Finding Hope
Emily Prentiss sighed as she stepped inside the elevator of the BAU, they had just returned from a case. I was one in the morning, and she was exhausted. The rest of the team didn't even make it to the elevators, she had ordered everyone to go straight home, but she was the Unit Chief now, and apparently, this couldn't wait. Someone was waiting in her office, Agent Harrison had failed to provide the identity of her guest, instead, he told her a gentleman was waiting for her and it was urgent, and for that she was annoyed. Why couldn't this mysterious guest wait until tomorrow and who showed up at one in the morning to visit people at a federal government building? She stepped out of the elevator walking through the glass doors. Agent Harrison was already waiting for her, and for a minute she felt bad, he also had a family and probably wanted to go home as bad as Emily did.
"Where is he?" Emily asked her eyes stinging with exhaustion.
"He's in your office."
"Thank you, you can go home, this won't take long," Emily said dryly, not really in the mood for more political bureaucracy. When she made it to the steps, she looked up and saw a man standing by her window, his back to her…why did he look so familiar she asked herself as she stepped over the threshold. He turned around to face her, her mouth dropped the moment she was face to face with him, shock was registered in her eyes, and her heart began beating faster.
"Hey," he said simply with a small smile, he looked tired but as handsome as ever.
"Aaron!" She said baffled. "Oh my God!" He walked over to her smirking and pulling her in for a hug, one that she returned eagerly.
He had been away for almost three years in witness protection in order to keep his son safe from Scratch after they found out he had been stalking them for weeks. Hotch knew then he needed to leave before anything happened to his son, he had already lost his mother, he didnt deserve to lose his father as well. He left without saying a word to anyone, he was supposed to stay off the grid until they could catch Scratch. But even after Peter Lewis was caught, Aaron decided to stay off the radar. He called David Rossi and told him that wanted to dedicate his time and life to Jack, that he could not afford the luxury of letting another monster come near them, not after Foyet and Scratch. Emily had taken over his responsibilities as Unit Chief the minute he went into WitSec, and she would do it all over again, she would have done anything for him. She just never understood why he had never called her, even when it was safe to do so.
Hotch held her close, closing his eyes, the familiar fragrance of her perfume hitting his nostrils, her soft hair caressing his cheeks. He had missed her terribly, he had missed everyone on the team, but her in particular, They had gotten closer after her return from the Doyle incident, and she was one of his closest friends, actually more than that. He wasn't really sure what they were since it wasn't like they had the opportunity to sit down and really discuss their feelings before Scratch came after him and his son, so he left without talking to her and telling her how he felt.
"What are you doing here?" She asked looking at him as if he wasn't really there while a roller-coaster of emotions went through her head.
"I couldn't be out there alone." Aaron shrugged, "Jack hated me for it, he missed you and Jessica and he's turning fourteen. Em, I can't handle an adolescent…who was I kidding!"
"So, you're back? for good" She asked unable to believe what she was hearing.
"I am." He smiled flashing his dimples.
"Where are you staying?" She asked her heart fluttering; it had been three years since she laid eyes on him…what was she supposed to say or ask?
"Jessica's, Jack is with her now, but we're supposed to start looking for a place this week."
"Why didn't you call?" She asked feeling angry and hurt all of a sudden "Why didn't you tell me you were coming back? Jesus, Aaron, you haven't talked to me in three years!" She reproached him with tears already making their way out of her eyes. Having him right in front of her was suddenly too much to handle.
"I'm sorry, I really wanted to call, but I just didn't know what I was supposed to say."
"Hello? How are you?" She offered shaking her head, her eyes full of tears. "You didn't even bother to check on anyone not even once. Not even after we got Scratch. I didnt even know if you were alive"
"Em…," He said softly getting closer and pulling her into his embrace again. "I'm sorry, I know I hurt you, I just figured that it was better if I didn't call if I stayed out of your life for good."
"You thought it was better if you didn't call?" She asked angrily, extracting herself from his embrace. "You kissed me, you told me you loved me, you spent the night with me, and then you disappeared! I get that Scratch was after you, that you had no other choice." She sniffled
"But when Scratch died, I thought that you would come back, or at least call…." She stopped talking.
