Author's Note: You asked for longer chapters. Be careful for what you wish for...

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars. Never have, never will. I simply play in their world.

"You are my what if.

What if

a shooting star granted

my wish.

And what if

You loved me, in every

way that I love you.

And what if,

I am for you,

as you are

for me."

-Julie Martinez

Rey

Stay. Please.

How many nights have I been kept awake because of those two words? How many days went by when the only thing I could see was his haunting eyes and the emotions he shows me now.

Vulnerable and tinged with anguish.

Begging me to not leave him in darkness.

As I did that day on the Supremacy.

As I did on Emphameira.

"REY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? COME ON!"

Finn screaming for me across the void. He came back for me, so did Poe.

My friends, who are frightened of what I am becoming, still risking their lives for my sake.

The war between my head and my heart is a raging battle.

My head is telling me to turn away, to take Finn's hand and leave this place. Complete the mission and save the galaxy.

My heart is pleading for me to take his hand. That there is more than one path in life and that, somehow, this man is my destiny.

The one I've spent my life trying to find.

I don't know what to choose...Leia...what do I do?

Silent words born of desperation as this war threatens to tear me apart.

She more than anyone else knows what it's like to walk the road no one else dares. Even if that meant sacrificing everything in the end.

I wish she was here.

More than anything, I wish she was here.

Let the Force guide you Rey...

My breath catches and Ben's eyes widen as well.

That was Leia's voice inside my head...and he heard her.

Follow your heart Rey...it knows the way better than you...

I watch a single, silent tear slide down Ben's face when I feel Leia's warmth reach out and touch her son.

It lasts for but a fraction of second and her presence disappears from the Force.

The world around us comes back to vivid life.

Finn yelling for me, the howl of the winds from the engines and blaster fire heating the air, turning the night into a blaze of red.

All I see is Ben. His hand trembling in the dark, once more asking me to stay.

But the shadows gather in his tormented eyes, waiting for my rejection.

To turn my back on him and go with my friends who are here to save me.

But I don't need saving.

They have Threepio and his information on how to get to the wayfinder. Poe can lead the fleet to Exegol.

Where I will be waiting.

It's become so clear, I don't know why I didn't see it before. Poe and Finn need to defeat the fleet of the First Order.

I need to defeat the emperor.

Only a Jedi can defeat a Sith.

But not alone. I need Ben.

I pivot and take in Finn's strained face, his hand stretched out to me as he balances precariously on the landing pad.

"REY! TAKE MY HAND! WE CAN'T STAY HERE!"

No they can't stay here.

I narrow my thoughts to him and the sweep of his emotions rolls over me and drops me to my knee's beneath the chaotic weight.

He was going to have to learn control and soon.

Finn...go...Exegol...meet you there...

I feel him recoil, his confusion and fear burning the back of my throat, making my stomach clench.

I breathe through his pain slamming into me and get back on my feet.

"GO! FIND THE WAYFINDER! GET OUT OF HERE!"

I lock eyes with Finn and deliberately take a step back away from the edge.

Believe in me Finn...trust me...I know what I'm doing.

At least I think I do.

Leia said to follow my heart so let's hope my heart has a better map than my head.

I don't wait for his answer but snap my saber out and pivot again, deflecting the barrage of blaster fire, giving Finn the time he needs to get back into the ship.

To get away from here and complete the mission.

It's too much for me as I'm pushed back to the edge.

"Stand down."

Ben's command has the effect of a thunderclap and his troopers are quick to obey, their guns lowered for the moment.

I feel the punch of emotion that makes me gasp as a single, frantic thought blasts through my head, making my ears ring and my vision double.

ENDOR.

I turn in time to see the Falcon break free and jump into hyper drive. In seconds they are nothing more than a speck of bright light against the darkness and even that disappears into the void.

I made my choice. I sent my friends to find the wayfinder...while I stay behind.

My heart is hammering, a bruising force against my ribs when I face Ben.

He's watching me, his silence unnerving and I take a deep breath, the freezing air burning my lungs.

He's no longer offering me his hand but his eyes still hold the shade of his vulnerability.

"Why?"

A single question with so many answers and I honestly don't know where to begin.

