It took but one look for Iza to grasp the situation. Where her wrap ended, Ayla's legs were streaked with fresh blood, and Iza immediately herded her into the cave and to Zoug's hearth.
"Uba, heat water for tea and for washing," she commanded her younger daughter, who had come with them, as she made Ayla lie down on her furs to examine her.
Some spotting during the early weeks of pregnancy was not completely uncommon, but Ayla was too far along, and the bleeding too strong.
"Mother, what's happening? Am I losing the baby?"
Ayla's eyes were wide with fear, and Iza felt her heart go out to her. She knew how much Ayla had wanted to have a child, even since before she had become a woman.
"Are you having any cramps like when you are getting your women's curse, or any back pain?" she inquired, feeling relieved when Ayla shook her head at the question.
"Then lie back, I'm going to examine you."
Ayla obeyed, and Iza carefully examined her, feeling her swollen belly for contractions Ayla might be missing, as well as checking if the opening through which she knew the baby would come was still closed as it should be. Thankfully, it was, and once she was done, Iza cleaned Ayla and also her hands with the warm water Uba had brought by now.
"You are not losing it," she told Ayla, but held up a hand when her daughter made to speak. "Not yet, that is."
Quickly, she looked around to see if anybody was watching - it would be rude, but under the circumstances, she wouldn't have been entirely surprised. Everyone seemed to have stayed outside, though, except for Brun, Zoug, and Creb, who were gathered at the leader's hearth, obviously trying their hardest to keep themselves from staring.
"Uba, go to Brun and inform him that Ayla didn't lose the child. Tell the leader that I'll come to him shortly, and stay there for now in case they need anything."
Uba obeyed, and Iza turned back to Ayla. "The bleeding has stopped, but the pregnancy is extremely hard on your body. I've never seen a woman so sick from being pregnant, it's as if the baby is sucking the life out of you. You may very well lose it yet and bleed to death as you miscarry. Ayla . . ." Iza hesitated, as she offered this only as a last resort and knew how much Ayla wanted the child. But she loved her strange daughter of the Others, more than she could ever have imagined when she had found her, and she couldn't stand the thought of having to bury her. "It would be best if you did lose the baby, and the sooner the better. It's not very big yet; you'd be giving birth only in spring. The men must never know, but I can give you something -"
"No!" Ayla was shaking her head vehemently. "No, I can't! I can't lose my baby!"
"But Ayla -"
"No! I'll never have another, don't you see? My totem . . . I just can't. Oh, Iza, don't make me!" Ayla cradled her belly protectively, and Iza put a comforting hand on her shoulder.
"All right," she gave in, though she didn't feel comfortable with it. Ayla looked so drawn and tired already, and it would only get worse over the last moons of her pregnancy. "But you must do exactly as I tell you. You can't do any strenuous work anymore, and you can't go out to hunt or gather. I'm going to ask Brun that you be excused from all work. You have to move as little as possible and stay in your furs most of the time, do you understand? Any strain could dislodge the baby and make you lose it still. And you need to tell me immediately if you bleed again, if you feel contractions or if anything else out of the ordinary happens."
Ayla nodded. "I'll do anything you say, Iza. I just want my baby to live."
"Good. I'll make you a tea with sage and lavender to relax you, and then I'm going to report to Brun. You stay here and don't get up again today, not even to pass your water. I'll arrange for someone to help you."
Again, Ayla nodded obediently, and once she was sipping her tea, Iza made her way over to Brun's hearth, where the three men and Uba were waiting.
Once Brun had allowed her to speak, Iza informed them about the state of Ayla's health. "It's inevitable that she'll lose the baby if she strains herself too much," she ended. "I'd ask you, Brun, that she be excused from any work. She needs to stay at the hearth and rest most of the time if the baby is to live. And losing it could endanger her life as well."
Brun frowned thoughtfully. "Then that is what will happen," he said. "I'll talk to Droog about having Aba stay at Zoug's hearth, if it's all right with you, Zoug. She can take care of the hearth until Ayla has given birth."
