Prior to all the madness that happened in 2017, Ethan Winters was a normie. He worked at [Insert Company Name here] as a cryptic little systems engineer. The hours were horrible but he didn't really give a damn because the pay was high as hell. Whenever he took his breaks, he spent time watching TikToks or listening to his auto-generated Spotify playlists or what have you. Even when he went home, he did the same kind of thing. If he was feeling spicy, he took a trip to "Reddit" or watched Minecraft building tutorials... That was about it; Ethan had a maddeningly boring and un-quirky life.

(flash forward to whenever the hell village takes place. February, 2021)

Today, Ethan was just chilling and having a good time. He was currently sitting next to Mia and Rose, spacing the hell out while Mia read some cringe story to their daughter.

"Hey Mia, what the hell are you doing BTW. This story is really weird," he complained.

"What do you mean? This story's like, a 'local fairy tale', from what I've heard," she replied.

"That's awesome but does a baby need to hear something cryptic like this right before going to bed?" he continued.

Mia didn't reply with much more than just an eyeroll. She thought Ethan was sexy but oh my god did he feel the need to complain about just about everything ever... Sigh.

After Mia finished reading the story, Ethan took Rose to bed and decided to make the unwise choice to check Twitter for a bit. He scrolled through the news absentmindedly, reading drama about some random Minecraft YouTuber who he always saw trending. Against his will, he learnt that this guy cheated on his speedrun among other things. Because he was so engrossed in reading this, he hardly noticed Mia calling for him to get his food. He really didn't want to get yelled at NOR did he want to sleep on the couch tonight so he wandered down the stairs to get dinner. Suddenly, he felt a bit odd but didn't know why... It was just a lingering thought in his mind that something was a bit funny.

He took a seat and looked at the bowl of mysterious food. It looked good... but man, that weird feeling wouldn't leave.

"Hey Mia, do you ever just like... have the realization that we live in Europe now," he said blankly.

"...Ethan, it's been a while since we came here. Are you okay?"

Ethan just shook his head and chuckled nervously. He started eating and again started spacing out thinking about this and that. Then, you know, Chris comes in and ""eliminates Mia"" right then and there. (a/n: i am so sorry but this is a crack fic, im not going to put excruciating detail into recounting certain points from the canon bc i want to get to the stupid stuff)

"Wha- Chris? What the HELL are you doing?!" Ethan shouted. Frankly, he was too confused and shocked to even be upset right now; that would come later.

"Ethan, I know this isn't very based but I can't explain what's going on. Anyway, I'm taking your baby and getting out of here for now. See you next time and don't forget to like and subscribe for more videos like this one," Chris replied. He sounded like he had recited the last part a million times.

"Videos? Chris, what the fuck? Life is not a game and this isn't your shitty YouTube vlog channel, the hell? You just killed my wife and now you're telling me to sub to you?" Ethan shouted. Now he was getting a bit distraught... and what the hell was 'based' supposed to mean anyway? Chris merely looked at him and heaved a heavy sigh before knocking him out and leaving.


The next time Ethan awoke, he was 'greeted' by heavy darkness and freezing cold wind. He groggily hopped up and realized he was in the middle of nowhere, surrounded entirely by trees and newly fallen snow. He also noticed quite a sizeable wreck... presumably, the guys who were 'kidnapping' him crashed into something. One of the men who tried to snatch him up was dead but Ethan didn't really care; he picked up the guy's phone and spent a bit of time staring at it. He couldn't figure out the password and decided to pocket it 'just in case'. He felt around and realized his phone was not in any of his pants pockets... If Chris had taken Ethan's phone AND managed to hack into it, he was definitely going to see something weird on it.

Ethan shivered and let out a loud sigh. "I knew we should've moved to damn Britain. Look, I don't like working with the British any more than the next guy but really? I doubt I would've gotten kidnapped or whatever the hell this is if I was in London."

That probably wasn't true but Ethan wanted to pretend that being in London and eating fish and chips would be better than being in the cold with no idea of what was going on. After complaining again, he decided to wander through the woods for a bit. Eventually, he found some dirty old house and reasoned that it was substantially better than being outside.

He went inside and looked around for signs of anyone. When he found nothing, he decided to just sit on the old, musty bed and try to figure out what was happening. He suddenly remembered something semi-important: he didn't keep his phone in his pants pocket, but his jacket's breast pocket. In his groggy state, he completely forgot that. He fished the phone out of his pocket and saw it had a 15% charge on it. With no WiFi and no signal, he just opted to watch some old videos that he had saved to his phone. He heard some fucked up sounds but didn't really feel like going to check it out.

"No way in hell am I letting some weird sounds mess with Ethan-time..." he mumbled. For some reason, the bed he hopped in was super comfortable... he passed out for a time.

When he awoke this time, it was a lot brighter. Because the sun being out obviously meant things were okay, Ethan decided to go wandering outside again. At one point he stumbled over a stupid rock and slid down the damn mountain. Ugh, did the madness ever end?

He looked up and noticed he was at the edge of a major village, taking note of the rancid vibes and the giant castle looming in the distance. Ethan nodded happily. This was pretty 'gothcore'! Or wait, maybe it was more dark academia core? Regardless, Ethan went investigating through all the houses and stole pocket change and bandages. In his mind, he was 'just borrowing' the stuff. Not like anyone was there to call him out on it... Eventually, he found an outhouse that looked fairly clean and decided to have a sit-down.

"Oh god, my life sucks. I finally get a bit comfortable in Europe and now look at me. I'm in some random ass village sitting on the damn toilet," he said with a nervous laugh.

He was talking to himself to keep the nerves away and pretend like things were, again, fine. By now, he had found a random ass gun and decided to take it along with him for safekeeping. He figured whoever owned it wouldn't be upset as long as he put it back later. He did feel a bit guilty about stealing the pocket change and coins he found around the houses though.. He didn't see any Targets or Wal-Marts around but assumed that this money could come in handy in other ways...

For now, he would just continue prowling around until he found someone who knew what was going on in the slightest.