Note: This chapter is from Bella's perspective because I feel like we know what Edward's dramatic, angsty mind is thinking and feeling, and we need to see what Bella actually feels.

Hope you guys enjoy!

(also there will be a small chapter from Tanya's point of view at some point since this is based on the story in Taylor Swift's Folklore; there will also be Taylor Swift lyrics woven throughout, so know those belong fully to her brilliant mind)

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Bella 9:15AM- I don't know what you're implying I did with James. But the fact that you would imply that I would do anything at all is disgusting.

I didn't even think you were going to the dance?

If you want to know what actually happened, James came up and danced with me with no invitation on my part, when he crossed the line I told him I wasn't interested. I guess you didn't see me shove him away.

I actually found Jessica and left the dance shortly after that.

But I see that doesn't matter because you were done with me anyway. I guess I was naive to believe you wanted more than sex. You're no different than all the rest of the male population of Forks.

Don't ever come near me again, Edward.

I hate you.

That was the last thing I had said to Edward Cullen.

It had been over a month since than, the beginning of July now. In the midst of this muggy summer I still felt empty, hollowed out. It was hard to remember how I'd been before him. I was still trying to find my old self again.

I had lied when I said I hated him. I don't think I could ever hate Edward. Not when I was still so irrevocably and madly in love with him.

I tried hard to hate him, what he said hurt more than anything ever had before.

He was bored of me.

All of my greatest fears and insecurities came true ,and the first person I had given my heart to smashed it carelessly.

He was so casually cruel, not even having the decency of ending things in person.

He didn't even call.

He ended it with a single text message. I guess I wasn't worth more than that to him.

Of course no one as other worldly looking and gorgeous as Edward Cullen would want me.

Edward looked like a painting of a Greek god come to life. His jaw was perfectly sharp and strong. His face was all perfect proportions and dark green bedroom eyes that made my skin feel like it was aflame when they were on me .The one blemish on his pale skin was a small dark mole next to his right ear. I had loved to kiss it. His body was strong but lean. The muscles of his strong fore arms so attractively peeking out from under his t-shirt sleeves. He was so tall. Much taller than me. At least 6'1. I'm only 5'5 and all clumsy limbs and plain features. I paled in comparison to him.

His hair was always a bronze mess, a perfect mess, like even his imperfections worked for him. His soft pink lips had fit mine like a glove, and oh the things his clever tongue could do.

I force myself to stop thinking about him and how indescribable and electric it had felt when I was with him.

I shouldn't have been so blind to just give myself so completely to someone that was so far out of my league.

All of me wasn't enough.

I felt like the old white cardigan I had shoved under my bed now that summer was here.

It still smelled like Edward. The last time I'd worn it was that day in April. When he had just confessed that he wanted to be more than friends with me and I had eagerly kissed him in a lust driven haze. He had returned my kiss just as feverishly, and it was the kind of first kiss I had never thought would happen to someone as ordinary as me.

The kind of first kiss that only happens in movies.

After I had pulled away he had pulled me back against him and buried his face in my neck.

Telling me how amazing I smelled.

Not amazing enough, apparently.

I didn't want to let him know how much he had hurt me. I had mirrored his cruelty as equally as I could in that text message I sent him back.

I didn't want him to know how he had torn my chest open and made all my stars turn to crushed stones before my eyes.

I couldn't sleep without the flashbacks of us flooding me. Him pressed against me warm, and hard, and soft, all at once. The way he had kissed me, had made my mind spin and fill with only him. The way he touched me where no one else ever had, the way he made me feel things I'd never felt before. Experienced sensations I never knew were possible. Showed me colors I couldn't see with anyone else. Pushed himself inside of me, and took me entirely. He knew he was the first who ever had, did he take pleasure in knowing he had made my first his own?

Tarnishing it with his careless words.

Tearing it from me, and twisting the sweet memory into a painful reminder that I'm not enough for him.

I had cried my eyes out until they were just four swollen weepy lids, blearily watching the sun rise and set as the weeks dragged by.

Charlie hadn't questioned why I was so upset and withdrawn, he just let me wallow alone. I think he knew I wouldn't tell him what was wrong anyway, and we were never really close enough to talk about that kind of stuff. I'd only lived with him for 6 months now.