Zoug nodded, and Iza was glad that Brun had immediately come to the conclusion she had hoped for. Except for Iza, Aba was the only unmated woman in the clan. She was living at Droog's hearth with her daughter Aga and helping her take care of the children, but Aga was an accomplished woman and mother and would have no problems without her during the remaining moons of Ayla's pregnancy.
"It's decided, then," Brun said. "Ayla will be excused from all work, and this evening, I'll announce that she is to be given no tasks by the men until she has given birth. I'll go speak to Droog once he returns from hunting."
With that, he left the hearth, followed by Creb, to go outside.
.-.-.-.
Zoug had watched Iza's report with growing worry. He had noticed during the past weeks that his mate was looking worse, and he had been worrying about her persisting nausea, but she was a trained medicine woman, and he had assumed that if there was truly any danger, she must know.
But then today had happened, and now Iza was telling them that Ayla might lose the child. Everyone in the clan knew that Ayla was beyond happy to have fallen pregnant, and Zoug assumed that losing this baby would hit her particularly hard. But there was something that he found concerned him even more.
When Brun and Creb were gone, Iza made to leave with Uba as well, but Zoug held her back.
"Iza, wait."
Iza nodded for Uba to leave before she turned back to Zoug.
"You said that losing the baby could be dangerous to Ayla, too," he inquired. "How likely is it that she'll lose it even if she rests most of the time?"
Iza sighed unhappily, and Zoug began fearing the worst.
"I can't be certain," she said. "But I do know that even so, it's at least as likely that she miscarries as it is that her baby might live, maybe more so. And if she miscarries . . . the pregnancy is draining her, Zoug. You've seen it as well, I'm sure. She'll only get weaker as it advances. The later in the pregnancy the miscarriage occurs, the more dangerous to her it will be."
It was as Zoug had suspected, then: he could very well lose his young mate.
"I know you'll do everything you can to not let that happen," he told Iza. "Is there anything Aba and I can do?"
"Not much. Besides not straining herself, she also shouldn't get upset, if at all possible."
That, at least, sounded doable to Zoug, and he dismissed Iza before returning to his own hearth - and his mate.
Ayla was lying in her furs, some of them stuffed under her head so she could observe the goings-on in the hearth. She looked as pale and as worried as he felt, and Zoug sat down next to her.
"Ayla." He wasn't quite sure what to say. "Iza told me what happened. Brun will have Aba move in with us to care for the hearth so that you can rest until the baby is born."
He'd meant to reassure her, but it only seemed to make her feel guilty.
"This woman regrets that she won't be able to take care of the hunter's hearth as she should."
"Aba will take care of both of us just fine," Zoug insisted. "The most important thing right now is that you and your baby live."
"Oh, Zoug, what if it doesn't?"
His first thought was to say that she would have another, but even with Clan women, this wasn't necessarily true. Uva had only borne one child, Grod, but after his birth, there had been two more pregnancies. Neither had resulted in a baby that lived. Of course Uva had grieved, as had Zoug, but there had been Grod to comfort themselves with. If Ayla lost her child, she might very well stay barren for the rest of her life.
Instead of speaking, Zoug reached out in his usual gesture of comfort, but like Ayla had done in the woods, he leant in until their foreheads touched. Only moments later, he felt Ayla's hand on his own cheek. They stayed like this for a while, then Zoug felt something wet on his hand, and when he pulled away and sat back up, he saw that water had begun falling from Ayla's eyes.
"I'm so frightened," she confided with shaking hands. "If I'll lose my baby, I might never have another because my totem is too strong. What kind of woman will I be if I can't give my mate a child to raise at his hearth?"
"You'll be a respected medicine woman and a strong, skilful hunter," was the first thing that came to Zoug's mind, but it didn't seem to be the right answer, since Ayla responded by making a strange, choked sound and hiding her face in her hands.
