Author's note: I'm sorry it's been a while, I've not been too well. Just wanted to say I'm sorry for some of the confusion on the last chapter. Not sure why all of you following the story didn't get an update when I posted it last Friday, there must have been an issue with the server. Anyways, this was probably my most challenging chapter to right as of yet as I introduced a new character who came to my mind suddenly, but I wanted to be really careful in the way they were presented, especially seeing as they're totally a figment of my own brain rather than influenced on what I've seen on the show. Also, I was so tempted to shift my third person narrative in Erin's perspective here to Jay's but I wanted to keep his thoughts hidden for now. I feel like I'm not always doing his character justice. We know he's starting to fall for Erin, but he hasn't realised it yet and I'm finding it difficult to have him in this level of denial when writing in his perspective when it should be realy obvious what's going on. So for this chapter, I stuck with Erin's POV. But I do intend on writing from Jay's perspective in future chapters. Also, you may be happy to know whilst I said some five chapters back that there were ten chapters left, it seems like it could now be longer with the detail and pace I've decided to release with each update so that the plot can be extended. Hope you like this chapter, happy reading!
Erin awoke the next morning with a pep in her step that she hadn't felt in a long time. After the events of yesterday, and after having finally had the courage to face everyone once again at Molly's, Erin already felt good. But the cherry on top had to be the fact that Antonio had returned her message once she had gotten home, having called her back. It had been such a relief to hear his voice once again, and to hear first-hand from him that he was now sober and doing well. It also eased Erin's heart and mind to know that her friend did not put any blame on her for not flying down to Chicago at the time to help him. She didn't even have to mention her situation of the time to him. He was just very understanding.
He had been shocked to hear of the situation with Voight, and expressed his deepest sympathies to her. What made her feel giddy this morning however, was the fact that he told her would have the next few days off after helping to oversee the completion of a hospital renovation. He had promised he would spend that time flying into Chicago the first chance he got to provide the unit with extra thinking tanks and man-power. Whatever they needed, he had said. Erin had gratefully taken him up on the offer, and then almost immediately regretted it when she had hung up and realised this wasn't her unit anymore. They had already done her a favour by taking her in, and she knew it wasn't her place to call the shots anymore. Her phone buzzed, pulling her out of her thoughts as she unlocked it to see a message from Jay.
Hey, hope you slept well. Just wanted to check that you remembered you were coming in today and that you're up. I know how much you struggle with waking in the mornings, so consider this an alarm notification. Just a heads up, Sarge had Winston from patrol drop off Hank's car after his shift. Keys have been posted so you should be good to drive in today. See you soon. J
Erin smiled to herself, a small flutter starting up in her chest as she read Jay's message. He had cared to send her a wakeup message, knowing full well how she had struggled to wake up during her time in Chicago. She had never been a morning person, but her time in New York had taught her to be. Being alone, and with no one to remind her, she had no choice but to learn to be independent in that regard. Still, the gesture warmed her heart.
She had gotten ready quickly this morning, so she took the time to stop by Med and visit Hank. It had hurt to see Hank look so vulnerable, attached to so many different wires, but April who had been passing by had let her know his vitals were good and there was reason to be hopeful yet. By the time she had gotten in to work, it was still early and only Jay and Hailey were present. Both were in the breakroom, and Jay was filling up two cups of coffee. Erin, feeling quite pleased with how the evening ended the night before, all but skipped into the breakroom, a wide grin on her face. Jay's head snapped up from looking down at the cup he was pouring into and raised his eyebrow questioningly at his former partner. He was curious at to know why she was in such a good mood.
"Morning," she greeted cheerily.
Hailey's eyebrows raised to match Jay's in her curiosity.
One octave higher, and Erin would have been singing.
Placing a phone on the counter Erin grabbed a cup from the rack and extended it to Jay to fill her up.
"That stuff will kill you now, apparently," she said, a teasing grin spread across her lips as she nodded towards the coffee pot in Jay's hands.
