward mine. I turned away.
"I can't," I whispered. "I'm sorry."
"What's wrong?" She was hurt. And why wouldn't She be? She had been waiting how many hundreds of years to find me again and now, here I was, rejecting Her.
"I love someone else."
The words sliced through the thick air like a blade. She withdrew from me. I could hear the faint whimpers of Her failing to suppress tears.
And then, as suddenly as She came, She was gone.
Unable to stay awake any longer, sleep claimed me once more.
When I awoke, the searing light was still there.
What the hell?
I squeezed my eyes shut and shook my head, trying to clear the lingering fogginess of the drugs. When I opened them again, I was in my room. The source of the light was the fixture on the ceiling. And then it clicked.
Oh shit.
I threw off the covers and ran straight for the guest bedroom at full speed, looking for any sign of Usagi. Her room was empty, as was the guest bathroom and the living room. It was well past nine o'clock and Usagi was nowhere to be found.
Shit shit shit!
I sped to the kitchen and found the phone still hanging off the hook. I picked it up before remembering that I still had no way to contact her. Slamming it back on the receiver, I yelled in frustration, beating my fist into the wall. My entire being filled with emotion. Rage, regret, remorse. Not only had I stood Usagi up for our date, but there was a very good chance I had just told her that I was in love with someone else.
I looked around the kitchen frantically, desperate for anything that could somehow help me repair the damage I had inflicted. Instead I was faced with broken dishes strewn across the counter and a sink smeared with old vomit. I beheld the chaos that was my life and crumpled to the floor, defeated.
Just as I was about to succumb to the despair threatening to overtake me, there was a knock at the door. I sprang to my feet, hoping beyond hope that it was Usagi and I could rectify the misunderstanding before it was too late. The door nearly flew off its hinges as I tore it open.
"Makoto?"
"What the hell?" Her eyes were wide with alarm as she surveyed me.
Oh shit!
I was still naked. Rather than turning away, the tall brunette's face burned with rage and she shoved past me, letting herself in.
"Is she still here?" She looked around the apartment, fists balled tightly at her sides.
"Usagi isn't here," I replied, grabbing a spare blanket and hastily wrapping it around myself.
"Not Usagi, you idiot." She shot me a glare. What is going on? "The woman who obviously took your clothes off. Where is she? I might as well kick her ass too while I'm at it."
"Makoto, what are you talking about?" I demanded, bewildered.
She laughed darkly. "You men really are all jerks, aren't you? You spend 48 hours with Usagi, making her believe you're finally interested in her, and then the second she's gone you're hooking up with someone else." She shook her head and stalked toward me, closing the distance between us. "Do you realize she just got stood up twice in the same weekend? What the hell is wrong with you?"
She shoved me hard in the chest and I stumbled backwards, nearly losing my balance. I put my hands up defensively.
"That's not what happened. I didn't mean to stand her up. If I could just talk to her, I could-"
"Yeah, she doesn't really want to talk to you right now."
My heart sank. How was I ever going to fix this?
Makoto took a step back, apparently deciding not to beat me to a pulp. I was a strong man, but that girl was scary.
"I'm just here for her bag."
I watched, motionless, as Makoto disappeared into the guest room and reappeared a moment later with Usagi's pink duffel slung over her shoulder. Without so much as a glance in my direction, she strode to the door and yanked it open. Then she hesitated, and glanced back over her shoulder at me.
"She thought you were the man of her dreams," she spat. "Idiot."
And with a slam, she was gone, only her final words hanging in the air. The man of her dreams. They pierced my core like an arrow and confirmed what I had hoped to be true all along. But it was too late. I had lost Usagi: the woman in my life and the girl of my dreams.
Monday
"Drink."
Motoki set down a steaming mug of coffee next to where my face was resting on the counter. I lifted my head slowly and groaned. The happy chatter of children enjoying their last holiday wafted around me, worsening my already rotten mood.
"You look like hell, man."
"Thanks." I wrapped my hands around the warm mug and took a sip, appreciating the heat it offered to my frigid body. The virus had long since run its course, but my stomach was still twisted in knots that showed no sign of untying themselves any time soon.
