Author's Note: So I'm sure you've noticed that when I tried to update you couldn't access the chapter. So I'm hoping this fixes the problem and you can now read the story.

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars. Never have, never will. I simply play in their world.

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"Closer to me

than my own skin,

he gave me what he could.

Something close,

something just shy,

Something akin

to love."

-Mia Hollow

Rey

I let my guard down.

For a moment I felt safe and happy in a way that I had almost forgotten.

But in turn I forgot about the monster hunting me in the dark as I slipped willingly into the arms of my dreams.

Thinking that I would find the man with midnight eyes and a mouth made for pleasure waiting for me.

For a moment, I thought I had come home.

The shadows are cool, the air silent and I search eagerly for the one I know who is waiting for me just out of sight.

I can't remember his name but I know his face.

I just have to find him and I'll be complete.

Whole again.

"Where are you?" my voice echo's and strange laughter answers. A twinge of unease grabs me.

That laughter is cold and cruel, drenched in malice causing the shadows to writhe like grasping hands.

"Please, this isn't fun anymore. Come out so I can find you!"

A scent in the air like rotting meat from when I found a dead horn-rat in the cargo hold. It made me vomit to smell it and I clap a hand over my mouth now.

"Quiet Rey!"

I turn at the sound of my name. A woman with amber eyes grabs me, burying me in her arms and the scent of rot disappears.

She smells of honey and summer and a mother's warmth.

Mother. This is my mother and I'm a child again, wrapped in her arms.

I've forgotten who I was looking for as I press into her, certain that this is where I'm suppose to be.

"Mama," I whisper, "I'll be good. I promise I'll be good."

"Oh Rey, I know. But this time I need you to be brave. Braver than you've ever been."

She's shaking and something wet lands in my hair.

I look up and her eyes are bright as tears fall and her smile is brittle and sad and I'm terrified of why she is looking at me like that.

Something bad is about to happen.

Because of me.

"Mama! I'll be good! I'll be good!"

"Be brave Rey...you have to be strong now."

I know this dream. An endless looping nightmare that I cannot escape.

The same scene over and over again.

"We have go now Rey!"

I look up at see my daddy with his strange eyes. They're golden, like minted coins, and seem to glow in darkness. I've never seen anyone else with eyes like his and the goggles he wears to conceal them are missing.

I'm trembling, I feel like I'm suffocating when I look into his eyes.

"No, please I'll be good! Don't send me away!"

"You can't stay, he's coming for you. You have to hide! You have to disappear where he'll never find you."

Harsh words that I don't understand. Hands that pull me away from the only warmth I have ever known.

Why am I the only one who has to go away?

"No! Please...I'll be good! I'll be quiet!"

The hands that hold me are gone, the voices of those I love most silenced.

I am alone.

The desert burns my skin by day and I shiver, my lips and fingers chapped and turning blue by night. I huddle beneath an old canvas, trying to keep warm.

Tears trickle down my face and I am ashamed that I'm afraid of the dark.

Cruel, leering laughter inside my head, whispering to me that I can't hide forever, that I've been abandoned...

I huddle beneath the canvas and clap my hands over my ears.

"Go away, go away."

Someone save me! Don't let him find me!

If he finds me bad things will happen...

"It's alright, I won't let him hurt you."

A haunting voice that shatters the nightmare and chases the biting laughter from my head.

I open my eyes to see dark obsidian staring down at me, the tenderness in his gaze making my throat tighten.

He looks at me as if I exist only for him.

As if there is nowhere he would rather be than here at my side.

His calloused fingers touch my temple, brushing back strands of my hair and I turn, catching it to press a kiss to his scarred palm.

I hear his breath quicken as I nuzzle his hand.

I feel like I'm still caught in a dream and I can't bear the thought of him disappearing when I finally wake.

"Ben," I move my lips over his skin, "I was looking for you."

"I'm right here Rey. You don't have to search any longer."

He sounds bemused but doesn't pull away from me. I look up to see a slight frown tugging at his mouth.

