Chapter 2: Welcome to Cadmus
It's the most bizarre feeling, falling. When I allowed for the Souls of millions of vengeful, twisted souls to take a ride it is a pretty thing, it felt like falling while being watched by the dead as they accused me, judging me.
I never liked this spell.
Soulmancy had a tendency to backfire when you were to use certain types of souls but like the absolute fool that I am, took it as a challenge, and eventually, I succeeded, still wasn't pretty though.
This spell also required an item from the Holocaust and you wouldn't believe how hard that shit is to bargain for in the black market, wait why was it called the 'black market' that's racist, why not call it… you know what I can't think of anything, huh.
Well anyway-
"Damn you, Constantine!" Writhed a very enraged Nergal as it was held down by bright flames with a hint of green. My eyes were literally glowing a luminescent white as my soul kept in check the millions of souls yet to be unleashed.
"Come now Nergal you didn't actually expect me to be taken by surprise did you?" I asked, taking a slight satisfaction in dominating one of the worst demons in history. "Chas calling me out of the blue? Him, of all people, getting a tip about the House? You clearly underestimated me, you always have, like everyone really." He thrashed his lower half at the flames trying to relieve some of the pressure as it pushed downward into its ribs.
That's right I knew. I mean I'm John, F-ing, Constantine if you bloody think I can't smell a trap hundreds of miles away then you were clearly dropped on your head growing up. Truthfully, since I'm clearly not omnipotent, I didn't know about Charlie's grizzly fate or Astra.
But I knew the moment my mate tried to slip me an alchemist cocktail that would make me prone to suggestions, a magic roofy if you will, the shit was of the lowest grade and tasted ghastly, then after leaving him the very same night I then did my own investigation.
True to his word the House was on its way and that right there brought hundreds of red flags to mind, how did a 7th rate sorcerer like Chas come anywhere close to this find? Why were the local supernatural folk so terrified? And above all else how did that bastard at Mcdonalds forget my milkshake!?
Right back to the plot.
"Well ugh played Consta- ahhhhg!" Applying more force into the wrathful flames, the demon howled in pain as his draconic body was being squeezed into a nice gory paste. And turning to see the expected scenery of all the other gathered schmucks being mutilated by the dead or getting the hell out of dodge I just knew the Heaven squad would be coming for my ass tonight.
WHISTLLLLEEEEE!
"Alright my fellow ghouls, ghosts, zombies, and freaks I want every single item of magical origins placed right next to the House, you three-" Pointing towards a ghost soldier, a possessed werewolf, and some bat looking monstrosity. "You'll go find that idiot Chas and I want him unharmed- wait for a second, I mean less harmed forgot I stabbed him of a second,"
Without a word shared as I walked towards the downed Demon lord, two zombies oozing fresh warm blood limped close by helping slip on my coat with practiced ease and with a slight breeze flapping the backend, I could only imagine the opposing figure I was looking to be.
Footprints fresh in blood sauntered the ground.
"Well, Nergal let's beat around the witty jabs and the fighting, and get down to what you can offer me?" Clearly, the Demon wished to argue the point but that was forgotten as I heaved a lazed long breath of flames, the Demon mob boss of L. A cooked and cooked until just the right-
"AGHHHHH I YIELD, I YIELD CONSTANTINE!"- Perfection.
"Great!" Without delay, I released the flames from his actually sizzling flesh, which smelled something fierce, but I still held him in place with harmless flames, for now anyway. It's all about intent bitches, bastards, and non-binary hoes.
"Firstly I want Astra," With a flick of the wrist a chair of flames conjured into existence as I sat down leering over the demon. "Next I want 1000 of your little demonic bitches killed, don't care how it's done honestly just get it done," I shrugged, after all who gives a fuck there Demons. "Finally, I want everything you've got on all the major players, the League, Darkseid, Lex Luthor, anything and everything. It's rather tame, to be honest after you give me what I want you can go back to the States with no strings attached and I will be keeping my soul thank you very much."
