Fuck you, this is not a shitpost nor a bait fic.

Give it a chance, or don't. Whichever you choose, don't break my balls because of a ship please. Any other reason for talking shit is fair game.

Of course Oregairu isn't mine.

More of the author's shit at the end.


I am very much used to my dear little sister giving me the cold shoulder and generally not wanting to touch me with a 3 meter pole. The hurt induced by seeing how my favorite person in the world is disgusted by me is but a sometimes vivid memory at this point.

Truly the only semblance of authentic care I still have for our bond, or former bond is my personal crusade of pushing her towards being an assertive and decisive person.

But I can't pinpoint a reason why I'm so fixated on making something human out of Yukino-chan. If I started searching within myself I could say it's for her own good, or that I'm building her character against the unmercifulness and cruelty of our world, but that'd be some self righteous and shameless crap even her clueless little friend Gahama-chan wouldn't eat up.

Perhaps it's an anchor to prevent me from going insane. When life wasn't enough and I had the world at my feet I still felt like that very same world was sucking my soul away. Inhibiting me under layers upon layers of Yukinoshita Haruno that I lost track of what was part of Haruno Yukinoshita and what was stacked at some point of my life. But one part that remained was the drive and need to right my wrong.

One way to put it is the contrast between our worlds and our positions in it.

The most interesting person she associates herself with by nautical miles of distance, Hikigaya-kun thinks Yukino-chan and I come from the same world and cradle and that we live in a separate reality than him.

We do not.

Let's see, inequality in Japan isn't as concerning as other G20 countries like America, Korea or Mexico but it's there and it's real. It is known that healthy societies and rule of law bloom when the individuals that compose them can thrive and not worry about immediate decisions that take up most of their time, energy and lastly their humanity. The way individuals shape their world as their world shapes them is directly proportional, hence someone that has to break their head trying to figure out how to survive will hardly take interest in philosophical works or the fine arts or geopolitics.

It's easy, when you don't have to take decisions and mechanically execute actions that you have like 10% of control in, you tend to see the world with completely different eyes. And for that, I am a wildcard. I did experience all the sophisticated stuff since it was expected of me, but I didn't really feel the excitement or the vanity of it.

Hikigaya-kun is partially right, my upbringing was fundamentally different from the one I would have experienced if he was my little brother, but I don't remember what the taste and feeling of the freedom that my privileged socioeconomic position should have given me.

The following line of thought would or should be an attack on my parents that someone who has experienced hunger would deem incredibly bratty, but I don't blame them that much actually, they are not as draconian as I saw them when I was Yukino-chan's age. I was extremely lucky to be born a Yukinoshita, I just had bad timing. All the effort and hard work our parents put before we were born had to be taught and passed down to someone, that someone being me.

So despite Yukino-chan and me being born of the same house and parents, we lived in different worlds her entire life and that was my mistake. I loved her too much that even if some of the burden was supposed to fall upon her I took it when she was younger. It's not that she was favored over me, it's that I had one logic I followed, which was:

I hated doing the boring and important stuff that our parents did-Yukino-chan had to learn how to do it soon-I have to ease the weight put on her.

With every mock board meeting I was made take part of, every time father took me to his office to learn the way about things go, every time I thought I was being a good sister it only made Yukino feel abandoned and as if there were words of fire telling her that she wasn't fit for the job.

On the contrary, I carved in myself the same excellence mother always exuded. All in all, giving Yukino-chan the worst possible image of myself that I could have presented.

It was not until she reached Middle-school that I noticed I made a big mistake by protecting her too much, or believing I was protecting her. Of course, she had the opportunity to become a fine young lady, well versed and cultured, but still a defenseless girl nonetheless.

Little Yukino-chan learnt to sell herself as a strong girl, but just like me, it's a facade. She must rely on theory and her pride to convey solidness to make up for the fact that she has no real mobility and that her mind gets blocked when she has to face variables she hadn't contemplated.

And she has no fault for that, she may at times blame herself for being 'useless' and having to compare herself to us her noble family, cursed with the booked excellence reserved for tasks that bind us to tiredness. But this is my own doing, what I did to Yukino-chan is unforgivable.

