Author's note: Chapter 30. WOW. I never expected to get this far. To celebrate and commemorate, my longest chapter yet. And it's super sweet at the end too! The beginning of Linstead's makeup. One thing I want to say is Nat isn't a villain here, I will have her and Erin address their issues later on in the fic. Hope you enjoy this one. Happy reading!

Jay had fallen asleep on his couch after falling into a semi-drunken stupor when Mouse had left. It was only a couple of hours later when he heard a key turn in the front door of his apartment that he arose. He shot upwards, quickly attempting to erase the grogginess from his body as he did so. As soon as Hailey walked into the room, his heart sank. This was it. There would be no turning back now. He just hoped with everything in him that she didn't hurt too bad.

"Hey," she said softly as she approached him. "Mouse gone?"

Jay nodded, unable to speak, his mind doing somersaults leaping to the conversation that he was anticipating would begin any moment now.

Hailey sighed tiredly before flopping down into the armchair opposite the couch Jay was currently sitting on.

"Long day huh?" Jay laughed humorlessly. Long day was an understatement.

Hailey smacked her lips before scoffing lightly and nodding her head in agreement. Jay noticed how she avoided his gaze, choosing to stare up at the ceiling instead. Jay felt a heaviness settle on his chest as he watched her. It was only then, as she sat there hands clenching the arms of the armchair she was sat on, that Jay noticed the slight tremble in her hands. What was he doing? Jay thought to himself. She was struggling, trying her very best not to fall apart in front of him and for what? Because he had an emotional outburst when he watched the love of his life be a mere few seconds away from being taken away from him for good?

Jay froze.

Love of his life.

The epiphany came to him suddenly, washing over his entire body and removing the cloudiness from his mind.

He now finally understood. The inexplicable anger and rage. The hatred towards her partner. The incessant need to be within close proximity of her at all times. The constant worry and fear for her well being. It wasn't just because she was going through some difficult things. It wasn't just because she was an important friend to him. It was because he was in love with her.

The fog and uncertainty cleared from his mind then and he knew it as well as he knew his own name. He was in love with Erin Lindsay. Fuck. He was in love with Erin Lindsay! He could have sworn his heart skipped a beat at the mere realisation of it all. She was the love of his life. His soulmate and one true love. She wasn't just his partner, or another half of him. She was an extension of him, like a limb he couldn't be rid of. She was a part of him, and when she had gone, that part of him went with her. It was only now that she was back that he felt truly whole, and it all made sense as to why.

It was the reason why he'd felt so guilty for telling Camilla he loved her. Because that love, well the words leaving out of his mouth had made him feel like a fraud. He had known what love was, and what he had with Camilla was not it.

It was the reason why it had taken him so long to move on. Why he had been reluctant to start anything with Hailey. Because subconsciously at the back of the mind, he had been questioning what his feelings were towards her and whether or not they were real. He was questioning whether his mind had tried to use her to replace what he had with Erin. A partner, a friend and a lover. And maybe he had fallen for her a little along the way, enough to know she was important to him and that he cared for her. Enough to be able to confuse this care for love.

But comparing the romantic feelings he had for Hailey to what he had with Erin was like comparing the brightness of a tealight candle to a firework. They were incomparable. His love for Erin was filled with tender love and concern. He had been able to treat her like a fragile porcelain doll when she needed care and support, but was able to love her like and for the firecracker she was. Her wit and intelligence constantly kept him on his toes in the best way. She met him, word for word, blow for blow. Truth be told, she was better than him at that. She was his perfect match.

Like the beginning of their relationship, he was only able to deny and suppress his feelings for her for so long. Because no matter how hard he tried to deny it, she made his world turn. She made him laugh and she made him cry, she made him smile and with a single look into those beautiful hazel eyes of hers she could have him enamored and bewitched. His heart soared at the realisation of what it all meant, an immense sense of relief washing over him as his actions of today were understood with cause now.

With Hailey, it had been different. He had been craving love, seeking love and she had always been there in the wings, supporting him and helping him heal. She became a constant in his life and he sought comfort in that. She became safe and in hindsight, looking back at it, his relationship with her was very similar to the one he had with Allie. He loved and cared for her, he would always love her, but in the end, their relationship should have never surpassed the beautiful friendship they had built. Not when he would always carry a torch for Erin, no matter who he was with. She would always be the person he would be seeking out in all his relationships, even if he never explicitly realised it.

