The homecoming dance had taken place the Saturday after the last day of school, our Junior year.

So I wouldn't have to see Bella again until home room in August.

Sure it's a small town and I'd probably see her around, but I could avoid it. I was good at hiding from people.

I had started back up my yard work business the first few weeks of summer. It helped me distract myself from you and make some money. I bought everything I owned for myself. Our parents were wealthy but they wanted me and Alice to learn work ethic. Carlisle was a doctor at the local hospital and our mother,Esme, worked as an interior decorator, she mostly found work in Port Angeles and Seattle.

Alice had started working in a boutique in Forks the moment she turned 16. I preferred physical labor and my dad had purchased my yard working equipment with the understanding I would pay him back over time. I paid him back last summer. It took most of my earnings. I did yard work during the school year too for extra money sometimes. I had to do a lot of extra when James destroyed my skateboard. I didn't want to ask for my parents to just buy me a new one so I had picked up extra yard work after school that year.

Our cars were the only things we were given by our parents, and they were both reasonably priced and used.

We may be well off, but they didn't want it to change who we were.

I didn't mind it. I understood why they raised us this way and appreciated it.

I had sulked around the day after the homecoming dance. Not leaving my room more than twice out of necessity. Alice left me alone when I snapped at her that I wasn't in the mood to talk.

Bella had called me the day after the dance. I thought back to it now as I work under the hot summer sun.

I didn't answer and her voicemail was as innocent and sweet as ever.

She acted like she hadn't shattered my heart in a million pieces as she asked me to call her back.

I didn't.

She then texted me.

Bella 2:15PM - Hey! I don't know if you got my message, but I thought we were going to hang out today before you start work this week?

I guess something came up. Let me know.

I didn't answer that either and she didn't text me again until early Tuesday morning.

Bella 8:15AM -Edward, I don't know why you're ignoring me. I don't deserve to be treated like this and I most definitely deserve an explanation.

Why are you doing this?

I guess you did deserve an explanation. So you would at least understand I had witnessed your betrayal and was done with you.

I wanted to hurt you back. Make you feel as shitty as you had made me feel.

Edward 8:35AM - I'm done with you, Bella. You gave me all you had to offer and I'm bored.

Plus I saw you dance with James, and you looked plenty taken care of.

Sorry you thought this was more than it was, I just don't want more with you.

She didn't text anything else until later that evening.

Bella 9:15AM- I don't know what you're implying I did with James. But the fact that you would imply that I would do anything at all is disgusting.

I didn't even think you were going to the dance?

If you want to know what actually happened, James came up and danced with me with no invitation on my part, when he crossed the line I told him I wasn't interested. I guess you didn't see me shove him away.

I actually found Jessica and left the dance shortly after that.

But I see that doesn't matter because you were done with me anyway. I guess I was naive to believe you wanted more than sex. You're no different than all the rest of the male population of Forks.

Don't ever come near me again, Edward.

I hate you.

You hated me.

Even if what you said about what happened with James was true, it didn't matter, because you hated me.

It was a struggle at first for me to believe I hadn't seen what I thought I had seen, but when I realized it was most likely true because, my chest ached stronger than it had before. Had I really misunderstood the situation so greatly? Had you felt more for me? Had you wanted to be more with me?

The realization that I had really blown it washed over me; you hated me now.

You hated me so easily.

You were right though, you didn't deserve to be treated like this way. I just can't believe how easily you believed my feelings for you weren't real. You told me to stay away. I would.

So here I am working under the hot sun, on a muggy and humid summer day in Forks, Washington, and all I can think about is Bella and how I had hurt her.

Why hadn't I just talked to her?

It's the start of July now and I've been successfully avoiding seeing her, leaving her alone as she requested. I spent most of my days working or hanging out with Jasper and Emmet in Jasper's basement. No one asked about my angsty disposition, I think they knew me well enough by now to know I don't like discussing my feelings.

I stood up to wipe my brow off with the old green handkerchief hanging from my back pocket. I had already discarded my shirt.

Yard work in this muggy weather is unpleasant at best and miserable today.

I'm done now and pack up the my supplies back in the back of the van my Uncle Peter let me. It was an old beat up forest green van from the 90's, he said it was no problem for me to use it as long as I handled any repairs.

Of course today it was choosing not to start.

I ask the home owner Mrs.Crowley if I can leave it in front of her house until tomorrow when I can get it towed.

She was more than understanding and offered me a ride home. I passed.

I wanted to walk. When I get home I'll just stew in my room.

Alice was busy with her summer fashion design class she was taking it Port Angeles, it had started a week before school even ended so that was the only reason she hadn't gone to the homecoming dance.

Emmett was busy with Football training. He was trying hard to get a scholarship this coming season. He was the only football player I've ever been friends with. But Emmett was different than the other jocks.

Jasper was visiting family in Texas for a week so he wasn't around either.

I would just be alone thinking of Bella, staring at four walls. Miserable.

Something interrupts my thoughts as I'm walking.

A car is coming.

I'm about a mile away from home.

It's a nice shiny blue truck.

It's Tanya Denali.

Tanya and I have history.

She was one of the first girls I hooked up with when I moved to Forks Sophomore year.

She had held a homecoming party, because her parents were out of town.

They were pretty much always out of town.

