Author's Notes: Update time! I will update as often as I am able but I can't promise any regular schedule, so for those who have decided to follow along, please be patient with this author!
Disclaimer: I do not nor have I ever owned Star Wars. I simply play in their world.
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Once upon a time in a galaxy far, far away...
"I have love in me
the likes of which
you can scarcely imagine
and rage the likes of which
you would not believe.
If I cannot satisfy one,
I will indulge the other."
-Mary Shelley
Kylo Ren
The Steadfast
"Well grandfather," I murmur as I stare at the mask that once caused an entire galaxy to tremble in fear upon seeing that fearsome visage, "what would you say if you could see me? Would you be proud, knowing that I carry on the legacy of your dark blood?"
I close my eyes briefly as memories of what I found on Exegol come back.
Lighting racing across the hull of my ship as I pass through the atmosphere. From space Exegol is nearly invisible, a planet shrouded in darkness so that it blends in with the void except for the erratic bursts of light that create a fractured web across the surface.
This lightning is no natural storm. It follows me as I race towards my destination, an obsidian behemoth that looms in the distance.
The wayfinder has brought me to the citadel of the Sith and my TIE glides onto the open ground without contest.
The lightsaber in my hand ignites as the dry air stings my eyes and each breath I take is shattered glass down my throat.
Static bursts of lightning that dance all around me, shaking the ground as I walk but they cannot touch me.
The Force is a living shield around me and I ignore the lightning for what it is.
A distraction.
I can feel him, deep below me, a crawling evil that makes my skin tighten and grip my saber in response.
Ancient Sith runes carved into an obsidian plate and I step onto it. The ground trembles in response and slowly I begin to move below.
Much like a descent into hell.
The stench of decay, of rot, coats the air. I can feel him trying to break into my mind, an insidious whisper that leaves stains across my soul.
I have felt a similar touch in the past, back when I was still a boy. A never ending nightmare, a voice in the dark that constantly whispered to me until I broke down and could not escape.
I suffered once to have my mind evaded, to have my will bent until I became a shadow of myself and rage wraps around my soul and I snarl my defiance at this latest attempt.
I am no disgraced Padawan, no untried boy unable to control the Force.
Rancid laughter fills the air and dark things scurry into shadows as the platform touches ground.
The air is cloying, thick with illusions that poison the mind if they take hold.
"Good, very good boy. Snoke did well by you. Your mastery of the dark side is nearly complete."
As if I cared what he thought of my power.
"Come out," I tell him as I walk carefully through the crumbling halls, "and let me show you just how well I am trained."
Cruel laughter tinged with madness, a thousand dying screams that echo around me unable to give me a precise location of my quarry.
But I do not need my eyes or my ears to locate Palpatine. My Force sense alone is enough to guide me in this unyielding darkness.
"You're coming to me. Patience boy. Something that Snoke obviously did not teach you. Pity."
"Snoke is dead by my hand," I snarl at this faceless monster, "save your pity for yourself. You will need it when I am done with you."
"Such rage! Such anger! Such delicious hate," again I am assaulted by his mocking tone, the echo of broken souls seeping through, "a worthy heir to the mantle of Darth Vader."
I find that I am less than pleased to hear Palpatine say this.
"You know nothing about me."
Lightning arcs from the mist above me, slamming down at my feet but I already sensed the dark power gathering and I turn the energy away from me.
Talons dig into my mind...and I hear the cascade of voices...his...Snoke's...my grandfather's and a dozen more that I do not recognize as they try to draw out my doubts and weakness.
"My dear boy, I know everything about you. I've been with you since the beginning. Everything you crave, everything you desire, you have because of me!"
A single vision breaks through the madness of his words...fractured amber that hold the light of the sun, hair of shimmering sable with strands of hidden fire...a lilting voice that speaks a single word 'Ben'...
I hold onto her image, this one piece of light that pushes back the darkness, the echo of voices no longer drowning me.
"Then you desire your own death," I tell him as my head clears of his influence, "because that is the only thing I seek from you."
A pause, shadows writhing beneath the heavy silence as only the sound of my boots crunching gravel punctuate the gloom.
There, I hear it...the rasp of something breathing where the dark energy is coalescing. He is close, I taste his putrid stench in the back of my throat.
"My dear boy...you won't kill me." Amused words, as if the prospect of death held no sway over him, "I can give you what you most desire. The First Order was but a training ground for you. Now you are ready to move on."
Evil crawls over my skin, his voice so close that I shudder in revulsion to the miasma that his presence is creating.
I snap my saber up...and stare into the white, unseeing eyes of Palpatine.
I thought to kill him...but he is already dead, this body nothing but a animated corpse for a malignant soul. He is held up by some kind of apparatus that houses tubes into his flesh.