But I was determined to leave all my wallowing over Edward behind now.

I wasn't going to waste my last summer of high school sulking over Edward Cullen.

I call Jessica on the 10th of July and ask her if she wants to go to the mall with me.

The mall was really pathetic, and mostly empty except for a few stores spread through out the run down old building. It was all one story and very unimpressive, but the only place to shop in town without having to drive 30 minutes to Port Angeles.

Jessica seemed excited I had finally reached out.

She didn't ask where I'd been. She knew.

Everyone had to know by now.

For almost 3 months Edward and I had been pretty much inseparable, and now we were no where near each other. I know he had to be carrying on per usual, talking about me in past tense.

The thought of it hurt so deeply. I didn't want to be just a part of his history, I wanted to be his present, his future.

All of my weekends had belonged to him and now they were empty & long.

I know Jessica had probably talked about it endlessly to Lauren and anyone else who would listen by now. All I had really told her was that I wasn't feeling well, but she knew right away it was about Edward. He'd been my whole world those 3 months. Now my world was empty.

Jessica would at least know that I had no interest in talking about him.

Jessica was filled with gossip and rumors aplenty, always. And she loved to spread it.

Everyone would know how I had stupidly fallen victim to Edward Cullen, just another one of his conquest.

How had I convinced myself that I was anything more than just another notch on his bedpost?

He never said it was anything more than sex, and I had bit my tongue anytime I had come close to declaring my love for him.

He had asked me so many questions that first month we talked. All of March was filled with his endless questions. He asked me everything about myself and answered my questions in return. He seemed so fascinated by me, which I couldn't understand.

I guess it all had been an act.

When he declared that he wanted to be more than friends that day in beautiful day in April, I was already completely his.

We made love 8 times.

I remembered every single moment.

Every Saturday, when Charlie worked night shifts, had been ours. We made love the first time in our meadow, then in my little single bed, twisting in the bed sheets, kissing, caressing, laughing lazily. Once we had hurriedly made love in your car, passionately fogging up the windows with our lust filled breath. Our moans had filled the quiet that surrounded us. We were parked at a dark secluded lookout point. Lost in each other. He had kissed every part of my skin that his mouth reach, as I moved on top of him.

It had all been making love to me.

I guess to him it had just been sex.

He had drawn invisible stars around my scars laid bare before him, and now they're bleeding.

I shake my head again to clear my thoughts of him and pull on some old faded jean shorts and a torn up camp t-shirt from when I was 11 yrs old. It's a bit small, hugging my small chest a bit too tightly, but it would have to do.

I hadn't really been doing much laundry, and Charlie could barely do his own, let alone mine.

I'd have to add laundry to the list of things I needed to do now that I'm done wallowing over Edward Cullen.

I leave my long straight brown hair down, my constant shield from the world. I rarely bother with makeup. What's the point when it makes no difference. I'm impossibly ordinary. Plain. Nothing to look at.

I can see Jessica pull up in front of my house from my bedroom window, and quickly pull on my old black faded high top converse. I then grab the little cash I have on my dresser and stuff it into my front pocket pocket, and then grab my phone off my bed and shove it into my back pocket.

I yell out to Charlie as I run down the stairs, he's in the living room watching old sitcom reruns on this sunny summery Saturday.

He is still pulling Saturday night shifts.

"I'm going to the mall with Jessica! I'll be back later!"

Charlie nods in response without taking his attention away from the TV, and I walk out the front door, closing it behind me.

I put on my best fake smile as I walk towards Jessica's sporty little white car.

My smile falters when I see Lauren Mallory in the front seat.

Jessica may not question me about Edward, but Lauren is a different story. She is not quite as found of me.

I open the back door and climb in behind Lauren.

"Hey guys."

Lauren grunts unattractivly in response and Jessica turns to me with a big smile.

"Hope you don't mind I invited Lauren! We were already hanging out."

I keep my fake smile on and shake my head.

"No worries, the more the merrier."

Lauren let's out a sharp laugh in response and Jessica starts driving towards the mall.

