I felt something warm and rising then descending under me as I began waking up. I didn't know when I've fallen asleep, but I really didn't care, I was happy that after all the fiasco that went down I was able to sleep a little. But then again, since when was the bed moving like that, or since when did I own pillows that were so hard and warm?
I cracked my eyes open and I looked around, but I didn't move.
Well… I was leaning against somebody that was sure. But who? I didn't remember going to sleep with my parents or with Shikamaru. Shouldn't I be at Kakashi's place?
That somebody moved and grunted.
"Well, look at that, the pup woke up." I heard Bisuke's voice and I froze.
I was at Kakashi's place, which meant I was on…
I sat up quickly and turned to look at Kakashi, who was sleepily watching me.
"Good morning." he greeted and yawned, but I only stared at him with mouth agape.
Did I just sleep in a bed with Kakashi?
The rational part of my brain was telling me that yup, I was and that was expected since most likely I have fallen asleep in his arms last night and he was worried so he decided to stay close. But the irrational part of my brain was going into excited-fangirl mode. Heck. I wanted to scream I was so excited, but then again, that should have been weird, and I had more brains than that, so I stomped down that part of me, after all, it would be of no use in the shinobi world I was living in.
Subconsciously my eyes turned to him and watched his body. Man, he was really skinny without all those padded uniforms he wore. Was he eating properly? Probably not, after all, he was trying to kill himself, he was suicidal. But he should be around twenty-two years of age, but he looked like an eighteen-year-old, he had wide shoulders, and narrow hips, but he had such a lithe body. Was he doing that on purpose? Making himself so skinny so that others would underestimate him? Or he hated himself that much? Maybe he just didn't care about himself… Probably that one.
"Are you done assessing my body?" he asked and I quickly looked at him, I felt a blush appearing on my cheeks and I looked away.
That was when I realized his summons were there as well, all of them, Pakkun was next to his head, Guruko was close to his head as well, next to his feet was Urushi and Bisuke, the others, Bull, Shiba, Uhei, and Akino were on the floor. They all turned to watch me, but that only made me feel more vulnerable.
There I was, a shinobi in making, breaking mentally because of some sort of dream that almost killed me.
I should have been stronger, after all, one day I had to kill for a living, one day I'd do what I have never wanted to do in my entire past life. That thought sickened me, but I had to accept it, I had a new life, after all, I promised myself to live it to the fullest.
Others were hardened orphans, others were seeing murder in front of their eyes, others were forced to kill their parents, and others were hated by a whole village. Those didn't cry, but I was not like them. I had a better life, better chance of survival, but I was so weak. It scared me to the core.
A lone tear escaped my left eye and I felt a sturdy hand brush it away.
"I'm so weak…" I whispered under Kakashi's gaze.
Shinobi died all the time. But they mostly died in battles. But what about me? Almost dying in sleep? Shameful. So weak and shameful!
I wasn't fit for that world and I knew it. I didn't have resolve, I didn't have anything to make me want to do my job. I was just a lost child in the void of life. I hugged myself and I felt the dogs come close to me.
"Why do I keep choosing life over death?" I asked myself.
I remembered all those times when I was in the hospital and almost dying under a doctor's gaze.
"I'm not suited for this life." I sounded so broken.
The dogs came close and began licking me, trying to cheer me up, but I wasn't giving up my sadness.
"Shikanai, everything is going to be alright." Kakashi tried to reassure me in a gentle voice, but I shook my head.
"Why don't you give up on me?" I blurted out without a second thought.
I just wanted an answer, it bugged me, that he was so kind to me, so friendly, and yes, I understood, that I was like his sensei once was, but that wasn't a good enough of an answer for me. I was not Minato. That man was a different man, and even if he was bad in his original world, in the new one, he was a legend, a savior. I wasn't like that. I could be selfish, coward, and weak, I didn't fit in at all. I haven't done anything for Kakashi to make him accept me, then why was he actually letting me so close to him?
"Dogs are loyal if you show them trust." he told me and I snorted. Those were my words.
"Just give up on me." I told him, but then I felt his hand lift my head so I was looking at him.
"Never." he told me and tears began rolling down my face.
Later, after I had my morning crying session, Kakashi told me that we should go and get me a necklace. We went down the streets and he told me he knew perfectly well, where we could find a shop with leaf necklaces. We stopped in front of an old shop, it didn't look elegant or extravagant, I was curious about what was inside of the shop, and how Kakashi knew about the place.
Entering the place, I looked around. The shop looked old and rusty inside, but I saw a bunch of necklace holders, full of necklaces on one side of the room, the other side had other jewelry, but what surprised me were the paintings. There were all kinds of paintings hanging and they were all for sale.
"Wow. What's this place?" I asked Kakashi.
"It holds old relics, sometimes when a clan passes away, the money goes to the village, but the little things, go to places like this one, and then they sell it." I nodded, in that moment the shop keeper came in greeted us, apparently, he knew Kakashi, which surprised me. He talked with the man for a while, and then the man disappeared to bring us something. "In some cases, if the clan has only one member left, that member can choose if he wants the things to be kept with his clan's remains or to be sold, if the things are sold, then he gets half the money." I watched him, but he only smiled at me and put a hand on my head. The shopkeeper came back with a little box and opened it for us.
"Just like how it came." he told us. "Perfect condition." I looked into the box and I saw a necklace, it was silver-colored, but the pendant had traces of gold. The pendant was a leaf, and there was a really minuscule Konoha symbol carved in it. Kakashi took the necklace and then turned to me, bending down, he put it on me and secured it. I looked down and touched the pendant, seeing the Konoha symbol on it, then I turned it, only to see a really little Hatake clan symbol carved in it. I looked up to Kakashi, but he was talking to the man again.