But I can show him.

I turn off the saber and put it away, walking towards him.

We are so close now. I can feel the heat of his body chasing the chill from mine.

I can see where the tear he shed for his mother has made a track down his skin.

Following the the path of the scar I gave him.

"Rey. Answer me."

An ache in my soul that has never abated since the day I first laid eyes on him.

No man has ever looked at me the way he does.

As if no one exists for him...except me.

Or maybe that's just the way I feel for him.

I lift up on my toes, hands resting on his chest and he is already lowering his head in anticipation.

I press my lips to his, ice cold and shivering as we touch.

Mouths melding, breath mingling and the strength of his arm around my waist, his fingers tangling in my hair.

Mine, my soul whispers ardently, mine.

I tremble in his arms when he lifts his head to gaze down at me.

"Rey..."

I press fingers to his lips, silencing the questions I hear in his voice.

"I heard you," I murmur for his ears alone, "asking me to stay. This is my answer."

"Why now?"

I swallow my fear and answer him. It was time to see just where my heart has led me.

"Because I'm tired of running. From you. From me. From my past." This time I'm the one beseeching him. "You said you know who I am...please Ben, I need the truth."

Something that might have passed for a sigh leaves him as he presses a kiss to my fingers.

"We have much to discuss."

I nod in agreement and step away, chafing my arms as the cold seeps back into my bones.

His eyes narrow and before I can guess his intent he's pulling his cloak off and throwing it around my shoulders.

The heavy material cocoons me in warmth despite the fact that it's made for his height and drags behind me on the ground.

I grasp the edges before it can slide off of my shoulders.

He grabs my hand and our eyes meet and I see something in them that I've seen only once before.

A blaze of light that eclipses the stars themselves. My breath halts and despite all the eyes that I know must be watching us, I want bury myself back in his arms.

"Supreme Leader...do we escort the...prisoner to her cell?"

I turn to see a Stormtrooper step forward, a red bar across his helm and left shoulder.

"No, Captain K'Tath. She is not a prisoner."

His hand tightens around mine and the captain moves to the side as we pass through only to find that another is blocking our path.

"Lord Ren," I shiver beneath the cold veneer of the older man, "what is the meaning of this? I've been informed that General Hux is dead and you have allowed the Millennium Falcon to escape."

I recognize that voice. It was the same one that interrupted our...discussion...in his room.

Eyes of winter gray look down at me, a slight sneer on his lips.

"At least you haven't lost the emperor's...prize."

The sneer turns into puzzlement as I lift my chin and refuse to look away.

I will not be intimidated by this man. I've come too far and sacrificed too much to back down.

Ben's hand firmly around mine is all the assurance I need that I'm not alone.

Not as long as he stands by my side.

"Allegiant General Pryde you have not had the pleasure of meeting Rey."

Cool words that do little to conceal the threat behind them. Ben is giving this man no quarter.

"No I have not." He steps closer to me, searching my face with a scrutiny that might have made me uncomfortable if I wasn't so angry about the way he spoke to Ben.

"You stare at me as if you have seen a ghost, Allegiant General. Is there something wrong with my face?"

I don't like this man and I don't bother to hide it. I watch as he takes a step back, his face ashen.

He turns from me to look up at Ben.

"What secrets have you been hiding from me. Who's daughter is she?"

I blink at that odd question and Ben lets go of my hand. Despite no longer wearing his mask, the cloak of power clings to him and I watch Pryde choke back words as his hand clenches the cane at his side.

"You forget yourself Allegiant General. I am the Supreme Leader and I answer to no one."

His voice is soft, but I sense the anger beneath the calm. The air crackles, electrified just before lightning is about to strike.

Dangerous and unpredictable, a force of nature. That is what I feel in him.

I shiver, not from apprehension but because something is waking inside me, answering that call of power.

Pryde steps away from Ben with a slight bow of deference.

"So I have. But as the commanding officer of your fleet, I have a duty to fulfill and I cannot do that while being kept in the dark."

His eyes flicker back to me, a slight furrow of his brow.

He seems confused about me and I have no idea why. I've never met this man until today.

Yet I sense that he seems to know me.

No not quite.

More like I remind him of someone.