Now looking at Hailey, his excited racing heart plummeted. It all made sense to him now, but how was he going to make it make sense to her. She didn't deserve to have her heart broken, and the last thing Jay wanted to do was hurt her. But he also knew it was necessary for her to hear the truth, and for him to finally admit it out loud. Because otherwise, it would only cause further unnecessary pain stringing her along. And Jay would never do that to her. Especially now looking at her and seeing the adrenaline from the day's events wear off. Her face looked as pale as a sheet, and her eyes were wary.

He walked up to where she was sitting and crouched near her legs, offering her hand a squeeze in support.

"You okay?"

Damn. That was a dumb question, Jay found himself thinking. But truthfully, the nerves of having to bring up such a conversation as the one running through his mind meant that he wasn't actually thinking.

For a moment, Hailey closed her eyes and exhaled, shaking her head ever so slightly from sided to side. And then she opened them and stared straight into his. Jay could see the conflict running through her eyes as he looked into them.

"We should talk."

They both said it at the same time.

Jay looked at Hailey in hesitation.

"You go first," he said as gently as he could.

He wanted her to feel heard. He wanted to be sensitive to her needs. He wanted to not lunge into whatever it was he had to say. She had been through enough trauma today, the least he could do was hear her out.

Hailey offered him a sad smile.

"I think we both know what I'm going to say."

Jay was momentarily caught by surprise. They both seemed to be on the same wavelength. But then he shouldn't have been surprised. Hailey was as intuitive as they came.

"Hailey…" he began.

"Can we not hash out everything just right now? It's probably selfish of me Jay but I think I'm just exhausted and… I… can we sit in silence just for a little while before lunging straight into it?"

She looked apprehensive, like she was scared of what she would hear. He returned her look with one of sorrow.

"Hailey…"

"I know. I just could use my friend right now."

It was that sentence that made Jay decide he would do it. The tremor in her hand was still subtly there, and she was right. They were friends. They had been friends before and he would hope they would continue to be friends after. After all, he was still friends with Allie and Gabby. Erin had remained friends with Severide, even whilst they were dating. It was possible to remain in a purely platonic relationship with your ex without wanting more. Some relationships just aren't meant to be romantically. He owed Hailey that much to be here after she had gone through something so traumatic earlier today.

"Come here," he said.

He stood up then, taking her hand into one of his own and pulling her to sit next to him on the couch. She sat there stiff for a moment, before she leaned her head against his shoulder and relaxed.

"Thanks Jay, I really need the silence."

"Yeah…" he trailed.

"Just half an hour. And then we can talk," she closed her eyes then, basking in his warmth.

Truth was, after his realisation had occurred, he wanted nothing more than to go rushing to Hank Voight's house and declare his feelings to Erin. But he knew he couldn't do that until he spoke to Hailey. And then there was a small part of him that didn't want to go at all. Because what would happen if he turned up at her door and she slammed it in his face? If she did, he wouldn't blame her. Or worse, what would happen if he told her how he felt but she didn't reciprocate? Because what then? He told her he loved her, she told him he had hurt her too badly for her to accept his declaration and then..? He knew she was returning to New York. What could come of this declaration? The fear of rejection almost paralysed him. If he didn't give his heart away, maybe this time he wouldn't hurt so bad when she left. Still, he knew he wanted to be with her, or near her. He needed to see her face, her smile and hear her tell him that she had forgiven him. That this time, romantically or platonically, their relationship meant way too much to her for her to go running for the hills without keeping in contact.

As his mind remained conflicted, his heart knew one thing. Regardless of his decision, in half an hour he and Hailey would have to speak. But for now, he was here for his friend because she needed him. He didn't want to break up with her and have her hate him and lose her friend on the same day she was almost killed. He could wait just a little while longer.

Before he could voice this, there was a knock on the door.

Hailey straightened up frowning to herself.

"You expecting anyone?"

Jay shook his head.

"I'll go see who it is," and with that, he walked to the door.

