I took a bit longer to write this chapter and it's the longest yet. I do want to earn that there are mentions of rape in the later parts of this chapter. I wrote them with my heart and cried myself a bit trying not to bring up as many of my own emotions I could from my own personal experiences with the subject.
I promise that any chapter I mention it in I will put a warning much like this one in the beginning.
-Kunerad-
It hadn't taken long to get them on their way, he was happy for that. James hadn't seemed like he was so happy about how fast he had been able to plan this, but in all fairness, he was the Baron Helmut Zemo. He always needed to be 2 steps ahead of everyone he could be.
Some may think him prepared, to intense. But that was the point. He hadn't made all the friends in high places he had, all those connections and all his wealth without being the way he was.
He had already made several contacts with his 'friends' since being in Wakanda. As delightfully smart that Shuri was… she was too innocently smart. Even wit hall the scans she had run, with nothing coming back to show how James had been activated. it bugged him because he had seen it with his own two eyes more than once now. Being the one giving the orders once and being on the receiving end, and he much did not like that at all.
James had been awfully quiet for most of the flight so far but having put in the autopilot to their next destination he had decided to not leave the cockpit and give the man some space. It had been a full couple of weeks in Wakanda, as much physically for him as probably mentally. He probably needed some time alone.
He was about to start their decent into Kasos, Greece and figured it was time to inform James so they could switch their transport. As what would be easier to track… a Wakandan air ship or his private jet that was off all radars.
He got up and carefully made his way back to the half-asleep man before him.
"James?" he went to reach a hand forward to gently shake him. however, to moment his hand made contact with James he had wished he hadn't.
James shot awake in an instant, grabbing his hand folding it backwards, standing to full height and rushing him backwards so quickly his back hit the side of the cargo hold within a second flat.
Before he could say anything to his astonishment James let go of him and turned his back to him flexing his own hand.
"Sorry Zemo"
"Reflexes, I understand James" he grabbed his left hand within his right, massaging it tenderly. "We are about to land and switch to another transport" he needn't wait for a reply, he just went back to the cockpit to lick his theoretical wounds. He hadn't been prepared for James to react so forcefully. But it reminded himself of how on alert he had personally been when he had been part of EKO Scorpion.
The landing was easy, and the air tower was easy to evade with the Wakandan technology. They unquestionably had some uses that was for sure. He wasn't too sure he would be welcomed back all to quickly, but he had been grateful to work with Shuri and see her workshop.
the large crate full of goods was easily taken by James to his private jet that was waiting for them just across the tarmac. Oeznik his trusty butler waiting for them.
"It's good to have you back again, sir."
"Oeznik, always a pleasure. Please take us home"
They embraced quickly all the while James had loaded the supplies into the jet's cargo hold.
"it would be my pleasure sir. I've taken the liberty to brew you some tea. It is waiting for you aboard."
He made his way to the back of the jet where a closet full of his own clothes where and changed quickly into something more his style and comfort. Pulling his shirt on while making his way back to the main seating area James avoided his gaze when he sat back down.
"something the matter my friend?"
"You tell me Zemo, you seem to know everything about me"
They sat in silence for a while, the trip from here to the outskirts of Sokovia wouldn't take to long, but long enough to be uncomfortable with the amount of tension James was bringing in.
He stirred his tea slowly and sipped at it. Finding his book of Russian poetry where he had previously left it on the jet. He began to flip through the pages doing some light reading. He had felt James hard staring for a while but ignored him, if he didn't want to talk. They didn't have to talk.
About and hour later he peered over only to find the man asleep once more. His face scrunched up in different ways back and forth, what ever he dreamed of it was not pleasant. Not long after returning to his reading the screaming began. Pained and loud James had begun to thrash back and forth
"James! JAMES! WAKE UP!" he had tried to just say his name normally first. But as he continued to trash and scream, he knew screaming at the man to wake up wasn't going to wake him. gods damned if he was hurt again, he wasn't going to let this continue.
He got up and quickly places both hands on either of his shoulders and held him back into the seat. It took all his force to hold him there
"James!" he gave him a couple quick shakes "JAMES!"
The distressed man before him eyes shot open in an instant and a violent jerk almost made him fall into straddling his lap. He pulled his hands back and stood quickly just escaping his grasp. "Sorry James" he took a big gulp and stood back a bit farther. "you wouldn't wake… and where having a rather intense nightmare it seemed"
His arm reached back behind himself and took his seat without taking his eyes off the man across from himself.
"thanks, I guess those happen a lot" he near whispered.
They sat there the rest of the flight just watching each other. He hadn't wanted to even think of picking the poetry book back up. James eyes betrayed him though, he could see the sea of tears wanting to escape. The pain behind them was terrible. No wonder the winter soldier had worn a mask. James' eyes gave him away so easily.
They do say the eyes are the windows to the soul… and this case, it was much too true.
