Olivia moved back around the group to pick up her wine from the table near Fin, who had the biggest shit-eating grin on his face. "How did that go, Captain".
"About as painfully as I thought it would". Olivia said after she took a large mouthful of her wine. "What did Cassidy say to you? I could see something cross your face that I couldn't make out".
"He wanted to be there when I told Elliott about Tucker. when that was his reaction to the two of us".After another mouthful of her wine, she watched Elliott walk away from the table. He walked away to head back to the bar to regroup and calm himself down a bit. That much was evident to her.
He just kept thinking Cassidy again. Why the fuck is it always Brian fucking Cassidy? What does this guy have a super dick or something? Elliott ordered a scotch neat and one on the rock and handed cash over to pay once they were sitting in front of him. The first one went down in one clean swallow relishing the burn as it went down and the warmth in his stomach when it settled. Taking a deep breath and slowly letting it out as slowly as possible. Picking up his next drink, he made the walk back over to everyone.
Placing his new drink on the table, he lightly resting his hand on Olivia's lower back. "Are we able to talk for a minute, out the front? I would like to clarify something with you". Turning toward him, so they were face to face, there was now only an inch or two of space between their bodies. The first thought in her mind was if he spread his fingers out, they would be large enough to grazing from her hip to her ass, and the second is if either of them moved or were bumped, that inch between them would be gone, they would be making complete body contact. Her cheeks starter to heated from the thought of it, and unfortunately, she knew it was not yet going to be the wine causing it after the two mouthfuls that she had had so far.
The one word that her brain could manage to get out was hushed. "Sure". Olivia went to place her drink on the table and almost missed when Fin's hand shot out to grab the glass to steady it before she manages to spill it everywhere. Elliot gave her the lightest push on her back to indicate the direction that he wanted her to move in. It has been years since she had felt this same pull, the desire for him at this intensity. Her feet managed to cooperate as they made it to the front entry and out the front of the bar.
Outside Olivia watched as Eliott tried to calm his breathing. So many emotions were running across his face. It was one of the few times he could not control what he was putting out for everyone to see and read on him. "What do you want to be clarified? If I was just screwing Cassidy or if I was in a relationship with him?". Suppose you want the truth, and that is both. First, it was great sex, and then it was a relationship. Brian helped me pull myself back together after the kidnapping. He held me as I healed, cried and screamed myself awake from the nightmares. Brian took it in his stride when I almost blew his head off with my gun, thinking there was someone in our apartment. You don't deserve clarification, nor do you deserve an explanation because you were not here for me when he was".
"You were not here to save me or help me put myself back together. So as far as you are concerned, Brian is the most amazing man you will ever meet, and he is one of the few reasons I am still here today. So no, you do not get any more clarification or feelings about my relationship with him. Also, if you think that Brian and I together would be the worst relationship I had while you were gone, I sure as hell don't want to tell you about Tucker then. You don't get an opinion or say on that relationship either. The same way that I don't get an option about your marriage".
His mind was spinning out of control from everything Olivia said, thoughts of Cassidy and fucking Tucker, but he was stuck on something else. "What kidnapping Olivia? What do you mean by kidnapping". He reached out and gently grabbed her hand, connecting their fingers as she went to spin on her heel and walk away from him. There were tears in her eyes, and she was rapidly trying to keep from falling. He could see her pulse rapidly beating in her neck. "Olivia, what do you mean kidnapping?".
"I am not going to talk about this with you, not here, and I also do not owe my story to you. I don't know how you did not know about it. It was all over the fucking news". Breathing in deeply and exhaling slowly while counting to herself, Olivia started to calm herself down. Elliott just stood and watched all of it happening in from of him.
"That is fine, Liv, but we are going to have to discuss this at some stage. There are a lot of things that we need to speak about. Are you alright?".
"Well, nine years in therapy says no, but yes, I am fine right now. We can talk about this all at a later time. I am not prepared for it now, and I don't know when I will be".
"Is Cassidy Noah's dad?". He blurted out. The look on her face said that was the absolute wrong thing to ask. "Jesus christ Elliott, you do not know when to leave something alone. No, Cassidy is not his father, and before you ask, neither is Tucker, but he was the closest thing he had to one. Noah is adopted, he is not biologically mine, but he is my son in every way that you can be a parent".
"Fucking Fin".
"What do you mean fucking Fin".
"I met with Fin when Kathy was still in the hospital. He let me know that you had had a son and that you had been in a few relationships, and one was significant. Fin let me assume that was Noah's dad. When I asked him who, Fin said I had to ask you. He wanted me to walk into that one, but I guess that is fair". She was smiling and shaking her head simultaneously. "Well, that is typical shit-stirrer, Fin".