A death's head smile greets me, yellow teeth, sharp and pointed.
"I can taste your hate, feel your need to strike. But you hesitate and I will tell you why...because I can give you what your grandfather could never obtain."
"Your words spare your life by seconds and my patience, as you pointed out, is short. What makes you think I want anything from you?"
The Force swirls in the air around us but it is unlike anything I have felt...this power feels cold...devoid of life...
Tremors beneath my feet, growing stronger and I ground myself using the Force. I have no desire to be tossed aside like some broken toy and I watch, uncomprehending, as the sky splits open...
No, not the sky. The dome of this underground citadel is receding and I watch as the lightning illuminates shadows rising into the air.
A fleet of Star Destroyers, far more vast than what I command now.
"A ship," he murmurs,"for every planet in the galaxy. This is what I offer you, my boy. The might of the Sith Eternal...and a new Empire."
With this I could end the war within hours. The Resistance would have to accept defeat...or be annihilated.
The galaxy, by my hand, would finally know peace.
Peace...the promise I made Rey...
Such thoughts tumble through my mind and slowly I pull my saber away from Palpatine's ruined flesh.
Again I am greeted with that death head's smile, malicious and cunning.
"It is yours...but I require something in return."
Naturally. He would not give me this power without a price.
I wait, biding my silence. Whatever he wants I can sense that he needs it from me.
"End the Jedi order," there is strange madness in his voice, an obsession that goes beyond a single lifetime, "once and for all. Destroy the last light in the galaxy. The one who stands before the Sith...I want the girl...bring her before me so that I may watch you kill her! Do what Darth Vader could not...bring about the end of the Jedi."
The memories retreat and I stare at my trembling hand.
An Empire, mine for the taking...and all I have to do is kill a single person.
Rey.
My vision doubles, pressure building inside my mind and the touch of sunlight against my soul...
Her back is to me, her head bowed over something in her hands...the edges of a book.
"No...no, that's not it either..."
A lilting voice, soft with frustration and I move slowly across the glade where she sits.
Her head snaps up and she turns, eyes widening as I stare into darkening amber.
"Ren..."
She's on her feet, looking wildly around her and I feel a touch of amusement at her obvious panic.
She is searching for her companions of that I have no doubt.
"They can't see me Rey. Only you."
She stops, balling up her hands, a slight flush across her pale skin as she turns her gaze from mine.
"I know that. I just...don't want anyone to think I'm going crazy talking to myself."
"Since when did you care about the opinion of other's?"
She snaps her head up, finally looking at me once again.
"Because they matter to me, that's why! I..." she lifts her hand, dislodging several strands of hair, "why am I even explaining myself to you..."
"Why indeed."
Her mouth turns downward and I sigh. It seems all we do is fight.
"What are you reading?"
A lift of her chin and the becoming blush on her skin deepens.
"I-none of your business."
This was getting me nowhere. I move across the glade until she is forced to look up at me and reach out and pull the book from her hand.
"Hey!"
"Still reading these boring..." it wasn't one of the Jedi manuals, but a journal. Luke's journal...and a rather detailed description on the wayfinder.
I look at Rey, a mutinous light in her eyes.
"Stay away from Exegol." I snarl the words out and slam the book closed.
"No," she holds out her hand for the book, "now give that back to me. It's mine."
"Why do you defy me?"
She never listens to me.
"Why do you think you can give me orders and expect them to be obeyed!"
"Because I'm trying to protect you!"
"I don't need you to protect me! I can do that on my own!"
We glare at each other and I clench my fist, wondering not for the first time what is it about this woman that makes it impossible for me to walk away.
"You're not listening to me."
She makes a disparaging sound and throws her hands up in the air.
"Maybe you're not saying anything I want to hear! Did that ever occur to you?"
That gives me pause and the silence grows between us.
Why can't we just talk to each other...
She sighs and lowers her arms.
"Ren...why are you here?"
Weariness in her tone, as though she is tired of the endless arguments as well.
"I wanted to see you."
The words slip out before I can control my thoughts and in those brief seconds her eyes lose some of their hostility.
She steps towards me, close enough now that I can feel the gentle heat of her body.
"Why?"
"I-"
"Rey! Where are you?"
I snarl as I hear Finn's voice calling out for her and see the panic once again enter her eyes.
"Go!" she hisses at me but not before snatching Luke's journal back from my grasp. "Get out of here!"
She turns her back to me...
The Bond fades and my vision is no longer that of a sunlit glade, the moist humidity against my skin.
Once more I stare at the charred remains of my grandfather's mask.
I have already made my choice regarding the future of the galaxy.
So then...why am I still hesitating?