Erin stood outside the door desperately trying her best to calm her breath. Antonio had dropped her home once she was discharged, having borrowed Gabby's car to arrive at the scene where Erin was shot. He was now headed back to Gabby's to spend a little more time with his sister and niece, but had promised to come back later in the evening to check up on her. For now, Erin was under strict instruction by Antonio to rest. But she had soon found herself growing restless in the empty house and it didn't take much thinking to figure out why. Erin couldn't sit still. It just wasn't in her nature. So after one call to her favourite desk Sergeant, and she had gotten the address she had sought and had come. But not after she popped to the shops to bring a gift, because despite the concussion and the soreness she was feeling, it was against her nature to go empty handed. Besides, apologies were received better if they came with gifts, right?

She couldn't stay for too long, she knew that much. Kim had called her on her way over notifying Erin that she and Adam were coming to spend the evening with her to keep her company, but that they just had to run a quick errand first. Some part of that helped Erin calm her nerves, because if things got awkward, she could bolt using that as an excuse. But she quickly shot that thought down. The whole purpose of her being here, of her coming to apologise was to show that this time she was making the effort. That this time, even though he had cut the ropes, she wouldn't let him push her away. That this time she wasn't going to run, but that she was here to stay in whatever capacity he wanted. Though she loved him, she would be happy to have him in her life in whatever capacity he wanted. She had missed him, and if being friends was what was best for them moving forward, she would settle for that. She just didn't not want him in her life. His presence, having him on her side and by her side, well that was everything.

Before she could regret coming, she inhaled deeply and knocked on the door. It felt like forever, as she stood there waiting for the door to be answered. In nervousness, she began to trace circles on the carpet below her with the heel of her boot. Finally, the door opened.

"Erin, hi!" he looked surprised to see her.

She frowned.

"Adam. What are you doing here?"

Adam scratched the back of his neck.

"We erm, Kim and I were headed over to yours, we just wanted to pop in to quickly check how Jay and Hailey were doing before we did."

Erin nodded silently. She could tell Adam was feeling awkward. He looked like he was caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

"Kim told you," she nodded, saying it more to herself than to him.

He stood there gawking, not knowing what to say.

"It's cool Adam. I'm here with the olive branch," she said lifting the bottle of scotch she had in her hand. It was the same kind she had brought Jay on his birthday some years back. She knew just how much he had liked it, and now that she was on a federal paycheck, buying luxurious items was a lot easier to do without worrying about the cost. Besides, she hoped the peace offering would go a long way to making amends.

Ruzek's eyes just bulged at the bottle, the previous awkwardness completely dissolved from him.

"Well come in then! He better share! We can stay a little while longer right? For a drink? I mean now that you're here we might as well stay…" he babbled.

Erin laughed at his excitement.

"I swear to God, Linds. You ruined the taste of every other scotch for me after I drank my first sip of that stuff. I've been like a man dying of thirst unable to quench it unless I had the real thing."

Erin rolled her eyes.

"Get out of here!" She said shaking her head in laughter and clamping a hand on her shoulder.

Erin followed Adam in the living room, feeling confident knowing both Kim and Adam were here. Though she planned on speaking to Jay in private, knowing her friends were just a few metres away would make her feel a lot less lonely. Otherwise, this was Jay and Hailey's home. She felt like she was walking into a lion's den. The mere idea of this place, their home, the both of theirs was enough to tear her heart into shreds. But after her talk with Antonio, she had decided that making amends was the first step. She wouldn't confess to Jay, she wouldn't put him in an uncomfortable position. For now, just having him back in her life would have to be enough. She had missed him too much, and she wasn't about to let her unreciprocated feelings jeopardize the potential opportunity to connect with him again. If they were meant to be, they would be. She would somehow learn to get over her feelings or die trying.

But as soon as she stepped into their living room, she wasn't prepared for what she saw, her whole will crumbling at large.

Sat on the couch was Will and Natalie, cuddled in each other's embrace. Will had both his arms around Natalie's pregnant stomach and the two seemed blissfully happy. She and Will had managed to talk earlier at the hospital. Things had been awkward to say the least when she had first been admitted into his care. To say things had gone smoothly between the two when Erin had left was… well it was the least true thing there was. Will had left her multiple voicemails after she arrived in New York. He had told her she didn't deserve his brother, that he had told Jay Erin didn't want to be saved and that he would be better off to learn that as quickly as possible and that Erin leaving had just proved him right. Erin had enough one day, and picked up her phone in a drunken rage. They had gone back and forth shouting at each other and accusing one another and in the end, she had told Will to go to hell. That was the last time she heard from Will Halstead until she returned to Chicago earlier this week. But he had finally apologised today, admitting that he had just been looking out for his brother but that he should've known it wasn't his place to meddle in because he didn't know the full story. He had thanked her for saving Hailey, and for once again, looking out for his brother's best interests. Erin had graciously accepted his apology, knowing that despite her strained relationship with Teddy, if someone left her brother without saying goodbye and broke his heart, she would react in the same way.

