Part 1 – Prologue (Agent 3's Journal Opening)
This whole entry is nothing but a glorified recap of most things Splatoon up to Octo Expansion, the most original thing about it being that is written from the perspective of a mute character (Being Agent 3). I just thought up about a story roadmap and should update this somewhat regularly.
Day 1 (Five years after Splatoon 1, give or take)
Apartment, Inkopolis Square, 2:00 AM
Now Playing: Splattack! (Jam Session) - Squid Squad
Alright, I guess I might open a journal introducing myself to myself. Well, my name is ... Huh. When was the last time you heard an Inkling call another one by their actual name, if ever? Agent 3 is WAAY fresher. I'll start again. To you, I'm nameless AKA Agent 3, male inkling, 20 years old as of writing, naturally Blue-inked. Bad cook. Five years ago (Give or take), I moved into Inkopolis City and crashed on EP's (She answers to "Agent 3.5" thanks to a coin flip) place for a year or so, originally as part of the Inkling ritual into the vicious lifestyle of Turf Wars and mindless shopping. It was a blast, made some money doin' part time at the Plaza's Electronic Repair and whatever I managed to get from Turf Wars. I'm a Splattershots squid.
That should work.
Right, so, I moved here, and like three weeks in the big Zapfish that's usually wrapping the Inkopolis tower just kinda vanished? You might not notice it after a while and just take the enormous conversation piece for granted, but when it's gone YOU feel it. Especially when that big guy over there is the one powering the whole city and has done so for a century or so, so that MIGHT be a problem.
Anyways, who cares, right? Folks in charge may be just messin' around with the livelihood of everyone, whatever- And then I noticed some creepy old-looking hobo staring at me from the manhole and then he retreated back into darkness just steps away from good ol' sleepin' Judd.
Might as well say 'hi', right? Man must be pretty alone living in a manhole and all that- Thing is I threw myself into it and boom:
I'm a secret agent.
How's that, huh? Fish took a turn for the funky, didn't it?
You must be intrigued NOW.
Heh, so this guy (I actually kinda respect the old man, so I'll call him Cap'n Cuttlefish. Or just Cap'n) told me the trippy lookin' place was called 'Octo Valley' and that there were these octarians messin' with our aboveground junk, so in turn he wanted me to voluntarily mess their underground-junk so I could secure the Great Zapfish and let this place to rot some more.
He promised some fresh other-worldly stuff would happen along the way and I'd become (get this) a HERO. Altho, no parades, no fame, and no nuthin. Whatever, I got into it a few kettle trips in anyways. Even got EP to help around! Saving the world can get tiring and time consuming, too! After a while Cap'n got served on duty while we weren't looking back at the Octo Valley outpost- They kidnapped him and took the old man somewhere far. Yeah, they had now done it. We COULD have just waddled around aimlessly and try out whatever might get us closer, and I don't deny the possibility that we were battle heated enough to brute-force our way to the UFO and trash talk the big cheese to tears personally, but- Y'see, the point is (This is gonna get wild REAL fast, so fasten your ink sacs or sum'n) our radios started receiving again, now from the so-called agents '1' and '2'.
Fair enough, who are these folks?
THE SQUID SISTERS. Callie and Marie. Shiokarazu. Sea o' Colors. Yeah, THEM.
So, we casually got this gig as secret agents with the two most important squids in our culture. Just another day on Agents 3 and 3.5 lives. You following? Good, we then kicked this DJ Octavio's octarian tentacles to the ocean and back and freed/destroyed the civilization down there. MAN, you should have been there, it was like a private concert in space with lazers, giant tennis balls and an all ruling evil-samurai-deejay octopus in a mech. So, Zapfish's back, old man's back, we met the Sisters and then ranked top 10 teams on the global Splatfests ranking for the season. See how *absolutely* fresh I am now?... Well, thing is, the hero life can get boring and aimless after a while.
So, the lesser-known part of the recap comes in now, y'all better not be asleep as this is my own journal and it would actually hurt me a lot to know that even all that is boring to myself... Inklings aren't known for reading walls of text tho'. Ech, whatever.
