The bead of moisture rolling down his temple is enough to alert him of his discomposure. He usually avoided his reflection unless his clothes needed some kind of adjustment. His eyes never spent time lingering on his features, quick to glance away from the appearance of deep bags ravaged by the lack of sleep and energy utilized throughout the day in tailing behind the adventures of Furlan and Isabel.
He sweat like any other when putting in exertion and/or standing underneath the scorching sun. That didn't mean he welcomed the tacky feeling that would arise, but he'd deal with it until he could get himself cleaned up properly. It was normal and he couldn't argue with normal.
Except, Levi's positive his skin was melting off and his brain was simmering in an oven of flesh and bone.
It was a combination of what had occurred half an hour ago and his uncontrollable nerves wreaking havoc on his body. Every person who passed by him seemed to stare at him as if they knew what he had done, as if it was painted on his permanent scowl for them to judge and pick at. He never partook in the walk of shame, at most witnessing others who did with Furlan and Isabel.
Young women clutching their shoes to their chest as they looked more at the ground than they did their surroundings, young men too proud who were defeating the purpose of the "shame" in the act's name.
Could this be considered a walk of shame when the sun was still out and his book tucked in his arms gave the notion he returned from or was headed to a class? He didn't have time to think about it as being rational was difficult to endure when a sweltering physicality vied for complete attention. So much so that he pushed his dorm room open and didn't bother to shut it behind him, heading straight to the bathroom.
"How did it go? Did you find anything out?" Furlan asked, the novel in his hands tossed into the beanbag chair he stood from with unabashed haste. He'd been asking the same questions since Levi began as your tutor, desperate for any new piece of information he could get his hands on.
So far, Levi claimed the Tau Iota sisters did not have a liking of him at all. He surmised Theta Xi Rho most likely shared the same feelings if the connection they knew about was true, but Furlan dismissed it since they couldn't assume anything unless there was a direct mention. That had been the extent of it.
"No, move," Levi huffed out. The textbook in his arms fell onto his bed, his destination not changing as his patience ran thin. He didn't think he could ever want a shower so bad, but he seemed to be getting fresh surprises these days.
"But," was all Furlan was able to get out before Levi shut the door in his face. Furlan was confused to say the least.
Levi had told him the details of the tutoring sessions since the beginning. It hadn't been long, but it wasn't like him to be in such a rush. Sure, Furlan knew of his obsessive need to be clean, but Levi did not seem to have a speck of dirt on him. He looked the same as he had left.
Something was off. Furlan didn't know what it was or if he should even ask once Levi was out of the bathroom, but he still pondered what could've spooked Levi as he sat down on the edge of his bed. Furlan's eyes scanned the mathematical symbols on the Algebraic textbook sitting across from him as he thought, mentally tracing them repeatedly to weigh possibilities.
For all Furlan knew, you and Levi could've had an argument and that's why his behavior was dismissive and almost erratic. As much as he would like to admit otherwise, Levi wore his emotions on his sleeve. After years of knowing one another, it granted Furlan the knowledge of when to pry and when to just shut the fuck up. Sometimes Isabel made fun calling him a grump behind his back, but Furlan was aware that there was something deeper than the naked eye could catch.
Levi's frustrations made him contemptuous and when either Furlan or Isabel attempted to get to the bottom of it, Levi would claim that everything was fine. He always tried to solve his own problems or at least wait them out until he was calm enough to approach as if nothing happened.
The thing was that if you and Levi had some kind of conflict, it was odd to see it get under Levi's skin. He was naturally clever, substantially mean when he needed to be. People couldn't truly affect Levi because Levi mastered the art of being an absolute fortress, the unspoken, designated leader of the three when push came to shove.
Throwing that thought out the window, Furlan tried to think of what else may have upset him. It could have been as trivial as him taking his tutoring job too seriously or maybe you or the others in the house stepped over a line. Hell, maybe you were missing an answer he saw as easy and his impatience was in full swing.