But things with Natalie, well Erin couldn't find herself to be as forgiving until they somehow addressed the elephant in the room. Natalie had been one of the few girlfriends that Erin had had in Chicago. They weren't the closest of friends by any means, but they had hung about with one another multiple times and had worked together on multiple other occasions. So Erin couldn't help but feel betrayed that Natalie had made a move on Jay as soon as he had broken up with her. Erin's bed was still warm, and there Nat was, ready to pounce. Maybe it hadn't been that explicit, but the jealousy and betrayal that Erin had felt couldn't help but make her feel this way. At the end of the day, the truth of the matter was that Nat knew Erin loved Jay, even if she wasn't aware that it was Jay that had broken up with her and that their breakup was mutual, and she still asked him out. It went against every law of girl code, and call Erin petty, but she wasn't able to look Nat in the eye without remembering what had happened, even if from her last meeting with her earlier this week at Molly's, Nat seemed none the wiser to how Erin felt.

She quickly averted her gaze to absorb the other familiar faces in the room. Kim was seated on the couch next to both Will and Nat, a smile brimming on her face as soon as she saw Erin.

Kev and Vanessa had taken up residence on an armchair next to the sofa, Vanessa sitting in Kevin's lap with a hand placed on Hailey's shoulder. Hailey was seated on the floor at the bottom of the armchair, her own hand raised and pressed up against Vanessa's, her side leaning up against Jay who had taken her hand in his other one. He hadn't noticed her, and she was glad. Because if he did, he might have seen the smile she had forced onto her face waver at the sight of him and Hailey. Of course the room was filled with the people that were here. Hailey and Jay had gone through an ordeal today, they would be here to support them. It wasn't like she was completely alone either. Kim and Adam were stopping by, Antonio and Mouse too. She had a support system of her very own. But standing here now, seeing every single person in this room paired up with another, each couple content in the presence of their other half… well it made Erin feel incredibly lonely and incredibly out of place. Her confidence was in tatters, and Erin wanted nothing more than to be back at Voight's in her room, away from here.

"Erin!" Kim called out, excitement bubbling in her voice. "I'm so glad you're here! Adam and I were just about to head over to yours soon. Come, sit!" she added patting the space next to her on the couch.

Erin gave Kim a meek smile, suddenly not in the mood to socialise. From the corner of her eye, she noticed Jay's head lift up to look at her as soon as her name was called.

"I'm not staying, I was actually going to call you… I erm," Erin hesitated trying to buy time to think of a plausible excuse. "I was headed to the hospital to go visit Hank. I guess after the events of today I just wanted to be near him. I'm sorry we can't hang out," she said.

Erin watched as a frown formed on Kim's head. She felt like the worst person in the world for lying to her friend, but right now, she just wanted to be alone.

"It's okay, another time," Kim replied genuinely. "You sure you don't want me to come with you? Adam and I could…"

Erin shook her head.

"No honestly, I'm good, you guys have fun." She turned to look at Hailey then, careful to completely skip over the man who sat next to her that owned Erin's heart. She couldn't face him now. She couldn't. She should've known she wasn't prepared. Seeing him with Hailey hurt. But his words were still ringing in her mind. He wanted her to not be his problem anymore. How could she be selfish enough to drag him into her world and her mess all over again? And then, quite frankly, she was still a little upset at his words.

Careful to avoid Jay's gaze, she looked at his fiance instead.

"I just wanted to check in with you, see how you're doing."

Hailey looked shocked at Erin's question, effectively dropping Vanessa's hand and sitting up straight, removing contact with Jay. Jay. Stop thinking about him she scolded herself. If he was constantly on her mind, it was only a matter of time before it would show on her face and she couldn't have that happen. Especially since he sat there now, eyes closed in what looked supiciously close to annoyance, his nostrils flaring ever so slightly. Not enough for others to noticed, but she did. She had traced that face a thousand times before as they lay in bed together. Had memorised every feature which had long been imprinted in her mind. She was able to detect the most miniscule of changes or differences that others may not have noticed.