Next year was spent mostly on settling stuff up with EP, and planning on moving out from her parents' place as roommates into a nice apartment right on Inkopolis Square with the money we made from tournaments and some dough Judd gave us fo' some reason. She was satisfied with the Octo Valley stuff by then, but I would go every now and then to visit Cap'n Cuttlefish and the girls. Occasionally she'd come too. It felt cozy, like a family.
I really liked those times, although they'd be short lived. See, around then we stuck Octavio inside a snow globe for a few kicks and it got old real fast, then the Sisters skyrocketed to previously unknown levels of fame and that got them real busy, like, ALL the time, and while I really appreciated the fishing trips with the Cap'n... Man it felt weird then because, although it was something like it, he wasn't really my family and that sometimes output me? But he is truly a wise man, a brave war dog, a great cook... And a lonely guy. The Sisters were progressively more and more distant with us, and he really took a hit. I bet this whole Zapfish caper revitalized him, so seeing him slowly getting back to just paranoic rambling just... Felt bad? See, I still struggle with how I express that because it's something Inklings just have a tough time processing, most people our age just have fashion, music, turf wars and little else on mind.
Okay, it's a bad time to bring it up, but it's MY journal and if I want, I will ramble about weak feelings all day, dammit. My family doesn't really care what I do or where I go, I helped save the world twice and telling them the story just would get me kicked out and get told I should move to Marooner's Bay to get a job. Ugh. Family issues won't get me anywhere far right now, so I should focus on something else... I would like to end this paragraph by saying that I really respect Cap'n Cuttlefish anyways and I regularly visited him for a fishing trip or a reckoning mission during that tough time for him if the girls couldn't make it.
Ahem, while I'm on the topic, I might wanna gloss over what I think and how I deal with the people I, well, care for and usually am with.
...I just read how it's going so far, and it blows. Most of the time I don't really speak that much, even less so when focused on something important. Blame it on the education system or sum'. I kinda needed a thought dump so buckle up, maself, this is going raw.
So, uh... I guess I'll start with EP, since she's sleeping above me- In the BED above me, and it's easier for me to recall thoughts about someone who I live with. She also gave me this journal. She's fine. Loyal, cheeky, kinda reserved and sometimes spaces out a lot, a good cook, Sloshing Machine main, and an easygoing girl. Skin's just a bit tanner than mine, naturally orange-inked, my age, girl's got a determined look in her eyes, gray ones- I guess that's enough to imagine how EP is like. At the Squidbeak Splatoon they sometimes call her Agent 3.5, because she helped me out part time and because it would be funny. It was decided by a coin flip who stuck with just the 3.
What else...? Ah, yeah. Most squids REALLY want to see us together for some reason? I don't really see it. I asked her, too. She said "no" and then left the room doorslamming her way out without saying a word, so I think I was right. We met back at Triggerfish Camp (at our hometown... Triggerfish) when we couldn't even stand in two legs properly and were (ARE) best friends for most of the time, but she moved at age 12 to Inkopolis because of her parents setting up a shop for electro domestic repairs near the Square, which proved surprisingly successful because of most squids being ignorant, neglectful or just plain ol' lazy in the ways of everyday housework. Most would just buy another thingy thing, but the thing with thingy things is that them thingy things are stupid expensive for some reason.
I wanted to get the shell outta home, so I asked if I could crash with her family in exchange of some child labor and they agreed since her parents like me enough and know my folks personally. I enjoy a lot spending time with EP- There was this time she stuffed THREE POWER EGGS in her mouth! Ask her how, ain't got idea how she does it. She is really sweet around me, and because (Not to brag or anything) we can carry the rest of a team in our tentacles, we never really needed looking for more squids to fill in. We work well as a duo and we like it like that. Although lately she's giving me the cold fin and has been thinking a lot when she's home. I wonder what's going thru her mind... She hasn't really talked a lot with Agent 8 or 4 either as far as I am aware... Wonder if the Sisters know something? Oh, and by the way (IMPORTANT MENTAL NOTE PLEASE DO *NOT* FORGET THIS AGAIN) her actual name is Dawn, EP stands for EarPhones, most of us call her that because it rolls well, and boy does she love her pair of Studio Headphones. Says it gives that cozy vanilla look and covers the team comms just fine. She is my best friend in the world, I trust and care about her a lot, and I believe she feels the same way about me. Sheesh, that's something weird to type. But I wouldn't tell her, I couldn't.