"Well," Jay replied with a knowing smirk, catching on to Erin's words quickly, "that is last on the very long list of things I'm concerned about."
"Touche," Erin snorted.
"You look extremely happy," Hailey noted. "Reason for celebration? We could all do with some good news around here."
Erin nodded happily.
"Actually, yeah," she said, and then paused hesitating. She could start with telling them about her conversation with Antonio, but how would she break the news that he would be returning as per her invite and request. She decided to opt out of that, going head first with breaking the news before getting into the other details of her call with Antonio.
She was suddenly very aware of the presence of both detectives in the room; Hailey had her full attention, but Jay continued on preparing his coffee, walking around her to reach for the sugar canister behind her. As he did so, he brushed up against her shoulder, and Erin felt goosebumps as she felt a spark hit her upon his touch. Her body was now on high alert, making her even more nervous.
"So I know with me helping out on this case we've even up the numbers on the unit, but I was wondering about how you felt about reinforcements.. You know since Jay mentioned you're on a deadline and I know how much Hank would hate if this case was passed on to another unit…" she began rambling.
Hailey cut her off.
"Actually, Jay and I were just talking about that before you came. I had a briefing with the commander who was impressed with the leads we've managed, so he said if we manage to come through with significant progress in the next two or three days we can keep the case and see it through to the end. I was just waiting for the rest of the team to arrive to let them know I've decided to double our efforts. Call in as many favours we can, work our CI's.. we have to give this case everything we got and that means doubling our efforts."
"See, I'm glad you said that because I have someone in mind-"
Erin was cut mid-sentence by her ringtone, her phone buzzing against the worktop and moving slightly with every ring.
Jay quickly picked it up, an unreadable expression flashing across his face. Erin had little time to divulge in what it meant though, as it went as quickly as it appeared.
"It's for you," he said, handing her her phone.
Erin gave him an obvious look. It was her phone, of course it was for her.
"Well no shit Sherlock," she said, a chuckle escaping her lips at the absurdity of his comment.
Hailey too joined in on the laughter, both women slightly weirded out by his statement.
Jay did not laugh however.
"Yeah, whatever, you're right. Anyway, I'm going to get a start on things," he prompted, before quickly exiting the room, leaving both women alone.
Erin looked at her phone, which was still ringing in her hands. A photo of her and a male in his mid-thirties with coppery brown hair and russet brown eyes lit up her screen. The man had his arm around Erin's waist, and she around his, both smiling with scrunched up noses at the camera.
"Sorry, Hailey, I got to take this," Erin said, holding up her phone to the blonde detective as a promise to return to the conversation when she was done with her call.
She took Hailey's nod as a cue to leave, promptly exiting the breakroom and making a beeline for Hank's office.
"Hey Nate, everything okay?" She questioned, as she closed the door to Hank's office, acutely aware of Jay's eyes on her.
"Everything's fine, sunshine," Nathan replied. "Just hadn't heard from you in a while and I missed your voice."
Erin rolled her eyes laughing.
"You're a charmer Jacobs," Erin said chuckling.
"You know me so well," he said joining in on her laughter before his voice grew serious, "but seriously Lindsay, how are you holding up? You left so suddenly and I know how much Hank means to you…" he trailed.
Erin sighed.
"It's tough, I'm not going to lie, but I have faith Hank will pull through. He can't go out after all this time like this, I refuse to think like that, I'm hoping he'll wake up in the next few days, the update this morning was positive so..."
"That's good," Nathan's voice rang out sincerely. "I'm glad you're staying optimistic E. Besides, I could do it with my partner back."
"Finding it difficult to get the work done without me?" Erin teased, "Always knew you were a deadweight," she joked.
"That's harsh Lindsay, when did you become all cocky?" Nathan feigned offense, but the second part of his sentence expressed the curiosity he felt. He had grown to know Erin rather well over the years, but he had never seen, or rather heard her like this. She seemed lighter, more carefree than he had ever known her to be.
