A/N: Can't put links in here, alas, but over on Ao3 I've posted this same fic with links to examples of these obstacles. Yes, they exist. Yes, they were lifted wholesale from watching American Ninja Warrior. You can't tell me that's not exactly what a SOLDIER-grade obstacle course looks like. XD


"Angeeeeeeal!"

At this point in his life, Angeal was rather used to his name being shouted from varying distances. Less by his adoring fans (bless them, his were the tame ones) and more by his adoring friends. Given that two of the greatest offenders were also two of the most dramatic men he knew, well, there was a lot of variation in how it was said. That there? Classic I-am-excited Zack call to attention.

"AnGEAL!"

…followed by an equally classic but somewhat unexpected addition from Genesis in the key of 'annoyed cat' or 'pay attention to me NOW' depending on who you asked. He was intrigued, and also very much concerned. He had not let Zack with Genesis. By all accounts Genesis hadn't even been in yet, as he was traditionally closer to keeping second shift styled hours and was… morning averse to boot.

Angeal checked the corner of his computer screen, just to be sure.

9:00am.

Absolutely too early for Genesis - ah. The door to his office hissed open and Zack popped his head in, waving excitedly as Genesis breezed past him with a thermos of what smelled like Death Wish coffee. Indeed, a death wish if he hadn't had First Class metabolism to burn through it. Well, that answers that. He'd just never gone to bed.

"Angeal!" Zack repeated, bounding in as Genesis promptly draped himself in one of his office chairs.

He tried not to pay attention as he uncapped the thermos, skipped the cup-cap entirely, and drank straight from it. From the angle he tipped it, he'd been working at it a while.

"Yes, puppy?" Angeal asked, dragging his attention back to Zack who was bouncing at the end of his desk. If Genesis had given him some of the coffee, they were having words.

"I wanna go to the Playground."

Angeal's brows rose and he looked at Genesis.

This was a mistake, as Zack made a sound perilously close to a squeal and bounced. "It's real, oh my god. We have a legit SOLDIER playground and you never told me? Angeal!"

"It's not a playground, it's a training facility," Angeal said, sighing.

"The spec file for the initial designs -" Genesis started to point out, which he put a stop to at once.

"That was on Reeve, who has… a very interesting sense of humor," Angeal said.

"I wanna go," Zack said. "We've got to go, it's Saturday why are you even in the office oh my god there is a playground I haven't been to a legit playground in -"

"It isn't a playground," Angeal said, words falling on deaf ears. Zack was starry eyed and gleeful.

"Neither are the VR rooms," Genesis said mildly. At Angeal's stern, exasperated look, he smiled faintly and arched a brow with a little shrug. "Shall I go rescue Sephiroth from his reports? He'd hate to be left out, you know. Maybe bring some apples -"

"Can we do a picnic?" Zack's eyes went wide. "Can this be a whole thing? Please? It's in a secret facility out in the Wastes that's got to be like, a day trip, we don't want to have to break for lunch and a hangry SOLDIER is a dangerous SOLDIER."

"Of course, puppy," Genesis said, smiling. "Angeal, you finish up here, I'll have a word with Sephiroth and swing back by my place for some snacks, and we'll take your jeep out to the facility, shall we?"

"Genesis," he complained, and something - either his tone or just the years and years in each other's pocket personally and professionally - must have told Genesis that was as good as a white flag because he smiled approvingly.

"Thank you, 'geal," Genesis said, getting up with a hum and going down the hall to poke his head in Sephiroth's office.

Angeal tried to give Zack a stern look, but that was almost impossible to do mid-hug, which was exactly what he ended up with as Zack made his way around the big desk and hugged him around the shoulders. "Don't make me regret this, Zack."

"Never," Zack said, grinning so wide it hurt to watch. "Aaaah I can't wait!"

"You're going to have to, Gen will need time to get food together and I've got to wind things up here."

They were still attempting to tetris four SOLDIERs into Angeal's "car" - a converted Humvee that really was all that would fit the four of them - in under an hour. He felt a little less guilty seeing even a sparkle in Sephiroth's eyes at the thought.