Nergal grumbled and thrashed about but with some more sweet delicate love courtesy of fire, the deal was made. Funnily enough Demons are more prone to stick by their deals in this universe, sure they find loopholes and the like but there is a new saying everyone knows;
'Never make a deal with John Constantine if you don't plan to keep it'.
With a handshake wreathed in flames and eldritch magic, it was done.
Instantaneously a portal exactly identical to the one Nergal used to arrive showed itself and with its timely arrival a ball of pure light, a Soul, shot out and into the sky disappearing from view. I sighed in sadness, for that was Astra no doubt ascending due to her physical body having 'expired'.
God, I'm killing this fuck. Well not me specifically...
Following the secondary and final parts of the contract, over a thousand demons perished before my eyes in less than 10 minutes, and eventually a single terrified demon walked out of the portal with a large filing cabinet before retreating into the sanctity that was Hell.
Taking a random file of the literal millions, God bless magic storage, I flicked through the very detailed files which impressed me with how detailed they were and peering at a photo of Lex Luthor shaking the hands of some scientists in an underground lab while a test subject laid motionless behind them, a Subject with a big 'S' plastered on its chest.
Grinning like a loon I deposited the file back in its place before having the Zombie's move it to the other loot I had gathered tonight.
"Well Nergal you have outdone yourself, give yourself a pat on the back!" Funnily enough he actually deserved it.
"Curse you Constantine this insult will not go unpunished, mark my words," It hissed at me.
"Bring! Bring! Mr Cliche called he said you need some new lines mate," I mocked. "Besides you ain't exactly living past the next 5 minutes" Before the demon could yell out something like 'We had a deal' or something close, all the souls had left my body and swarmed the demon, engulfing it.
Gotta love loopholes, I promised, not the six million vengeful souls harbouring inside of me. Yes, Demons did get more powerful with age and souls they ate although even demons have limits, especially Nergal. Honestly I was getting Hentai vibes from what I was seeing getting a resounding 'Neat!' before turning away with a mental promise to invest in the creation of brain bleach.
Wrapped inside a ball made of vengeful Souls, I didn't even look back before making my way to the House. Eerily present among all the blood spilt tonight the House remained and as I approached the gate previously locked by trillions of numerous magical safeguards opened without a prompt.
Strolling up its steps I rapt the back of my hand against the door when it finally opened. Standing before me in the door frame was the physical manifestation of the Houses consciousness, she was fully purple with ruby eyes and the physique of a woman. It looked like an Atlantean but wreaked of the entire cosmos.
"Evening!" I said with my roguish smile. All I got was the blank expression it continued to wear. "Well doll I have had one Hell of a day, traffic was a nightmare, I tried seducing Cthulhu again and my watch broke," Still nothing, geez tough crowd.
"...Fine let's get this over with shall we," I muttered before turning serious. "House I request you read the deepest parts of my mind and by this right you will find that I am your owner by continued right of ownership,"
With a delayed nod the physical interpretation of the building cupped my left cheek before it delved deep into my mind. It was a gamble, like all my plans really, you see in the Comics John Constantine had gained ownership of this House numerous types over different reboots and I was specifically showing this to Her. Like most A.I artifacts they are stuck following different rules that they themselves cannot break.
This one is no exception.
"...It would appear that such a fact would be the case, welcome home Master Constantine." I will admit she had a very soothing voice.
"Jackpot."
"I believe you refer to that as a reference, Dante of Devil May Cry?" I inwardly cringed at that remark realising she now possessed an in depth look into my mind and the many memories of me playing video games.
"*Cough* Well, yes, but moving forward it's a pleasure House however I need everything gathered outside the property brought inside and stored appropriately you may give me a tour tomorrow,"
Nodding the avatar raised a delicate hand up and all the items of the slaughter, including body parts of different supernatural beasts, were brought through the front door while I saw the two undead with a half-blinded crying Chas bound in intestines from something that clearly didn't bleed red, I wasn't even going to guess.