So, now the Squid Sisters. They are a whole lotta fun to hang out with! It's still surreal to think I can call both of them my best friends, although they being "together with me" usually means them and then me, but I think that's fair enough. EP also comes with us a lot; she has a great chemistry with Callie and I usually hang with Marie a lot... Then again, for some reason she doesn't really comes with us anymore... Oh, well. First and foremost, I don't think I NEED to introduce who they are, right?... But if I had to, they are a pair of cousins that form the idol pop duo Squid Sisters (Go figure), and the most important people ANYWHERE. Callie's the pink peppy one, Marie the green sassy one. Can't sperate them (Except for when it did happen). They come from the Calamari County, were gifted in the singening and the dancening, and escalated to fame with their roles as the city's news anchors, hosting the Splatfests for some seasons and later on their solo careers after that one wild festival that made us choose one of them. Some crazy stuff came a bit later down the line when that soy sauced Octavio kidnapped and BRAINWASHED Callie for some stupid scheme... Which was more or less the same plan from two years earlier but uninspired. I wasn't really there when it did happen, but they told the Cap'n and I that it was absolutely wild. Kinda wished I was there to help, but I'll admit Agent 4 (and Agent 4.5 for whatever he's worth) made a great job blasting thru DJ O's army. So, lately the Squid Sisters have a life at a slower pace compared to a couple of years ago and at a sea snail pace compared when they began going solo.
… I overdid the quick intro, didn't I? I still get really excited talking about them...
First Callie, right? Well, sometimes I can't keep up with her energy, but you just can't help yourself but smile when she's around, right? Callie's talented, a great friend, fashionable, a... 'good' enough cook, and definitely on the "half full glass" side of things. She's got that pep on her step that makes everybody rush into a blush and then some. We've hanged out alone a couple of times before, she knows a LOT of good places to party and does Callie KNOW her burgers. It was all good until I was told she was a Roller main. I respect it, but MAN have we argued a lot about this the four of us! (It usually ends on dissin' Aerosprays tho, heh) She's knows how to make everyone feel a little better, and her positivity is just enough to morally carry anyone thru anything. Callie has opened to me after some drinks every now and then, it sometimes concerns me about how she truly feels about, y'know, stuff. If she still feels bad after their final Splatfest and what happened at Octo Canyon. On another note, EP and her just REFUSE to tell me what they do when they go out alone and put on a stupid grin at me trying to have them slip it. I really appreciate Callie as a friend.
Now Marie- I sided with her on the Splatfest. Just thought I would quickly say that. I love her attitude! We can talk for hours just complaining about mild inconveniences of everyday life and it's always a great time. She sometimes invites me over to brainstorm some cool ideas for gear loadouts with milk tea at her place. After a while we our convos get the tide out and get carried away slowly into questioning what holds Inkling society together- And then maybe call EP and Callie for a movie night. Marie and I sometimes make trips to Octo Valley along with her Gramps and sit around to hear some of his war tales. Marie knows them all, but she would never take away those moments from the Cap'n. She was a lot busier than Callie during that time, so we had to wait a while before we could hang out again regularly alone, as she would reasonably prefer going alone with her cousin or go with the whole bunch. I know I can always count with her for anything (important) and to chill for a while on the lonely streets of midnight resident-area Inkopolis. Have I mentioned how great at making impressions she is? No kidding, there was this time she made fun of Pearl IN FRONT OF HER. Pearl's ink was BOILING in rage, then went into disbelief in how accurate the imitation was, then felt a little weird, and then cracked into laughter with a small hug to wrap it. And threatened her to never do that again or else something I couldn't really make up.