I made her the way she is and she hates me for it, but for the wrong reasons. She doesn't understand my sin of cutting her wings, she just noticed that from middle school onwards I stopped being her good nee-chan who loved her dearly and always had time for her. She could only see the side displaying how cold and neglecting I was and how I was always being praised for my feats by everyone the family associated with. While she never got that, let alone the approval which honestly isn't even that satisfactory, I robbed her of the opportunity to grow when she had to.

So I discussed it with Shizuka-chan when Yukino-chan was about to enter her second year of High School. How could Yukino-chan acquire the growth she so desperately needed and make it so that she perceived it of her own doing.

I'm not sure what Shizuka-chan told her but my sister came up with the idea of the Service Club, its function and ikigai? [1] To teach someone how to fish instead of handing them the fish. It was perfect.

But it again went out the window when Shizuka-chan's benevolence brought a lost, grumpy cat to Yukino-chan's doorstep. As amusing as it was to see them both struggle with their attitude to each other and how much of a tsundere Hikigaya-kun was, disaster occurred when he consistently showed to be more capable than Yukino-chan in the direct results of the club activities.

The executions were far from perfect and some untied knots were left, but it was fun to see someone so practical in action interact with my beloved little sister. Sometimes the sheer ridiculousness and cuteness that their chemistry showed distracted me for moments from our original, unknown by Yukino-chan shared goal.

However, poop hit the fan with the speed of hurricane force winds.

Hikigaya-kun catched feelings for her. Even if he denied it countless times, and every time I teased him about it he quickly scrambled to build a decently-thought excuse to why that wasn't the case, it was clear as water.

Hikigaya-kun saw in Yukino-chan something beautiful, something that he desired more than anything, and above all it was within reach, possible, achievable.

The boy of the ahoge was flabbergasted by my little sister's existence, but what captivated him went beyond the beauty of her, I think we all know that very well.

Consequently, there were times that I seriously considered sabotaging him, but the thought stung. What good would it make me to amend the one thing that keeps me regretting the past only to start regretting something else?

I can't destroy Hikigaya-kun like I destroyed Yukino-chan. All the less reason to do since I'm not sure if Yukino-chan loves him back.

All in all that left me as the spectator I always pretended to be, this time I really could only stand and watch how these two would settle the conundrum.

Following that, the peak of the show I was now binging hit when Yukino-chan started doubting herself again and tried to proclaim independence from Hikigaya-kun and solve a big task by herself. The prom was the big challenge she was waiting for to put to the task all the lessons she learnt from my sororal pissfarting from our younger years, and the lessons she learnt from Hikigaya-kun involuntarily shadowing her.

I was pleasantly surprised to find out that Yukino-chan directly asked both of her friends, Hikigaya-kun included, to allow her the opportunity to prove herself. So now Hikigaya-kun and I were on the same boat.

From our talks discussing the matter I deduced that Hikigaya-kun didn't want to share the popcorn, in fact he was dying to step in and help her. But I didn't even need to tell him that it would backfire, he told me himself.

"I can't, this is important for her. I'm going to take a wild guess and say that above all else I know about her, she wants to prove her own strength to herself. After she said that, when she asked Yuigahama and me to be there for her… stepping in would only result in tripping her over. I will not intervene."

So game time it was then. Her family, her clubmates, and her past were all watching.

Our mother was the hardest obstacle, second only to the ticking clock as her time was running out, but Yukino-chan managed to present a proposal to make both of Okaa-san's eyebrows rise and obtain a go ahead. After so much toil, so much of Yukino-chan's hell march with poor President-chan trying to keep up.

In the end the event did take place, but it had multiple issues. Some were beyond Yukino and President-chan's control, some were of corners that they didn't realize they had cut until they couldn't be fixed anymore.

All things considered, the event definitely wouldn't have forged a sour memory for Meguri-chan and the rest of the graduates in her generation. I'm not sure about President-chan since her expectations were always high, but I wasn't that focused on her to get a correct grasp.

For poor Yukino-chan however, I reckon it felt like a rookie surgeon failing to keep a patient alive.