"You know Chas, Nergal was right," Hearing my voice Chas looked even more terrified and even pissed himself, I was actually offended I wasn't planning to kill the idiot. "You had a choice. You should have called me but as per usual I have to clean up your shit! Nergal? Dead. Astra? Saved from spending eternity in Hell. Me? Feeling pretty damn cheated here."
"-J-Johnny! I-I'm S-sor-" His stuttering was stopped when I used the back of my hand to slap him.
"Wrong, you're not sorry and you don't have to be," He stared back at me with confused eyes, giving him a friendly smile. I reached into my left pocket and pulled forth what looked to be an ordinary deodorant can. "Chas, I don't blame you. In another life I'd probably have done the same but still doesn't erase the fact I'm pissed,"
With a spray directly above his almost obliterated eye, Chas screamed in pain as the wound healed slowly.
Depositing the can back in my pocket I fixed my coat and began walking back to the House. "This'll be the last you see of me for a while mate, I don't exactly want to punish you, not my style. However you are destined for Hell that I can't help with for now unfortunately for yourself and I don't plan on saving you this time if shite like this is expected to happen, so see yah."
It was bittersweet the end to our friendship but I can't trust him, not for a while at least. I could hear the faint cry of my name being uttered from his lips but were promptly ignored, this is my path after all.
Once I was inside the threshold of the House I commanded we moved to all my safe houses and storage plots to pick up some of my most powerful and nastiest artifacts. With that all done I let the sweet embrace of sleep devour me.
!Break!
Cadmus, July 4th, 09:31
Ah, I wasn't sure if the place was operating in this Universe yet, the world however loves me apparently. Standing before the rather unassuming building with a coffee mug in hand still piping hot.
It took over three days to gather all my stashes across the globe and one off world on Mars. God they had some interesting stuff. Anyway when looking through the files of dear old, very dead, Nergal had provided I managed to find the place. In numerous comic storylines they were responsible for a lot of shit that almost destroyed the universe or planet but they did create some remarkable heroes, well villains originally but after the power of 'friendship' and some fanservice they were all heroes eventually.
This was exactly what I was hoping for. Think about it, a wise cracking powerful sorcerer like myself needs connections and who better to have indebted to me than not one, BUT TWO SUPERBOYS!? The original was deemed a failure or 'backup' copy while the current model was lacking in some areas but still regarded as a powerful weapon in the reports.
Having a Kryptonian as a friend, especially two of them would really come in handy and if I'm lucky these other reports should hold even bigger secrets I could exploit…
Volcana, Enchantress, King Shark, Killer Croc, Plastique, these were just a few of numerous metahumans created, stored etc.
And I was about to free them all!
Man, if I'm not hunted down by whatever villain organization or government after this then it means the big G loves me. Anyway I had enough magical junk stuffed in my pockets and a well thought out plan. I was golden.
Walking right through the front door casually sipping my coffee I noticed the rather handsome receptionist typing away, Darrel Hardings, stated the plaque on the desk. With ease I walked forward greeting the man friendly.
"Good morning I have an appointment with your director. Should be under the name Jack Hunters?" The man, Darrel, looked me up and down telling me to wait just a sec, which I did. Now while he's checking out my actual, not a trick, appointment that I booked, let me briefly explain why he didn't question why a 15 year old walked through his workplace's front door.
Using a rather expensive cosmetic charm I looked exactly like my adult form but with the added change of eye color (Blue to Brown) and hair (Blonde to Black) then throw on a professional looking suit and abracadabra you have 'Jack Hunters' recently engaged biochemist with a heart of gold.
And right about now…
Darrel had clearly found my appointment in the database and called his boss. "Mister Hunters? The director is expecting you on the top floor. Would you care for me to escort you?" Shaking my head at the man I walked back to his desk.
"That's quite alright Darrel, would you mind if I left my coffee here, don't want to appear unprofessional in front of my possible future boss?"
"Sure thing, I wish you the best," With a smile grabbing my mug with outstretched hand he put it behind himself and I smiled in return, for a completely different reason however.