"I take it the weekend didn't go very well."
I raked my fingers through my hair and leaned back, finally meeting his gaze. The sandy blonde's face was full of concern as he stared back at me. Motoki was a good friend. I could talk to him.
"You have no idea."
I relayed the events of the weekend, from our adventures in cooking to our little makeout session, from Usagi's illness to mine, even about my dreams, and finally how I had ruined it all in my drug-induced haze.
"And now she's never going to talk to me again."
He shook his head.
"I don't think you're giving Usagi enough credit."
We had moved to a booth for a bit more privacy. Motoki leaned back against the seat, arms folded over his chest.
"Usagi is a good girl. I'm sure that as soon as she gets over the initial shock, she'll want to talk things out with you." He sounded confident, but I wasn't so sure. He continued, "Especially if she is your dream girl." That threw me. I had mentioned the dreams to him, of course, but had figured he would just shrug them off as they were completely fantastical.
"You mean you believe that part?" I asked, incredulous.
He shrugged. "I don't know, but from what you've told me, it really sounds like you guys are meant to be together. And if she's been having the same dreams, then she must have figured out it's you by now. I really doubt she's going to give up her chance to be with the guy she's been searching for the past few centuries just because of one bad weekend."
Motoki, ever the optimist. I did hope he was right, though.
"You don't think the age difference is weird?"
Motoki rolled his eyes. "Are you seriously still hung up on that?" He sighed. "You guys are only like, what, three years apart, tops? That's nothing. It may seem like a lot right now, but when she's 20 and you're 23, it won't matter at all anymore."
He did have a point. I pondered that for a moment.
"Besides," he continued, "she's going to be sixteen soon anyway and you guys can go crazy without worrying about you being arrested."
"Shut up."
"Oh look," he said, almost on cue. He motioned to the window. "Looks like your questions are about to be answered."
I looked up, hoping to find Usagi, but instead, I found a girl with long, black hair and violet eyes strolling into the arcade. She looked around briefly before her eyes settled on me and she approached, a look of judgement seething from her mystical eyes.
"Rei," I greeted.
"Mamoru-baka," she retorted. "Here."
She retrieved a folded piece of paper from her pink overalls and shoved it under my nose. I accepted it and she immediately turned on her heel. She paused just before the exit and looked back at me.
"Idiot." She tossed her hair over her shoulder and left.
I can see why all these girls are friends.
"Well?" Motoki probed impatiently. What does it say?"
I carefully unfolded the note and read the delicate characters written in Usagi's own hand.
"Mamoru,
I understand that you can't return my feelings. And I'm sorry that I threw myself at you the way I did. I didn't know. But there is something I want to talk to you about, if that's okay.
Meet me at Juuban Park at 3 pm if you want to talk.
Usagi"
My heart ached at the hurt I had caused her.
"She wants to meet me at the park at three."
"Wow Motoki, you were right, just like always," he boasted sarcastically. I was too consumed with my own thoughts to come up with a witty reply.
"How much time do I have?"
"About two hours."
In a flash, I was out the door, Motoki calling after me, "And take a shower! You reek!"
The two hours had passed by unbearably slowly. I had cleaned the apartment meticulously. Scrubbed the kitchen, sorted the dishes, made the bed, and flushed the damned, infernal medicine down the toilet. After a lengthy shower–during which I most certainly did not think about Usagi, thank you very much–that unfortunately did nothing to settle my nerves, I had spent the last ten minutes agonizing over which shirt to wear. Blue or black? Blue or black?
I opted for the blue, some dumb thought about it matching my eyes the determining factor. Throwing it on and rolling up the sleeves to my elbows, I decided there was nothing more I could do to occupy my time, and I turned to leave.
Something out of the corner of my eye caught my attention. It was my notebook, still resting on the table by the armchair from Saturday night. In a split second decision, I tucked it under my arm and hurried off to Juuban Park.
It was a quarter to three when I finally reached the entrance to the park. I was early, but Usagi was already there. She was seated on a bench, staring in the opposite direction.