With her hand still in his, they made their way back inside the bar to where everyone was in an animated conversation with Jet telling a story that had everyone laughing. It was nice to see that even though they all worked across different areas of the NYPD, they had managed to find a group of people that were able to get along.
Olivia picked up her drink, finishing it in a few short mouthfuls, "Who needs a refill?" she asked the group. Jotting down what everyone wanted in the notes on her phone, Olivia and Amanda made their way to the bar to get the next round. "Was that some hand-holding that I just spied there?'. Amanda asked with a wiggle of her eyebrow, looking directly at Olivia so that she could read her reply on her face and not just hear the words. The look on Olivia's face said that she did not know how to answer that. Amanda continued to ask questions. "What was that with Cassidy and Stabler?". Olivia rolled her eyes, just thinking about how childish Cassidy can be. "That was Cassidy being Cassidy taking pleasure in telling Elliott that not only had we slept together as a one-off years ago, but we also had a relationship while he was in Rome".
"Cassidy can be a child. I just never saw what it was about him for the two of you to be together"—thinking about it for a second. "To start with, it was too much alcohol after a bad case years ago… then it was decent sex, and then it was him helping me keep my head above water. Want to know what is worse? I told Elliott that I dated Tucker purely because he made me angry, and I wanted to hurt him just a little, and I wanted to be petty". Amanda looked at her trying to keep a straight face, but she couldn't and burst out laughing. Their group was able to hear it from where they were across the room as some of their heads turned to look at them. "Yeah, so that is a conversation that we will have to finish at some stage. I don't know if it is one that I even want to have with Elliott".
"Are the men that you dated something that you would have discussed with Stabler back in the day?". Taking a second to think about the answer, she slowly answered. "Yes, and no. Sometimes yes, but it was always more generalised about who I was dating, nothing specific and no direct questions like he asked tonight. I really would not say anything until I thought that it might be something. Though now it is different, we always had the barrier, that line that you didn't or wouldn't cross. I am sure you get that with what it would have been like Carisi before he left. Now try to figure and out where that line is. El had been married for almost 20 years when we first meet to an amazing wife and mother. Fast forward to now and remove that line that you could never be crossed or even discussed. It just isn't the same anymore now that Kathy is gone. I now don't have a clue how to navigate it. Sorry, that was a lot of shit to unload on you".
"How about we have lunch tomorrow, I will grab food head to your place, and you can tell me about it because that is more than a five-minute conversation while waiting for drinks at the bar". Amanda smiled at her friend. "That would be great". Paying for the drinks and tray in had they make their way back to the table to distribute them.
Standing with her fresh drink in hand, trying to follow the conversation, her head was spinning. When she had managed to get her head back into the conversation, she realised that it was about Amanda's horror birth story. Everyone was trying to ease Ayanna's fear about her wife's impending birth. "It is not that bad, at least from your position, it is hard to seeing your wife in pain. I will say that, but overall you just have to be there and be supportive". Elliott said to address the unasked question. "How many kids do you have, Stabler". Amanda asked to try and open a line of conversation with him. "Five kids, four births, three girls and two boys. I managed to make the first three, but Liv was there with Kathy when Eli was born. She even held him before I did".
"Amanda, you have not heard about the Stabler's super sperm". Fin laughed as he remembered Munch would call him super shooter for more reasons than one.
"Holy shit, five kids. My two girls are enough to make me question if I would want to do it for the third time".Amanda said, thinking about the pain versus the reward of having another child.
Olivia could see that Cassidy, Laura and his mom had just gotten up to leave. They all waved at each other, and Cassidy gave Olivia a gentle nod of his head as he smiled at her. There was an emotion in the look that he gave her that made Olivia feel that it was a final goodbye to that chapter of her life. Something about it made it feel like it would be the last time they saw each other.
The conversation continued for a few more rounds. Everyone was happy, but no one was drunk when they all started to break off and head their separate ways. "I will see you tomorrow". Amanda said as she and Carisi were leaving for the night. Everyone said their goodbyes and made their way out of the bar.
"We can share a cab to your place, and I will walk from there if that is alright with you". Elliott asked as she hailed the cab. "Sure, that would be good". Olivia slid across the backseat of the cab and gave her address to the driver as Elliot followed her in. There was a nervous energy in the car that Olivia was not able to name until Elliott ran his hand lightly over her hand that was sitting in her lap. He connected their hands by entwining their fingers like this was not only the second time that he had done this. He made it feel like they had been doing this forever.