"Me?!" Hailey asked flabbergasted. "I'm good because of you. You took a bullet that was meant for me Erin, I should be asking you that!"

She noticed Jay was about to open his mouth to say something but she wasn't ready to hear it. It was probably to ask her to leave his home after the way she had hurt him.

Still, Erin felt her cheeks redden at the praise and the sudden attention on her in the room. She looked down at her feet.

"I'm glad you're good, well I best get going-"

Jay looked like he was ready to stand up and say something.

Will's voice suddenly cut her off and stopped him.

"Erin, you said you knew the concussion protocol."

Erin turned to face him frowning in confusion, noticing Jay had halted at Will's voice.

He jerked his chin towards the bottle of scotch in her hand, "You shouldn't be drinking," he scolded lightly.

Erin quickly tucked the bottle into her side, label facing inwards, hoping and praying that Jay didn't notice it, or at the very least recognise it. She couldn't give it now. Not since she had decided she wasn't going to make a spectacle of herself and apologise. Now wasn't the right time, she had read the room, and her apology would merely make things about her. This wasn't about her. But she couldn't give it to Hailey either. What would she say? Congratulations, you lived? It hardly seemed appropriate or sensitive.

"It's not for me," she began explaining, "it's for a friend. He, erm, called earlier and heard what happened so he's flying in later.I thought I'd get him some seeing as he'll be staying with me and for some reason Hank's liqeur cabinet is empty." A lie. They seemed to suddenly be flowing out of her so easily. Or at least it was a partial lie, Nate was coming, and he would be staying with her. But Hank had plenty of alcohol, and this bottle in particular was intended for Jay.

"A friend?" Kim asked curiously.

"Yeah, Antonio spoke to Nate earlier so he's catching the first available flight."

Erin didn't need to explain any further, she had already filled Kim in on her partner when she had first arrived and Kim had asked for all the details during her catchup.

Jay abruptly stood up then and left the room. Erin was partially relieved for she didn't have to be so self conscious anymore, and partially upset, no, devastated by the lack of his presence. Could he not stand to be in the same room as her anymore?

"Anyway, I better head to the hospital if I'm to see Hank and get home before Nate arrives, it was good seeing you all," she said waving her hound around the room and plastering a smile on her face.

"Thanks for coming," Hailey said, standing up and looking to the direction that Jay had just left in.

"Of course," Erin nodded, and then she rushed to leave, hoping that out of sight, out of mind would take effect as soon as she did.

Jay stood there waiting in his bedroom until he heard the front door close. As soon as it did, he stepped outside and walked down the hallway to the living room only to see Hailey headed his way. She wore a look of concern and pity on her face. He was tired of people looking at him concernedly all week. He didn't deserve it.

"Hey, maybe we should-"

"Not now Hailey," he said brushing past her. He desperately needed a drink.

"Jay, we said half an hour. I know Will showed up then but-"

"Exactly," he muttered. "We have guests."

He didn't want to have the conversation now. Not when he felt every ounce of hope drained from his body. Not when he felt so defeated. And definitely not whilst his friends and family were sitting some few metres away. He wouldn't put Hailey through that humiliation.

When he had heard Erin's name, hope had stirred inside of him. She was here. She came. And a part of him hoped that she came for him, despite how unrealistic he felt it would be. But looking at her standing there, as beautiful as ever despite the puffiness around her red rimmed eyes he was overwhelmed by the amount of guilt he felt, ashamed by the fact that him and his words had caused her that pain. She couldn't even stand to look at him, and though Jay wanted to hold her in his arms and repeatedly tell her he was sorry, his tongue felt heavy, his body numb. She hated him. The way she refused to meet his gaze told him as much.

But then she revealed she had been there for Hailey. And Jay couldn't help but feel the irritation that crept up in him. Why was his girl always so selfless? Why couldn't she allow herself to be taken care of the way she took care of others. His girl. That was the thing, she wasn't his girl anymore. She hadn't been in a long time. He closed his eyes so as to cut his view of her that was distracting him. But also to ensure he wasn't reminded as a view of physical proof the pain that his words had caused her. He had to remember that she wasn't his anymore.