"Never mind, look, I'm glad you're back, tell Jack I love him," Emily said walking toward the door, she didn't want to talk about this anymore; for three years, she dreamed about the day when she would see him again, about what she would tell him, and now that he was in front of her, she just didn't have any words.
"Emily, wait!" He ran after her taking her by the wrist and turning her to look at him, she was crying and it broke his heart.
"I know you're mad at me, and I know you don't understand why I stayed away, but I want you to know that I meant what I said before l left, I do love you."
"It was nice seeing you, Aaron." She pulled away from him smirking and shaking her head. "I'll clear the office tomorrow first thing."
"Will you please let me talk for a second?" He asked, looking at her harshly. Emily tilted her head looking at him and crossing her arms over her chest.
"I'm not coming back to the BAU."
"Why not?" She asked frowning forgetting about her anger momentarily.
"Because I can't do this after what happened with Scratch, I wanted to come home, to my family but not to this." He said glancing around the office. "I promised Jack we would have a normal life and we have one so far, I can risk his risk life again. Not after everything he's been through."
"I can understand that, I just never expected this to be an official long-term job." She glanced around, she had only agreed to be the Unit Chief with the promise that he would come back to the job when everything with Scratch was over.
"I know, and I'm sorry things changed, I never meant to put you in that position" he apologized "I am glad it was you, you're amazing at it just as is I knew you would be." She scoffed, closing her eyes.
"I…" She didn't even know what to say, she just wanted to go home. "Listen, Aaron, it was nice to see you but, I really need to go home, we barely slept on this case."
"I know, I'm sorry to show up so late, but I heard you were coming back and Jack is with Jess, I just wanted to see you." Emily smiled sadly, "Em, it is really nice to see you."
"Can we have breakfast tomorrow?" He asked hopefully.
"Hotch…" She sighed, "I don't think that's a good idea."
"To have breakfast?" He frowned. "Coffee and pancakes, I mean, you do plan on eating at some point during the day, don't you?" She laughed smirking at him.
"That's not what I meant."
"Please, Em…" He begged.
"Fine, breakfast!" She agreed looking at him warily.
Breakfast ended up being canceled the following day due to a new case. Emily had barely been asleep for four hours when her phone went off. She groggily walked into the shower grunting with exhaustion. Her job sometimes really, really sucked. She messaged Hotch apologizing for canceling and headed to the BAU, pulling on a jacket over her body as she went.
Hotch took the week Emily was gone to rent an apartment and get himself and Jack settled. He'd had a couple of job offers already, one as a consultant for a law firm, one teaching classes at Georgetown, and one running the academy at Quantico. He wasn't sure what he wanted to do, he just wanted to take some time to get settled after coming back to the states before he took time away from Jack. Breakfast turned into dinner three weeks after he had returned. He made dinner for her at his new place. Emily came over with a couple of bottles of wine, Jack hugging her as soon as the door was open. They talked for a long time mostly about how she felt being the Unit Chief and his whereabouts while being on the run, and about how Jack was incredibly tall and handsome and she could hardly believe he was a teenager…it seemed like only yesterday that he was five running around in the park.
Emily rested her arm against the couch with her chin resting on her hand, one leg under her. Hotch was sitting across from her facing her, and the bottle of wine in front of them was long gone.
"Beijing." She said narrowing her eyes. "I always pictured you in Costa Rica or somewhere like that."
"If only," Hotch replied with a lazy smile. "Jack hated every minute of it, the food especially."
"Yeah, I always loved Chinese food until my mother was posted there for a few weeks, I was sick for five entire days," Emily said, scrunching her nose as she vaguely remembered that time, He laughed, a real hearty bubbly laugh, the way he always did when she was around.
"Yeah, that's something they should warn us about…the Americanized version of Chinese food." He agreed.
"I should head out, it's late," Emily said, looking at her watch.
"You can stay here; we have a guest room." Hotch offered.