I lift my free arm, a heavy weight falling away from my body as I curl my fingers into his armor and try to pull him closer.

The frown remains but he leans down when I tug harder.

He's still too far away and I let go of his hand so I can rest on my elbow and he's almost close enough.

Our mouths are inches apart.

"What are you doing?"

His breath mingles with mine.

"Trying to kiss you."

He has the most beautiful eyes, like shattered starlight and I am caught in the dark light that burns in them.

The frown disappears as his lips curve slightly upward.

"Then do it."

"Ben," laughter and my breath catches, "lean down and I will."

His mouth hovers over mine, time suspended in this moment between us before I feel the soft press of his lips against mine.

The remnant shadows of the nightmare are burned away by the heat of his mouth.

His weight presses me back into the bed as I curl my hand around his neck, his fingers tangling in my hair.

Thoughts of war, of lost memories and the fate the galaxy fall away like scattered leaves in the wind.

There is only him and what I feel when I am with him.

Like I'm whole and unbroken. Complete in a way that I never feel so far from his side.

His mouth chases the last of the chill from my bones and I am deliciously warm, here in his arms.

Gently he lifts his lips from mine as if I were made of glass that would break at his touch.

A lock of hair falls over his eyes and I reach out to brush it back.

He closes them and presses his face into my palm.

I love you.

The words burn in the back of my throat, crowding my lips and yet...I hold my silence, terrified of saying them out loud.

What if he doesn't feel the same? What if this is only physical attraction between us now?

I knew that night on Emphameira that he loved me. I didn't need to hear the words to know what lay in his heart.

But now?

His eyes open and I swallow those forbidden words as tears prickle my eyes.

How can something that feels so right...be so wrong?

"Rey? What is it?"

"I," a broken laugh that is more akin to a sob, "am I dreaming Ben? Or is this just another nightmare sent to torment me that I can't wake from?"

To believe that someone loves me enough to stay.

"Am I a nightmare to you then?"

"No!" I sit up so quickly I nearly knock our heads together as our fingers entwine, "you are my dream. The one I always hope I find but it's never you I find...just nightmares..."

I'm mumbling, my thoughts fragmenting as malicious laughter invades my very being and I feel sick to my stomach.

I tear our hands apart and stumble from the bed, my head pounding.

He's back. I thought I escaped him but he's found me.

Again.

"Go away! Leave me alone!"

"Rey!"

I'm on my knee's and I know that this all a nightmare.

This isn't real.

Ben isn't here with me. Only the one with laughter like death and I want to scream at him to stop tormenting me.

"Rey, stop. Look at me."

My head snaps up as the Force laces through his voice, arresting my attention away from the whispering words crawling inside my head.

That whisper turns to a scream.

"You can't save her," my voice sound hoarse and strange to my ears, my lips shaping words that are not my own, "she is mine!"

A terrible calm etches into his eyes, a sudden stillness and I feel the Force gather around Ben like an impending storm.

His hands cup my head and I see midnight eyes crawl with lightning.

My lips pull back into a snarl and evil shades my vision black.

"Do not interfere blood of Skywalker!"

I feel the lightning gathering in my blood, heeding to the other's control and I want to scream at Ben to get away from me.

But he doesn't let go, instead I feel his grip lock around my head.

The Force washes over me like a tide being swept out to sea.

Ben's power smashing against the darkness and it is the creature inside my head screaming now.

All I feel is soft starlight, the kiss of icy rain that clears my head and releases my soul from the shadow it was under.

Ben's powers, twinning with my own and I turn my thoughts inward, searching for the evil within.

I don't know why I can move again but I take control back into my hands, bolstered by the Force connecting Ben and I together.

There a thread of darkness, pulsating and bloated, at the edge of my consciousness.

I am sickened by the sight of that malignant thread and call the Force to my hands. A saber of shimmering gold appears in my grip and I don't question why it is there.

"Get out of me!"

"Child I am a part of you. You will never be rid of me!"

