Author's note: This chapter wasn't planned or intended. It was a spur of the moment idea that I started typing away and became a full fledged chapter in the process. Initially, a thought popped into my mind about how it would be cute if Jay looked after a drunk Erin. The only part I had in my mind was him tucking her into bed, so I'll be honest, this part of the chapter between Erin and Jay does nothing for the plot progression of the storyline. I just thought it would be a cute tidbit to add. Also, the second part of the chapter is the first I've written from Hailey's POV. As much as I like her and what she brings to the team, I've never really felt connected to her character. At least not in the way I have with any of the original intelligence team members. So tapping into that mindset of hers to write this was not something that came easy. I hope I've done her justice and that you enjoy this part of the chapter. Happy reading.
It wasn't long before Erin found herself getting extremely nauseous. She figured all the alcohol in her system would do that to you. Frankly, she was surprised that it had taken this long for the sickness to take effect. Lucky for her, Jay knew her well enough to take one look at her face and know something was up.
"What's wrong?" Jay asked, looking at Erin with concern.
Erin shook her head. She was unable to speak without the nausea getting to her.
"Er, come on. What's-"
Jay was unable to even complete his sentence before Erin abruptly stood up and ran past him, green faced and out of Molly's. Grabbing her jacket that she had left draped on her barstool, and slamming a fifty dollar bill on the counter, Jay immediately followed suit.
As soon as he passed the threshold of the exit, Jay was immediately notified of the retching sound coming around the corner. He followed it to find Erin crouched over a roadside storm drain, struggling to hold back her long locks with one hand whilst emptying the contents of her stomach. Jay quickly rushed towards her, and crouching down beside her replaced the hand holding her hair with one of his own. Once he had carefully gathered every strand in his hand and loosely held it behind her nape, he used the other to rub soothing motions up and down her back. They sat there for a while, crouched, until Erin's heaving subsided.
As she stood up to turn to Jay and thank him, Jay noticed a glimmer of silver around her neck. It was the chain he had seen her clutch to at various times throughout the last two days, but this time, in the midst of all the heaving it had come out from under her top and was hanging on top of it. Jay was surprised to see that it was indeed a dog tag as he had assumed from the chain. But more specifically, it was the fingerprint imprinted on the front of it that had Jay intrigued. Who did it belong to? Did Erin have a boyfriend who had enlisted abroad? He hadn't seen a ring on her finger, so he would take that to assume she wasn't engaged or married.
But Jay found his stomach clenching at the thought. Dismissing the restless feeling as anxiety surrounding the fact that the dog tag had reminded him of his own time as a war vet and the bad memories that came associated with it, Jay silently handed Erin her jacket.
"Thank you," she murmured, slightly mortified at what had just happened.
Jay could see from the look on her face that whilst the immediate sickness had wavered, Erin was still feeling somewhat unwell and nauseous.
"I think maybe we should head home," he suggested not wanting to put any pressure on Erin to continue the evening with him. He was careful to use the word we to ensure she knew he too would be going home so that she was reassured by the decision to do the same.
"Sure," Erin replied, clearing her throat that was still hoarse from all the retching.
Jay noted how raspy and tired her voice sounded because of it. Jay knew her voice was usually raspy, it used to be one of the specific things he loved about her. The mere sound of the low and alluring voice itself was enough to calm him on any occasion in the past. Between all the crying she had done earlier as she poured her heart out to him, to the retching now, her voice was barely a crackle.
Erin started sifting through the pockets of her jacket looking for something, a look of concentration on her drunk face.
Jay looked at her confused.
"You need something?" he questioned.
"Yah… erm," Erin trailed sifting again in case she had missed something the first time, clearly not having found what she was looking for.
Realisation suddenly hit Jay and he tensed up at the thought that crossed his mind
"You're not planning on driving are you? Because seriously Erin…"
Even intoxicated, Erin was not impressed. She deadpanned.
"What do you take me for?"
Jay looked at her guilty for jumping to conclusions.
"Have you seen my phone?"
She was specific to emphasise the word 'phone' to him.
Jay nodded.
"Right, erm.. Back jeans pocket," he said, a small blush creeping up his neck and cheeks.