Okay, so maybe it was kind of almost a sort of playground for SOLDIERs. Maybe. (Or at least that was how they'd been treating it. It was really a wonder Zack hadn't found out about it sooner, considering Kunsel's tendency to stick his nose into everything and Cissnei's penchant for dropping little tidbits and teasers just to see what kind of reaction she'd get.

From the outside, there were two things to be said about the facility: it was very large, and very plain. As one might expect from a little known military facility really. Those who knew what was in it didn't need something to lure them in, and it was better that everyone else overlook it, buried in one of the canyons and dug even further into the craggy rock beneath.

"Sooo… what's in here?" Zack asked.

Genesis paused, glancing at him. "…you really don't know?"

"No? I just was pretty sure it existed. Why do you think I asked?" Zack said.

"Why Genesis and not Angeal?" Sephiroth asked.

"I would also like to know that," Angeal said. He was the mentor here, even if Genesis had insisted on taking over Zack's materia training.

"It's barely ten now, wasn't even quite nine when we talked - if he wasn't in 'firaga to the face' mode or asleep, he'd fold under his own wants," Zack said confidently. "Angeal's like a mountain. He doesn't move unless you spend a lot of time working on him. Not for me, anyway."

"I feel like I should be offended, but I choose to be flattered that you've given me so much thought," Genesis decided.

Zack gave him a sunny smile and leaned into Angeal's hand when he patted his head. "You're welcome!"

"Come on, let's show you," Angeal said, smiling faintly. "But you're going to have to keep up."

"I always have to keep up with you three, 'geal, this isn't a new expectation," Zack said. "Except when we do videogames… though, Seph's getting really good at Chocobo Kart."

"I just pretend I'm Genesis and I'm going to be late for a show at the theater," Sephiroth said.

"Hey." Genesis scowled. "As if I'd risk being late."

"…love that that's the protest." Angeal shook his head and went to swipe a card, then placed an ungloved hand on a palm reader. When the door slid open, he waved them all inside.

The lights clicked on as soon as they'd entered, and Zack made a breathy sound of glee. "It's an obstacle course?"

"It contains an obstacle course, yes," Sephiroth agreed, smiling.

Zack was starry eyed as he went to check it out, looking at bizarre obstacles that he'd never seen before. It was like someone had taken the concept of an obstacle course, looked at the trio standing behind him, and cranked it up until the knob broke off. Setting: the most extra.

"Okay like, how do you do this?" Zack asked.

"You have to make your way across each obstacle, from one standing platform to the next, without falling into the water pit below," Angeal said.

Zack eyed several disconnected horizontal pipes, with some sort of thick rubbery tubing around them. "Yeah… but… how?"

"That's up to you," Sephiroth said, shrugging. He had removed his coat and was working his hair into a braid. "We all require somewhat different techniques, due to a variety of factors. Angeal, for example, has a wicked grip strength. I happen to be exceptionally tall. Genesis, for once, is actually usually at an advantage for height here."

"…that does not help at all," Zack complained.

"We'll let you choose one of us to demonstrate before it's your turn," Angeal promised. "And it's not the end of the world if you get wet. It's not like we're doing this for a strict competition this time, it's just for fun."

"Playground," Zack whispered.

"Training ground," Angeal corrected, but he smiled. "Training can be fun too, you know."

"True," Zack said, slowly looking the course over.

It wasn't an obstacle course like he was used to in its content, which was understandable if it was meant to challenge SOLDIER's finest. But what surprised him was that there was a difference in the flow, too. The obstacles didn't bleed into one another, there were small cushioned pads between each obstacle. If they weren't being timed, you could conceivably stop to catch your breath and assess the next obstacle instead of launching straight into it… strange, but he was grateful for it. He had a feeling even getting to watch someone go first he was going to struggle.

But oh, what fun it would be even then.