"Thank you, but I think I should go," Emily said, standing up and smiling at him, she walked over to the door grabbing her coat on the way and thanking him for dinner once again. Like the gentleman he was, he walked her to her car. Just as they were standing next to her truck, he pulled her into his embrace kissing her softly.
"Aaron." She pulled away feeling uncomfortable. "Don't please, this isn't right, I really need to go." She begged.
"So that's it, I'm supposed to only see you once a month maybe?"
"What do you expect, Aaron? You broke my heart when you left."
"Emily I…."
"You know, for years I had this silly crush on you and I knew you would never return it" She shallowed trying to hold the tears at bay.
"Deep inside, I hoped that one day maybe you would love me the same way I loved you, and then you kissed me and told me that you loved me. God, Aaron, you slept with me, and then you just left." She said bitterly. "And I know you had to keep Jack safe, but I was hoping that as soon as Scratch was dead, you would be back." Her eyes filled with tears, and it broke his heart.
"I waited for that call for months." Emily reproached. "I waited for you to call me to tell me everything was okay, that what we had that night, had meant something for you, I was hoping that you would come back, and then we would be together finally, but you never did." She sniffled and a few tears rolled out of her eyes.
"I'm sorry, Emily, I never wanted to hurt you, I didn't call because I…." He sighed, looking away from her. "After everything that we went through with Foyet, Doyle and Scratch, I decided that if I stayed away from you, I wouldn't hurt you; I didn't want your life to be full of resentment toward me and 'what if's', I just wanted you to be happy and I didn't think I could make you happy back then."
"I guess we both know where we stand now." She said looking away and wiping her eyes.
"Thanks for dinner, Aaron." She tried again to push past him.
"Wait, Emily…you asked me why I came back earlier." He said looking at her intensely.
"I came back because I love you, even if I've never truly shown that. God, Emily, I fell in love with you even before Haley was killed, but we couldn't be together then, and after everything that happened during those years, I thought you deserved so much better than me…I was so broken and you deserved the world. These past two years away from you, after that night that we spent together, have been hell, Emily…I came back because I love you, and I didn't want to spend the rest of my life wondering what could have happened?"
"I need to go, Hotch." She said with her eyes completely full of tears at his declaration. She opened her car door turning away from him and getting into the car.
"Emily," He called, and when she turned to look at him, he simply said, "I'll wait for you for the rest of my life if it's necessary."
Emily drove away not even bothering to reply; her head was spinning and the alcohol was beginning to cloud her judgment. She didn't want to say anything that she would regret, she was hurt and mad at him, and she needed time to think, she didn't think she could trust him after he broke her heart.
She was called into another case two days after her dinner with Hotch. She hadn't really talked to him since that evening; even though he left a voice mail on her phone, she hadn't even bothered listening to it. The case was a clusterfuck and Emily's mind was all over the place. She had no idea how she managed to keep her expression neutral. She kept going back to everything that had happened with them over the past few years and how things could have turned out if they had been together. She remembered the night she had spent with him, the night they slept together…they had been out for drinks, he told her that he loved her and he had for a while. They made out like teenagers in the parking lot of the bar. It was Emily's dream come true, she had been in love with him for years, and hearing that he reciprocated those feelings made her feel giddy and like she was spinning in a cloud. They went back to her apartment and made love and it was just as magical as Emily had imagined, and then some. She left the following morning with a kiss on his lips, and they were supposed to meet at the BAU but he never made it.
Later that day, she found out he had gone into WitSec because Scratch had been following Jack around. At first, she was terrified just thinking about some psychopath lurking around the corner and following Jack around. She wanted them to be safe, but it became a waiting game. They didn't even have a chance to say goodbye, to even begin a relationship before he was taken from her. Almost a year went by before they were able to get Scratch which made it safe for Jack and Hotch to come home. Her heart broke again when she heard he wasn't coming back, that he wanted to stay away. She waited for an explanation, for an absolution, but it never came. She remembered the countless nights she stayed awake sitting by her phone, praying for him to call her, to say that he still loved her and he was going to come back. But that never happened, another two entire years went by; it broke Emily's heart, but she learned to live without him and eventually moved on.