To twist the knife in the wound, the deal she presented to mother stated that only the resources she originally had to work with were to be at her disposal, but mother offered a bit of money towards the end of the planning stages. A tiny part of my mind wanted to also cash in a little of my savings to kickstart her first big project, but for the same reason that Hikigaya-kun and I opted to stand by, I didn't put the puebla kit on [2].

In any case, Yukino rejected mother's offer as was expected. Maintaining integrity and her conviction to shut all of our silent mouths judging her and reach equal standing by her own merit. Unfortunately, as if the gods were taking the piss with her, this also had implications that would affect Yukino-chan more considering her mood and her volition.

She decided not to use her family's tools. She failed. Correlation found in her reasoning, only deepening her despair in her own self-esteem.

A deeper meaning to all of this? I failed the hardest, more than Yukino-chan, Hikigaya-kun and Gahama-chan or Shizu. I failed to amend what I broke.

Yukino-chan took it as she knows how to take hits. Stoically stating facts and going over what went wrong in a cold voice exuding professionalism while her eyes told me she was burying her pain under the snow.

My usual persona would have condescendingly pointed out how boring of a response that was and then pout when she would very eloquently tell me to fuck off, but there was none of that, from either of us.

A week passed in which Yukino-chan tried to show me her strong girl front, trying to keep her house-proud efficiency and distracting herself when she was in my presence, but I heard her sob at night. The instructions of staying with her weren't revoked from either of our parents, so I could see Yukino-chan's diamond tears flowing even behind her closed door.

Unknown to her I cried every time too, unknown to everyone I can feel pain and shed tears.

Knowing and hearing how my sister is hurting so much and feeling so helpless made me cry my eyes out.


It's nine O'clock on a saturday.

Perfect timing for Billy Joel, it really is nine o'clock and today is saturday, and I shuffled in the regular Haruno.

I am currently under the silly effects of alcohol, playing the fool like I normally do. Of course I'm not drunk but I can always pretend that I am, and the stench of it can always vouch for the credibility of my act. I'm sure that I could be a movie star.

3 weeks have passed and Yukino-chan started her third year, as April rolled itself around she never kicked me out of her apartment.

I haven't been as much of a bitch to her if I say so myself. Not in consideration or pity, but maybe staying here represents a coping mechanism for me.

I wish I could save us both, I wish I could apologize and it being worth something, I wish I could do a lot of stuff. But alas, all I can really offer her is my presence which she's deeply irritated by.

I've also tried giving her space by not being the eye that sees it all, maybe with the pipe dream of her opening up to me by her own volition, but we know that's not happening.

Some stuff however, I found out via Meguri-chan since she visited Sobu. She gave me info I didn't ask for, but was both shocking and predictable nonetheless.

Shizu bailed and went pursuing laboral and emotional horizons that were actually match for a woman of her caliber. Hikigaya-kun and I might tease her and sometimes be dicks to her, but we both know she was always too good for us, so I'll text her wishing her good luck.

More relevant to my wallowing in misery, the service club got axed from the school's budget and is now non-existent.

Of course that was no secret given that Yukino-chan had been returning home two hours earlier than she used to. There's also the fact that Gahama-chan has come over twice trying to talk with her, one of those times she brought Hikigaya-kun along with her.

Hikigaya-kun is a boy I need to have a conversation with soon, regardless of circumstances it's bound to be an interesting one.

I didn't talk to him when he came but I did see doubt and desperation in his look when he came. I can only assume those two feelings increased tenfold since Yukino-chan shamelessly evaded their questioning and cut their visit short barely when it was 10 minutes old. She didn't outright tell them to leave, but they got the message, Yukino-chan lifted back the wall that originally separated them.

I hear that Hikigaya-kun's little sister is now in Sobu, so they could get the club back up and running if they wanted to, but without my sister there I find that unlikely to happen, shame.

Letting aside all that for a moment, I suspect that soon the 'waitress' practicing politics will show her oratory to me. Perhaps I got into this drunken state in anticipation, perhaps I'm just an alcoholic mess, but the fact of the matter is that Yukino-chan must've kept me around for a reason. Not only has she not kicked me out, she hasn't even suggested it in her passive aggressive manner.