"Hux was the traitor we've been searching for. He was executed on my order."

Pryde returns his attention to Ben, narrow eyebrow lifted in response to his answer.

"I see. Well, no matter. His usefulness had long since come to an end. What of the Falcon? The Resistance-"

"Is of little consequence now." Ben turns from Pryde to offer me his hand.

I don't hesitate when I lay mine in his waiting grip.

"We have everything we need General Pryde. Set course for Exegol, the Night Buzzard with rendezvous with us there."

"As you wish." He doesn't move but again I feel his eyes bearing down on me and now it's making me uncomfortable.

"If you have something to say to me, then say it." I entwine my fingers with Ben's and harden my gaze at the general, "otherwise get out of our way."

His body quivering, Pryde immediately steps back, opening up the path out of the hanger.

Ben's fingers digging into the back of my hand and I look up to see the edge of his mouth lift into a smirk before settling into an uncompromising line.

"You have command of the bridge. I want no disturbances until we reach Exegol. Is that understood?"

"Yes...Supreme Leader."

I fall into step next to Ben and there are no more obstacles as we finally leave the hanger.

"Well that was...interesting."

He slashes me a quelling look and I can feel my lips twitching despite the gravity of the situation.

There is a quiet ache in my heart, like a tender bruise, when I think of my friends. But I remind myself that we're not going to be parted forever.

Even with that bruise my soul feels lighter.

A sense of completion in a way that I haven't felt since Emphameira.

We walk hand in hand, his cloak still dragging behind me and I should have felt ridiculous. Nothing more than a child playing in adults clothing.

But I don't. Something has changed. I'm no longer a prisoner in shackles being led away in shame. Instead I walk hand-in-hand with the Supreme Leader of the First Order.

The officers move out of our with alacrity and I see even a few make a bow before me, a strange light in their gaze.

It is a bit unnerving. As if they are seeing something that I can't quite grasp just yet.

"Where are we going?" I murmur, keeping the words between us.

"Patience Rey. We're nearly there."

We're not returning to his quarters, I know that much. This is not the same path I took with Hux and it isn't the one when I first arrived.

"You're counseling me to patience?"

I let out a snort of laughter. We both know that he's the one with the temper.

His fingers squeeze around mine, though in warning or amusement I can't tell.

We turn the corridor and I find that it is empty. What is going on?

He tugs me along and I have no choice but to keep up with him and soon he's pulling me into a room that has the same layout as an observation deck...but completely clear of any equipment.

Just open space and a startling view of the stars that takes my breath away as I drop his hand and move closer.

My fingers touch the glass and for a moment I feel as if I could reach out and gather them in the palm of my hand.

The lights have been dimmed, a soft ambiance that is oddly peaceful for a military ship bent on conquest.

"Ben," I turn away from the stars to stare at the man who stands in shadows, "where have your brought me?"

"The Steadfast has five observation decks, I took this one for my personal use when she became my flag ship."

That doesn't answer my question.

A slight tilt of his lips, almost deprecating, before he continues speaking.

"This is my meditation hall Rey."

Meditation hall...oh.

Oh!

I pull away from the glass and go back to his side.

"This is where you come to find peace isn't it Ben?" His hand reaching for me and I glide into his arms, resting my head on his chest.

There is no one else here but the stars and they are silent sentinels and have kept their secrets for millenniums.

They will not betray ours.

"I come here seeking answers, not peace. I have only found peace in once place."

His voice fades and my curiosity is aroused by his words and I lift my head.

"Where do you find peace then?"

Soft leather gliding over my skin as he traces a finger down the curves of my jaw.

"In your arms. You are my peace Rey, my refuge."

My heart is fluttering like a trapped bird and I don't stop him when he leans down because I'm already lifting my mouth to his.

His lips are gentle, moving over mine with such tenderness that I can only sigh and press into him.

If only it could be like this forever...but time is against us, hurtling us towards danger that I cannot stop and reluctantly I pull away and out of his arms.

"Rey..."

I feel him reaching for me and I shake my head, backing up.

"I...I can't think when I'm in your arms."

"Then maybe that's where you should remain."

I glance up at him, lips twitching.