"Lazard's put in some new ones," Sephiroth observed, peering down the line. His braid was now being put into a bun with far more hairpins than Zack had ever seen him have to deal with. He noticed Zack watching and smiled faintly. "I prefer not to be disqualified because I was upside down and my hair touched the water."

"Ohhhhh." Yeah, that'd suck. Zack nodded. "So, uh, I'm second run?"

"After whoever you pick to demonstrate, yes," Angeal said.

Zack considered that, looking between Genesis and Angeal. He was taller than Genesis, he knew - it was especially obvious since he'd put on boots without the chunk of heel. But there was a smaller gap between him and Genesis than him and Angeal, who was taller still. He'd probably have an easier time adapting Genesis' strategies.

"Genesis," he said firmly.

Genesis smiled, not at all looking surprised, and set down his coffee mug by a cooler that was off to the side. "Good choice."

"What's in the cooler?" Zack asked.

"Sports drinks and water," Angeal said. "For hydration and restoring electrolytes depending on how long we go for."

"And of course I did pack lunch," Genesis said. He stepped up to the starting block, tossing his gloves back where he'd left his coat and eyeing the first obstacle: five contact points, alternating from side to side so there were three on one side and two on the other. Each one was angled and perfectly smooth, maybe twice as wide as Zack's boot and roughly as high. What the hell -

Genesis took a bounding step to the first one on the left, and bounced back and forth between them until he reached the rope at the end, catching hold of it and harmlessly swinging to the pad at the other side.

Zack felt himself grin. "Oh."

"Yes, puppy, oh." Genesis winked and approached the next obstacle, a round beam that stretched entirely across maybe ten feet of water pit. At a glance it seemed simpler. Sure, it was curved, but you just ran across it, right? Not terrible.

It. Spun.

Zack's jaw dropped a little and he made a squeaky sound. "That's not fair!"

"Part of the challenge, Zack," Angeal said, patting his shoulder.

"Running across a curved, four inch wide surface isn't challenge enough?" Zack said.

"Not for us," Sephiroth said. "You'll notice Genesis had no problems."

"Ohhhh my god if I wipe on the second obstacle I will never live it down," Zack moaned.

"Rookie mistakes are rookie mistakes," Genesis called back, already getting ready for the third obstacle. "It happens."

"No one's going to hold it against you if you have trouble, Zack," Angeal said.

"I will hold it against me," Zack insisted.

"Accepting you make mistakes is an important life skill," Angeal said patiently. "You'll get to try again."

Zack pouted, but nodded. He came up to eye the next obstacle, squinting at it. "…what is that?"

"Hell," Sephiroth muttered.

There were two walls, fairly close together, and perfectly smooth. As far as Zack could see, there was absolutely nothing to hold on to, and there were trampolines at a couple points. There was absolutely no way he could launch himself through a maybe four foot gap and jump that far. Maybe these three could, with their practice in aerial combat, but he wasn't trained for that.

Genesis launched himself from the first trampoline and stuck between the walls, one hand and one foot per side, holding himself suspended between them safely above the water by sheer arm tension. At his height, while it didn't look exactly comfortable, it wasn't terrible.

At Sephiroth's height, doing the same thing might be downright painful. He'd have to scrunch in on himself and then making the little hopping motions Genesis was making to get across? Yeah, okay. 'Hell'. At least it (probably) wouldn't be so bad for Zack.

Then Genesis slipped, and he hurried to go see if he was about to faceplant.

"And I didn't even go after him with a water gun yet," Sephiroth mused.

"…that's allowed?" Zack said.

"We won't do it to you," Angeal promised.

"Just a little extra challenge," Sephiroth said, shrugging. "Spice it up."

"Are you crazy?"

"Jury's out," Sephiroth said with a playful smile. It was a good look on him.

Genesis did end up making it through the hell-passage, at which point there was a really, really high curving wall. Not so high he couldn't make the jump, he had seen the insane, should only be in the movies with CGI or bungee cord leaps the Firsts were capable of.

Only he didn't jump.

He ran.

Right up that vertical surface, almost lazily even though realistically it was at a crazy speed. Just to show off, he gripped the wall in one hand and gave a cheeky salute before pulling himself up.