They landed a while later, James had never taken his eyes off him even as Oeznik escorted them off the jet, and into a car waiting for them in the hangar he still felt James's eyes boring into him. The equipment they had taken with them could be delivered later. He just wanted to rest and feel a sense of familiarity.
The drive took a bit but was worth every moment seeing the Sokovian countryside. His house in the city had been completely demolished when Ultron had attacked. But had many secondary homes, all handed down through his family for years and some purchased by himself like the Apartment in Latvia where they had stayed previously.
James only took his eyes off him when they turned up a dirt road, massive ever green trees overgrown and taking over the property. The red shingles spires of the Kunerad came into view. He remembered this property well, it had been his wife's favorite escape from the city, and his fathers favorite place to take him hunting when he was younger. They had never gotten the chance to bring their son here.
When Novi Grad the capital had fallen from the sky and he had sent his wife, son and father all off to his father's house in another part of the countryside he had thought they would have been safe… he couldn't have been more wrong. He had wished and prayed more times than he could have counted that he had sent them here, but it alas. A single tear came to his eyes as they come to a stop at the back of the property.
Many upgrades had been made in the past years, including a secluded underground garage hidden away, new kitchens, baths and more had been repaired. However only one of the many rooms had been kept up. He hadn't needed anymore than just the one room for years. He would insure he sent Oeznik out for more creature comfort supplies within the next days.
It would be quite here. No one would find them. He was only going to inform Shuri via private coms of there approximate whereabouts. No one else needed to know where they had ended up. And it wouldn't take to long to relocate to another one of his properties should the need arise. However, this one most certainly was the best hidden away. Most others where in larger cities, Latvia, France, Oslo, Monaco and Dublin to name just a few.
But here would suffice till they had leads, and until He could get into that beautiful mind of James'. He needed to know if he was still safe around him.
As they entered the manor James hadn't seemed to thrown by the size and vastness of the house. But rather nonchalant,
"I figured you'd have a remark to make about my home James"
"Nah, I know your dirty rich, though if Sam could see this… well he would have something to say about it"
He led him to the kitchen and began rummaging around while James just stood there watching him.
"I will most certainly have to send Oeznik out for some groceries. He is going back to the jet to retrieve everything else. I will insure he returns with food as well"
"So, what now Zemo"
"We relax" he beaconed the man to follow him through the halls and up a staircase. The Master bedroom was a large room in itself. Spacey with a large chaise lounge, fireplace, long draping massive curtains covering towering windows. And at the very back of the room a massive Bed with stunning hand carved wooden frame. Thin white sheets covered most of the furniture saving it from the sun and dust of the years.
"And is this my room Zemo or yours?"
He had been standing in the doorway as he quickly shook the sheets from the chaise and now the bed.
"Well friend we will be sharing, this is the only room in the home fit to house us. I'm afraid the rest of this home isn't in the best of states"
"Fine the floor will do anyways" James had thrown his bag on the floor and flopped on the chaise. "hope your ready to wake up to more screaming and nightmares Baron"
"I am sure we will manage. You know you can unpack and talk about them to me, talking about them may… may help them get better"
"Yeah, and pigs fly Zemo. Aint no way I'm letting you know what plagues my dreams."
He reaches into a large wooden armoire in the corner of the room and pulls out new clothes and a towel
"I know all of Hydras secrets James, I know what they did to you, you telling me doesn't change what I know of you" he made his way back to the other door in the room and before closing it behind himself looked back at James. Noticing the change in his eyes. "it only changes how I see and understand you"
He takes his time in the shower, its relatively cold at first. The boiler not having been turned on in many years. Nevertheless, its relaxing and refreshing, he would have much preferred a steaming hot shower to help release some of the tensions he was feeling and had pent up inside, but that could be worked out other ways.
He had been hunched over, one arm above his head that was hung between his shoulder blades, letting the water run down his back. Looking down at the rock tile floor he contemplated reaching his other hand out and touching himself to release some stress. But as his hand touched himself and he just held himself he couldn't bring himself to. It felt wrong. He hadn't felt the need to ever do this. It had been years since he laid with anyone. It hadn't felt right since loosing his wife. He had tried to with other women since then… but never could. He had been with multiple people before his wife, but no one since.
So, he cried, sobbed really. Glad the water would keep his puffy eyes to a minimum and wash away the sounds of his weakness.
When he got out of the shower, dried himself and wrapped the towel around his waist he put on another brave face and returned to the room. James had not moved from his spot.
"not much to do round here?"
"Ah, so you have moved about then" grabbing the fresh clothes he picked out he dropped the towel in full view of James who held his eye contact the entire time. "Did not find anything fun or to your liking?" he contemplated winking at his statue of a friend across the room but decided against it.
