Chapter 3
Jaq held onto Jarrod's hand as they rode back to her house. She was enjoying the feel of having him next to her. She didn't think she'd have feelings for anyone ever again after Paul. Their marriage hadn't been perfect, but they'd loved one another deeply. Jaq couldn't help but think of Louisa and the fact she'd be five now. She surreptitiously wipe away her tears.
"I'm sorry I didn't talk to you first about the idea of opening my practice again in San Francisco," Jarrod said. When Jaq didn't answer, Jarrod noticed her tears.
"Jaq, are you alright?" he asked, pulling the reigns to stop the horses. He put his arm around her, and she leaned into him.
"I'm fine, really. It's like I said earlier, grief doesn't have a time limit."
Jarrod put his finger under Jaq's chin and turned her face, so she'd look at him. The sun was just starting to dip below the horizon, but he could still see her face.
"Do you regret this morning? The engagement? Do we need to take a step back?"
"Oh no, Jarrod. I don't regret anything about today. And I don't have any issues with you reopening your office in San Francisco, I promise," she said. She took a slow, deep breath. "I was thinking about Paul and how I didn't think I'd ever feel this way again after him. And then my thoughts went to Louisa…"
Jarrod tightened his arm around her. She looked at him and tried to smile.
"Take me home, Jarrod. Do you have time to stay for a while?" she asked.
Jarrod smiled and flicked the reigns for the horses to move. They arrived at her house and Jarrod followed her inside. They'd just made it inside the door when Jarrod took Jaq in his arms and kissed her deeply. She wrapped her arms around him and pulled him close.
Jaq pulled back and took Jarrod's hand, leading him to the parlor. They sat on the settee and Jarrod leaned in for another kiss. Jaq put her hand on his chest to get him to pause.
"I wanted to talk about something."
"Of course."
"I wanted to talk about…children," she said, looking him in the eyes. Jarrod waited patiently for Jaq to continue.
"I know we weren't especially careful today so this might all be a moot point," Jaq said wryly. "After Louisa, Paul wanted to try again, and I just couldn't bring myself to do it. We were careful to still enjoy one another but not...I don't think I can handle losing another child, Jarrod. I'm not saying I don't want children. Maybe someday..."
Jarrod brought Jaq close and held her against his chest.
"I cannot imagine what you've been through. I would love to have children with you and there's no guarantee that what happened to Louisa wouldn't happen again, but I understand your fear. No, we weren't careful this morning and I do apologize for that. We'll be more careful, and we won't try to have children until we both are ready."
Jaq sighed with contentment. She wasn't sure what she'd done to deserve the love and affection of Jarrod Barkley, but she sent up a prayer of thanks. She sat up and gave him a kiss, then stood and took his hand.
"If you won't think me too forward, Mr. Barkley, I'd like you to stay awhile. You took your time exploring me this morning. I think it's only fair I get to do the same to you."
Jarrod stood and followed Jaq into the bedroom.
Jarrod arranged to have the private car hooked up for their ride to San Francisco. Victoria wanted to make the trip with them, and Jarrod knew she'd probably get more rest in the private car. Audra, Victoria, Jarrod, and Jaq all boarded and were having a marvelous time as the train made its way West. Audra had the entire trip planned out from what shops they'd visit to where they would eat. Jaq sat back and smiled with contentment, happy to let Audra make the decisions.
At one point, Victoria and Audra went to the dining car leaving Jarrod and Jaq alone. Jarrod wasted no time bringing Jaq into his arms.
"If we were alone, my dear…"Jarrod's deep voice whispered in her ear. "I can guarantee we wouldn't be visiting all those shops that Audra has plans to visit."
Jaq laughed. "She certainly loves to shop. I'm grateful though. Grateful that your family has accepted me and I'm grateful I get to spend the rest of my life with you."
Jarrod held on a bit more tightly. He knew his mother and sister would be expecting them in the dining car soon, but Jarrod wanted just a few more minutes together with his fiancé. He thought perhaps Victoria knew that which was why she'd suggested to Audra that they go get something to eat.
Jaq didn't mind and was enjoying being close to Jarrod. That morning when she'd awakened, she saw that her womanly time had come, and she wept with relief. She knew a moment of regret and she hoped that this wouldn't become a sore point between her and Jarrod. He'd said he wouldn't mind waiting but what if she was never ready?
Jarrod felt Jaq stiffen a bit and pulled back.
"Are you alright?" he asked, looking into her blue eyes.
Jaq nodded. "Remember our conversation from a few days ago? About children?"
"Yes," Jarrod answered.
"We were careful enough," was all Jaq said.
Jarrod didn't get the sense that Jaq was upset, and he brought her back into his arms. He couldn't imagine losing a child and he was sincere when he'd told her he could wait. Watching Heath with Leah did cause Jarrod to wonder what it would be like to have his own child and he hoped that it happened someday. For now, he was content with it just being the two of them.