"Ever the showman," Angeal said.

"Careful, Gen, there's not room up there for you and your ego," Sephiroth called.

Genesis flipped him off, making a jump for the first of several poles on the next obstacle.

It dropped several inches, forcing him to tighten his grip before reaching upward to the next one in an effort to regain height as he continued.

Unfortunately, on the fifth one - a great big round one you couldn't wrap your hand around and had to lock your whole arm around it instead - he went down.

Genesis surfaced from the water, sputtering a little and wiping it out of his eyes as he tread in place a moment.

"Awww, fireball got snuffed out," Sephiroth said in a very unsympathetic tone.

"Bite me," Genesis grumbled, swimming over to haul his dripping self out. He accepted a hand up from Angeal, Sephiroth wisely not risking being pulled in for his teasing. "Well. So sorry I couldn't give a full demonstration, Zack. That bit's new and I underestimated it."

"I'll just be happy if I can get past those steps," Zack said. "You were awesome."

Genesis grinned. "I knew I liked you for a reason."

"Here, let's get you a towel," Angeal said, going to fetch one. "You shouldn't have worn those pants."

"Well excuse me for not expecting a subpar performance," Genesis muttered.

"No one plans to wipe out, but it happens," Angeal said. "You're going to chafe."

"I'll go get one of the spares," Genesis said, shrugging and taking the towel to dry his face and scrub at his hair a moment. "But I want to see Zack first."

Zack laughed nervously. "Okaaaay."

"Playtime, puppy," Sephiroth said, shooing him back to the course start.

Genesis had made the steps look… if not easy, than at least understandable. Zack, on the other hand, made it through by dumb luck and virtue of practice balancing at odd angles. (Thank you Reno.) His arms still spent a great deal of the time flailing around as equalizers, but hey. "I did it!"

"You did," Angeal agreed.

"Five more to go on the first portion of the track," Sephiroth informed him.

Zack also almost wiped out on the spinning log, latching onto it with both arms and legs and hanging on upside down for several long, baffling moments before he began to carefully scoot his way to the end. It was a miracle that he was able to latch on to the platform and pull himself up without dipping a foot into the water in the process. Yay core strength exercises!

But those pinched together walls you had to crabwalk through. Nope. No that was going to be so much not fun. He wouldn't be scrunched up like Sephiroth but it was still going to be a pain even if it wasn't literally. Zack wrinkled his nose, eyeing the trampoline. He took the jump.

He veered too far left, he could tell immediately that he'd gone too far to the left, and yet there was nothing he could do to stop it. He tried, futilely, to hug himself to the one wall but no luck.

He made a keening sound of dismay all the way down until the water swallowed both him and the sound.

When he broke the surface, Angeal was waiting for him with a sympathetic smile and a towel. "Good try, Zack."

"I ate wall, 'geal," Zack said, pouting.

"You did," Genesis agreed. "And I wish I'd had a picture of your face. Nonetheless, good try."

Zack swam to the edge of the water pit, hauling himself up and accepting the towel to scrub at his face and hair. "Ech."

"At least it's room temperature this time," Genesis said.

"Is it usually cold?" Zack asked.

"It was the first time we'd run it, and whenever they've just filled the pools," Angeal agreed.

"Did you have fun?" Sephiroth asked.

"Yeah, it was good," Zack admitted, blue eyes gleaming as he looked up at the walls he'd failed to conquer. "…I'm gonna get that."

"You will," Angeal said. "It just takes practice."

"…do I get to practice?" Zack asked hopefully. "Again? And again?"

The trio looked to each other a moment in their rapid, silent communication.

"…why not," Genesis agreed, grinning.

"We'll get you access," Angeal said.

"WOOHOO! Yes!" Zack did a little dance in place, no longer caring that he was dripping wet and hadn't finished the course. He was going to get another chance. Only one thing could possibly make it better. "Hey guys? About that access… you think I could bring a plus-one?"

Genesis' grin was unfairly knowing as he inclined his head. "Sure."