"Guess being back home brought back a side to me I didn't know I was missing," Erin smiled to herself.
It didn't get lost on Nathan that Erin had referred to Chicago as home. The thought of losing his partner to the city she was born in made him feel unsettled.
"Speaking of home, when are you coming back? I know you mentioned Hank's still not awake, but Spencer told me to remind you that you were only approved two weeks. I did try to convince her otherwise but-"
Erin groaned in annoyance.
"I know. She was sure to mention that in her message the day after I landed. I know I can't stay here indefinitely, but I want to at least help get answers and get Hank the justice he deserves."
"What are you on about Erin?" Nathan's voice was muffled, but Erin could hear the apprehension and disapproval ring through his question. He had already anticipated her answer before he had finished posing his question.
"I'm working with intelligence to catch the perp involved in Hank's attack."
"Erin!" Nathan groaned.
Before he could say another word, Erin was quick to cut him off.
"Nate, I know what you're going to say, so please don't."
"Then let me say it. Look at what intelligence did to you the last time. You really want to be dragged into all that mess again? And work with your ex?"
Erin shook her head defiantly at his words, an action which was more for herself as she knew he couldn't see her.
"Bunny did that to me last time. It wasn't intelligence. And Jay's been great since I've come back, I've really been able to count on him to be there for me."
"Erin, you're like a sister to me. You know I love you and that I'll always have your back. So I say this only out of concern and not to hurt you, but weren't you able to count on him the last time round until you weren't?"
"We talked things through," Erin explained. "I realised things weren't as clear cut as they seemed back then."
She could hear his conceding sigh at the other end of the line.
"I just don't want you falling back into the old habits you told me you were trying so hard to run away from. I don't want to judge this Jay guy because I don't know him from Jack except from what you've told me, but E, I just don't want you getting yourself in too deep and getting hurt and disappointed again cause you're expectations were too high."
"That's not going to happen. Trust me. He's engaged now, I'm working with his fiance too. I'm perfectly clear on what to expect," Erin was opposing his words, but deep down she had to remind and convince herself of her own words.
"Oh…" Nathan trailed at a loss of words, suddenly sympathising with his partner. He knew how much she cared for Jay, she often had spoken to him of her lost love when she was in a vulnerable place. Nathan knew this couldn't have been easy for her. "I'm sorry Erin. How are you feeling about all this?"
"I'm here and I'm working aren't I?" Erin replied, sounding much more bitter than she wanted to. "So what does it matter what I think?"
"E-" Nathan began to apologise but Erin interjected.
"Look, if it's okay with you I'd rather not do this with you right now. You've always trusted my judgement out on the field and I need you to trust me on this too now. I got a handle on this."
"Say no more then," Nathan replied, promptly dropping the subject.
"So what's new at work? Anything to report on?" Erin asked quickly in an attempt to change the subject.
"Not really, no. It's been pretty quiet right now. We just finished up on the domestic threat case with our white supremacist group. Busted an opp down in Staten Island, you know the one that we were working on when you left. Now it's on to the next case, but I was thinking of using up some furlough for a week or so. Bide time till you get back, I don't think I can take being partnered up with Walters another two weeks."
Erin laughed. Walters was known for his tough, no nonsense reputation. He was intimidating to say the least, but he had been working for the bureau for over two decades, so his expectations came with a lot of pressure. He could make even the best agents sweat in fear, which meant though Nathaniel Jacobs was as good as they came, he'd rather spend two weeks at home than being partnered up with him for one more day.
"I'll take the compliment," Erin said, a gloating smirk on her face. "But are you sure? I'm sorry you're stuck with Walters."
"Don't sweat it," Nathan replied dismissively. "I guess I just need to find a good way to spend two weeks off."