"Tell me what we'd do if we were truly alone?" Jaq murmured against Jarrod's chest.
Jarrod spoke softly, his baritone voice describing how he would want to take Jaq and listen to her call his name. He described in detail every way he'd touch her, and Jaq couldn't help but wish they truly were alone.
She pulled back from Jarrod's arms and looked him in the eye.
"Does it offend you that I am so open about our intimacy?" Jaq asked. She went on to explain, "I don't mean to offend you. Paul and I were very open with one another. He didn't hold to the old fashioned way of thinking that women could not enjoy their husbands. In fact, one of his favorite verses in the Bible was 'Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence', which he took to mean, I should enjoy him as much as he enjoyed me. In every way."
Jarrod smiled. "Not at all. I'd like to think I'm a bit more progressive than to be offended at my beautiful fiancé talking about making love. These are our conversations to be between the two of us and I adore that you feel trusting enough to be so open with me."
Jaq smiled in relief.
"I know my womanly time puts a damper on some things," she said softly. She looked toward the door to make sure neither Victoria nor Audra were standing there. She then met Jarrod's gaze and smiled. "However, I'd completely make it up to you."
Jarrod smiled. "Tell me how."
Jaq put her hand behind Jarrod's neck and brought him down closer. She whispered in his hear all that she would want to do to him, and Jarrod's eyes closed at the thought of her fulfilling her promise. He felt his body responding to her description and knew if they didn't go to the dining car soon to meet his mother and sister, they never would.
"You're a wicked woman, Jaq," he said teasingly.
Jaq gave him a sultry look and responded, "Somehow I think you don't mind that."
The first day in San Francisco was spent relaxing as Jarrod didn't want Victoria to overdo. Although Victoria wanted to protest, she was grateful that Jarrod insisted things be low-key, allowing her to lie down. She desperately wanted to be a part of trip as she had missed this with Jarrod's first marriage with Beth.
Audra felt a bit put out, hoping to get started on the shopping as soon as they arrived but understood her mother's need of rest. Victoria knew Audra was impatient to get started so she suggested that Audra visit a few of the nearby stores to scout things out why she rested. Audra was excited and invited Jaq to join her, but Jaq begged off, saying she wanted to get some rest as well. What Audra and Victoria didn't know, was Jarrod had arranged for Jaq and Jarrod to have adjoining rooms. And the couple planned to take as much advantage of it as they could.
"Jaq," Jaq heard Jarrod gasp her name. She smiled with satisfaction as she knew she was the one causing him to be breathless. He pulled her into his arms and held her close, telling her over and over how much he loved her.
"You're so wonderful," he said, sounding breathless.
"I'm glad you think so," she said, running her hands across his chest. She once again was thankful for Paul and for him not holding to the Victorian stance of women fulfilling their husband's needs but not being able to enjoy the act of marriage themselves. He never pressured her, but Jaq was always eager to be in her husband's arms. In their short marriage, Paul was a giving lover. She knew it was probably odd for her to think of Paul when she'd just finished bringing Jarrod pleasure, but Paul and Beth would forever be in hers and Jarrod's lives. She didn't plan to erase Paul from her memories and she certainly didn't expect Jarrod to forget Beth.
Jaq heard a knock on her door and got up from the bed in Jarrod's room. She softly closed the door to Jarrod's room behind her and hurriedly put on her robe. She took a second to straighten her hair and opened the door a crack, seeing Audra on the other side.
"Oh goodness, Jaq! I hope I didn't wake you?" Audra asked. "Are you feeling alright?"
Jaq smiled. "I've been tired. My womanly time," Jaq whispered. Audra nodded in understanding.
"I wanted to let you know that Mother and I will be going down to dinner in an hour. Will you feel up to it?"
Jaq tilted her head, acting as though she was trying to decide. She knew she would be down for dinner regardless of how she was feeling because if she didn't go, neither would Jarrod. And if he didn't go, then neither would make it out of their rooms the rest of the trip.
"I will be there. I think I'll take a bath and get ready. You'll excuse me?" Jaq asked and Audra smiled.
"Please let me know if you need anything."
Jaq thanked her future sister in law and shut the door. She leaned against it and then saw as the door to Jarrod's room open and he peeked his head inside. She saw the smile on Jarrod's face and couldn't help but laugh. He had dressed hurriedly, and his shirt was only halfway tucked inside. Before he could say anything, there was a knock at his door. Jarrod rolled his eyes and shut the door between their rooms.
If Audra or Victoria were to come into either of the rooms, they would think the doors were to a closet. At least that is what was hoped. The plan was for neither of the women to have to enter Jaq or Jarrod's rooms at all.