Erin didn't bat an eyelid at his embarrassment. She was too under the influence of alcohol, and retrieving a phone to dial a number to notice Jay's reaction. To Jay, he didn't want it to seem like he was checking out her behind without her consent. Or at all really. They weren't together anymore so this was certainly awkward for him. But she, like him, would always keep her phone in her back pocket back when they were partners. And he had seen her reach their multiple times during the night to retrieve her phone.
Erin's voice was quick to pull him from his thoughts.
"Hi, yeah. Can I get a cab to-"
Before she could finish, Jay grabbed her phone from her ear.
"Jay!" Erin exclaimed shocked at his sudden actions.
"I'm really sorry," he said to the person on the other side of the line, "but we won't be needing that cab."
He didn't even wait for a response before he ended the call and handed Erin back her phone.
She took it from him aggressively, her face an image of annoyance.
"What the hell did you do that for?" she asked scowling.
"If you think i'm going to drive off and let you wait for a cab out in the cold and dark outside of a bar then you clearly don't know me Erin."
Her facial features softened at that.
"Aww Halstead! Anyone ever tell you you're cute when you're caring?" she teased. She meant it totally innocently but once the words came out of her mouth she realised how it may have come across like she was coming on to him. She couldn't do that. Flirt with him shamelessly. He was a taken man and she wasn't that type of woman to go after taken men.
Jay didn't seem to notice though. Or if he did, he didn't make it apparent.
"Well Lindsay, I was looking out for the cabbie more than anything. Can you imagine his face if you barfed all over his back seat?"
"If you say so," Erin chuckled lightly.
Trust him to not own up to a sweet moment that he had caused and dismiss it. That was typical of the Jay she knew in the early days of their partnership. He would use his confident macho facade to cover the fact that deep down, he was a sensitive caring human being.
Jay listened to the sound of her laugh. The noise filled his insides with warmth. He had done that. He had caused this happiness within her. And he swore to himself mentally that he would make sure he would hear it again.
"Come on," Jay nodded with his head towards where his car was parked, "I'll drive you home."
As they approached his car, Jay stopped to fish out his keys from his pocket to unlock it.
It was only then that Erin noticed his heavily bandaged hand.
"What happened there?" she questioned as she sat in the car.
"Hmm?" Jay asked as he looked at her to see what 'there' she was referring to, following her gaze to his hand.
"Oh.." his voice fell slightly at the memory. "I punched a wall when Will told me about Hank."
Erin's face dropped. What initially started as shock as she mentioned punching a wall, turned to sadness at the mention of the man who meant everything to her.
"Jay you really have to stop letting yourself get riled up about things that are beyond your control. You used to say I cared too deeply, but you never stop to acknowledge the trait within yourself. It's not fair to you and it's not healthy," she said gently trying to get him to really hear what she was saying.
"I just can't help but feel like if I did things differently…"
Erin shook her head vigorously denying his statement.
Reaching to place a comforting hand on his own as it lay on the gearshift.
"Will filled me in on the whole thing when I arrived. I would've done the same thing. Jay, I need you to hear me when I say I don't blame you."
Jay let out his breath. It was one of relief, one he didn't know he was holding on to. Momentarily, he shifted his eyes from the road to look into her own and was taken aback to see that even in all the cloudiness from how much she had drunk, he could see nothing but sincerity emanating from them. He quickly returned his gaze to the road, unable to continue looking her in the eyes to hide the fact that his eyes were welling up from her gesture. As he did, Erin removed her hand from his, and he found himself feeling suddenly cold. It was an unpleasant feeling, but Jay knew he couldn't dwell on what it meant for too long. The important thing was, he had her forgiveness. She didn't blame him. She was practically Hank's daughter and she didn't blame him. Without even realising it, Erin had once again lifted a heavy burden from Jay's shoulders by way of her caring gesture.
Erin turned her gaze away from Jay and watched the buildings and cars go by as Jay continued to drive. The quick whiz proved to be thereaputic, somewhat calming her suddenly erratic heartbeat.
After a moment she spoke.
"He will be okay, won't he?"