Her mom was some self help book author and speaker that toured regularly, and her dad was a big shot lawyer who often worked in Seattle for weeks at a time.

Tanya was lonely.

She wasn't an only child, but her sister Kate was older and lived in Seattle, and her younger sister Irina didn't really get along with her. She was wealthy though and couldn't really say she truly went without anything. Other than parental attention and affection.

At that first party of hers she had came up and just sat on my lap, I was sitting on the couch drinking a beer and chatting with Jasper and Tyler Crowley.

I was surprised, but pleasantly so, she was very pretty.

Classically pretty, like a girl you might see in a make-up commercial.

She isn't the unusual and quiet beauty that Bella is.

Tanya knew she was beautiful though, and held her self confidently because of it.

With her curly strawberry blonde hair and piercing blue eyes she caught my interest. It also didn't hurt that she had felt very nice in my lap.

She wore a lot of makeup. It was always well done, but more than I preferred. She really didn't need it anyway.

We hooked up at that party, and twice more at her tow next parties. But when I could see she wanted more, I cut it off.

I really didn't want a girlfriend and I had expressed that to her.

I had never really wanted a girlfriend, not until Bella.

And I had royally fucked that up.

Tanya's truck comes to a stop next to me.

She leans over her passenger seat. Her curls pinned back in a messy bun. Strands falling around her perfectly made up face. Her loose white blouse hangs open slightly as she leans towards me revealing her very generously sized pale breast.

"You want a ride?" She ask smiling at me brightly.

Tanya could be a nice distraction.

I know that was wrong to say.

But I had already hurt the only girl I'd ever loved, so maybe I should just accept that I'm not a good person.

I nod and open the truck door and get in.

Tanya starts driving.

"Can we go to your place?" I ask nonchalantly.

I know she'll say yes.

She had never wanted our arrangement to end.

She looks surprised, but happily so.

Her face lights up and she nods.

"Yeah, totally. My parents are out of town. Per usual. And Irina is at Bree's."

I nod and continue to look forward.

This all feels so wrong.

I need to stop allowing myself to feel so much.

Thinking about Bella and wishing I could change what's been done will do me no good.

She hates me, and told me to stay away.

There was nothing more I could do.

I pushed everything I felt for Bella as deeply down as I could.

I was here in Tanya's truck, going to her house to hook up. This would be an escape.

I would erase everything I had felt for Bella.

I had to.

We pulled into Tanya's driveway and we both get out and quickly walk towards the front door.

Once we're in her bedroom she nervously looks towards me. Her bright blue eyes filled with so much hope and anticipation. I know she still feels more for me than just lust, but I ignore it.

I cup her face gently and press my lips against hers.

She doesn't taste like Bella. I push the thought away and lace my tongue with hers. She taste like bubblegum and lipstick. I miss Bella's taste. She rarely wore lipstick so she always tasted so purely her own. Her mouth was heaven and Tanya's paled in comparison. I push the thoughts of Bella away again and focus on the soft feel of Tanya pressed against me.

She smells strongly of a sweet perfume.

It smells like vanilla and coconuts.

Our kissing quickly deepens and we make our way to her bed and discard our cloths along the way.

Tanya pulls a box of condoms from her nightstand and I grab one and apply it quickly.

I reach down and finger her entrance. She's wet, ready. As I enter her it is frenzied and fast. Nothings gentle or slow, or time stopping like it was with Bella.

It's not making love, it's fucking.

I flip us over so Tanya is riding me.

Her large breast bouncing up and down. She's gripping my forarms.

They've gotten larger with all the yard work I've been doing.

She squeezes them appreciatively and moans.

She does feel good. I reach up and palm her breast. I'm suddenly flooded with the memory of how Bella's breast fit in my palms perfectly. Tanya's larger breast feel all wrong as they spill out of my hands.

As Tanya cries out in pleasure I have a flash back to the second time I had made love to Bella, she had cried out in pleasure in this same position on top of me. She had been flushed such a brilliant shade of red and her eyes were squeezed shut as she shook around me. God what I'd give to be back in that moment in her little bedroom.

Tanya looks down at me with her piercing eyes as she rides me.

I close me eyes and picture Bella as I come undone.

Once Tanya climbs off of me, we lay there for a few moments, catching our breath.

I then get up and quickly dress.

Tanya does as well, she remembers the old routine.

"Do you want a ride home?" she asks in a soft and quiet voice.

No, I feel so terrible now.

This was suppose to make me feel better, but it just made me feel worse, like I was betraying Bella.

She hated me though, so I wasn't. That didn't make it feel any less like I was. I was betraying my love for her when I was with Tanya.

I needed to be alone and clear my head.

"No, I'm gonna walk." I turn to leave and the I realize how callous I'm being. I could show at least a little empathy. I turn back to Tanya and kiss her on the cheek.

"I'll text you." I say.

I quickly exit her house and began to run.

After a few miles my lungs are burning and my mind feels clearer. If I focus on my body and moving it forward I can push away my thoughts easier.

I was going to make myself forget how I felt about Bella Swan.

At least until I had to see her again.

I'd be okay by then. I had at least 2 months to make myself numb to her.

I was convincing myself this was possible.

I can't believe I really thought I could ever forget how I felt about her, how wrong I would prove to be.