How hard could Classic Literature be? Just read the damn material. And Biology? Flashcards were the way to go. He could see Levi becoming annoyed over trying to communicate a lesson that kept going over a student's head. Furlan didn't think you were an idiot (he didn't even know you) but he knew the way Levi was.
Nothing was making any bit of sense, Furlan falling backwards and finally looking away from the textbook so he could look at the ceiling above.
But it was then that something occurred to Furlan. Levi didn't have a math class this semester and that wasn't one of the subjects he was helping you with. Why did Levi have a math book? Did he pick it up by mistake?
That wasn't right… If Furlan knew anything about Levi, he knew one thing: Levi didn't make mistakes.
To pacify the fire swallowing him alive, Levi set the temperature of the shower's spray to the coldest setting it would go to. Goosebumps raised across his back, water mixed with perspiration sliding down his scalp, neck, and to his shoulders. He felt more awake, discomfort lasting only about a minute or two before his body acclimated to the cold. Truthfully, it wasn't the best degree to clean dirt and grime, but it did keep him from stiffening between his legs.
Or so he thought.
He couldn't get the image of you out of his head, how he could still feel the ghost of your thighs under his palms. The cruel part was that it was barely there, he couldn't possibly recreate what it felt like to be with you unless he was.
This persisting and nagging presence of a wonderful memory was going to rain hell on his senses like it already was doing. It had just happened, you two had just slept together, and Levi wanted more as if he had the first taste of a newfound addiction.
Your form was pliable underneath his capable hands, the glazed look over your eyes shattering him from the inside out. Covering your mouth didn't stop you from looking as enchanting as you did. He wanted to hear you, too, but the circumstances didn't allow it.
You and Levi went too far, went all the way to a place where you couldn't turn away from. His imagination was rampant with mental photos he didn't know were captured, but they were filtering through his brain like a slideshow on a projector screen.
Your hair fanned out over the pillow, your chest rising and falling with every shallow breath, your skirt bunched up at your waist so he could see the way he filled you after every thrust, the lilac underwear sitting discarded and adjacent to your fused bodies.
With a glance downwards, he sighed his displeasure. It was all messing with him exponentially, hard as a rock despite the precautions he took to make this space as freezing as possible. He was also hyper-aware of everywhere he touched you, the remnants of you haunting him and his skin. You had scarred him without any sight of a wound.
Maybe he wanted to be wounded.
Without thinking, he turned the knob for hotter water, not stopping until steam filled the room and blurred over his exhausted eyes. The shock of the sudden change in temperature had his form slightly jolting. But just like how the icy stream wasn't enough, the scalding heat wasn't enough either. It couldn't erase anything, couldn't chase away the previous sensations.
He turned his head up when he thought about your lips kissing him, how soft and jagged it was all at once. The heat against his mouth now exacerbated it, his hope being that maybe he could replace where you still were with the greater feeling of practically being burned alive.
It didn't work. He could still feel you, your lips, your tongue, the vibrations of noises that tickled his mouth.
"Shit," he ground out, thankful the ongoing spray was muffling coherent words from anyone near the bathroom door. He could sing if he wanted to (he didn't) and Furlan would only hear a bit of it as long as he kept the volume low.
Tilting his head downwards, water trickled from his fringe and down the slope of his nose. His attention was directed to his hand wrapped around his cock, the slow pumping becoming apparent to him because he twitched in some kind of appreciation. He felt guilty and yet greedy since he had finished with utmost satisfaction but was still touching himself to the thought of you not even an hour later. He didn't realize it until now and he was wondering if he was touching himself even when he had the cold water cascading down.
Things were now complicated whether the two of you liked it or not. It put a dent in his overall mission to gather intel on Theta Xi Rho because, as childish as it sounded, he had been compromised.
He didn't want to think about that, if he should even tell Furlan or Isabel about what happened. It was ridiculous, the mess he was talked into. He wasn't some super spy or a goddamn soldier, he was simply trying to be a good friend.