Her voice was barely a whisper. If it weren't for the fact that the former couple were enclosed in the quiet of his car, Jay would not have heard it.
"Of course he will," Jay answered, "You know Sarge, he's a fighter, as tough as they come."
Erin nodded, her gaze still facing out of the window.
For a moment, Jay debated between saying more to comfort her and changing the conversation and making small talk, but in the end he decided silence was the best option. So the rest of the drive went by without a word uttered between the two.
It wasn't long before he pulled up in front of Hank's house. Jay contemplated how to say goodbye.
"Hey Er, if you need anything, anything at all... you call me okay?" he said softly, not wanting to disturb the peaceful silence they had created.
Erin didn't move.
"Erin?"
It was only then that Jay realised by the soft consistent movement of her shoulders, and by he face pressed against the window that she had fallen asleep. Jay contemplated on waking her, but decided against it. She had had a tough few days, and an emotionally draining night. He didn't want to disturb her.
He took off his seat belt and made his way around to her side of the car. Unbuckling her, he gently reached over to lift her out of the car and was careful to make sure her head didn't hit the roof of his car. She stirred a little in his arms as he lifted her to his chest. Jay noticed now how peaceful she looked in her sleep in comparison to how she was when she slept at Hank's bedside. Her even breathing was accompanied by a gentle whistle escaping her mouth as her chest rose and fell in synch with it. Jay lifted a finger and eased the indentation between her eyebrows slightly with it. At his touch, Erin snuggled into his chest further in her sleep, her body radiating warmth as she clutched to his shirt. Jay stood there for a moment, taking it all in. Forgetting everything but the woman currently sleeping in his arms.
He somehow managed to unlock the door with the spare key he had seen Erin use in the past, whilst still holding her up with one hand.
Because I'm special, she had said.
And that she was, Jay thought to himself. One in a million. No person, man or woman, could go through the horrors of life that Erin Lindsay had faced and lived to tell the tale. Regardless of the scars she bore, somehow, and it was beyond Jay how, she was still standing. The inner strength Erin possessed was next to none.
Unlocking the door, Jay headed straight upstairs. Ready to set her down to sleep, it took him a few tries to get the right room. It was on the third door that he opened, as he saw Erin's suitcase and some clothes strewn carelessly over the floor, that he realised this was her room. Heading over to her bed, Jay peeled back the covers lightly and tucked her in before turning on her bedside lamp and taking a moment to really look at the room around him.
The first thing he noticed was that her room was a dark burgundy colour, with the decor around black. It looked as though it hadn't changed much since she had lived here as a teenager. Not that Jay had ever seen what her room at his boss' house had ever looked like, but the whole vibe from the room gave that of an angsty teen. Jay held back a chuckle, afraid to awaken her by the noise that were to emit from his mouth. Walking over to her bedside table, Jay studied the two images that sat framed upon it. The first was of a young Erin with Hank, a young Justin, and a woman who he assumed was his boss' late wife. Erin could have been no older than 17, and was scowling slightly at the camera as though she wasn't impressed with the family photoshoot. What Jay was surprised to see though, was that the ends of her hair were dip-dyed a hot pink colour. Jay quickly pressed a hand over his mouth to cover the laugh about to escape his mouth at the sight before pulling out his phone and snapping a photograph of the framed image. It was perfect blackmail material for a later date.
The second image was one that made Jay sober up quickly from his laughter. It was an image of he and Erin, decked in their kevlar. Erin was grinning widely at the camera, to the point where her eyes were almost mere slits on her face. She had one arm rested on his shoulder and the other on her gun. Jay on the other hand wore a half smirk. One of his arms held a door breacher over his shoulder, the other was wrapped around Erin's shoulders. And they were happy. She must have left it here the last time she stayed here, when Hank had her stay with him as a condition to being reinstated into intelligence, he thought.
A flurry of emotions ripped through Jay as he sucked in a deep breath and turned to look at the sleeping figure on the bed next to him. How did they go from this, happy, to being completely cut out from one another's life until just last night?
Jay sighed frustrated at all the lost years. She was his friend once, she could be again right? They were almost halfway there now. She had trusted him enough to tell him her darkest secrets. That had to count for something. Right?