She was stunning. A pale blue blouse draped loosely across her torso, emphasizing the exquisite skin of her exposed shoulders and revealing a slight purple mark I had left on her neck in a moment of passion two nights before. A short, white skirt clung to her hips in just the right way to make my heart skip a beat. Her hair was up in her usual odangos, a look I hadn't seen in a while, and I warmed at the familiar shape. As I got closer, I could see red blotches marring her angelic face, her eyes swollen from hours of crying, no doubt. I longed to hold her to me, to tell her I loved her. I craved her touch.
She noticed my presence then and turned to face me.
"Mamo-ch-Mamoru," she stuttered, and my chest tightened at my loss of the name. "Thank you for coming."
"Usako." I was beside her in an instant, taking her hands in mine.
"Please don't," she whispered, pulling away. "This is hard enough for me without you..." she trailed off, overcome with emotion.
"Usagi, you don't understand."
She shook her head quickly and began again. "I'd really rather not talk about it. I just wanted to ask you something."
"Please, just listen to me," I implored her.
"No!" Mustering all of her strength, she turned on me and let me have it. "I can't play your games anymore, Mamoru! You strung me along for months, singling me out, teasing me like a stupid little boy that doesnt know how to treat a girl he likes. And then you finally figure it out and completely take advantage of my feelings. Why would you do that if there was someone else this whole time?"
I had seen Usagi angry with me plenty of times before, but this was different. This was real. Her eyes brimmed with tears and her cheeks were flushed. I opened my mouth to speak, but she cut me off.
"No," she repeated. "I can't talk about this. I can't do this." She turned to leave.
I was up like a shot, my hand grasped firmly around her wrist. If she wouldn't let me talk, I would have to make her shut up. I pulled her into my embrace and crushed my lips down onto hers.
At first she resisted, pushing against my chest as tears flowed freely down her cheeks. Slowly but surely, though, she began to melt beneath me. She returned my kiss with fervor, unable to control her body's response. Her arms hooked around my neck and I wound mine around her waist, holding her as close as physically possible. After a moment, my lungs began to scream for air and I broke away from her strawberry lips, kissing and tasting my way across her jaw and down her neck.
Her breath was hot and fast in my ear. "You're just like I dreamed."
With a final kiss to the hollow of her neck, I pulled back and cupped her cheek affectionately in one hand, reaching behind me to the bench with the other.
"Usako." My gaze held hers as I blindly found the notebook and offered it to her.
"What..." she began.
"Please, just read it."
She took the notebook and opened it, her eyes moving back and forth across the page as she read my list of truths. I observed patiently as her expression changed from one of curiosity to shock, and then finally the realization dawned on her. The notebook fell to her feet as she was overcome with emotion once more.
"It really is you," she breathed. She appeared rooted to the spot, unable to move, unable to say any more.
Again, I took her hands in mine. This time, she would listen.
"You're right. I was playing games with you for a long time. The truth is, I have had feelings for you ever since I met you. And that scared me more than I care to admit. Then the dreams started and I felt completely lost. I didn't want to hurt you, Usagi, but I couldn't stay away from you either. I let things go too fast too quickly with you when I should have been protecting you, and for that I am sorry. I could tell you all the details of what happened last night, but right now, it doesn't matter. Because now I am sure. I know that every piece of me, mind, body, and soul, belongs to you."
Usagi listened to my speech, unmoving. I could see the longing in her eyes and her hands twitched in mine as if wanting to return to my embrace. She wanted to believe me, but something held her back.
"But what about the other woman?"
"There is no other woman. You were the other woman.
"But you never came… and you told me... and Mako-chan..."
I raked my hand through my hair, tempted to rip it out in frustration. "Don't you get it, Odango-Atama? I got your stupid stomach virus! I told the woman in my dreams that I'm in love with you!" I roared, "This is all because of those damn pills!"
Silence.
"Oh," she finally whispered. And in that one small sound, all my frustration evaporated.
I sighed and drew her into me once again. Her hands rested limply on my chest while I wound my arm around the curve of her back, lifting her chin to me with my other hand.
"Uasko," I said with all sincerity, "it has always been, and always will be, only you."
And then I brought my lips to hers once more, allowing the kiss to convey all the words left unsaid between us.