"Thanks Darrel you're one of the good ones," I called over my shoulder walking to the elevator, which I read about from the demon, clicking the floor above once I got in I then braced myself for the upcoming interview.
What? I have to get in character after all.
Walking through the receding elevator doors I made my way to the director…
3 hours later…
Update! This guy likes me but the bad news is he won't stop talking about the bio-something-or-other to me… well my illusion that is. You see I pulled a fast one on the man casting an illusion which worked off of the man's psyche where the clone, I guess, would deliver precise answers that the director wished to hear, this included hobbies, similar experiences etc.
All the while I watched the news on the man's private computer without even knowing, apparently numerous cold themed villains decided to go and cause a mess, Captain Cold stopped by the speedsters, Mr Freeze captured by the dynamic duo, Junior off to prison again after a run in with the Archers and Killer Frost was detained by the Atlanteans.
What a productive day for them.
Anyway with it being around 1:30 I decided to start this prison break.
With just a thought I sent a little telepathic message to my 'little' friend to start this off. The great thing about being a sorcerer is that you can always call upon friends, more specifically a hibernating fire gecko hidden inside my coffee mug! Poor Darrel is probably in for quite a scare.
"Fire detected on the ground floor, please evacuate! This is a repeated message A fire has been detected on-"
Well here we go…
"Apologies Mister Hunters but it would seem that-"
*BOOM FWOOOOSH!*
'Like clockwork!' I couldn't help but muse, dispelling my illusion on the man without his notice I ran to help evacuate any member of staff I could. Within minutes the entire place was ablaze and a few remained on the top floor where I was still currently, I wasn't worried since 'Echo' had pure control over these silly little flames so no one was going to get hurt plus I could very well hear the sirens approaching.
Without a delay I thought it best to give 'Jack Hunters' a hero's send off.
"*Cough* I think I hear someone over there, I'm going to check it out *Cough* stay close to the windows!" I yelled over the panicked screams while a few called me to 'not go over there' or 'Its suicide'. Which I promptly ignored.
And just as planned, part of the roof caved in behind me obscuring the people's view of my 'death' as I screamed in false agony all the while I made my way to the elevator. Clicking the ground floor I was then greeted to the raging fire of this floor with a burst of movement. A small ball of fire leapt into my cupped waiting hands to reveal itself to be Echo, a leopard gecko covered in flames wagging its tail in excitement which I found adorable.
"OooooooH! Who's a little fire starter, who's my little fire starter, yes you are, yes you are!" I cooed at the cuteness that was Echo while petting her lightly before she crawled up my arm to my shoulder. Without anything but a thought the cable connecting to the elevator snapped plunging into the depths of the secret facility.
All the while I panicked because I couldn't think of a good song or catchy one-liner!
Screeeeee!
'Ah, that would be the emergency stop, Waller and Luthor thought of everything… aside from a high functioning sociopath with magic wanting to commit a prison break, you'd expect a genius like Lexy to think of this,'
With a shrug of my shoulder, Echo leaped onto the elevator doors beginning to melt his way through like a blowtorch, but cuter. I'd estimate around a full two minutes before we can move on. Man, I'd kill for some elevator tunes or-
'Possible I can help with that,' A polite voice spoke in my mind… wait a minute I'm never polite…!
OH SHITE TELEPATH!
Without hesitation I flared my mind's defences with eldritch abominations that would be driving the poor fool mad, thanks whatever abomination that likes me your great! What I didn't like however was how Echo was looking at me right now…
I fucking hate telepaths, I groaned inside my head.
With that thought Echo began to roast me alive, ugh what a day to be John Constantine. Obviously I ain't dead or burning, I'd be pretty shitty sorcerer if I let some fire kill me, ignoring the flames I walked towards the reptile unabated before picking her up and flinging her into my pocket.
With the distraction over with I cracked my neck while plucking a tic tac box from my trouser pocket. God I love these things they always taste like vanilla at first then minty, getting off track, right back to work!
