I'M COOL
I've had this little ditty hanging out in my notebook forever and just found it again. Utter crack!
DISCLAIMER: I do not own any Marvel characters (:_;)
Sam strode out of the supermarket, stopping next to a gaggle of girl scouts selling cookies while he waited for traffic to clear. The four girls were in a heated debate. While he waited he heard snatches of their conversation.
"Nah, Falcon is the coolest Avenger."
He perked up at this comment. Did he hear right? Did this kid just say he was the coolest Avenger? He sidled carefully closer, making sure to not look like some sort of lecher, and cocked his head to the side to behold the conversation.
"No, it's Captain America." A little girl with bouncy dark hair retorted.
"Yeah he is cool." She folded her arms. "But the Falcon is the coolest because he can fly with his wings!" The two girls sitting with his advocate, an outrageously adorable kid wearing round-framed glasses, nodded in concurrence.
The little girl snorted and folded her arms. "Captain America has a vibranium shield, Juno." Her minions echoed her sentiments.
Juno shrugged, but before she could respond a customer stopped to buy three boxes of cookies. After the exchange concluded Juno returned to their debate. "Sure Captain America has a vibranium shield. But can he fly Kayla?" She tilted her head to the side, one hand on her hip the while using the other to gesture emphatically.
Steve was his best friend, but dang it was nice having his ego stroked. He puffed his chest out. Of Thor, Iron Man, and Captain America some kids thought he was the coolest one? An odd sense of validation flitted through him and he felt like the cock of the yard. These kids were obviously geniuses and deserved to be rewarded.
He turned and strode to the stand. "I'd like to buy a few boxes."
They recognized him immediately. A period of silence passed during which the entire group, especially Juno and her clique, stared at him with wide eyes and slack jaws. Then a chorus of "okay!" sprang from the adorable little sprites. Then came the unending questions that he was all too happy to answer.
Thirty minutes later he stood staring at the mountain of cookie boxes in the backseat of his truck with confusion. He'd literally bought every box of cookies they'd possessed. Well, his budget was blown for the month.
He entered the Avengers' living floor, lugging the huge bag behind him. He cursed his impulsiveness when Steve Rogers stared at him with an inquiring expression. "Shut up. They said I was cool."
Steve stared at the large bag of cookies then back at him. "So you bought 200 boxes of cookies?"
"Well, I hope we at least got Thin Mints out of this," Clint called from across the room.
Natasha promptly strolled to them, shoved her hands into the bag without so much as a by your leave and fished out two boxes of Thin Mints. She strode casually away from them before tossing Clint a box and opening the other. Sam stared after her with a knitted brow. Okay who else was going to poach his dang cookies?
"I smell Girl Scout cookies."
Sam jerked at the unexpected closeness of Tony Stark. Jesus did the guy teleport? "What the frag Stark!"
He rolled his eyes when the billionaire absolutely ignored him in favor of the sweet treats at his feet. Tony glanced at the bloated bag and nearly squealed in delight. "You can go ahead and put all the Caramel deLites in my closet."
No frigging way. Nat and Clint could have all the Thin Mints they wanted. But the Caramel D's? Nah that's where he drew the line. Sam stood his ground. "Those are my favorite too."
Tony stared blankly at him for a beat.
He stared at Tony.
"I'll pay you for them."
Sam thought briefly. "Done."
Tony reached in his pocket and pulled out his wallet, shoving whatever money within it at Sam. "There you go, sailor." He grabbed the large bag and dragged it to the sitting room where Natasha and Clint sat munching on their Thin Mints while watching Mythbusters
Sam counted the money, nearly crapping himself at the amount. "Um, you gave me too much." He strode over to them, Steve alongside him.
Tony shrugged, rooting around in the bag like a chipmunk on a scavenger hunt. "Go buy yourself something pretty."
"You know, you guys better get all you can before Thor and Bruce show up." Steve passed him a sly smirk before reaching down and scooping up a box of Toffee-tastic.
Clint, who lounged on the sofa, waved him away. "Nah, Thor's gone to-"
"Are those the Cookies of the Girl Scouts?!"
Everyone stopped to look at Thor who stood in the entrance with a pizza box in his hand. Bruce stood next to him, looking rumpled like he'd just awakened from a nap. Immediate greed blazed in the duo's eyes.
There was a beat of inactivity.
Natasha and Clint dove for the bag, desperate to gather all the Thin Mints possible.
"Sonofab-" Tony started.
"Language!" Steve admonished.
Sam backed away, bumping into a charging Thor and Hulk on his way out. Nah, he was getting out of this place before the madness ensued.
END
Hoped you all enjoyed this. Maybe I'll make it a series of oneshots maybe not.
Read and Review please. Comments and constructive criticism welcome.