Then, he showed up at her office out of the blue two years later to tell her that he missed her and that he loved her, and she just couldn't wrap her head around his reasoning. She was so angry at him, hell, she'd been angry for years and she just couldn't understand why he was doing this. And just when she thought she was over him, he was back, tearing apart her memories and making her heart break once again. Now, he wanted another chance. How was she supposed to give him another chance when they never had the chance to explore their relationship, to begin with.
"Is this the one that if you stare at it long enough you see the image of a swan?" Dave asked, standing right next to her as she reviewed their evidence board…they were the only ones at the police station.
"Uh…" she scoffed closing her eyes. "I look at these images so many times, I think I have them memorized"
"What's on your mind, kiddo?"
"Nothing really, I'm just tired, and I have a headache."
"A headache by the name of Aaron Hotchner?" She gasped looking at him in shock.
"How did you…."
"Because you two have been pining over each other for almost a decade now," Dave said drily; Emily nodded, of course, he knew…it was fucking David Rossi.
"You love him, that's not the problem." David read her through her eyes. "Then, what's bothering you?"
"I don't know–everything?" She closed her eyes. "I just don't know if after everything that has happened over the years, we can really make this work."
"I would be surprised if you didn't" Dave replied, glaring at her. "Emily, you both went through hell, you put your lives at risk to keep each other safe, now life is handing you a new chance, a chance to finally be together and you're going to sit there and question it?"
Emily bit her lip looking away from Dave hating that he was always right and he could see through her better than anyone. Her eyes stung with tears.
"Emily, don't do this, take it from someone who just remarried his third ex-wife for the second time. All this work is worth it, you deserve this, you both do. Now, I'm not saying marry him tomorrow and have a child with him, but at least give yourself a chance to be happy again." Rossi's words resonated with her throughout the entire case; maybe after all of these years they did deserve to be happy, and she would not know unless she gave him a chance.
Emily showed up at Hotch's apartment at almost eleven at night. She wasn't sure he was awake, but she knew that if she didn't do this now, she would end up talking herself out of it. before she had the chance to talk to him.
"Hey!" He opened the door looking at her clearly not expecting her.
"I'm sorry, did I wake you?" I should have called."
"No, I'm doing some work, come in."
"You are doing work and you don't have a job yet?" She asked, raising her eyebrows. He just looked at her with a goofy grin.
"You took the job, didn't you? You're going to teach at the Academy."
"Somebody has to pay the bills." He shrugged nonchalantly.
"That's awesome, Aaron, when do you start?"
"Well, they don't really start another session until next month, but I'm reviewing their training program, they want me to make some changes, improve it, if possible.
"I'm really happy for you, you deserve it." He smiled looking at her.
"Can I offer you water? Anything?"
Emily said putting her palm out feeling less confident than she was ten minutes ago, "Listen Hotch…Aaron, I'm sorry about the other day. This is just harder than I thought it was going to be"
"Em, I never meant for this to get in the way of our relationship.
He walked close to her reaching for her hand and lacing their fingers. Emily didn't pull away, so he tenderly reached to cup her face pulling her in for a kiss. It was gentle and sweet, the kind of kiss that told people who loved each other it was deeply shared. Emily placed her hands on his chest and with her right hand, she cupped the back of his neck pulling him closer. They stood there kissing…it could have been minutes, hours, she didn't know, Emily lost track of time. When he pulled away from her, he placed his finger under her chin, keeping her at eye level.
"I dont know what I want Aaron, I just know that I love you and I am scared, to trust you, to do this again, but I dont want to live the rest of my life thinkingwhat could have been" She told him
"Sweetheart I'm not asking you to move in, or to get married…I'm just asking for a chance to make you happy, to find our new hope. I love you, I've loved you for so long Emily."
Emily didn't even respond, she kissed him again, letting his strong arms wrap around her waist lifting her with ease, and carrying her into his bedroom. Emily knew they didn't have all the answers yet, maybe they didn't know what tomorrow would bring, but they did know that they loved each other deeply and that whatever came their way, they would find a way to make it work.
