Authors note: This one is on the heavier side folks. And also very heavy on the dialogue. Thanks for your continued support. When I originally thought of writing this story, this chapter was initially what came to mind. I actually haven't thought beyond this chapter up until now, but I hope you enjoy. Happy reading!

"Why now?"

The question sounded foreign on Jay's tongue. Lindsay looked at him confused, her eyebrows furrowing at the nature of his question.

In Jay's mind, the question was as clear as could be. But looking at Erin's face, it was clear that she struggled to keep up with his line of questioning.

"Jay?" she simply asked, clearly indicating she needed more than the two words he had managed to utter.

She had one arm crossed against her chest, the other lifted across her chin, her hand holding the corner of her lip which Jay could see she was furiously biting down on. It was a nervous tell of hers, Jay rememered that much. The energy she exuded began to affect Jay, as once again today, he found himself pacing back and forth in circles.

Closing his eyes, Jay turned away from Erin, took a deep breath, speaking slow, not quite trusting himself with how his voice would sound.

"What are you doing here Erin?"

Erin jerked her head back her eyebrows raising ever so slightly, clearly surprised by his question. Truth be told, she was offended by his question. The fact that he even had to ask her, as though she wouldn't be.

"Why wouldn't I be here?"

"Oh I don't know, it's not like you've come back before."

Erin ignored his jibe, suddenly wondering why he was so shocked to see her here besides the obvious.

"You didn't know I was here?"

"Why would I? It's not like you answered any of my calls or messages," Jay snapped.

"You're telling me it wasn't Will that called you?"

Jay felt a major headache coming on. What was she talking about? He ran his hand over his face in frustration, as he pressed his hands to his temples trying to regain some sort of control over his thoughts, his eyes still closed.

"Will? What does Will have to do with anything?"

Erin didn't reply.

"So what are you doing here then," she muttered to herself, her voice low.

Her voice may of been intended for her ears only, but Jay heard, so he responded.

"April called me, said Voight began seizing," Jay answered her rhetorical question.

Erin nodded. His answer sobered her quickly, bringing her back to reality, reminding her this wasn't about her and Jay. This was about Hank.

"He did," her voice broke before she managed to get a gain over her emotions. "The docs managed to stabilise him just before you came..."

Jay opened his eyes and turned to her, giving her a single nod of appreciation for the information she had just shared with him.He realised then by the tremor in her voice how incredibly difficult this must have been for her. He was struggling to stay afloat, and Voight was merely his boss and a comrade in arms that Jay held in high regards. To Erin, Voight was as much of a relative as her blood relations, if not more, a relative who she actually loved. Jay shuddered to think how he would feel if it was Will lying in that hospital bed, after Jay had not seen him in years. What would he of felt like if Will had suffered a traumatic injury whilst he was in New York and Jay hadn't seen him in years. The thought alone made Jay try again with Erin, but this time his voice was much softer.

"What are you doing back here? Why now Er?"

The mention of his old nickname for her caught him by surprise. He hadn't meant for it to come out, he hadn't even thought about it. His subconcious had slipped it out like some old force of habit. Clearly, he wasn't the only one surprised by the action, as he noticed Erin's eyes widen momentarily, looking him directly in the eyes, her hazel orbs searching his own. But all too soon, she cast her gaze downwards, blocking any entry of sight into her soul that he had.

"Hank needs me. It's where I have to be."

"You don't have to be here Erin. No one is forcing you to, if you don't want to be here, no one is going to stop you from leaving again."

Jay could of sworn he didn't mean for his words to come out the way they sounded. He wasn't insulting her, or scolding her at all. It was just the way she said she had to be here, she sounded so tired and reluctant that he wanted her to know it was okay. Lucky for him, Erin didn't seem to take it too harshly.

"Well it's not a place I would choose to be. This isn't exactly easy for me Jay, and seeing Hank lay here like this... I'd rather not."

"None of us would Erin. But we can't turn the clock back on what's happened, and you don't bail on your loved ones in times of need."

Jay had meant they couldn't turn the clock on what had happened to Hank. But to Erin, he was insinuating something entirely different. To Erin, his words held a double meaning referring to their own past. And that made her livid. She hadn't bailed on anyone. She owed him no explanation. She grit her teeth, her voice rising out of anger with every word that left her mouth.

"Cause you would know about that now, wouldn't you?"

Erin's taunt and anger stirred up Jay's own rage. She didn't get to be upset with him. Not when she left him all those years ago without so much as a goodbye. Not when she didn't reach out to him after he accidentally shot a little girl and they came for his badge. Not when she didn't turn up to support Alvin for going down for a crime she dragged him into. Not when she failed to offer her condolonces to his grieving widow at his funeral. Not when Jay lay here dying after being shot not too long ago and she failed to come. He had moved on romantically, he assumed she had too. She was a strong, beautiful, smart, funny woman, any guy would be lucky to have her. But he would have thought he meant enough to her during their time together that she would want to be there if he was dying. If not as a former couple, then atleast as former partners and former friends. He would.