Moving around her room, Jay quickly worked with speed to tidy a little, trying his best to make as little noise as possible. Picking up all the clothes on the floor, Jay straightened them up and draped them across the armchair in the corner of her room. He then unzipped her suitcase and folded away all her clothes, placing them into her dresser before putting her now empty suitcase in her wardrobe.
Jay knew her hangover would be a bitch in the morning. So before he left, he made sure to leave two aspirin that he found in the medicine cabinet of a very messy bathroom on her bedside table, alongside a glass of water which he covered with a coaster.
Looking around the room satisfied, he turned a sleeping Erin to assure himself she was really settled before he left. Removing the strand of her that was strewn across her face with his index finger, he lightly stroked the side of her face before he made his way home.
It had just past eleven, when the door to their apartment opened and Hailey saw Jay finally step in. After waiting for him for what felt like all evening, Hailey was just about ready to call it a night and head to bed. Her once droopy eyes, tired from the lack of sleep she had received the former night, were now wide awake taking in his haggard form. Exhaustion seeped from his pores, and Hailey couldn't help but feel for her fiance to how hard and personally he was taking everything. But she also knew this was who he was. If it were up to her, a picture of Jay would accompany the word self-sacrifice in the dictionary. It's what drew her to him in the first place, it's why she grew to trust him within moments of knowing him, and it's why she loved him.
"Hey," he said with a tired smile as he entered the living room area of their open floor apartment and draped his jacket over the armrest of the loveseat Hailey was sitting on before plopping down next to her.
Hailey took in his appearance. He not only looked extremely tired but he looked emotionally drained. His eyes were rimmed red and dewy as though he had been crying. But upon second glance, she noted they weren't puffy. No. He hadn't been crying, but he had been on the verge of doing so.
She frowned sucking her lips inward at the sight and placing a hand on his shoulder blade rubbing in a side to side motion.
"Everything okay baby?" she asked.
Jay hesitated inhaling deeply and closing his eyes momentarily before opening them again and turning to face her.
"Not really, no," he said his voice trembling slightly.
His lips were upturned to one corner and Hailey noted how he avoided eye contact, like what he was about to share with her was something that he was not proud of. Or something that he felt responsible for.
"Tell me," she said in a soft reassuring voice, her eyebrows furrowing slightly to show the concern on her face.
"It's Erin…"
Hailey froze. She knew from this morning after she walked in on Jay and Kim talking in hushed voices that they would eventually have to have this conversation. But as Jay had walked into their apartment less than five minutes ago, looking the way he had, her thoughts about needing to talk about her fiance's ex had completely left her mind. Little did she know that Jay's demeanour had been impacted by the said ex-girlfriend.
Her heart sank a little as she saw how broken Jay was over Erin's return. They were happy. They were going to get married in a mere six months. Everything had been fine. And then the universe threw them a curveball. One she certainly had not seen coming.
She didn't blame Erin for returning. How could she? She was here for the man she considered to be her father. But the trepidation and anxiety that filled her now was more to do with what it meant for her and Jay rather than her having any anger or resentment towards her once brief partner.
Jay had detected the shift in Hailey's concern and behaviour, having observed how her hand had stopped rubbing soothing movements against his back the moment he mentioned Erin's name.
"Hails, we're just friends, if you can even call it that. Old acquaintances."
"You were in love with her Jay," Hailey stated the obvious.
She didn't say it out of jealousy, or spitefully. In fact it was more of a 'matter of fact' statement.
Jay nodded.
"And now I'm marrying you."
Jay considered his next words very carefully, before speaking again to explain to his fiance why Erin needed him.
"Erin, she's had a rough past. A bit like me and you. So I know if anyone can understand, it'd be you."
Hailey nodded. She could understand. From the moment she had met Erin Lindsay, Erin had been nothing but kind towards her, despite the deep sadness that resonated off of her. She had been the first in intelligence to really make Hailey feel at home, taught her the ropes and took her under her wing. She owed a lot of her progression in intelligence to Erin. Yet every time she thought back to her time with her former mentor, all she could think about was how she had been struck but Erin's eyes. She remembered observing how they were void of any light. It was then that she knew Erin Lindsay was as tough as they come. She had also been incredibly sad when she was told by Hank that Erin had left Chicago and he would be partnering her up with someone new. Before this, Hailey had really looked forward to working with Erin and learning first-hand off of someone who she deemed to be a badass female cop.