Not knowing what else to do, Zoug, sat down on the furs beside her and carefully pulled her into his arms. She didn't resist, but clung to him, and he held her close as she began jerking in his embrace, the water from her eyes dampening his chest as she made more of those strange, choked moans.
Was this normal among the Others? Zoug was worried it might mean something bad for her health, but even more, he hated how helpless he felt. It had been terrible when Uva had grieved, but this was somehow even worse. This expression of Ayla's grief pulled at his heart like nothing had done before.
They were alone in the cave, though, and he didn't want to leave her alone to go and find Iza, and so all that he could do was wait until finally, Ayla calmed down and fell silent. She didn't move, and after waiting for a while longer, Zoug realised from the limpness of her body and her slow, regular breaths that she had fallen asleep in his arms.
Gently, he laid her down on the furs, then he sat and watched his young mate. A strand of hair was stuck to her mouth, and he carefully removed it, brushing his fingers along her reddened cheek in the process. Now he was glad that they were alone and nobody could see them even by accident.
"Spirit of Brown Bear, Spirit of Cave Lioness," he motioned over her sleeping form. He felt a stirring of unease as he addressed her totem as female, but also a strong conviction that it was right. "This man doesn't know the ways or plans of the spirits. But he asks that you protect his mate and her unborn child. All she wants is for her child to live and to be a mother, as Ursus intends for all women of the Clan. This man asks that this won't be taken from her."
It was only when he let his hands sink that Zoug realised that he was pleading for himself as much as for Ayla and the baby. He wasn't sure how he would handle seeing her grieve its death, and he wasn't sure how he would handle having to grieve hers.
.-.-.-.
Less than half a moon after Ayla had been confined to her furs, winter came. Only days before the snowfall set in, Iza had gone to find rattlesnake root, which would help Ayla keep the pregnancy. Ayla had been shocked when Iza had returned with it. Only the day before, a sudden rainstorm had drenched the area, lasting well into the night, and as she chewed the root, Ayla couldn't help imagining what might have happened if Iza, who was weaker these days than she had been, had slipped on the wet moss on the paths up to the hills, or if the weather had turned again.
"Don't go out again on my account! Don't you know I'd rather lose the baby than lose you?" she had scolded at Iza's return and pulled her into a tight hug. She wasn't ready to lose her mother yet, even if she was a grown and mated woman herself.
Luckily, Iza's health stayed stable, and along with Aba and even Zoug, she watched like a hawk over Ayla. Each day, she would come to look at her and ask about how she felt, prescribing teas that might help her relax and keep warm, as Ayla was constantly freezing. Most of the time, she spent close to the fire, wrapped in furs, but even so, the cold of winter seemed to creep into her bones, more so than it did with the two old people at the hearth. At night, she pressed tightly against Zoug, who let her burrow into the warmth of his embrace without complaint.
Aba was a great help, taking over all female duties at Zoug's hearth and making an effort to cook Ayla's favourite meals from the winter stocks as often as possible to help her appetite along. She had firmly waved away the regret Ayla had expressed at her having to leave the hearth of her daughter's mate and Aga's children.
"I remember how much joy I had raising my daughter," Aba had said, "and I'm glad if I can help to make sure you'll get to raise your child. Now stop worrying."
With another woman now at the hearth, Ayla had expected that Zoug would stop handing her her morning drink. The small ritual had become well established over the last few moons, as Ayla had been throwing up nearly every day after getting up. Yet even though it was now Aba who poured the tea - freshly made instead of left over from the evening meal - it was Zoug who would take the cup from her and hand it to Ayla.
She wasn't exactly sure what it meant, but each time he did it, warmth pooled in her chest despite her feeling cold and miserable overall. She had never imagined her mate doing anything like it, and that he would do it even if it wasn't at all necessary anymore . . . could it be that he saw more in her than a woman who would care for his hearth and a student to be proud of? Ayla found that she hoped it was true.