"The gun vault in the basement full of hunting riffles could be fun" he shrugs his shoulders casually
"Well, I am sure we could go for a hunt in a few days once we are rested and settled" he is dressed now in casual lounge pants and decided to forgo the shirt in favor of being shirtless. It had been a long day of travel and heavy emotions. He was ready to sleep for a full day if his mind would let him. "I will be going to bed now" he drew the curtains closed throwing the room into a deep darkness. "Do what you want James, but this bed is big enough for more than just the two of us if you so choose"
He threw back the heavy feather duvet, the side farthest from his friend and crawled in slowly, settling and rolling onto his side to face the wall away from prying eyes.
He heard no movement in the room and hours later still not being able to fall asleep, having just been laying there, eyes closed, he rolled onto his back and with a heavy sigh opened his eyes staring up at the exposed wood beams.
Rolling his head, had rewarded him with a view he hadn't been prepared for. There inches from his face was that of his friend's. He hadn't even heard the man move or felt the bed dip from his larger frame as he should have. He had been so lost in his own damn mind.
He looked so peaceful, his face finally not scrunched up in pain or disgust. It was rather beautiful he thought. He reached his hand forward to gently caress the mans face before him but mere inches away held himself back. He didn't want to push his luck and rolled back over.
He laid there staring at the ceiling again for a while before slowly drifting to sleep. But it didn't last. Just about when he was almost fully consumed by the darkness the thrashing and screaming began.
It didn't start slowly as one would expect, but rather abruptly. He woke and sat up violently at the near sudden onslaught of screams next to him. he tried to shove the man beside him awake but nothing he did helped.
"James please!" he tried one last feeble attempt yielding no results. Ultimately, he threw all caution to the wind, threw himself on top of James and tried to hold his shoulders down all while straddling the man's chest.
"JAMES!"
His eyes flew open full of tears and in a sheer panic. He felt himself being thrown from the bed and halfway across the room. He landed and slid across the room with a heavy thud.
"Zemo…." The heavy sob that followed broke him as he lifted himself from the floor. His hip and arm hurt from where he had connected with the floor, the bruising would certainly show in the morning.
"Worry not James, I have been dealt much worse" he made his way back to the bed slowly, as if approaching a wild animal of sorts, he wasn't too sure what to expect. "do you want to tell me about the dream?"
"No"
"I think you should" he was beside him now. He had curled in on himself. He looked so small and fragile. Words he would have NEVER used to describe the man before him before. "come on, move over" he waited and waited but at last he relaxed the tiniest bit and moved over enough to let Zemo back into the bed.
"If I tell you…" he sucked in a deep breath "you have to promise it doesn't leave this room"
"You have my word James"
He sat there and waited. Not looking at him, waiting for him to be ready when he was. These nightmares where certainly bad, and he knew much of what Hydra had done to him but try as he did… he hadn't uncovered every single truth about that nasty organization. He let on that he had known much more than he truly did but there had been so many files with far too much missing, half burnt paper trails. He could only infer and make so many connections.
"When Hydra would activate me, they had complete and absolute control over my every move and action. All it took was my handler's command."
He began so slowly. Like every word hurt to speak aloud.
"when missions didn't go the way they planned, Hydra would punish me, sometimes it wasn't so bad… they would try and beat me, but they quickly realized that just inflicting wounds on me didn't work. I healed to fast for them to have been happy."
he had noticed the numerous scars along his back before. But what soldier didn't come home from war without battle scars. He had many of his own as well.
A long silence filled the room, only the heavy sound of James's breathing and his own permeated it.
"Eventually they took to using me in other ways… all they had to say was a command and I would. They would force me to enjoy it."
Oh… this he hadn't been aware of.
"One handler in particular would, well he would get off on making my mission to torture people before I killed them." A deep shuddering breath "and not the regular torture techniques you'd think" a sob escaped him again and another shuddering breath.
"I dream of them. Of not being able to stop even when they begged, like I had wanted to beg for my own handlers to stop. They made me do to others what they did to me."
He was having a hard enough time listening to the atrocities James had endured and committed against his will, he couldn't begin to even try to understand the pain he was feeling.
"Worst of all in my dreams Its like I can still feel them. All of them happening!" He sobs out again. A guttural pained sob. Not holding any of the raw emotions back.
"james…" he tries to whisper to him "permission to hold you?"
He now understood why he reacted the way he did when people touched him without his consent, he had never been able to give or ask for consent before. How it hurt his heart. And to think he had used him as well, when he had spoken those words all those years ago, he too had taken away this man's consent. He had reasoned at the time using James was a means to an end and that it hadn't been personal. but now he knew how hard it rocked this man to his very core.
He waited and watched his new friend sob and cry. And finally, without looking at him "Yes" it was a small whimper of a yes, but he had said it.
Zemo leaned into James and put his arms around him and held him tight and rocked him back and forth,
"I am so sorry my friend… I didn't know…"