"Liar! I am nothing like you!"

The saber flairs like a shard of light and I hear the darkness screaming as I rip through it.

Light ripples across my senses as the saber fractures in my hand.

The cold touch of evil that was present is finally gone.

I am alone in the dark.

"Sweetheart, open your eyes. Come back to me."

I hear his voice, piercing the veil that has wrapped around my mind, shrouding my soul.

Ben.

I'm not alone. Not while he's out there, calling for me.

My senses return as the Force releases me and I am aware of something beneath my head. Something hard yet radiating an odd warmth that is familiar.

My eyes feel heavy and leaden but I open them to bright, sterile light that stabs like broken glass until a shadow crosses my vision and the pain lessens.

His face is pale, sweat beading at his temple and his eyes have darkened so that it seems he has neither pupil nor iris.

Just a strange, beautiful reflection of shattered darkness.

I'm looking up at him and I realize that I'm sprawled out on the floor, my head resting in his lap.

"Ben," my voice cracks as I lift my hand to his face, his hand swiftly capturing mine, "what's happening to me?"

"The emperor came looking for you."

I flinch at the cold rage I hear in the echo of his reply and pull back my hand.

"But...how?"

I swallow with difficulty, my throat feels scrapped raw as if I had been screaming for hours.

A sigh, so quiet as to be nearly silent, escapes his lips.

"That can wait. You need something to drink."

My stomach decides at that moment to remind me that I haven't eaten in hours.

His lips twitch but the amusement doesn't reach his eyes and it lasts for only a brief second.

"Food as well."

I close my eyes and a sigh escapes me before I can suppress it.

"Why is it you always seem to find me when I am at my weakest?"

"Maybe it's because that's when you need me the most."

I flicker my eyes open and there is no teasing in his tone.

Only a quiet stillness to him that makes my heart clench as all other pain fade away.

Slowly, my head still reeling, I sit up and face him.

"I heard you calling out to me," my heart is pounding, a frantic rhythm and I see his hands clench on his thighs, "you called me 'sweetheart'."

"I did."

My lips twist and a strange melancholy steals over me, "You haven't called me that since Emphameira."

A shuttered look in his eyes.

"If you don't like it, I'll stop."

A hollow laugh as I scoot closer, our knee's pressed together and I reach out to cover his hands, our foreheads touching.

"Don't stop," I whisper to this man who still carries the broken pieces of my heart, "you're the only one who is allowed to call me that."

"Rey I-"

But he doesn't continue and I lift my head to search his dark eyes.

"What is it Ben?"

Again that haunted, shattered look that makes my heart clench to see it. I sense he is keeping something from me.

His hands slip from under mine and he's on his feet in one, lithe movement, pulling me up as well.

I can only blink feeling slightly lightheaded from the sudden change.

"Easy," his arm around my waist as I sway on my feet, "I have you."

"You need to warn a girl when you're going to do something like that."

"Noted. Now come and get something to eat and drink before you pass out."

So demanding. But since it's practical advice I let it slide as he pulls me across the room to where a tray has been laid out.

Two steaming cups of dark liquid and food that doesn't appear to be field rations.

The scent is making my mouth water and I am painfully aware of my stomach chewing on my backbone.

"That looks great. How?"

A trace of exasperation on his face as he leads me to the padded bench by the window, pushing me down gently.

"I am the commander of the Steadfast Rey, getting food and drink is nothing."

"Oh, right." I can feel my ears burning and blame my absentmindedness on my lack of nourishment.

I pick up the steaming cup and cradle it close to my chest. It smells faintly of herbs and I take a tentative sip.

It's hot tea and the warmth flows through my veins, reviving my trembling limbs.

"Mmm," I sip again, a strange flavor I don't recognize but like anyway, "what is this? I don't recognize it."

I look up at Ben who has brought the food to set between us.

"It's from Naboo. The herbalists cultivated this to help restore energy."

I'm already halfway through the cup before I set it down.

I no longer feel like a stiff breeze could topple me.