"Nee-san."

There it is, the main event.

Letting everything aside for a moment, I have a role to play, even if I believe this is killing me.

"Ope, Yukino-chan, I thought you were taking a beauty nap."

My cute little sister shook her head softly.

"None of that, it's too early to go to sleep yet, but perhaps you shouldn't use that fact to get inebriated on my couch."

I shrugged. The start of this talk brings a sense of nostalgia, but I have a hunch that Yukino-chan hasn't given up and this will burrow any other familiarity the conversation could take with past tangoes.

"Sake, Schapps and some other drinks were used to steel the soul before battle."

"So you know what I am approaching you for?"

"Not a clue actually, but confrontation is something you can see coming from kilometers away so I know we'll be discussing important stuff."

I crossed my legs and shifted my look to face her.

I could shove coal to her engine by telling her that our parents were the ones that teached me how to perceive an incoming corpo dispute, but I suppose Yukino-chan is being serious, so perhaps it's best for me not to be a cynical dickhead now.

She sat down on the other couch and steeled her already visible resolve with a serene 'ahem'.

"Well you are right Nee-san, I want to discuss important matters with you again."

"Hm"

"As you already know, I want to work with father in his line of work."

I hummed to fill in her pause, I do know she wants in to the family's affairs.

"So I have a request to ask of you."

With a deep sigh and a flash of memories that flooded me with guilt I readied the same reply I told her once.

"Yukino-chan, I can now guess what you're going to ask me. I believe you can guess what my answer will be."

"I do, and believe me Nee-san, there's nothing more that I want more than to be able to 'do it myself', therefore… I have a wish."

My left brow raised almost on its own upon those words, but I had to remain unfaced.

"Don't we all? But usually wishes are either abandoned or you have to crawl through the tartarus yourself to see them come true- OEh, actually that's not right.

Quite often you have to play people like an instrument and manipulate your way to the fulfillment of wishes, it's basically all we do in dad's line of work."

She kept her eyes locked with mine for a moment, in thought yet not yielding. So she's still testing the waters by the looks of it.

"I can imagine your take on such matters, after all you're always complaining about things being boring and dull."

Hoh? A personal, appropriate and calculated comeback?

"Well, you're right about little ol'me being a bit of a slob, but isn't it common knowledge that politics and corporate life are a couple of snake pits? Surely you've met a couple of individuals that think so."

Her fists clenched above her legs. I can say I succeeded in making her think of Shizuka-chan and Hikigaya-kun, arguably the most important and influential people in her life besides us bloodbound.

"Yes, that's indeed a notion I have heard from them. However, it is not only a wish or a request to help me solve it I have, Nee-san. I have an ambition."

Fire. There is blue fire in Yukino's eyes.

After a shut and downcast of her eyes Yukino raised her gaze towards me again, her usual sub-zero look now burning with determination while she stares at me with all her feeling conveyed.

"Nee-san, you may laugh at me for what I'm about to say next. But to put in words we may both find ridiculous, this is the most honest thing I will say to you since the time we were little."

I could do little to stop my breath from hitching in surprise and anticipation, my little sister's words have a trigger effect in my physiognomy that a lifetime of mastering the art of expressing baseless faces could not hope to play off stoically.

This is what I most wanted in the world, knowing that when I eventually had it I wouldn't be able to rejoice in any kind of apotheosis. I would love to assure Yukino that I wouldn't laugh at her at all, but that's not true. If the situation required it I would play the role of the asshole provoking and condescending veteran of the industry.

It's what I do. Like lying, impersonating and deceiving become a mountain of weight you have to carry like Atlas.

No longer regretting it, no longer enjoying it. Not able to forget it.

"Then start the concerto Yukino-chan."

With a sigh, but not losing her resolve she began.

"I have always existed in a world that prefixes the status quo, not only within our own family that always preferred your efficiency and expertise because you and mother always had everything covered than giving me a shot at solving problems.

"As long as I've been conscious there has always been a pretext for not trying other ways or aiming for something more. Because our system isn't broken so we musn't fix it.

