It had been an hour since Lucius had woken up, yet he lay in bed still. He had woken to find an arm wrapped around the beautiful brunette laying next to him. Her head was resting against his shoulder and her arm was slung lazily around his waist. He didn't want to wake her up, instead just content to lay there with her.
He felt a certain affection for his new wife. More so after she had taken care of him when he was hurt. She could easily have left him when he told her to, but she wouldn't be deterred. He was certain that they would eventually divorce but he at least they could treat each other well while stuck together.
Cassie stirred next to him, caressing his chest in her half sleep haze as she groaned into his shoulder.
"Morning."
"What time is it?"
"8 am."
"Nope." She muttered before falling silent again.
"Time for me to get up." He carefully untangled himself from his wife and climbed out bed. "Do you plan to stay in bed all morning?" He asked as he began pulling out his clothes for the day.
Cassie groaned, reluctantly pulling herself up into a sitting position. "You're a morning person, arent you?" She asked, almost accusatory.
"Get out so I can get dressed."
Cassie laughed. "Lucius, I've seen you naked."
He threw her a glare that he knew wouldn't bother her, but it made him feel better. "Out."
"Fine, I'm going." Just as she reached the bedroom door, she turned back to him. "Just for your information. I won't be returning the favour."
Lucius just sighed in defeat. Cassie was a force to be reckoned with and that both annoyed and awed him.
There was a lot of thinking time for Lucius as he was getting ready. He could already feel the dent in his ego and his defences rapidly rebuilding themselves after he was so open to Cassie. It worried him getting too close to Cassie would make him fall in love with her. He didn't want to fall in love with her. Getting close to Cassie meant he could easily fall for her and couldn't let that happen.
He couldn't let feelings complicate the eventual end to their marriage, so he resolved to back away from her. It was for her own good and protection. At least, that is what he told himself.
He found her in the kitchen eating breakfast and reading the Daily Prophet. "I am off to work. I suggest you don't come back until late as there will be some unsavoury characters in the house."
"Oh, ok." Cassie didn't miss his tone with her. He was back to his old self and any closeness they felt the previous evening would be forgotten. "If it wouldn't bother you, I can just stay in my house tonight. I know you'd rather I wasn't here."
Lucius watched as Cassie left the breakfast she had hardly eaten, and the newspaper still open on the page she had been reading. "I never said that."
"I hope your feeling better." She muttered as she left the kitchen, running upstairs as quickly as she could.
The guilt Lucius felt over upsetting Cassie lingered and haunted him throughout his work day. He never intended to make her feel unwelcome, but they needed to have boundaries and he wanted to protect her from harm.
Cassie spent most of her morning strolling through the park near Grimmauld Place. She envied the muggles sometimes. They were ignorant to the threat that they all face.
How easy would it be to lock her wand away and live as a muggle?
It made her laugh at the Ministry threatening to exile her when exile was starting to look like an attractive prospect. Although, self-exile would mean that she left on her own terms.
She was lonely. Painfully lonely. Sleeping next to Lucius was first bit of comfort she had felt since she was married to him. She missed her father, both Sirius and Ted. She missed Remus, Andromeda, Tonks, the Weasleys, Hermione and Harry.
After the war and her marriage, she had planned that she would travel for a while. She had plenty of money to keep her going for a few years, so she would travel to the places she had discuss going to with Sirius. She wanted to actually start living and free herself from the limbo she felt like she was drowning in.
Once her head felt a bit clearer after her walk, she decided to empty the room at home that she had been putting off. Her father's room. There were boxes of Sirius' stuff everywhere and if she intended to make 12 Grimmauld Place as her home, then she needed to sort through everything.
She moved the boxes onto the bed and proceeded to go through them all. Every box was filled with junk that Sirius had collected over the years before he was imprisoned.
In one box was an emerald green diary with the initials "E I J F" embossed in silver on the front. "Mum?" Cassie whispered as she pulled the diary out of the box fully. This was the first time she had ever touched something that belonged to her mother. She had no idea that her father still had any of Elizabeth's stuff.
Cassie turned to the first diary entry, running her fingers over the perfect script in green ink. This was her mother and her words.
September 1st, 1971.
First day at Hogwarts went as I expected.
Michael yelled at me in front of his stupid friends to show off. One of them, Lucius I think he was called, told him off. It was funny.
I don't think I'll like it here. All of the girls in my year don't seem to like me much. I can hear them whispering about me, but I don't care. It's better here though. Even if they don't like me, at least its quiet and I can avoid Michael most of the time.
I made a new friend called Severus. I think he doesn't like his family either.
Sadness settled in Cassie's heart. Just reading her mother's words, she could feel her emotions. It was clear to Cassie why the Flint's wanted nothing to do with her. Her mother seemed to hate her home life; she certainly wouldn't object her own child to it.
October 31st, 1971.
It's Sunday and Halloween, so Severus and I have been eating sweets at the edge of the Black Lake.
I told him that when we were old enough, we could run away together, but he didn't seem too keen on the idea. He then ignored me for the rest of the day once that Gryffindor girl came to sit with us.
I think tomorrow I'll ignore him and see how he likes it.
Cassie laughed at the idea her mother was friends with Snape of all people. It did make sense of the fact that Snape was the least horrid to her when he was her teacher.
It was late evening before Cassie ventured out of her father's old room to hunt around for food. She had finished the first diary and for the first time in her life, she felt close to mother. There was a sadness about the diaries, especially the entries when Elizabeth was at home. It appeared that Cassie's grandparents had a treasured son, they didn't need a younger daughter to cause problems.
She contemplated going back to manor, but she wanted space from Lucius to forget her feelings of loneliness. The lonelier she felt, the higher the danger that she would seek comfort from the only person she had in her life. She had to accept that she was alone, but it wasn't forever.
By 11pm, Lucius accepted that Cassie wouldn't be returning to the manor that night.
He was alone in his expansive manor, feeling insignificant while his wife was alone in her own home, most likely feeling the same as him. How cruel was it to force two lonely people together, both still mourning a loved one.
In a different life, he imagined he could have made Cassie happy, but he was a realist. Once Voldemort was gone, he'd probably be in Azkaban for life or an outcast. It would grossly be unfair to put Cassie in an impossible position. She had lost many people from her life, and he didn't want to add himself to that list. Cassie deserved better than that.
Lucius sighed and headed off to bed. He would have to leave his apologies until Cassie returned back to the manor.
Two people lay in separate beds in separate houses, thinking of the other. Both of them wondering how they had got to this point. Lucius knew what it was like to hold her, and Cassie knew what it was like to be held by him.
They knew that the only way to shed the lingering warmth of their night in the bed was retreat to their respective corners and lick the wounds to their wounded prides.
They were foolish, hopeless, and stumbling down a path that neither wanted to venture on.