And then it hit her. Hailey had said to call in every favour they could get. They both knew intelligence needed more manpower right now. Though she wasn't sure if Nathan could get CPD clearance, or if Hailey would be on board having him work at the 21st, she knew having his brains would sure as hell come into use for the unit. She could set up a base for him at Hank's house and have him chase up leads there. And with further reinforcements coming in with Antonio's arrival, she could only hope and assume that it would speed up the team's progress.
"Actually Nate, I could do with a favour…"
She quickly filled him on what she had in mind, and she was glad when Nate had immediately been on board.
"Alright Lindsay, I better go seek out Agent Spencer and formally get approval. But keep me posted on everything, and let me know how Hank is fairing and if anything changes."
"Sure thing, thanks for checking in Nate," Erin said, suddenly conscious of how much she was missing Hank and clutching the chain to her dog tags in her spare hand.
"For you Erin, always," he said sincerely before hanging up.
Erin smiled to herself, looking down at her phone. She had been blessed to be partnered up with Nathan at the FBI. She knew whoever she took as a partner had big shoes to fill in her eyes and though for Erin he would never be able to live up to his predecessor, he had done a pretty damn good job trying.
A knock on the door brought her from her thoughts as she saw Jay looking expectantly at her through the glass on Hank's door.
She gestured for him to enter, removing her grip from her chain and tucking her phone in her back pocket. Jay looked… off? She noted his behaviour was different, her former partner not quite looking her in the eye as he spoke.
"Hailey told me to grab you to chase up a lead in Bucktown. Elisha called in to say she was going to meet her there. One of Russo's girls who wants out is willing to answer some questions."
"Sure lets…"
Before she even had a chance to finish her sentence, Jay had exited the office, grabbing his jacket and keys from his desk, he headed down the steps in the direction of the parking lot. Erin frowned to herself, grabbing her jacket that she had placed on Hank's desk and following out after him. What had gotten into him? He had seemed fine ten minutes ago. As she crossed the bullpen, she noticed the rest of the team had arrived during her phone call and were all busy working away. Despite her being here on a voluntary basis and not on payroll or anything, she hoped the rest of the team didn't think she was slacking with her taking a personal call. Maybe that's what had Jay acting all strange she thought.
Jay was waiting for her in the Sierra, ignition on and ready to go. She sat into the car apprehensively, waiting for him to explain why he was so ticked off. She sat patiently, allowing him to start talking when he was ready to, as he began to drive, the streets becoming a blur as they passed. When it became apparent he wasn't going to speak, Erin finally spoke, unable to take the silence anymore. As he sat there quietly seething in anger and annoyance, she didn't know why he was so mad. What she did know was that she knew him well enough to know that it was directed at her, or at the very least because of her. She just didn't know exactly what it was she had done.
Erin sighed to herself, heart heavy and at a loss with how to make things better, especially since she didn't actually know what it was that needed being made better in the first place.
"I'm sorry," she blurted suddenly, the words flying out of her mouth before she had a chance to acknowledge what she was actually doing.
Jay peeled his eyes off of the road momentarily, turning to Erin taken aback and frowning slightly by her sudden unexpected apology. The whole thing gave her the strongest sense of deja vu, taking her back to the time Jay had mistakenly apologised for mistakenly misjudging Erin's feelings for Kelly. Only this time, the roles were reversed.
"I don't know if I'm reaching here, but it feels like you're mad at me," she explained, as Jay's eyes returned to the road ahead of him.
Jay was silent for a moment, processing her words and how he would reply to them before shaking his head ever so slightly at himself.
"No, I'm sorry. I guess I should be the one apologising for being such a douche. I don't know, once I left the breakroom and got back to work the stress and pressure of the case started getting to me I guess."
Erin nodded, biting her lip whilst doing so. She could relate to what he was saying. There were many times in the past whilst they dated that she snapped at him or shut him out after a particularly difficult case. And none of them were personal. So the added weight of the pressure behind this particular one, which was so much more important than any case they had ever done, would make sense. But it felt like Jay was still holding something back. After internally debating on whether she should voice her thoughts, Erin decided against it, definitively dropping the topic of question , not wanting to ruin his apology in the process and make things messy.