I just realized that I apparently have plenty to say about people, I REALLY may be overdoing it...
To myself: Perhaps wanna just turn to the next, next page?
Now I'll rant about 4.5
Dude, I HATE Agent 4.5
I'll keep this one *actually* brief, since I already summarized what was important around the time I met them and because I didn't contribute at all by going for a hike with the Cap'n. With Callie missing, Marie went full damage control and naturally used the tried and true "pick sum'n from the street" to take our place, now at Inkopolis Square. She wasn't too sure about how it'd go, so Marie resorted to having two new kids visit good ol' Octo Canyon: Agent 4 (The yellow inkling girl) and Agent 4.5 (The green nuisance).
By the way I write you might have noticed I don't usually get along too much with overly inklingly inklings, but have I ever told you how much I CAN'T STAND AGENT 4.5? First, he an Aerospray player. Good GRIEF, I hate him. He's got that in-yo-face thing going on and JUST WON'T SHUT UP ABOUT HOW 'FRESH' HE IS.
Granted, he's like three years younger than me, and we all went through that phase, but I digress. On the other hand, Agent 4 is... A special case? I like her just fine, but I've got a hunch she MAY not be able to speak? Wait, no I have heard her before. That was a stupid thought. A couple giggles and muttering, so I believe she just doesn't like talking much, can respect that. Marie is very fond of her, although apparently 4 didn't have a clue about who she was when they first met. She doesn't like watching TV or something like that.
Also, I wonder if 4 and 4.5 are related, I can't think of another reason of why someone like her would keep up with the little devilfish- And Marie picked them at the same time, it's not that usual you see someone that knows their Splat Dualies to hang out with someone barely capable of morphing out of squid form. Oh yeah! I like that about 4, Dualies are cool. Man, Agent 4.5 blows. He told me Marie said I smelled bad (She says it's something lost in translation...?).
Next and last on the list should be the girls from the Deepsea Metro- Holy carp, was that an experience. That one hike that made us miss all the Octo Canyon jazz just carried on, and on, and on, and on until some octoling wanted to be smoked- and I naturally obliged, but then someone or something knocked all three of us and then we weren't there anymore. I was separated from both of 'em and apparently they woke up inside a rundown metro station, and most importantly that octoling forgot absolutely everything about herself, all but heavenly good ol' Calamari Inkantation, so Cap'n called it quits to the fight and agreed to help each other get the shell outta there.
Some sketchy telephone told 'em a lotta boohah about some 'Promised Land' and identified the octoling as something-something 8, so Cap'n took the liberty of naming her Agent 8. What he plans to do with agents 5, 6 and 7 now is out of me. My memories are sketchy, but I apparently was half "sanitized"? Like, I was partially brain-washed with some funky ink after super jumping thru the ceiling because the guys sent a distress call that I heard, and then I apparently fought Agent 8- Thank goodness I managed to recover from sanitization, they say once they get you, you are gone for good… The only leftover from that are the end of my hair-tentacles having a faint mint tint, but it's healing back slowly. Talking with 8 I learned that it was some kinda test facility/metro ran by a PYSCHOTIC AI THAT PLANNED TO DESTROY ALL LIFE ON EARTH. How the shell do we manage to attract every single world-threatening caper on Inkopolis? I dunno, but I guess it's for the better though, that's what us as the New Squidbeak Splatoon exist for!
It may be perhaps a thankless job, but it comes with its perks too! F'r instance, the sweet gear that comes with the job, the trippy adventures, and the opportunity to befriend the most interesting people in town- And I guess the satisfaction of helping is nice, too. I'm still an inkling, can't blame me for having my shellfish priorities.
Right. I'll wrap that last story: In short, they collected four parts of a giant blender, some giant 'human'-like (The things everyone finds skeletons of in their backyards) statue emerged from the sea and threatened to drown us all in 'primordial ooze' (Brainwash juice) and terminate life. Nothing to fear, here come Off the Hook's Pearl and Marina! How did they even get involved in this? They were running the newscast and Splatfests at the same time besides their musical career, kinda like the replacement of the Squid Sisters' roles after they outgrew those jobs. How did they even find the spare time?
