Author's note: Thank you for all your kind reviews and comments on the last chapter. And for your patience for the next one. The past few days have been quite hectic at work and I've had a seven day week which has left me feeling all sorts of tired and under the weather. To top it off, writer's block is real! I have some great ideas in my head for isolated chapters in the future, but how to get to those moments from the current chapter is beyond me. Erin joining intelligence now also means I'll have to include a lot of police jargon and case incidents which I've never really done before. So fingers cross, what I've picked up from the show is enough to suffice. Also, I wanted to run a few things by you all. I was thinking about discussing potential future plots with you readers via PM to get my creative thinking going when I'm stuck in a rut. I thought getting feedback about plot ideas would help if and when that happens but I'm also wary about it because I don't want to ruin the suspense or surprise for anyone by sharing my ideas. Regardless, PM me or comment in the reviews if you think this may be something you're interested in. Thank you and Happy Reading!
Erin woke up to the feeling of overwhelming nausea. Opening her eyes, she could see the sunlight streaming in through the open curtains, causing her to squint and shield them with her hand. The light did little to help the pounding headache she felt roaring in her head. She opened her mouth to groan at the pain but realised how parched her mouth felt, her tongue sticking against her palette from the lack of moisture. Swinging her legs over slowly to sit up on the side of the bed, Erin waited a moment to let the wave of dizziness that had suddenly hit her to pass. She needed water. She needed to hydrate. Rule 101 of hangover cures; drink plenty of water.
The mere thought of having to get up and go get some water was enough to want to make Erin cry. She had allowed herself to get drunk last night, after being sober for almost five years. What had come over her? The moment of weakness had been spurred on from the overwhelming feel of emotions she had felt since being back in Chicago and the vulnerability she had felt in opening up in front of Jay. A wave of guilt washed over her as she acknowledged how the previous night she had crumbled in her resolve to never drink again after the dreadful incident in New York all those years ago. Erin knew drinking to wipe away pain had become a slippery slope for her, and last night could have been very dangerous for her if Jay hadn't been there for her. The first couple of years in New York had been a very dark moment in Erin's life, and she never wanted to go back to feeling like that ever again. Though her life was anything but whole at the moment, it was much better than it had been back then. And for that she was grateful, because if she had learnt one lesson in her 36 years on Earth, it was that whilst time does not let you forget the pain the past caused, it eventually let you heal. Though Erin was still waiting for that moment in time where she didn't feel so damaged or so broken anymore.
She turned to her bedside table, looking at the alarm clock that flashed 6.30 AM. It was only then she noticed the two aspirin and the glass of water that were placed beside her clock. She stared at it confused for a moment. She was positive she had not placed that there. Looking around the room for a clue or a note as to how it had got there she gasped slightly at the sight. A strange feeling settled in her chest, spreading down to her stomach as she held her breath at the sight before her. Her room was organised and spotless. And that's how it hit her, Jay.
Her emotions quickly became conflicted as she took the aspirin laid out for her and headed down to the kitchen to fill her system with caffeine, the events of the end of last night rushing back with clarity. Jay had taken care of her whilst she had been sick and then offered to drive her home. And then she must have fallen asleep during the ride home because her memories ceased then. But what stuck with her the most was that Jay had taken care of her. The thought brought tears to her eyes. He cared for her. Even after all these years, Jay Halstead still cared for her, Erin Lindsay. Albeit, it may have been different to the care she felt towards him but it still stood for something. She knew from the moment she returned and spoke to him on the rooftop at Med that she still had feelings for him. How could she not have. Did the way he had cared for her the previous night not prove how great and loyal a man he was? Jay Halstead was as good as they came. There was no disputing that.
Which is why her eyes moistened at the thought of his looking after her. Once again, her deadbeat self needed rescuing, and once again, there he was saving her ass, no questions asked. But the worst part? He was no longer hers. Whilst she knew he would be there for her day or night if she ever needed, she couldn't ever cash in her chips and actively call him. Because he belonged to someone else now. Someone who was less troublesome than her. Someone that was good for him.
So she decided she would bury her feelings and stay away. It was the right thing for her to do. She came back to Chicago to be there for Hank, not to wreck homes. Hailey and Jay had built a life together, and Erin had no plans to ruin that. She had only been approved furlough for a fortnight, and she was hoping Hank would wake up soon. She had no intention to stay in Chicago longer than necessary. Erin hoped that being back home in New York again would settle her revival of emotions and that her short time here during her return would just become a blip on her memory radar.
Drinking her coffee, the piping hot liquid burned the back of her throat bringing a soothing feeling to her. The aspirin was finally starting to kick in, and Erin felt much better than she had when she first awoke. After spending the next couple of hours doing laundry and the odd household chores, sleepiness began to take over her again. Taking the afghan that Camille had made during her last months battling cancer, Erin wrapped herself like a burrito and lay down on Hank's couch for a quick shut eye. Before she knew it, she was engulfed in a full fledged slumber.