Once we reach the mall and park Jessica suggest we grab lunch first.

The food court is as pathetic as the rest of the mall.

There's only two open counters, a pizza by the slice and a taco place. Neither are particularly good.

We agree on pizza and buy our respective slices and sit down at one of the few run down tables surrounding the food court.

Jessica and Lauren began to talk about Lauren's ex Tyler, who they had run into at a party in Port Angeles last weekend. I space out as I eat my slice staring up at the old skylight above the food court. Revealing the soft gauzy clouds in the sky above, I'm content to let them numb my mind with their chatter.

After a few minutes I realize Lauren is addressing me directly.

"Bella, we never did hear from you what happened to your little thing with Edward?"

I freeze and look at Lauren's ugly little smirk on her perfectly made up face. Her straight black hair falls effortlessly behind her shoulders, she never needs a shield. Her dark blue eyes bore into me, expectantly.

"Um we were just hanging out... and uh now we're not."

I answer in a croaky, quiet voice.

I had known she would ask.

Lauren doesn't look entirely satisfied with my answer, but she nods and her smirk grows. I take a bite of my pizza so I don't have to speak further.

Jessica cheerily chimes in.

"You're so lucky you got to be fuck buddies with Edward. God what I'd give to fuck him!"

I blush deeply at the lewd comment and almost choke on the bite of pizza I'm swallowing.

Lauren cackles at Jessica.

"Yes, Jess we all know how you throw yourself at him relentlessly and get shot down every time."

Lauren smirks and Jessica turns red.

"Oh shove it, bitch! Like you've had better luck!

A drunken blowy at a party hardly counts!"

That feels like a blow to the stomach. How many girls had Edward been with? I had never asked, never cared. It hadn't mattered to me. Only being with him had mattered.

Lauren chimes in again now with her sickeningly sweet, fake voice fully in use.

"When he came in my mouth it sure counted." She winks at me and continues. "It's really so brave of you to even want to come to the mall, Bella, when Edward meets Tanya behind here to fuck."

The knot in my stomach grows impossibly tighter.

I feel as if all the air has left the building and I can't breath.

He had moved on.

A new "fuck buddy" as Jessica would say.

Is this why he'd dropped me so quickly?

Without any warning.

He had already found his summer fuck, and was done with me. The nerdy virgin he wasted just over 3 months on. Why had he wasted so much time talking to me?

I felt like chest my had been ripped open all over again.

I could feel the tears as they began to pool in my eyes.

Lauren and Jessica sound far away as they continue talking.

"Oh come on Lauren! You didn't have to tell her that! It's just a summer thing. It's not personal Bella. You can't expect a boy that looks like that not to be fucking. I saw them behind the mall on Monday, and boy were they going at it. I'm surprised how long he spent on you really. You're not his usual type."

Lauren's fake sweet voice disappears and her usual wicked tone reappears as she speaks.

"You should really be complimented that he even hooked up with you in the first place.

You're no Tanya Denali."

That name was so familiar. I place it quickly to a tall and beautiful girl with strawberry blonde hair that was in my PE class. She had moved so gracefully and never appeared to break a sweat.

I had never talked to her.

Of course he was with her. I could never compare to someone like her. She looked like she walked straight out of a magazine shoot. More beautiful than I could ever imagine being. Curvy and full in all the right places, yet still perfectly thin.

She was as much an anomaly in this small town as Edward. Their beauty didn't belong in a shitty little town in the PNW.

Why was he hiding with her behind the mall?

Did they make love in his car like we had?

I felt nauseous and the tears pooling in my eyes began to spill over.

I quickly jump up and run towards the main entrance.

Jessica and Lauren are still mid conversation, I don't know if they even notice me leave.

I run away from the mall as fast as I can, and keep running across the humid, massive parking lot until I can't breath anymore.

I'm pathetic. Replaceable. Forgettable.

I pull out my phone and quickly dial Charlie's number.

I mumble between tears that I need a ride.

He doesn't ask why, and just asks where to get me.

I tell him I'll be waiting in the grass in front of the mall.

He tells me he'll be there in 10 minutes.

I sit down on the grass and try to stop my tears.