As she got to leave, he was ready to lay everything out. Apologise, tell her how he felt the lot. He hadn't yet had his conversation with Hailey, but something about Erin's presence made him want to scream his declaration of his feelings from the rooftops. It was suffocating to keep it bottled up, and that was saying something because just looking at her made him breathless. He was at a serious disadvantage here.

But then she just had to mention Nate. It was a slap in Jay's face. She wasn't his anymore. She didn't need him anymore. She had someone else now. He had to let her go. She was better off without him. Jay felt sick at the thought, unable to stay in the room and hear any of it any longer. He just had to get out of here.

"Oh, there you two are!" Kim's voice brought him back to the present. "We were just headed out, and wanted to see if you were all good."

"We are Kim. Thanks for coming," Jay replied.

"Why don't you both stay a while? V and Kev are still here right? And Will and Nat," Hailey asked.

Kim looked hesitant to Adam and then back to Hailey and Jay. Adam was avoiding their gazes. It was clear that him and Kim had already had a conversation of sorts.

"We thought we'd pop by the hospital and hang with Erin for a while. It's been a while since we've visited Voight too so.."

Jay's heart clenched. He should go with them. He should be there for her, in whatever capacity she needed. But if he went, and that Nathan arrived… no. He'd stay here until everyone had left and he'd had a chance to properly sit down with Hailey and talk. Having Vanessa here really had seemed to calm her down, and he didn't want to kick everyone out when Hailey seemed to be doing much better in their presence.

So instead, he went back into the living room and poured himself a drink, zoning out and droning out all the chatter in the room. It must have been some half an hour later when his phone buzzed in his pocket. It was a text from Mouse.

Get to the hospital as soon as you can. Erin needs you.

Jay ignored the message. Clearly, Erin didn't need him. She would do fine without him. All he seemed to do was cause her pain. And besides, if Mouse knew she was at the hospital, he was probably there with her. As long as she wasn't alone, Jay could live with that.

He wasn't sure when, but the next time he looked up, Vanessa and Kevin had left to go home. He was patiently waiting for his brother and sister in law to leave. It had been a long day, and he knew they were only here because they were concerned, but like Jay had been thinking all day, he was done with everyones concern.

It was Will and Nat's phones going off that pulled him out of his thoughts.

Nat stood up and answered her call heading to the kitchen to speak, but not before he heard her say "Hey Maggie."

"Shit," Will muttered under his breath furiously typing away on his phone.

"Everything okay?" Hailey asked.

It was as though Will only just noticed the two of them, he looked up from his phone and his face immediately dropped. Jay's heart sank in anticipation of what it was he was going to say. He knew that face. That face did not look like the bearer of good news.

"Voight's brain activity has changed over the past hour,"

Jay watched with bated breath as he waited for Will to explain further. His mind ran back to mentally read over Mouse's message for any signs of news beyond what will had just said. Jay couldn't speak. Why couldn't he speak? Thankfully, Hailey spoke for him.

"And?"

"He seems to be coming out of his coma, but whilst he is, his vitals are dropping. At this point they don't want to induce another coma in fear of him not waking up and possibly being placed in a vegetative state, but with the way his vitals are dropping, saying subdued may be the best thing for him."

Hailey sucked in a breath.

"What are they going to do?"

Jay noted how Will was staring at him still whilst he answered Hailey's question.

"I'm not sure. Abrams is discussing it with Sharon Godwin as we speak. I think I'm going to go over there and see if I can find out more," he stood up lifting his jacket from the arm of the couch and shrugging it on.

At this point, Nat returned to the room.

"Will we gotta-"

"I know," Will replied, "Ethan just messaged me."

She nodded as Will moved to where she was standing and helped her bundle up to prepare for stepping into the Chicago cold.

"You coming?" he asked Jay and Hailey.

Hailey nodded, Jay shook his head.

"Jay! This is Voight we're talking about," Hailey looked furious.

But Jay couldn't think about Voight. The only name that was spinning around in his head was Erin. If anything happened to Voight whilst he was there, how would he then ever look Erin in the eyes. It was his fault Voight was laid up in that bed in the first place. He didn't deserve to be in that room.

Jay stared at the drip of condensation fall down the neck of the bottle of beer that sat in front of him on the coffee table.

"I'm not coming," he replied defiantly.