Erin awoke to someone calling her name.
"Erin, come on wake up," the voice gently called her whilst shaking at her shoulder lightly.
Her eyes fluttered open to see Jay crouched besides the sofa, his hand on her shoulder in an attempt to wake her.
"Mmmm," she said in acknowledgement of her name being called before she shut her eyes again, not really acknowledging the scene before her.
Her eyes only remained shut for a split second before they snapped open. Erin struggled to sit up and remove the afghan from her body that she had become tangled in, almost as though she had woken up from a nightmare. The sudden movement startled Jay, whose hand was thrusted back in the process, sending him backwards as he fell flat on his bottom.
"Jay?" She questioned, panic rising in her voice. It was a workday. What was he doing here with her at Hank's this late in the morning unless he had news for her?
"Everything okay Erin?"
It was only then that she noticed the officer standing behind Jay, her arms folded in front of her, a look of concern and uncertainty on her face. She looked hesitant.
Erin's heart dropped, a feeling of dread entering her stomach. If Kim and Jay were both here and not at work then something had happened. Did Med send them for her because something had happened to Hank?
"Hank!" She croaked, "Is he okay? Has something happened?"
She had finally managed to remove the tangled afghan from her limbs and flung it on the other side of the couch as she rushed to stand up. Realisation dawned on both Jay and Kim's features as they finally understood why Erin was in such a panicked state. She thought they were here to deliver bad news.
"Erin… Er!" Jay called when she didn't first listen to him calling her name. She was still in a frazzled state, and if he wanted her working with them in intelligence, he needed her to calm down before Hailey backtracked on her desicion.
Behind, Kim raised her eyebrows at his choice of nickname, the former partners and couple completely oblivious to her actions. Burgess had heard Jay call Erin that before, but only when they were dating. After she had left, he ceased to even refer to her as Erin, calling her only by her surname when he would occasionally have to refer about her in a conversation. For the past five years it had been 'Lindsay' and now here he was, calling her 'Er' and cupping her face in his hands as he attempted to get her to focus on what he was saying. Kim wasn't exactly against him calling her that, nor was she one to judge. But having been there herself with Adam, she knew how easy it was for old flames to resurface, and to her in her mind at least, Erin had always been the one that got away for Jay. She hadn't given it a second thought since she found out Erin was back in Chicago. Hell, she hadn't even thought too much into it when Jay defended Erin during his briefing this morning.
But now, looking at his concern for her first-hand, and seeing how the two interacted with one another, she witnessed a spark. And how she knew all too well that it only took a spark between old lovers, just the small feeling of care and concern, to start an entire flame. It had taken Adam caring for her after her miscarriage for them both to realise that they had never really stopped loving one another. But here, it was different for Jay. He was engaged to someone else. Another member of their team. And whilst Kim may not have initially liked Hailey, she had grown fond of the young detective in recent years, and the two had eventually become good friends. Yes it had been strange, because when Kim returned back to intelligence after having taken time off to care for her sister, she had come to see Hailey having already assimilated into the team, and even more strangely, having taken her friend's place in intelligence. So of course, Kim had her reservations towards the woman. But then Kim began to feel like an outsider within the unit, as the rest of the guys became friendlier with the newest member of the team, things becoming especially difficult for Kim when she had discovered Adam's fling with the detective. But after their joint kidnapping, the ordeal had brought both women closer together, and had been a turning point in their relationship. So now, she was hesitant towards what she saw between Erin and Jay, unwilling to be a helpless bystander in a possible love triangle between three of her friends. A love triangle that Kim herself was even unsure that any of the three individuals involved were even aware of its existence in the first place.
Clearing her throat she spoke. The noise brought Jay out of his bubble too as he dropped his hands from Erin's face and stood up to take a spot besides Kim.
"Hank's fine Erin. Well as fine as he was last night," she added sadly, "there hasn't been any improvement but the good news is there hasn't been any decline either."
Erin calmed down slightly at the news, her breathing becoming more steady and the movement of her chest slowing down. She nodded in appreciation of the news.
"I'm sorry for freaking out you guys… It's just when I woke and saw you both here and… Wait. How did you even get inside?"
"Used the spare key," Jay answered sheepishly. Hank kept the spare key well hidden, but Jay had dated his pseudo daughter once, and so he was privy to where it was kept.
"Right," Erin nodded. Taking it all in.
"See, Halstead," Kim scolded lightly, turning to her friend, "I told you not to use the spare. Said we would startle her didn't I?"
Erin waved her hand dismissively.
"It's fine."
Hank was stable. They hadn't come to deliver bad news. That's all that mattered. But then it made her question: Why were they here?
"Hey guys, not that I'm not happy to see you both, and Jay, not to be ungrateful after your help last night but… shouldn't you both be at work?"
Jay nodded. He wasn't sure how she would take his offer. He didn't want her to think they were extending it to her out of pity or sympathy.