I have never seen this pendant before, not in the anime, not in any fan drawing.
After a while, we told our goodbyes and exited the shop.
"This was your clan's." I told him and he nodded. "Do you know who had it before me?" I asked as we began walking down the streets.
"It was passed down, from generation to generation, it was a symbol of loyalty. I don't know who wore it first, but I know that the last one to wear it was my grandfather," he told me. "Usually the clan heads wore it, to show the other members, that they were loyal to Konoha, but then by the time my father was born, it was of no question that we were loyal to Konoha. He didn't wear it, he thought it was a memento of the late Hatake clan, after all, by the time he was born, he was the last to have both parents part of the Hatake clan." I nodded.
"Shouldn't this be yours then?" he shook his head.
"It's just a memento, plus that clan…and me…" he scratched the back of his head. "I… condemned him… I don't think I have the right to wear it, not anymore." he shook his head. "I know it will be in good hands with you." he smiled and ruffled my hair. The only time I decided to not put it in a ponytail and that was the time he ruffled it… perfect… "Well, I thought that we would actually do some training." he punctuated the 'would' in the sentence and I nodded.
"What do you have in mind?" I asked.
"I want to see how well you can actually hold the Kage Mane no Jutsu, then perhaps a sparring and some training with the tanto." he mused and I nodded.
We walked in silence and I realized some people were giving me a weird look like I was some sort of alien. But then again, not many could walk at such leisure with the Copy-nin himself. I smiled at myself, I was really lucky. I had family and friends, but then my thoughts drifted to Naruto. The way how Iruka acted around him, shouldn't Iruka be the guy, who actually understood the boy? Iruka had been a naughty kid himself, hadn't he? Then why didn't he sympathize with the boy?
"You look troubled." Kakashi commented.
"It's Naruto." I sighed. "We got Iruka-sensei as our teacher and Naruto tried to pull pranks on him... By the end of the day, the guy was just… cold towards Naruto." I said. "But that's weird, Iruka-sensei should be the one that actually helps Naruto… He should act like an older brother or even father to Naruto, after all, that's what he did in the show." I told him, and put my hands in my pockets, I was slouched as I walked, that wasn't good for my back, but it was a bad habit from my late life, and I could not just erase a habit.
"And what do you think it's the reason?" he asked me and I shrugged.
"I don't know, even though I watched Naruto as I grew up, I don't remember anything that suggested that Iruka-sensei was like that to Naruto. Iruka-sensei was overprotective of Naruto, and he really stood by him, he yelled at him if needed and took him to Ichiraku's to make up for it. It was just weird to see him acting so differently, but I guess it's his first year, after all, the anime showed only his last year of teaching Naruto." we began walking and before I knew it we were at Kakashi's apartment, he told me to take my tanto and I did so, after that he put a hand on my shoulder and we were transported to a training ground I didn't recognize.
"Let's not beat around the bush." I nodded and walked a few steps away from him and then I turned.
"Kage Mane no Jutsu!" I shouted as I formed the seal and my shadow stretched to get him.
I got him successfully, he let me and I straightened, as did he, but then I felt it, a slight tug at the shadow, and he was trying to get free. I focused my chakra on the shadow and tried to hold it still, but it was really hard, Kakashi was slightly moving and I could not stop him, I was trying everything, but then again, I could clearly feel him, he was far stronger than me. I felt sweat form on my face, but I was still holding him and that was an accomplishment in itself. But then he began moving easier and easier and I knew I was slipping, so I let my shadow retract and I fell to my knees, panting heavily.
"Not bad, that would hold most shinobi in place for a minimal amount of time." he nodded and told me. "Your chakra reserves are higher than any normal children your age." he came closer and extended a hand, I took it, and he helped me up. "I thought that we might spar, but seeing how wasted you are, let's see how you handle the tanto. I want to see the kata I showed you." I nodded and took a ready position.
Taking the tanto in my right hand I began moving as he had taught me. All the while, he was sitting in front of me and watching my every move. I hated the fact that he was assessing me, it unnerved me for some reason, I hated being watched when I did something I enjoyed, so closed my eyes and stopped for a moment.
All that afterlife, I don't hold with it.
I began singing to myself and I began moving with the tanto in my hand, doing the moves and imagining myself alone, home, in the garden
All your gods are false, just get used to it.
Let's go out tonight, kill some stubborn myths.
I lifted the tanto up, down, right, twist, back up, moving my feet like I was dancing.
Set those ghosts alight, get into it.
No one's getting younger, would you like a souvenir?
Let it take you under, feel your worries disappear.
I moved my arm up and brought it down, then I made a few kicks to the imaginary enemy and I opened my eyes. I realized that I wasn't home and I was being watched, so I put those emotions that tried to come to the surface into the song.
'Cos if you don't believe, it can't hurt you
and then when you let it leave, it can't hurt you.
'Cos if you don't believe (kick, twist, slash), then you know, then you know
it can never do you harm. (slash to the right arm, left arm, slash the enemy's throat)
'Cos if you don't believe, it can't hurt you.
I closed my eyes and put the tanto back into its sash, on my belt.
Kage Mane no Jutsu = Shadow Imitation Technique
The song she's singing is Graveyard Whistling by Nothing But Thieves - I just felt that it kinda suited the moment in the story and could picture her moving to that song. She's, of course, singing in English and Kakashi has no clue what she's singing XD
I still don't own Naruto.
So, we got a little bit of fluff, a little bit of a hint to the Hatake clan, a little bit of worrying about Naruto and I just love the brotherly love Kakashi shows to Shikanai. Oh, by the way, Kakashi's still in ANBU, you will know when he becomes a sensei, but he's still an ANBU Captain at this point.
Take care and hope you enjoy it!