One afternoon, while she and Zoug were discussing if it might be possible at all to hunt fallow deer with the sling – they were much bigger than roe deer, after all – there was a sharp, fluttering feeling in her belly. Alarmed, Ayla put her hand on it – and there it was again. Already, she made to ask Aba, who was preparing the evening meal, to get Iza, when she remembered her early days with the Clan.
She had still been learning how to speak properly, but she had been able to understand that there was a baby in Iza's huge, rounded belly. And when it had kicked from within, Iza had taken Ayla's small hand and let her feel it.
"Ayla, what is it?"
Zoug was staring at her with a worried frown, but Ayla grimaced happily.
"The baby, Zoug! I could feel it!"
Excited, she grabbed his hand and pulled it towards her, putting it where she had felt the little jab last. As the baby kicked again, and again, his frown changed into surprise, then the soft fondness Ayla loved so much to see on his face.
"It's strong already," he said after he'd pulled away his hand. "If it's a boy, he will be a strong hunter. And if it's a girl, she'll be a hard worker for the Clan."
Ayla nodded her agreement. There was a lump in her throat and her eyes felt as if they might water at any moment. She hadn't felt this happy in a long time.
"And no matter what it will be, my child will be lucky to have you as the man of their hearth. As lucky as I am to have been given to you." She felt flushed as she spoke – it wasn't uncommon for a couple to make their feelings known in so many words, but she felt she had to tell Zoug how much she appreciated him.
"It will be just as lucky to have you for a mother," Zoug said, and though he didn't mention his own feelings, Ayla knew them from the way he looked at her and cupped her cheek in his hand.
She gladly returned the gesture and leant in to make their foreheads touch, like she had done these past moons since that one incident in summer. She'd found that she liked it; it felt special, like something she shared only with him.
Would any other Clan man feel like this for an Others woman like her? Ayla very much doubted it.
.-.-.-.
Despite interesting conversations with Aba about child-rearing and with Zoug about hunting, as the winter went on and storms howled around the cave, Ayla became bored and restless. Used to being productive even during the long moons of winter, the inactivity she was forced into didn't sit well with her, although she would gladly endure it for her baby's sake.
Iza, who pointed out to Ayla that mental as well as physical discomfort could be harmful for a pregnancy, allowed her to help at least with a few light tasks as long as she could do them sitting down and with little use of strength. Moreover, every now and then, Zoug's and Creb's hearths - which weren't far from each other in the cave - would visit each other for a meal. Ayla was always glad to spend time with her mother, sister, and the man of her hearth. Despite being happy with Zoug, she still missed living with them, and she was grateful that Zoug rarely rejected the idea.
It was after such a shared evening meal at Creb's hearth in the dead of winter. As everyone sipped their tea, the men were talking of the days of their youth while Iza, Ayla, and Uba were discussing the various remedies Iza and Uba would need to prepare to be ready in case the spring fever would visit Brun's clan. Aba wasn't there, as she had decided to accept the invitation Droog had extended to her, glad to be able to spend an evening with her own family instead.
Finally, after a critical look at Ayla and though it was not late yet, Iza decided that she should return to her hearth and sleep. "There's always tomorrow," she shut down Ayla's protest, and Ayla couldn't help but make her happy face, feeling loved and cared for. With her mother, Aba, and her mate looking out for her, it seemed that she would stand a true chance of having her baby after all.
"Yes, mother," she agreed, and was even more gratified when Zoug got up as well when she asked him for permission to leave. He knew that she would fall asleep easier if he shared his body heat with her, and once they were back at his hearth, she would make sure to tell him how much she appreciated his consideration.
Still busy with these pleasant thoughts, and looking back fondly at Uba, who had eventually fallen asleep over her mother and sister talking, Ayla stepped out of the boundaries of Creb's hearth some paces after Zoug - and bumped into something broad and solid.
Turning around, she found herself staring down into the angry face of Broud.