"I… I hate this, I hate this so much. I was forged by protocols and ways I took pride in mastering and showing off, but the world of those protocols is a world that deems me unnecessary and leaves me out because I'm not elderly and because we already live good according to ourselves."

"Yukino.."

"I have loathed you for so many years, nee-san… for years! Because all I could ever see was your back which had left me behind and which I could only aspire to be a substitute should something happen to you."

"Do you understand the gravity of my words Nee-san? I have at times wished you would just escape from my life so I could get a chance at proving myself without you in the picture, not different at all than the clans of old in which siblings conspired against one another.

"And to be completely honest, that hasn't changed. I do not want to carry on being a replacement they can resort to once you get tired of your role or you die. I don't want to just be the young ojou-sama that stands pretty and stoic at gatherings because she knows all people think of her is that she's a poor man's Haruno."

When looking the other way I was collaborating in the brewing of these emotions now outpouring, it feels almost fated to be finally shredded by my sister's words.

"I see… I think I can understand your perspective, but how does this feeling of yours connect to the ambition and wish you talk about? Do you want to get rid of me?"

Even if I'm fully acquainted with it more than just 'understand her perspective' since it's arguably the source of my misery yet at the same time the intangible equivalent of the really hard pinch to keep me aware of stuff.

We really should move on to the next item in her so-called ridiculous proclamation.

"...Yes."

"...Ouch."

Really, truly. Ouch.

"Nee-san, what do you want to do with your life?"

"Haah, that's a question, to which sadly no thoughts come to mind so I can answer it."

"Nee-san, please. I've been opening up about the most important thing for me, in essence I have shown you a little fragment of my soul, surely you can spare to show me something I can work with."

"Ah so we're bargaining already and you want to know if I want to hold onto my assets. As it turns out Yukino, I am entirely serious. I haven't got a fucking clue of what to with my time on this world.

"I could sell my stocks of the company, or I could betray all of you and hop to Rikken-minshuto."

She bit her lip in frustration of my poor, yet honest take on my life's projections.

"What does it cost you Haruno? What does it take for you to take me seriously? Enough with the taunts and the sarcasm."

I could move to a remote cabin in the countryside of the Sakha Republic

"Do you know why the Service club no longer exists?"

"Enlighten me."

"I decided to not participate in it this year. Because I cannot help anyone, I cannot alter this world nor can I take on a charging bull by its horns. Not yet.

"I found myself in a point of inflection, should I keep pursuing an idealistic yet false routine with the two people I held most dear, or should I pursue something that could actually bring me completion and give me the tools to make a real change to this world?

The latter option sadly implied that I had to distance myself from Yuigahama-san and Hikigaya-kun."

I was completely silent by this exposition, this is the answer to the question of what weighed more in Yukino's and my emotional scale. I decided that I wouldn't cut off those two from her own life, but in the end Yukino chose a path that they cannot enter.

"My ambition, my purpose is my genuine thing Haruno. This is what has made me suffer, what has made me dream, work hard, burn myself out in pursuit of it and fail repeatedly. This is all I truly want. This is what I choose."

"..."

"So based on that, I ask you to step down from your responsibilities in favor of me Nee-san."

"Yukin-"

"I know. Mother and Father are probably going to suffer two successive heart attacks each. After all, you have trained with them since you were a child, our associates are well aware of you and for all intents and purposes, you are our family's heir.

"So please, give up that prestige and career and give me a chance."

Blue flame burns the hottest as they carry more oxygen and burn with gas.

"Fine."

"R-really?"

"Yeah."

"..."

"I wasn't lying Yukino-chan. I am not really attached to anything regarding the position. If I got too bored eventually I might've actually gone party hopping or manipulated the shareholders so we could pull out of the JPX prematurely for the lols."

Heh, I hadn't seen the staple exasperated emote of the temple massaging from her in a while.

"May I ask, why did it feel so anticlimactic that you just said 'fine' to such a selfish and greedy thing to ask? Why was it so easy?"

I deadpanned at that.

"Yukino-chan, think about it thoroughly and call it 'easy' once again."

She didn't have to ponder for 5 seconds before she embarrassedly looked away. She'll soon spout some overly complicated apology for verbally fucking up which will inevitably end up with me opening up a little.