So, the short one, like, screamed REALLY hard and the octoling slammed the statue with some hardhitter bombs while Eight did the hands-on stuff. Debris flew everywhere and everything was a happy song after that, more or less. Praise Judd I wasn't there or else I'd had taken another two pages to talk about what happened. The aftermath was a lot of species popping around the city, mainly octolings. Which is nice, I believe. The more people leave the underground the less people I gotta hit on duty. Man, that was screwed up.
Anyhoo, I met three more people from that period… Naturally Off the Hook and Eight.
Pearl goes first because she's the one who just won't shut up. She knows what's up, I'd trust her with my life if krill went ballistic. Pearl's got a way with the words that only few squids can master, but you should NEVER EVER you make her mad, or else you are going DOWN with a capital everything. I actually was at one of her first gigs in some bar, I remember it being on the witching hour and she premiered the metal cult classic #$ %* Dudes Be #$ %* Sleepin. It blasted SO HARD it actually broke a window and nearly destroyed the venue's speakers. I was, well, hooked. Ahaha. Never saw her in person again until this one time Callie took me to her place because she left her lucky beanie in 'one of the shoe rooms'. Good grief does Pearl have ROOMS- I'm pretty sure her family state owns half of Inkopolis, they even have a baseball league in her honor! Also, it may be somewhere in their catchphrase, but Pearl can't cook to save her life.
Marina goes second because… Well, Pearl already was first. Right. She's not much of a trash talker unlike her partner, but we can carry on our group chat for a long time about whatever cultural and she's sweet with most people, I can get behind that. She is still getting used to all this inkling culture, so although she is, like, real smart, we still have to explain her some things whenever we go out in a group. Stuff like 'wasabi is a sometimes food' and the letter C. I'd like to hang up with them some more, but they tops have Eight around them, and frankly I have more fun with EP and the Sisters. For real, when they say 'Don't get cooked' they actually mean 'Don't get nearby whenever we are cooking'.
Finally (Now for reals), Agent 8… Eight, Eight, 'Eight' rolls better than the full thing. Eight is the first (and closest) octoling from the recent wave of them that have settled on Inkopolis. Apparently, my battle with Octavio was cathartic for her, first of all because of Calamari Inkantation and the whole effect it has on the octokind, and because she later on (She told me this herself) had this dream where she had to duel me on an arena to the beat of the Splattack! cover from that recent tribute album (I believe dedf1sh arranged that one). I told her we could practice at the Bluefin Depot after the day's Turf War rotation ended, and we agreed to do it twice weekly. Thanks to that, we might actually have a solid full team with EP, 8, and 4. A quirk of hers (And most of the new octolings around) is a really broken inklish, I set her up to some course in everyday skills and a complementary language class that I got in the mail and she has been slowly but surely improving. I have offered her to get her home, but she is pretty insistent on not following her- I wonder where is she living? Oh, and she knows her way around the kitchen, makes a decent seaweed stew.
FINALLY, I FINISHED TALKING ABOUT THE LAST FIVE-OR-SO YEARS OF MY LIFE.
If I rushed the pages, THIS IS THE PLACE TO STOP
Actually, I think I'll go to sleep now. EP just woke up and asked me what the devilfish I was doing because I actually left the lights and music on the whole night… I believe its 6 AM. I think I'll have to cancel our trip together to Port Mackerel. She said Callie told her it was a great place to hang out? Rrrrriiight. So much for salty sea breeze and lifter motor sounds.
I hope she's not too mad- In my defense she was the one that gave me this stupid journal and she knows how much I hate expressing myself, and how that would make me write ten pages about what might as well be the plot for some glorified tutorial for a game.
Anyway, I'll see what I feel like writing later, I already dried up every interesting aspect of my life.
Stay fresh,
-Agent 3