"Jay," he could hear the disdain in Will's voice. "Whatever issues you have going on-"

"Spare me the lecture Will. If you're going, just go. But don't expect me to come with you."

"Suit yourself," Will replied in annoyance before the three of them left, leaving Jay all alone in an empty apartment.

Jay had wanted to be alone all evening, and now that he finally was, he instantly regretted it. For the quiet of the apartment meant he now was left alone with his thoughts. Thoughts that were running a rampage in his mind and making him dizzy.

He pulled out his phone and stared at the message Mouse had left him.

Erin needs you.

Erin needs you.

Erin needs you.

The words were burnt into his brain the amount of times he read them, over and over again. Erin needed him. This wasn't about his fear of his feelings getting hurt or his heart getting broken. This should never have been about him. He loved her. He had to be there for her, even if it wasn't in the way he wanted to be. This wasn't about him. She was constantly putting other people's feelings above her own, it was time someone did the same for her, Jay thought. And with that, he stumbled to his feet dialling a cab. He wasn't sure what she was still doing here.

The next half an hour waiting and on his way to med was a blur. All Jay had hoped was he got there before anything serious happened. He regretted not leaving earlier with his brother. He regretted ignoring Mouse's message. Hell, he regretted not leaving with Kim and Adam. Jay had ample opportunity, he had just been too stubborn to take it. Now he just hoped he wasn't too late.

As soon as he arrived at Hank Voight's room, there were a few things Jay noticed. The first was that every member of Intelligence, Mouse and Antonio were already there. The second, was that the mood was sombre and stifling, the atmosphere reminiscent of that at a wake. The third was how extremely silent it was, except for a few sniffles and whispers coming from Erin. She was crouched over Hank's bed, her face buried in his neck and she desperately whispered to him. Jay couldn't tell exactly what it was that she was saying, but he suspected it was desperately close to asking Hank to wake up. Both Kim and Antonio had a hand on each of her shoulders, silent tears rolling down Kim's face.

Jay's heart clenched at the sight. He wanted nothing more than to wrap her in his arms and protect her from all the pain and hurt she was feeling. But that wasn't possible. Jay had read the room. So he stood there, at a loss, tense and frozen unable to do or say anything. Mouse slowly came up to him and placed a hand on Jay's shoulder.

And then it all happened so quickly. He heard it first. The rapid beating on the heart monitor, followed by a flatline. Erin shrieked, a sharp animalistic cry emanating from her as she collapsed into a puddle on the floor. Kim dropped immediately beside her wrapping her up in her arms, holding her head in her hand and mourning her boss and the grief of her friend. Jay stood watching in horror, this couldn't be happening. Jay rushed to Hank's bedside and began frantically offering CPR. Hank Voight did not just get to flatline in a hospital bed. Not when he was all that Erin had left. He noticed vaguely the flurry of doctors and nurses that entered the room and frantically began to work. One of them had told him to move out the way so they could continue the CPR. But it was all muffled and Jay didn't hear them properly because Erin's shriek was still echoing in his ears. The tormenting sound was all he could hear on repeat in his mind, and it was that sound that motivated him to continue pressing harder and faster, despite how increasingly tired his arms were becoming. Jay pressed with all of his might, hoping something would come out of it but nothing changed. The monitor still showed a flatline.

By now, others had began an attempt to remove Jay, but he forcefully shrugged off everyone that tried. He couldn't let Hank go. He owed that much to Erin. He cries were still haunting him, as he persisted. It was only after one of the doctors insisted he moved so that they could call time of death, that Jay realised he had tried and lost. Angry at himself, he cursed.

"Damn it! No!"

He slammed his fist on Hank's chest in anger and a deafening crack sounded in the room. Jay stumbled back in shock, afraid of what the noise had meant.

"You broke his rib," one of the nurses hissed.

Jay couldn't care less at that point. Hank was dead, he had failed, what did a cracked rib matter?

But then a slow beep sounded. At first Jay wasn't sure he had heard it, but when Erin's head lifted from the ground he knew it was real. And then another, and then another. The monitor began beeping back to normal, signalling that Hank was indeed alive. Jay exhaled a sigh of relief, looking over to Erin who was switching looking through tear stained eyes back and forth between Hank and the monitor to check he was really alive, and Jay, with a look of immense gratitude. And then Jay couldn't help it. He walked over to her and grabbed her into his arms wrapping her into his embrace and pressing his cheek into her hair. He closed his eyes momentarily, and let the smell of her honey scented shampoo ground him. And with her in his arms, he was able to forget about the exhaustive events of the day and just focus on the women he loved. Everything was right again, he was home and he was whole.