I thought I had cried all the tears I had for Edward Cullen.

I guess I'd never be done crying over him.

I put my head between my knees and listen to my breath as I try to steady it, and continue to try and stop my tears.

Once my breath feels more normal and my tears have subsided, I pull my head up and look in front of me.

I see a shape coming towards me down the sidewalk. The shape is moving quickly as if on wheels .

I rub my eyes to clear the tears from them and look again.

This can't be real.

It's Edward riding his skateboard directly towards where I'm sitting, falling apart over him. I can't tell if he's spotted me or if he's just coming this way. He looks as perfect as ever in his well fit blue jeans and a loose fitting white t-shirt, scuffed up black adidas on his feet.

He always looks so perfect, so effortlessly gorgeous. His dark brows are drawn up in concern and I realize he's spotted me.

I haven't seen him since the Friday after school, the day before homecoming.

He had kissed me for what felt like hours, in front of my house in the front seat of his car, after school.

We had made plans to meet up Sunday since we'd be missing our usual Saturday love making because of the homecoming dance I insisted on going to. Was that what had blown it?

Why had he kissed me like that if he was done with me?

Why bother making plans with me if it was over?

Why had he even been at that dance?

He hated crowds. At least he'd told me he did.

Had anything he'd told me been true? Had any of it even been real?

Nothing made sense and the sight of him coming towards me causes me to panic. I can feel my breath quickening and I jump up and run.

I feel as if my heart is being crushed again.

I spot Charlie's truck coming from up the road and sprint towards it without looking behind me.

"Bella!"

I hear him call out behind me and my insides dance on their own accord at the sound of his voice.

My tears start to pour down my cheeks again.

Charlie comes to a stop in front of me, he looks worried. I yank the side door of his police cruiser open and hop in.

"Drive, please!"

I can see Edward. He chased me.

He stood just a few feet from where I'd just been standing, holding his skateboard loosely.

There was a hurt look across his face.

His eyes looked full of things unsaid.

What did he have to be hurt about?

What had possibly been left unsaid?

I was the one whose heart had been ripped out by him, twice now. Though I guess the second time wasn't entirely his fault, of course he had moved on.

What had I expected?

I was nothing. Just a forgettable, boring girl.

Replaced already by a gorgeous girl.

Sure, there were so many answers I wanted.

But I couldn't stomach the sight of him, not yet.

It hurt too much. Tearing me open all over again. Leaving me raw.

Knowing he was with someone else as I barely existed, constantly alone.

"Who's that boy?" Charlie asks as he starts driving away.

"Is he bothering you?"

He actually does sound worried.

"No, just someone from school I didn't feel like talking to. Jessica and Lauren were being awful and I just needed to get away." I croak hurriedly in between my tears.

Charlie nods and looks sideways at me worriedly.

"You let me know if that boy bothers you, I'll set him straight."

I roll my eyes through my tears.

Of course Charlie would say that.

Part of me wishes he would.

How dare Edward look at me with pain in his eyes!

He had caused me nothing but pain and he had the nerve to look at me that way.

I had told him never to come near me again and I had foolishly thought that meant I wouldn't have to see him.

That was so stupid. Of course I'd have to see him again. This is a small town. I had just thought I'd have more time before seeing him again.

I should have just stayed inside all summer.

Preparing myself for August, when there was no avoiding seeing him. At least in the halls.

I had already emailed Ms. Cope, the guidance consoler, to ask if I could change my home room.

To ensure I at least wouldn't have to see Edward first thing in the morning everyday of Senior year.

That would be unbearable.

There was a chance he could be in another of my classes, but I had signed up for mostly AP classes again and he hadn't been in any of them before.Ms. Cope had said it was fine and would be sorted.

He had probably been heading to the mall to meet her, Tanya. When he'd seen me sobbing in the grass. God, how humiliating.

The thought of it makes me even more sick to my stomach.

I jump out of the car as soon as it comes to a stop in the driveway. I run into the house and run up to my room, as fast as my feet will carry me.

I cry myself to sleep, and before I fully drift off I promise myself that this is the last time I will allow myself to cry over Edward Cullen.

I would get over him.

I had to.