"Really Er, that was me being a total moron. It was unfair of me to take my burdens and stress out on you. I'm sorry, it won't happen again," Jay said again, guilt seeping into every word he spoke.
His guilt spread to Erin, whose heart strings tugged at the fact that he felt so badly for making her feel bad. As she had thought earlier, she had done this to him many times before, so she knew all too well how difficult it all could be. But she wanted to make him feel better. To be there for him like the countless amounts of time he was there for her before. And truth be told, was still there for her today.
"You've always been a moron Halstead, tell me something I don't already know. I mean there's no need to apologise on my account, I'm well accustomed to your tomfoolery." she said, putting on a little smirk, her voice light and teasing to release the tension in the air.
Erin could have danced with joy when she saw her words put a sheepish, boyish grin on her former partner's face. She felt a lot lighter knowing he felt better. Her words seemed to have put things back to normal between the pair, as Jay no longer looked apologetic and weighed down by his guilt.
"I mean, it's part of my boyish charm. You used to love it really."
Erin simply laughed, sarcastically at first to say 'as if' before it turned genuine. Soon Jay joined in too, genuine and sincere joy radiating from the two of them. In that moment they were so light and carefree. They weren't former partners or a former couple. There was no painful history shared between them. In that moment, they were just Erin and Jay, two people that were simply put, happy.
Erin's laughter died down eventually as she stopped to breath, and Jay followed suit. They sat in silence for a few moments, this time, the quiet was comfortable and bringing solace, rather than heightening tensions that became so palpable in the air that you could feel it infiltrate the space.
"You know if you need to talk, or unload your burdens, about this case or anything else, I'm here," Erin said suddenly. She became aware during the short period of silence that whilst she may have temporarily provided him relief from his demons with her teasing, they would not have totally disappeared. Jay was good at suppressing his pain and emotions to save face and ensure he wasn't a burden on others. Erin knew that better than anyone- she had seen it firsthand. And though it wasn't entirely her place anymore, as his friend (for that was what they seemed to be getting at these days), she wanted to be there for him as he had been there for her.
"You really don't have to worry about me Er…"
"I'm serious Jay. You've always, always pulled through for me when I've needed you to. I just want to return the favour."
Jay had parked up now and was sitting to face her, eyes boring into hers.
"Thanks Er," he whispered, voice cracking slightly before he cleared his throat and offered her a sweet smile. "But like I've told you before, you've done the same for me before too. The way you look out for others…" he stopped himself short not wanting to ramble on, "you're amazing you know?"
"Oh yeah!" she said, a wide grin spreading on her face as she decided to pull a leaf out of the Jay Halstead book of cockiness and confidence.
Her grin eased slightly, returning to a wide smile as she just enjoyed the feeling of contentment that coursed through her. Jay noticed it too. She seemed at ease with the world, and the feeling, the way it manifested on her suited her.
"I'm really glad you're here Er. I really missed having you around."
Erin smiled at his confession. She missed him too, more than she could ever afford to admit out loud. But it brought her solace knowing the feeling was mutual.
She closed her eyes momentarily, taking the time to process his words, before they slowly fluttered open, a soft smile playing on her lips.
"Me too Jay, Me too," she replied.
Author's note: Hope you all enjoyed. I had more planned for this chapter but really wanted to update as it's been a while. So Nathan was a sudden add to the mix. And a total figment of my imagination which was exciting to write. Just want to say that he'd not meant to be the bad guy here. He really is looking out for Erin and they have a friendly sibling like relationship. Anyway, things have been nice and smooth between Erin and Jay for a while now, I can totally see a rough patch/ storm coming up, and quite soon at that so consider this your warning! Let me know you're thoughts in the reviews x