"Yeah about that…" he began, but Kim quickly cut him short.
He raised an eyebrow at her questioningly but she gave him a look, one that said I got this. So he decided to take a backseat and let her take care of it, especially since he was nervous enough at the prospect of Erin declining his offer. He was glad Hailey had suggested that he take someone from the team with him for support, and he was even more glad that Kim had offered so enthusiastically. She was the only person on the team that had been on board with the idea he proposed from the get go, and he knew she cared about Erin and her wellbeing as deeply as he did. In this scenario, of all the members of intelligence, she was the perfect backup.
Where Jay would have beaten around the bush on the issue out of his nervousness, Kim went for a more straightforward and to-the-point approach. Jay couldn't lie and say he wasn't impressed by Burgess' confidence. But then again, Burgess had a lot less to lose in all of this than him. Or did she? A voice in the back of Jay's head questioned. How was what he had to lose any different to what Kim had to lose? They were both friends with Erin, and they both cared about Erin. So then why did Jay feel like his stake in all of this was so much higher? He didn't get to dwell on it all for too long before Kim's voice brought him to the present.
"Say, Erin? What would you say to working with us in intelligence over the next couple of days?"
Erin's Jaw dropped. Was she hearing correctly? She had quite literally been kicked out of the 21st five years ago, how did they expect her to return now?
"What.. How?" she struggled to contain her curiosity.
"It would be in an unofficial capacity of course. You'll help around the bullpen… maybe tag along to question a few witnesses… we wouldn't put you in any dangerous positions," Kim tried to sound encouraging.
"I don't know.." Erin replied skeptical.
'Unofficial capacity' sounded shady, and if she new her former unit any better, she would say this meant they were keeping her work under wraps from the ivory tower. The last thing she wanted was to get them all in trouble. Especially when the higher-ups had some sort of a personal vendetta against her by her association to Hank.
Jay knew he needed to intervene here. Her hesitant look told him they were very close to losing her completely. He had to do something to make it sound more appealing.
"Come on Erin. We need you here. We've been hitting dead ends on this case long before Hank was attacked…"
Jay saw a shift in her demeanor, her eyes hardening at the mention of Hank.
"This is Hank's case?"
Jay nodded. She was hooked.
"Look, we're a man down with Sarge out, and we really need to make progress on this case to convince the white collars that we should keep this case. Hailey was already going to recruit some help but you know how we operate. We'd rather not bring in an outsider and keep things in house?"
Up until this point, Erin was beginning to allow herself to be convinced, but at the sound of Hailey's name, she faltered. She allowed herself to get swept away by their plan and didn't take a moment to stop and think at what this all meant. Would she able to keep her feelings at bay and keep things professional? Did she trust herself to work in such close proximity with Jay again, and be a witness to his newfound love so closely?
"Hailey?" she questioned.
"Yeah," Kim interjected when Jay suddenly found himself unable to respond coherently. "She's running point on the case. Normally Jay would have taken over…. But with how things went down with Hank's attack the higher ups felt he was too close to all of this. We were all pissed off but anything is better than having the case completely taken away from us and having it reassigned," she shrugged.
"I don't know you guys, I don't want to step on anybodies' toes" Erin hesitated.
Hailey was running point on the case. She was in charge. If Erin agreed, she would be working directly under her ex-boyfriend's' current fiance. A boyfriend who was oblivious to the feelings she still harboured for him.
"Please Erin," Jay now pleaded. "We all want justice for Hank, and of all of us, you're probably the most determined to get it. He would want you to be on this case and you know it. If he could be awake to tell you, you know he wouldn't trust anybody but you to join in on this case."
Jay was emotionally blackmailing her at this point, but he couldn't care too much about it. He was doing this for her. She needed to remind herself what it was like to be surrounded by people who cared, by a team, by family.
After what seemed like a long pause, Erin finally nodded slowly.
"I'm not making any promises but maybe I can see something that you guys have missed. Being a fresh eye and all. This isn't me agreeing to joining the team in whatever capacity you had intended, but I'm willing to be briefed and hear you out."
A small smile spread across Jay's face. It was better than nothing. And if he knew Erin at all, once she was briefed, her curiosity and her innate ability to not rest until things were solved would be enough to keep her around.
"Great!" Kim grinned, clapping her hands in front of her joyously, "Well, Lindsay. What are you waiting for? Go get dressed. The 21st is waiting!"
Author's note: Once again, this chapter was cut short because the scenes within it took a lot longer to write than I initially planned. Up next, Erin back at the district and everyone's reactions there. Also, what's everyone's thought about the news on Rojas leaving PD? This story was initially set around what I envisioned to be season 9/10, so it feels weird including Vanessa in it now knowing she won't be returning to the show. I really liked her character so it's a shame to find out that the show-runners decided not to pick up her option. Anyways, as always, your comments and reviews are very welcome.
