Author's Update: Just a brief interlude! Hope everyone is safe and well and I will update as often as I am able through the next coming weeks.
Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars. Never have, never will. I simply play in their world.
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"For a few seconds they
looked silently into each
other's eyes, and the distant
and impossible suddenly
became near, possible,
and inevitable."
-Leo Tolstoy
Rey
My breath clouds the air as snow swirls around me, touching my skin with icy fingers.
I shake my head as his words reverberate inside my mind, refusing to believe them.
"They wouldn't abandon me...I know they wouldn't..."
There had to be some mistake. Hux must have been lying about which hanger I was suppose to go to.
He never intended for me to get to my friends. This was all just some kind of sick game to him.
"Just like your parents never abandoned you?"
Quiet words that rip open the scars of my past, a bleeding wound that doesn't seem heal no matter how much time passes.
"That...that's not the same thing!"
He steps away from his troopers, holding up his hand when they would have followed and now it's just the two of us.
"No? Why is that?"
He moves closer and I take another step back, well aware that the only thing behind me is the night sky and a fall that can only end with a single outcome.
My death.
"Because," I can't seem to think, confusion making my mind swim and the scent of snow and the chill of the ice on my skin reminding me of the way he held me in his arms.
Safe and wanted and...loved.
If only for a moment.
He takes another step closer and the heel of my boot hits the rim and I've run out of space.
I tear my gaze away from him to look behind me. Nothing but the nights sky and the spill of the cold, white stars in the darkness.
Cutting wind on my face, the taste of snow in air and a strange calm takes hold of me.
I turn back to Ren and wonder if this will be the last time I see him like this.
I watch, uncomprehending, when he shuts down his saber and hooks it back onto his belt.
Why did he do that? He came here to fight me...didn't he?
"Rey...I wish that it didn't have to be with way. But you need to understand."
I have no idea what he is referring to until I see a small device in his hand.
Poe's voice fills the hanger and I can't breath, the air trapped in my lungs.
Whatever calm I found only moments ago is lost in the silent screams of my heart.
"Finn...we've talked about this...you saw what she did in the desert..."
I hear the regret in his voice...and his fear.
Of me.
Oh gods...it can't be true. I know I lost control in the desert but I thought Poe would have understood that I would never hurt them.
"No...no, they're my friends...they have to understand...I didn't mean it..."
Poe's voice slowly fades only to be replaced by Finn's and I feel sick to my stomach, bile burning the back of my throat.
"...wasn't Rey. Kylo Ren was manipulating her...You saw the way he caught that lightning in his bare hands. It was him. Not Rey."
Finn defending me...because he believed Ren was controlling me...that I couldn't possibly have that kind of power...
I don't know what is worse. Poe scared of me or Finn trying to convince him that I'm not that powerful...
"Turn it off...," I whisper the words and when Finn and Poe's voice continue in an endless loop, something inside of me just snaps, "I said TURN IT OFF!"
Deafening silence around me as Ren tucks the device away. Tears burn the back of my eyes and I blink, refusing to let them fall. I bow my head so he can't see the pain the words of my friends have caused me.
Is this the 'truth' he's talking about? That my friends fear me so much that they would willingly leave me behind?
Grief in my soul, consuming me. Despair whispering to me that this is my destiny. That I should never allowed myself to trust anyone.
To love anyone.
Because in the end, no one stays.
Why would you do this to me? Do you hate me that much now?
I have never hated you Rey.
I snap my head up, staring at him but the hanger is silent and his mask is in place.
But I know I heard his voice. My Ben, who is so gentle...and so broken.
We stare at each other, I on the precipice and he before me but no longer moving.
Even as grief threatens to drown me, I still turn to him.
If you don't hate me, I close my eyes and reach for him through the Force, then why?
I feel him, a caress of starlight across my senses and our minds connect.
To show you the truth. To make you understand that your friends will never accept you for who you are.
A single tear slips down my face, chilling my skin and I let it be. It seems I am fated to always be vulnerable around this man.
I don't even know who I am anymore.
I do. I know who you are.
The sound of pressure releasing and I open my eyes in time to see the mask lift from his face and I stare into the haunted, shattered eyes of Ben Solo.
"Ben..."
"Are you ready for this Rey? To face the truth you already know?"
His words are soft, a gentleness that is more terrifying than when he had his saber lifted against me.
"I...what are you talking about?"
A sigh, softer than a kiss and I can't look away from the heavy emotions that lay bare in his dark gaze.
Regret and resolution. A strange fire that is almost magnetic.
"Your nightmares Rey. The ones you have been running from since you were a child."
Grief gives way to a stronger, heavier feeling. My throat tightens, my heart stuttering as fear grabs hold of me with poisoned tipped claws.
"You're wrong...they're just nightmares...they don't mean anything..."
"That's not true and you know that. It's why you're fighting so hard to forget."
He moves a step closer to me and I'm shaking, unable to run from the 'truth' he wants me to see.
"Don't be afraid," he lifts his hand to me, "I'm right here."
I stare at his hand and wonder if he knows just how much he is tormenting me with his offer.
"Ben..."
He moves another step closer, the wind ruffling his raven hair until strands obscure his dark gaze and I have the insane urge to reach out and brush them away.
"We can do this together. Trust me Rey. Believe in me."
Another tear slides down my face and I see his hand tremble, the anguish that shadows his eyes.
I did believe in him at one time. So much so that I took on Master Skywalker to defend him, left to go find him aboard the Supremacy and battled side by side with him.
I have laughed with this man, shed tears for his pain and in the few stolen moments we allowed each other, found that quiet place in my soul where I finally feel whole.
With him.
Fear still grips my heart, telling me that I'm not strong enough to endure this but that is the lie.
I can endure anything, I believe, so long as I am with him.
Maybe he's right. Maybe it's time I stopped running.
"Who am I Ben?"
I see his mouth tremble, the ghost of a smile behind the pain as I lift my hand to his...
"REY!"
Finn screaming my name shatters the night and there is a hollow ringing in my head.
His hand is still held out to me, his eyes pleading for me to take it.
"REY! COME ON!"
The wind howls around us, I smell hot metal and propulsion fuel. Ben's mouth is moving but I can't hear him over the roar of the engines and Finn screaming for me.
I can't hear him but I know the words his mouth shapes.
The same demand. The same, heartbreaking plea.
"Stay. Please."