Shaking one out of the packaging and falling to the ground I stepped onto the dimly glowing treat where it projected myself or my image outside of the lift to see the entire army of beasts ready and waiting. The most notable of the gnome looking things, elephant monsters, and panther gnome things was the lanky bloke wearing white clothes similar to a nurse, two horns protruding out of his forehead and blood leaking from every. Single. Crevice.
'Guess I found you my friendly little telepath!' The lanky beasty shuddered when I did the whole telepath schtick. 'Gotta say, what a lovely… cave you got here. Really homely. Might get one myself, with blackjack and hookers… forget the cave I want a casino! God forbid having something like the batcave,'
It was childish sure and whatever or whoever that thing is, is most likely dying thanks to my little mind raping I provided by showing him something no mortal should, don't do drugs kids.
With a shaky hand pointing at my visage a barrage of some form of red energy struck through the illusion and subsequently through the elevator doors. As the dust settled after a tense moment, I walked stoically out of the carcass that was the elevator with an impassive look before grinning like a loon, after all who didn't like a challenge.
"Well, well, well! Daddy's home kiddo's now I only have one question!?" With a twist of my right wrist flames sprouted to life above the palm. "Who wants Daddy's belt!" The clearly less intelligent things didn't like my acts of intimidation and charged at me speedily and mighty. Releasing a sigh, I disengaged my flames and decided to do the obvious.
"Heads up!" And with that said I lobbed a singular cylindrical object- Fuck it I threw a flash bang duct taped to other flash bangs, God bless pockets bigger on the inside.
Unable to react fast enough these things, obviously being a subterranean civilization, were weak to bright light so the blinded behemoths stumbled into one another like drunks falling over each other. The rest weren't doing any better, some ramming their heads into the closest surface in a deplorable effort to block out the ringing, the telepath was still bleeding but on a less grand scale than before. While the beasts tried to gather themselves I walked up to my horned telepath.
"You got at best two solid minutes of snooping inside my mind, right?" No response. "You saw enough shite that would quite seriously cause your brain to melt. Yet I don't care, you know why I'm here so just point me to where you're keeping your prisoners, oh sorry, you don't call them that, where are the 'unwilling test subjects'?"
No response, Fuck.
Fucking shit and call me Johnny, well there goes my potential guide. Ugh, I hate this part.
With a swig of my trusty Number #39 flask, from my collection of various tonics of the magical kind, filled with crushed dream root, vanilla extract, rhino horn and a smidge of Martian blood, given willingly, we were now in business.
Here is a quick rundown of what this particular brew did; as anyone who's ever read about Martians from DC then you will know their exceptional telepaths and this drink briefly transformed me into a half martian in the past. I've only had to use it on three occasions, first was a clean-up job, the second was finding a magical artifact smuggling ring and the other was to fuck with Superman showing him gay porn nonstop for 6 hours…
Fuck you it was funny and I won A Million credits off of Lobo, fucker thought I was bluffing!
Once the appropriate amount sat in my gullet I felt the change immediately, looking to my hand I saw the partial spots on the limb become bleach white, my nails extended an inch, scaly skin could be felt underneath my clothes, and normally my left eye, which I couldn't see it, would become fully blood red. I'm sure if anyone saw me they would call me an abomination, also why white? Simple!
White Martians had a tendency to possess greater abilities of mental prowess than those of the Green.
So with a simple thought, AHAHAH get it! Anyway, I was in, I won't bore you with details but I got everything I could ever hope for and even better it would seem I would be having company very-
*BOOOOM!*
Holy shit that was fast!
Dropping the now dead, apparently traitorous guy-creature, like a sack of potatoes I started down the corridor to see my soon to be new best friends.
"Man I will just say clearly going against you lot would be of course…"
A bullet stopped a mere millimeter from my deformed forehead held in place by a telekinetic grip of thought.
"...Suicidal."
To be continued in Chapter 3: Group therapy and recruitment.