"I definitely need to get that recipe."

His lips don't move but his eyes lighten as he sips at his drink, a twin to my own.

The plates between us have a variety of meat, vegetables and even fruit and I dig in with enthusiasm.

The meat is tender, almost melting in my mouth and the greens have a sharp flavor that makes me take a quick sip of my tea.

"Not to your liking?"

"No I like it," I think I can still feel my tongue, "just wasn't expecting it to be so spicy."

A darkling laugh from him that warms me better than the tea as I pull a piece of blood-red fruit from the plate.

"Was is this?"

"Try it."

I glance up at Ben, giving him a wary look.

He continues to sip at his tea raising a lofty eyebrow at me.

"Fine." I sigh and bite into the soft skin, sweet juices sliding down my throat. My eyes widen and I devour the fruit, licking the remaining juice from my fingers.

I grab three more and eat them in succession.

"Oh gods," I groan, "these are fantastic."

"I'm glad you like them."

I glance at Ben, who is watching me with a slight smile playing on his lips.

"What are they?"

"Eat some more meat. You need the protein."

I growl at him when he doesn't tell me the name of the fruit but stab at the meat and tear it with my teeth and swallow quickly.

I nearly choke and drain the last of my tea, my eyes watering as my lungs expand in a effort to breathe properly again.

"Slow down, it's not going anywhere."

I glare and point my fork at him.

"Less talking and more eating from you."

He's barely touched his food at all.

Again he raises that lofty eyebrow at me and I set my fork down, folding my arms.

"I'm not taking another bite until I see you eat."

"Giving me orders on my own ship Rey?"

This time I lift my own brow at him.

"Yes. Now start eating."

Dark amusement drifts through his eyes but I watch, holding my breath, when he scoops up both meat and greens and begins to eat in earnest.

A tickle in the back of my throat and my stomach loosens from the hard knot that I wasn't aware that had formed until now.

Between the two of us we reduce the food to nothing but scraps.

"You need to take better care of yourself."

I feel better. My mind feels sharper now that I'm no longer about to pass our from hunger.

Ben has refilled my mug and I cradle the warmth in my hands.

His room is chilly.

"I could say the same about you."

I shoot him a disgruntled look. Like I haven't heard that before.

"I do just fine on my own."

"Indeed."

His tone say's otherwise and I roll my eyes at him even when my heart gives a little flutter.

Ben picks up the plate and I settle back against the ledge, my skin pebbling as I shiver slightly against the cool windowpane.

"Sit up."

A soft command and I'm already complying before I even think about it and something heavy and warm settles around my shoulders.

It smells of winter frost and summer storms.

His cloak is draped over me and my heart once more turns over at his attentiveness.

"Thank you."

A slight tilt of his head, his hand lingering on my shoulder before releasing me.

"You're welcome."

A soft, gentle light in his gaze and there is something fragile growing between us.

I scoot forward, Ben never taking his eyes off of me.

I don't know what's happening but I don't want it to end.

"What are you doing?"

I can feel my ears burning again but I refuse to drop my gaze.

"Making room for you."

A flicker of surprise in dark obsidian and I wonder if I'm being too bold with him.

Silently, his hand coming to rest on my shoulder, he slips behind me and I lean back into his arms, resting my head on his chest.

The steady rhythm of his heartbeat calms my own as the stars speed by us in a blur of light.

"Ben?"

"Yes?"

"What's happening between us?"

The silence stretches and he's quiet for so long I wonder if he'll answer me.

"I...I don't know."

His arm tightens around my waist as I feel his head rest against mine.

"But whatever this is," a soft murmur from his, "it feels...right."

Yes it does and I take a deep breath and wonder if it isn't time to confess the truth to him.

"Ben I-"

A whisper across my senses, a familiar energy and I blink in utter shock just as Ben's comm goes off.

"Supreme Leader, we've arrived on Kijimi. Resistance fighters located and attempting to flee our forces."

My tea falls from nerveless fingers.