Haaah I need further assistance from alcohol-san

"Fair enough, but what I wanted to know is why reply something so simple to something so audacious and entitled."

Sip

"Well, you are correct to question that. The situation we're in isn't what your Onee-chan's master plan originally contemplated, but this works well as a start. Baby steps if you will."

"I don't think I follow."

"Yukino, you just showed me something colossal and super important to influence my reply.

"You made a decision. Something I very, very rarely do in my position."

"..."

"We were kind of similar in that way, I don't take risks because all I have to do is to methodically execute something I've already perfected and to please old farts. You didn't take risks because you were afraid and helpless, but now that changed.

"You didn't go gentle into a very good night, you took a life changing decision. And well, it involves my job which bores me to death so why the hell not? You earned my support by striving for an outcome of your choosing. In a way it was simple, but it wasn't easy."

She gives a couple of thoughtful nods to my reasoning.

"But also… this was inevitable."

I looked away to the picture window, my vision unfocused between the blurry lights of the skyline outside and catching her head tilt in my peripheral.

"You can't build infinitely Yukino. If you try to perpetually expand upwards there comes a point in which the structure simply cannot stand anymore, and whether it is a powerful blow or simply one brick at the bottom giving in, the outcome will be the same."

In this case Yukino demolished my salt castle with her dream and the strength of which she wants it to come true. But even if Yukino stayed put it would only be a matter of time in which one grain slid from the pile bringing down everything I have stacked.

"I love you Yukino."

Her eyes widen almost comically, seemingly caught with no guard whatsoever.

"I… Nee-san. I-"

With a serene yet melancholic smile I shake my head in negative to reassure her. The lack of reciprocity is completely valid, so no need to torture herself for my sake.

"Enough of me, I said what I wanted. But what about you? What have you been doing at school without the Service club anyways?"

"Oh-I, umm…"

"Huh?"

"I have been… conversing with Hayama-kun after classes."

"WHAT"

My utter surprise both startled and annoyed her, but I still demanded clarification.

"It's nothing complicated Nee-san, since the classes from the regular curriculum were rotated he no longer has his clique, so we just coincide from time to time."

"Wait wait wait. How the hell did this happen?! I tried to not pretend to be the intelligence service since the prom happened, but there's no way in hell I didn't hear about you having a boyfriend. Much less if it's Hayato!"

She looks extremely unamused.

"And I thought we had made progress in kilometers. Nee-san I just talk with him, he's inclined to the same areas of interest as I am regarding my ambition and he's already his father's apprentice. It's only beneficial that I can discuss professional topics with him during free time."

"I…see. However Yukino, what will you do about Hikigaya-kun?"

Once again her gaze turns downcast and she looks conflicted.

"That… that's non viable now."

"I suppose it is, there's no turning back anymore Yukino."

"I am aware of that, it's a bit sad but Yuigahama-san and Hikigaya-kun can't accompany me anymore. My two worlds can't collide, so I had to lose one."

"Alright, we will talk to mother tomorrow."

With a final nod the great confrontation is settled and our chat comes to an end.

It now feels a little melancholic to think of when I went to bother them as a trio and generally be a pain in the ass. Yukino has now wrecked two castles in one move, and she doesn't have any fault whatsoever for that.

But one can only question, What can be appreciated in the rubble? What's even left of the original foundations? What are we now?

Where does her decision leave Hikigaya-kun and I?


This was basically prologue.

I have wanted to write this for a long time, originally it was some NTR-ish but not quite NTR trigger to an alternative timeline similar to wedding anniversary by GOF. But keep in mind that Yukino-Hayama isn't centric to the story, this story focuses on Haruno and Hachiman. HayaYuki is just argumental kick off from where I cling myself onto for plot.

Something retarded about my writing 'career' is that I never actually explained the references I put in my stories.

[1] Ikigai is like the Japanese raison d'etre.

[2] 'Ponerse la del Puebla' means to 'gib'. Whether it is money, food or whatever. I didn't know Western slang other than gib, much less Japanese.


Saludos pala banda.

Nixcoyan atletacaitaliztica ik acayotl.