Jay shook his head in disbelief at her accusation, poking his tongue out from the side of his mouth, he scoffed.

"What?" Erin asked, clearly livid.

"Nothing," Jay bit back.

"Will you just spit it out Jay! Hell, why can nothing ever be simple with you."

"Alright, just remember you asked for it."

"Dish it out Jay, give me your worst."

He didn't know why she was acting like this, but her words were now provoking him. Her words lit a fire in him that he felt getting out of control. He wanted to be civil, but now he was beyond that.

"Things get tough Erin, and you run, you run the other mile. Always have. You've never, never been there to stick something through to the end."

"You mean like you did? Or did you forget that it was you that left me, Jay."

"I said I needed space. I said I needed to sort my head out for a while. I didn't leave you."

Erin scoffed.

"You didn't leave me? YOU needed space? Jay, I was drowning..." her voice cracked again, tears welling up her eyes once more. "I was drowning and there you were, going to Hawk's games with Nat and Will, spending the evenings with the guys at Molly's. I would cry myself to sleep every night, waiting for you to come back to our home, and there you were living it up."

"Nuh-uh. Don't go there. I told you I was going to a support group. You said 'good for me'. They told me to try carrying on and living a normal life, said that was the only way things would truly feel normal again. What more did you want from me?"

"I wanted you to talk to me Jay!" She was shaking now, her hands gripped on to a chain that hung around her neck, as she struggled with her emotions. "You always pushed and pushed for me to lean on you, to talk to you and to open up to you. And you didn't return the favour. You thought I was so weak that I couldn't handle whatever it was you were going through. You took the easy option and left."

"It wasn't that Erin! These demons of mine were too much for me, I couldn't put you through that too. You always had so much empathy for others. I meant it when I said you left nothing for yourself. I didn't want to be another person out there in your life disappointing you and dragging you down."

Erin's clasp on the chain, which Jay noted looked suspiciously like a dog tag, tightened so much that he could see the whites beneath her knuckles. Any harder and he thought she'd snap the chain.

"That wasn't for you to decide! You could've spoken to me. We could have conversed and come to a desicion together, instead of you making up your mind alone about moving out, and then blindisding me whilst you told me your ex-wife wasn't actually an ex! You can spin it how you want Jay, but the reality is you bailed on me. I didn't bail on anyone, I simply walked away when I knew it was time for me to go."

Jay felt guilt wash over him. She was right. At least she was to an extent. And the realisation left what was his version of his own truth all these years, torn to shreds. The thought made him incredibly uncomfortable, so he did what he always did in these situations, he put up his walls and went in on attack. It was the only way he knew how to be defensive.

"Fuck, Erin. You don't get to do that!" Jay had snapped. "You don't get to compare me struggling with my PTSD to you bailing on us all. You didn't even turn up for O's funeral. You dragged him into the whole mess and you weren't there to see out the consequences of your own damn actions."

Jay shouldn't have brought up Olinski. Erin's tears spilling from the corner of her eyes told him as much. She wrapped her arms tightly around herself, telling Jay he knew she was feeling incredibly alone and by herself. And in that moment he knew he overstepped a line.

"I'm sorry..."

She shook her head stubbornly, chin slightly raised with a determined look in her eyes.

"I told you to give me your worst Jay. Don't go and apologise now," her tone was low, indifferent, like a switch had flickered deep within her, bringing up something that Jay couldn't quite understand.

But the way her eyes became void of any light, the way she walked passed him and headed for the door, told Jay she didn't mean that. He had to apologise again.

"Look, Erin..." he began quickly running out ahead in front of her, and blocking the exit, but she quickly cut him off.

"Fuck you, Halstead," she spat out. "You were right. I bail, always have, probably always will. So get out of my damn way so I can do so again."

She began to walk again, and Jay couldn't let her go. He didn't know if he would see her again, but he knew when he wanted closure and a goodbye all those years ago that he didn't imagine them hashing it out by cutting into each other. She meant to much to him for them to leave it like that. Once upon a time, she was all he ever thought about, he couldn't let them leave each other's lives for good with so much bad blood between them.

So he acted without thinking, and grabbed her arm. The moment he did, he realised he shouldn't have. If Erin was angry before, she was livid now. It all happened so fast. One moment she was walking out and the next Jay had grabbed her wrist. In doing so, the cuff on her shirt slipped upwards slightly, leaving Jay with a view of the jagged skin there. He didn't know what to make of it.

But before he had a chance to question it, Erin shoved him as hard as she could in the chest, whilst he stood there in shock of what he was seeing. Whatever it was, it looked painful, almost like an operation scar. It was all healed up now, probably had been for a while looking at the colour of the skin there, but Jay was left feeling greatly disturbed. The push itself had him staggering backwards, the small misstep was all the room Erin needed to rush past him and bolt out of the door, possibly even his life, for good.