Still, this wouldn't fly over well. He made a quick promise to himself to figure out a way to say it all, maybe even think of a plan to distance himself from you if he had to. He tried to ignore how that notion caused a drop in the pit of his stomach, instead pulling his focus back to the pleasing image of you sprawled on your back, whining into his hand.
"Stop thinking," he instructed himself aloud since merely using the speech in his mind wasn't working out. As wrong as it felt, he finally let himself indulge in how you made him feel, how he had to worry about nothing for the short amount of time you were tangled in each other.
When he stepped out of the shower, every doubt would come flying back so he was reveling in this interlude, a pause in his system that he wasn't sure he deserved. The grip he had around his girth had sped up, the knuckle of his free hand in the air being bitten down on between two rows of teeth.
His skin was raw and red from the shower head's highest setting, mimicking a horrible sunburn had he been outside on a hot day for too long. But it was as if he couldn't feel any of it, instead feeling the pleasure doubling over him tenfold the longer he moved his hand and pretended it felt half as good as being within your tightening walls.
His forehead pressed into the tile in front of him, seeking some relief to the build-up he set, the one you began and inspired. Your contorting face filled the space behind his eyelids as his release seeped over his digits, fleetingly matching the heat of the downpouring water for two seconds before it was diluted and then washed down the drain. He throbbed in the aftermath, steadying himself with two hands palm down on the tiled wall in front of him.
He had a moment to forget about his troubles, about the ongoing circumstances that were for sure going to be complicated further. Cherishing this moment of bliss, he slowed his labored breathing and reached for his body wash to lather himself in.
"Can I please have some of yours?" Isabel groaned, leaning over the table with her arms stretching across the surface. She was fingertips away from the paper bowl sitting in front of Levi, anxious to get closer and steal it from his possession. But she knew better than to pull that kind of stunt with him.
She would've tried with Furlan if he hadn't already finished his caramel cashew frozen custard before her raspberry cheesecake serving fell straight to the floor.
Of course Levi, being the cruel individual that he was, deliberately raised his plastic spoon from the cup and closed his mouth over his butter pecan dessert, much to Isabel's dismay. She couldn't help the forming pout on her face, petulant as ever as Levi ignored her existence.
"Maybe you shouldn't have dropped yours," Furlan added, the thorn in her side that had her eyebrows furrowing as she glared over at him through burning eyes.
"Shut up," she blurted in response. She was actually too upset to argue with him properly. Even if she came up with something clever, both he and Levi were acting weird.
Clearly, they had things weighing heavy on their minds, the visible masks of thinking plastered on their features. She could assess it, but opted to try and lighten the mood suggesting they go out to a custard shop near the university. Their agreement must've been to appease her and stop the whining before it began.
Walking back to the university after they received their treats, Isabel stumbled in the uneven terrain and dropped her custard to the floor. It coated the grass and dirt in a sweet substance, melting quickly due to the sun above's rays. She couldn't have salvaged it if she tried to, sulking all the way back to the campus and to their usual spot.
Just as she had guessed, Furlan didn't say anything back to her. His head turned to look off and so she did the same thing. She rolled her eyes when she saw the passing Theta Xi Rho members. It seemed to be an unhealthy pattern at this point, but she was aware of how he wouldn't listen to her. Furlan's stubborn ass wouldn't even listen to Levi on the matter, so she wasn't going to bother.
Since the lack of conversation (and frozen custard) was making her intensely bored, she kept her eyes on the group in question. Erwin, Miche, and Boris were out today. Isabel hardly knew them as people, at most discovering Erwin had just become president of the fraternity by a landslide. He was always so solemn, much like Levi, but he also seemed to have the capacity for a surplus of emotion.
Unlike Levi.
Miche seemed to be okay, devoted to the "brothers" in any way he could be. She couldn't help but hold some slight ill will with the sneer he gave Furlan once. No one else noticed but her and she had never forgotten. She was worried what would happen if she told either of her friends.