Erin sobbed into his chest, clutching at his shirt with both her hands, clearly emotionally drained and distressed.

"Shhh…" Jay mumbled into her hair, soothingly stroking the back of her head, "It's okay, I'm here Er and I'm not going anywhere. I'm sorry I ever left… shhhh…It's okay now, everything is going to be okay."

Eventually, Erin's cries reduced to sniffles and hiccups before she finally went still. He peeled himself away from her and looked down to find that she had fallen asleep in his arms though she was still standing. His body had borne the weight of hers though, and with how eventful the day had been for her, he wasn't surprised.

"Poor thing," Mouse spoke, breaking the silence in the room. "I don't know how much more she'll be able to take."

Kim nodded solemnly.

"Maybe I should take her home," she said. "She needs some rest."

Jay shook his head.

"I'll take her," he said.

"No offence Jay, but you drank quite a bit this evening. You shouldn't be driving," Adam stated.

He was about to open his mouth to state he would never endanger Erin's life like that and that he hadn't actually driven here when Hailey beat him to it.

"It's okay, I'll drive," Hailey spoke, placing a tender hand on Jay's arm as she spoke. "Come on Jay, let's go."

The rest of the team stood where they were. It looked like they were going to stay here for the night.

"Let me know if anything changes," he spoke to no one in particular before lifting Erin in his arms and cradling her to his chest and following Hailey out of the room.

When they got to Hailey's car, Jay slid into the backseat not letting go of Erin all the while. He had promised her he wasn't going to leave her, and he intended on keeping that promise.

Hailey drove in silence, and whilst Jay wanted to know what she was thinking, he left the rise and fall of Erin's chest and her soft breaths calm him. It was the simplest of things, but even after all these years, she had such an affect and such a hold on him.

When they arrived, he instructed Hailey on where she could find the spare key to Hank's house and Hailey unlocked the door for him. He carried Erin up the stairs, Hailey following suit to switch on the lights so Jay didn't bump into any walls or furniture along the way. When they arrived at Erin's room, Hailey peeled back the comforter as Jay gently rested her body against the mattress before brushing the stray hairs from her face. Pulling off her boots and lining them neatly at the end of the bed, he pulled the comforter back up and allowed it to cover her. Hailey was noticeably standing by the door, but as he stood there watching Erin struggle to find a comfortable position, he couldn't help but feel like something was wrong. She looked so small, so fragile and alone curled up under the covers that it broke his heart.

"I'll be a minute," he whispered to Hailey before leaving in search of Hank's linen closet.

When he finally returned some moments later, Hailey raised her eyebrow at him questioningly but he ignored it. He went directly to her bed and positioned the four pillows that he had brought with him in the manner she liked them. He had already noticed she was sleeping with two under her head, but her remainder comfort pillows were missing and he hoped now that he brought them, it would give her some peace in her sleep. As if by instinct, Erin automatically pulled the pillow he had placed against her chest into herself further, as she finally stopped tossing and relaxed into her pillows, the sight bringing a small smile on his lips.

"I'll wait for you in the car," Hailey whispered, before leaving him alone in the room with her.

As he stood there staring at her, he wanted nothing more than to kick off his own boots and lay beside her. But he knew he had to do it now. There was no putting it off. The look on Hailey's face as she left told him she was ready, and so was he. If he wanted to be here for Erin, truly be here for her in the long run, then he would have to leave her alone tonight. But he would come back first thing in the morning before she woke.

So with great reluctance, he stroked her forehead gently with the pad of his thumb.

"Sleep well my angel," he whispered, before he closed his eyes and pressed a kiss to her forehead, allowing his lips to linger for a moment.

His lips tingled with the feeling of her skin underneath them, but he knew if he didn't leave now he wouldn't be able to leave. So he pulled away slowly, and glanced at her one last time before he whispered 'I love you' into the darkness and left.

Author's note: 7677 words in 24 hours with work. I wrote like a madwoman today. Hope you liked, leave a review please x