Jay stood there pacing in front the nurses desk in the ER at med. His mind went into overdrive trying to figure out where the hell it had all gone so wrong.
"You know Jay, if you continue pacing like that, you'll wear out my floor," Maggie called out to him from across the the reception desk, a small sad smile upon her lips.
Jay's head snapped up to momentarily look at her before he turned away and continued his pacing.
She had already tried over the past hour and a half to get Jay to take a seat with the rest of Intelligence, assuring him that she would notify him as soon as any updates came in from the OR, but he had flat out refused to listen to her. She could see from the worry lines on his forehead, and the way he kept on fiercely biting down on his own lip that he was burdened by the events that had transpired.
Now she was beginning to get concerned. The way that he didn't even acknowledge her attempt to lighten the mood confirmed what she knew, this Jay Halstead was a shell of himself. From the corner of her eye, she saw Hailey round the corner, two glasses of water in her hand, giving Maggie a knowing look as if to say, 'it's okay, I got this, I'll take it from here'.
Maggie simply nodded before she went back to doing her job. She hoped if anyone could get through to Jay, it would be Hailey. He was in good hands.
Hailey placed both glasses on the nurses station desk before placing a hand on Jay's shoulder to stop his pacing, as he did so, she squeezed it lightly to comfort him.
"Babe, it's not your..."
Jay's eyes began welling with tears, and he quickly shut them to avoid looking at the sympathy that was so evident in her eyes. He couldn't stand to see her pity, he didn't deserve it.
"Please Hails," his voice low and cracking, "please don't finish that sentence. I should've never of gone in there without sweeping the place propely. If I had...," he took a deep shaky breath, "if I had Voight wouldn't be knocking on deaths door right now."
"Jay don't do this to yourself. You saw a young boy screaming for help tied to a chair with a timed device strapped to his chest. You did what any of us would have done in that moment. It was an urgent, time sensitive situation, and if you hadn't acted the boy would have been dead right now."
"But..." Jay began to protest.
"No buts, Voight made the desicion to come in after you. He knew what the risks were, you radioed him, you radioed us all, but he came in anyway because that's the kind of leader he is. You weren't to know the perp was still in the building and armed at that. There was under two minutes on that timer Jay. No sane person, not even a criminal would have remained there. Listen to me babe, this isn't on you."
Jay didn't know what to say. He couldn't agree with her, but he also knew that she would have a rebuttal for every excuse he had to blame himself. Arguing with her was pointless, she only saw the good in him. She only ever saw the good in him, even from the beginning, before they had even become involved romantically, when they had just partnered up and he had spiralled going undercover, she saw deeper into him.
A single lone tear fell from Jay's eye, gliding slowly across his cheek and Hailey stood up on her tiptoes, pressing her thumb against his cheek to wipe away any evidence of it. She remained like that for a second before pressing her lips lightly to his, coaxing them gently, trying to erase any tension he was feeling. It began to work as he loosened up before he cupped the side of her face and kissed her back.
A clearing of a throat dragged them out of their bubble, as Jay and Hailey pulled apart. Will stood there, arms folded, a poker face on but clear worry in his eyes. Jay immediately tensed again. He knew whatever his brother was about to say was not going to be good news.
Seeing her fiancé in such a situation broke Hailey's heart. He was such a martyr, the kind of guy that would sacrifice himself and his needs for anyone and everyone around him, not just those he loved. It was one of the reasons why this situation was weighing him down so much. Voight had taken not one, but two bullets meant for Jay. And whilst Voight lay there on the OR table, fighting for his life, Jay came out without so much as a scratch.
Hailey stood next to Jay, wrapping her arm around his waist to show her support.
"Hailey," Will nodded acknowledging his future sister in law, before turning to his younger brother.
"Jay, can I talk to you alone for a second?"
Hailey opened her mouth to protest, whatever needed to be said to Jay could be said in front of her. But the look Will shot her told her not to argue. It wasn't a stare down or anything, it was just a knowing look, one that told her this was something Jay had to do alone. With that, Hailey backed off, tearing herself away from Jay and heading back to the waiting room where the rest of the Intelligence Unit sat, waiting for news.
"What is it?" Jay asked, the nervousness evident in his voice. His stomach was in knots just thinking about what Will was going to say.
Will simply shook his head.
"Not here," he said and walked to the conference room to the side of the ER entrance. Jay followed.
Once they were alone, and the door shut, Will began to speak.
"The surgery went as well as could be expected.."
"Why do I sense a but coming?"
Will looked at his brother momentarily, unsure of how to continue. Jay's intuition was sharp, it's what made him a great cop. He knew he couldn't sugar coat the news. Not when his brother's Sargent's life was hanging in the balance.
"But the operative words being as could be expected. With the injuries Hank has sustained, he shouldn't even be alive right now. He suffered significant head trauma during the fight off with your perp, there was a great deal of swelling in the brain. With such an extensive injury like that alongside the bullet shredding his aorta, it's a miracle he's still alive."
"So what are you trying to say?"
"Dr Latham was able to repair the aorta, and Dr Abrams was able to reduce the swelling to thr brain, but the chances of him coming out of this not being permanently damaged is slim at best. And that's if he even wakes up. The next 48 hours are critical."
Jays breathing began to get heavier and louder. He was beginning to hyperventilate. This wasn't happening, not to Hank Voight, not to his mentor and leader. It was meant to be Jay in his current situation right now, not Voight. It was true, he hadn't always seen eye to eye with Hank Voight, but over the past few years he began to see his Sargent in another light, and he began to truly respect the loyalty and leadership of the man. He didn't deserve to die, not like this. The thoughts led the anger building in Jay's chest build up and overspill before he curled his hand into a fist and punched the wall in frustration. A loud crack sounded, as Jay broke his knuckles. He waited for the pain to come, but it was nothing compared to the pain he felt internally.
Will rushed across the table to his brother's side, stopping him from punching the wall again.
"Don't do this Jay, this isn't going to help anyone, least of all Hank."
Jay didn't reply. He didn't even so much as grimace as Will opened his fist and observed his hand.
"Yup, that's definitely a Grade three fracture."
Jay pulled his hand out of his brothers. He didn't care about the fracture, he deserved a lot more than a busted hand.
Will sighed. He knew he had to rip off the band-aid as quickly as possible whilst Jay was still down. Staggering bad news was never a good idea, and looking at the state his brother was in from hearing the news he had just told him, he didn't want another outburst later on.
"There's one more thing..." Will began.
Jay looked defeated. What more could there possibly be?
"Before Hank was put under anaesthesia..." Will paused trying to get the words out correctly but he knew there was no way he could possibly soften the blow of this one, no matter how he phrased his words. "Before Hank was put under anaesthesia, he asked Dr Abrams for something."
"What? What was it?" Whatever it was, he would do it. He owed Voight his life, whatever Voight needed, he would give it to him.
Will looked unsure of himself before he spoke again.
"He asked for Lindsay..."