Furlan, most likely, would deny it so her effort would be lost. Levi, though, would probably ask what the issue was by going directly to the other. There would be hostility and Furlan would be distraught in choosing between someone who was practically family or someone part of his lifelong dream. She decided neither of those options were satisfying enough, silently praying for both Levi and Furlan to see misconduct on their own and do something about it.
She wasn't that lucky.
Boris was… rude. Plain and simple. Maybe the worst one of the pack. There was an entitlement in him and everyone knew he got into the prestigious Theta Xi Rho because his parents were wealthy. He didn't seem to care about everyone being privy to that fact, trying to blind everyone by the extravagant parties he threw together.
His hand came up to his hair, looking the opposite way they were walking. As Erwin and Miche continued on their path, someone came running up to Boris. Isabel was sure that's why he had come to a stop, quizzically examining how you were the one to approach.
Your smile was wide and bright, hand attaching to his. Isabel could see the soft squeeze given, the way you and Boris walked in tandem to catch up with Erwin and Miche. She didn't know when that happened, when the two of you got together, but it wasn't anything she cared for.
She did suspect, however, that Furlan would be ecstatic to know you had an even better connection than you all formerly surmised. If you were dating one of the Theta Xi Rho members, then Levi's job tutoring you/gaining information was going to go more swimmingly.
She looked at Furlan to confirm, doing so by seeing his slight grin forming on his lips. All Levi had to do now was be invasive in how he phrased his questions, ask about your boyfriend in the subtlest of manners. Okay, maybe that didn't sound that easy, but if anyone could figure this out, it'd be Levi.
Isabel looked up to him for plenty of reasons. She did with Furlan, too, but Levi seemed to have all the answers. She trusted him for anything and everything. In her eyes, there was nothing Levi couldn't get them out of or through.
Her gaze broke from Furlan when she realized Levi slid his cup of butter pecan custard in front of her. Fortunately it wasn't too goopy, still cold when she took a bite and she relished in the flavor. While it wasn't what she originally wanted, she wouldn't start complaining.
She was about to boast in her appreciation when her head tilted up to see that Levi had left from the table, leaving her sitting with Furlan who hadn't noticed because he was too busy staring at Erwin, Miche, Boris, and you.
Something violently crashed over Levi after witnessing you with Boris Charvate. Boris didn't have the most stellar reputation, a living embodiment of why Furlan should've dropped his desire to become a member of Theta Xi Rho from the moment they discovered Boris's asshole-ness. The man was the trope villain of the cheesy high school/college movies Furlan loved to watch, the ones Levi could barely stomach. Isabel would protest them, but Levi knew she secretly held a soft spot for them.
The antagonist was always so forward and mean, manipulative to their minions who wouldn't know the extent of that manipulation until it was inevitably pointed out by the protagonist. The good thing was that everything would be resolved and friendship would triumph.
Levi couldn't use the same tactics Furlan seemed to have an affinity for because when it came to Theta Xi Rho, it was like talking to a brick wall. Nothing could change his mind and nothing probably ever would.
But why was this so… devastating? Levi's heart was beating in his eardrums, the pressure making him believe they could bust and permanently alter his hearing. His hands busied themselves in slipping buttons open from his suddenly all-too-constricting shirt, overwhelmed with a feeling he couldn't label because he wasn't sure he had encountered it before. At least, not like this.
He occupied the rolling chair at his desk and stared blankly at the dark screen in front of him to try and find answers as to why this was affecting him so much. In hindsight, this could be an in for Levi to ask about the fraternity, but he couldn't stop mustering the sound of your laughter and the creases at the corners of your mouth when you smiled.
He didn't expect this from you. You cheated on Boris with him. It was the only logical explanation. Levi didn't want to form these ill thoughts, but nothing else made sense. He tried to give you the benefit of the doubt, but platonic friends didn't hold hands like that nor did they gaze lovingly into each other's eyes.