"She can't seem to catch a break, Hails. Some stuff happened to her in New York, things I can't tell you…"
"Jay," Hailey began to protest.
Jay shook his head.
"No, it's not my place to tell you… If this were about me, I'd tell you in a heartbeat. But this isn't my story to share."
"Okay, I understand," Hailey said nodding.
Jay flashed her a small grateful smile. He could always count on her to get it. She was always so understanding.
"You're my fiance, I don't want to hide things from you… and I need you to know I didn't mean to hide from you last night that Erin had returned… I was just... waiting for the right time to tell you. You were upset with me and rightly so, I shouldn't have run off in the middle of the night without leaving so much as a message, and I didn't want you to think it was something you should be worried about."
"Should I be?" Hailey felt guilty for even asking, but a small voice was niggling away in the back of her mind and she thought as long as they were clearing the air, this was as good a time as any.
Jay paused for a moment, before wrapping his arm around Hailey and pulling her into his chest. Tucking her head under his chin, he spoke.
"I promise, nothing happened between Erin and I. Not last night and not this evening. She knows we're engaged. Everything's good."
Hearing Jay tell her that he had told Erin they were engaged was all the reassurance Hailey needed to hear to quell any minute but present doubts and reservations she had. If he had gone out of his way to tell Erin, then she knew he had made the lines clear.
"Hailey?" he suddenly asked.
"Mmmm," she said in acknowledgment.
"Why didn't you tell me you knew Erin was back?"
Hailey sighed. She knew Jay would ask. Pulling herself outside of his embrace, she sat cross legged on the couch facing him.
"I knew you would tell me if it were important, or when you were ready, and you did."
Nuzzling back into his neck she spoke.
"I trust you."
"That's all I can ask. But Hailey, I want to and I'm going to be there for her. She's a lone wolf, always has been and Hank is the only person she has in the world and now that he's… I need to be there for her."
You trust him. Hailey had to remind herself. He helps everyone in distress. It's one of the many good qualities he has that you love.
"Erin was there for me when I first started at the 21st. So if you're going to be there for her, so will I. What do you need?"
Jay thought back to the idea that had popped into his mind earlier at Molly's. Hearing Hailey on board now suddenly had him feeling giddish at the idea. Albeit, she didn't know exactly what he had planned and she may well refuse him his request. He knew there would be some protest at the very least. Hailey didn't like bending rules. So he knew it was better to consult with the rest of the team first thing tomorrow rather than right now where it would seem to be an Erin-Jay-Hailey issue.
"I have something in mind, but if it's okay with you I'd rather run it by when the rest of the team is present."
Hailey straightened up curiously.
"Like I said, just tell me what you need."
"What I need is sleep!" Jay said laughing suddenly breaking the seriousness they were in just then.
"Well don't let me stop you," Hailey replied laughing.
And with that they both left for the direction of the bedroom. Hailey's mind finally at ease, and Jay excited at the potential consequences of the briefing he would hold tomorrow for the rest of the team.
Author's note: I've just finished writing this chapter and I had to debate whether or not to publish it. I said at the beginning of this story that I didn't want Hailey to be wronged, or Jay or Erin to be immoral. I don't know if it's just me, but this chapter felt a little like emotional cheating for me, at least on Jay's part. But I've decided to anyway because I'm going to explain my thought processes behind writing Jay in this chapter. Like I mentioned in the last Author's note, Jay isn't actively aware of his feelings, therefore, nothing he is doing is intentional. He's not just in denial, he hasn't even acknowledged the possibility of his feelings resurfacing. He's doing all of this platonically, and hasn't realised yet that some of what he is doing and feeling is more than what you would do for/ feel towards a friend. Anyways, let me know your thoughts. I'd love to hear your feedback, constructive criticism and suggestions. Leave a review or drop me a PM and tell me whether you disagree or whether you feel the same way!