Unless you began a relationship with Boris that morning, which Levi seriously doubted, he couldn't find it in himself to come up with excuses. The two of you slept together a day ago and this made it feel like decades, so distant and even worse than it was before because now he was an accomplice to what many considered an unforgivable crime against trust.
However, he actually didn't care about that part. He didn't care about how Boris would feel in this situation. Levi attempted to focus on that, but he ended up returning to how he hated seeing your hand laced with Boris's. His face fell into a scowl when he realized it, a pang of an ache slapping him in the chest as you passed by without a goddamn thought to ruin your jovial reunion.
… And probably without a goddamn thought about Levi.
"You couldn't give us a heads-up?" Isabel chimed.
She and Furlan had come in, taking their spots on the edge of Levi's bed. With his mind in shambles, their tones scarcely registered Levi's absolute threshold.
All he could hear was his blood pounding.
"We weren't even arguing this time. I don't get why you went and ditched us—"
Furlan couldn't continue his sentence because Levi started speaking before he knew what he was doing.
"I slept with her."
Minutes resembling hours passed of pure silence, the sole sound in the room being that of the spinning fan above their heads. It wasn't a self-aware silence, either, where breathing came off as too loud and too harsh. It was an eerie one, where static filled the ears and nestled disturbingly into the head, blocking out brain activity altogether.
The strange phenomena occurred with both Furlan and Isabel who stared at Levi with stupefied expressions. Neither had to ask to know who Levi was talking about. Despite his mind racing with how he shouldn't have said anything, he blurted it out and there was no returning from it. He couldn't take it back or claim that he was kidding. So, he kept his face as neutral as he could, unable to tear his sight away from the opaque of the computer screen.
"You slept with—"
"With golden boy Boris Charvate's girlfriend," Levi cut Isabel off, "yes, I did."
Boris Charvate's girlfriend. You probably deserved to be referred to that way since you didn't tell Levi you were with someone, but it stung him to be that ridiculous and trivial. He didn't know you to be making prior assumptions or have certain expectations. You also had a name.
He liked your name.
He stated it as it was, though. The issue that they now had could not be downplayed. He wasn't going to beat around the bush about the dilemma that made him walk away because he didn't have the patience to.
For the first time in a long time, Levi did not know what to do. His confession was his body's way of expressing that and maybe a cry for help out of whatever these new feelings were. His subconscious won over his incessant need to shut the world out as his instincts couldn't save him this time.
It was answered in kind, Isabel's hand laying softly onto his shoulder to convey how she was going to be there for him. He stiffened at the contact, but he removed his gaze from the inanimate object to look up at her eyes of emerald. There was nothing but confusion located there, but Levi knew she was trying her best and most likely trying to search within for the right words to say.
"You…" Furlan said from the side instead, Isabel and Levi's attention turning over to their friend. Furlan's eyes were straight on his knees. Levi guessed he didn't know what to say either so all he could do was wait.
"You… you've ruined everything," Furlan declared. There was a piercing edge in his voice, the fragility of the ongoing problem being shattered like fucking glass.
One of those shards may have sunk into Levi's forehead because now he wasn't seeing anything but a deep red clouding fiercely over his vision. Isabel's hand on his shoulder squeezed involuntarily as if she could sense what was coming next, Levi confirming it with how he brushed her off and stood at full height to look at Furlan in disbelief.
"I didn't know she was dating shitty, prissy Charvate, everything just sorta happened," Levi attempted, but Furlan was on his feet, too, and the room felt a lot smaller with the distance closing between them.
"It doesn't fucking matter, if he finds out, I'll be kissing Theta Xi Rho goodbye. You know exactly what kind of power he has," Furlan quipped back. And he was right. Furlan could be sent to some blacklist they had. Boris didn't seem the type not to love opportunities for vengeance.
Guilt spurred throughout Levi's system, but his anger was getting the better of him.
"Then good riddance," Levi said, practically snarling it. He didn't even want to be part of this stupid plan from the beginning. A few weeks in and everything was already falling apart.
"I should've known you'd say something like that; all you care about is yourself."
"That's enough! Both of you, cut that shit out," Isabel shouted. Neither of them noticed that she wedged herself between the two to stop a fight from breaking out. Her hands were pressed to their chests, forcing them in the opposite directions.
In actuality, Isabel had been saying more as soon as Furlan said what he did. She told Levi to stay where he was and he ended up squaring off. She advised Furlan not to be a dick and he continued against her best wishes. It was as if she wasn't even there.
"By the looks of what I saw earlier, Boris doesn't know a damn thing about what happened. He was happy and so was she and that's that. I doubt she's going to say anything about cheating with Levi unless she wants to get kicked out of Tau Iota."
Levi hadn't thought about that, how easily Boris could make your life a living hell if he found out. If he had connections with his fraternity, then surely he'd have connections with a close sorority. Your relationship with him even made a little more sense since Theta Xi Rho and Tau Iota were in friendly corridors.
"I say we keep this between us and continue with the plan because clearly, she likes Levi," Isabel said. Levi tried to refrain from rolling his eyes when she cheekily grinned.
"But you can't do it again, it'll just make everything worse. Tell her you'd like to stay friends or something, I don't care. This is the closest we've ever been."
After everything Furlan said, Levi wanted to tell Isabel that this wasn't right. He also didn't know how he was supposed to face you with the knowledge of how you were with Boris. Seeing you two holding hands seemed to have ignited something in him that he wasn't familiar with.
But Furlan's words kept echoing in his mind. Levi didn't just care about himself, quite the opposite, but his actions didn't reflect that sentiment. He was selfish and ended up sabotaging a favor he was supposed to be accomplishing. The objective became lost in how you captivated Levi. As fucked as it was, Levi wasn't there to develop feelings nor seriously tutor you. He was there for Furlan.
He'd always be there for Furlan and Isabel.
"Fine," he spat.
"Fine," Furlan repeated, still heated from their argument as he slid the partition dividing their rooms open to head to his side. Levi simply sat back into his rolling chair and crossed his arms to his chest.
They both needed time to cool off. Isabel was conflicted of where to go, sitting on the edge of Levi's bed again as she pondered what she should do. The best option was probably to leave and go back to her own dorm to give her friends the space necessary, but she felt odd going without saying anything. She rubbed the back of her neck, unsure of herself and if she made the right decision in her choice of words.
She saw something flash in Levi's eyes when Furlan kept talking. It was a rare sight to see Levi pricked with hurt, but just as fast as it was there, it was gone. She could've told him to just let it go and call the whole thing off, but her curiosity won over her. She had helped Furlan as much as she could to get into the fraternity of his dreams and it didn't work.
If anyone could crack this, it would be Levi. He could withstand anything. Isabel felt so fucking selfish for it, but she knew that you and Levi had nothing more than a fling… right?
She'd never seen him this distraught. There were others, he wasn't exactly a prude, but he never approached any of them first. Isabel didn't think he was into anything romantic, not bothering to have any relationship last any longer than a couple of weeks. She met him and Furlan later on in high school when the two had already been friends since middle school, so she was well aware of his interests and personality.
Levi was made of stone. He probably was worried about destroying Furlan's chances. He was such a good friend, made up for how bad he was with words.
Still, something nagged in Isabel's head.
She looked over at Levi cautiously and tried to study him. He was an expert at hiding his feelings away so he could pretend he didn't have any. Considering how this was brand new territory for her, she didn't know how to approach it.
He caught her eye, irritated beyond belief as he asked, "why are you looking at me like that?"
Truthfully, she didn't want to think about Levi sleeping with anyone. He was like her brother, but she probably wouldn't get a chance like this again. He was the one who told them, so she saw it as fair game.
"Was the sex good?"
"Get out."