"Stop teasing me Ben. You're not helping the matter."

He leans against the glass, watching me with avid eyes.

I swallow hard and back up a few more steps.

The man is lethal to my senses I swear it.

"Why did you bring me here?"

A heavy sigh as he tilts his head back, eyes closed.

"Because we need time to talk, without interruption, before reaching Exegol. My meditation hall is a good place for that."

"Why not your room? Wouldn't that be more secure?"

Eyes flickering open, I see avid hunger in his dark gaze.

I no longer need his cloak, he's burning me alive with that one look.

"Because," a soft, sensual murmur that turns my blood to liquid fire, "if I took you to my room...I doubt I could control myself and there would be little talking involved."

I close my eyes and back up until I hit the glass, turning to press my burning face into its cool surface.

His words...they evoke images that I've tried to suppress for months now.

Our nights on Emphameira...his mouth on my skin, his fingers caressing the hollows of my body, the secret places only he can touch..

"Meditation hall," I gasp, "good idea."

"Look at me Rey."

I shake my head and keep my face averted.

"No."

"Why not?"

By the Force his voice should be illegal. No one has the right to sound the way he does.

Silken with a hint of dangerous mischief that makes my fingers clench around his cloak so I don't do something stupid.

Like go over there and claim his mouth for my own.

Now is not the time to give into that bit of madness.

"Because...no. Just no."

"Afraid I might see that charming blush? Read the desire that you are trying so hard to hide from me?"

Provocative words that snap my head up in his direction.

He's leaning against the wall, arms folded.

Watching me with those drowning eyes as starlight plays lovingly over his face.

I am reminded harshly why other worlds often refer to him as the 'Fallen One'.

He looks like some dark, ancient god standing there cast in shadows and starlight. Something too beautiful to be human, to dangerous to be mortal.

My heart is aching and I can't understand why, of all people, he wants me.

I'm nobody. Just some random girl that stumbled into his path and now our destinies seemed intertwine.

"I'm not hiding. I do want you. More than anything else, I want you."

He pulls away from the wall and I see his fist clench as he takes a shuddering breath.

"You...do you have any idea what you do to me?"

My own breathing is as ragged when I answer.

"No, but if it's anything similar to what you do to me...I'd say we're even."

A soft laugh from him that is unexpected. I rarely hear him laugh and I am utterly intoxicated by it.

"Now who's the one teasing?"

He shakes his head at me, his lips still twitching as he leans back against the wall.

I grin openly at him and settle back into my own position on the opposite side. But my mirth is short lived.

A heavy weight on my shoulders, dragging me down.

"What is it Rey?"

I tilt my head and gaze at this man who seems so ruthless, so cold...and yet with me...he is gentle and patient.

"I know what you're doing Ben."

"What is that?"

"You're distracting me from my fears. Giving me time to gather my courage."

The light banter between us. Taking me to his meditation hall.

Holding me in his arms so I can forget, for just one breathless minute, the dark road we still have to go down.

He blinks at me before a slight tilt of his head in acknowledgment.

"Only in part. Are you ready?"

My mouth feels dry and I swallow, telling myself that I can do this.

The dagger in my pocket taps against the wall when I move away.

The reminder of its presence sends a frisson down my spine, a whisper in the Force that makes me pause, listening.

A sense of unease, a dissonance in the back of my mind.

Following my instincts I wrap my hand in the cloak and pull out the blade. The screams are muted and yet I still have to clench my teeth to stop myself from flinging it away.

"You've read the runes on this," I don't wait for him to answer, "can you tell me what they say?"

He pushes himself off the wall and walks with silent steps until he's only a few inches away from me.

He doesn't look angry but the slight tilt of his lips from earlier is gone.

"What for?"

"Ben," why is he always so stubborn, "please."

Holding onto it was making my head pound from trying to block the voices of its victims.

"Why do you look like you're in pain?"

"Because," I grit my teeth and force the words out, "I am. Can't you hear the screams?"

Bemused, he strips the gloves from his hands and tucks them into his belt.

Gently he takes the dagger from my grip and I sigh with relief as the pressure lifts from my mind.

He's studying the dagger, turning it so the runes appear more pronounced in the soft light.

He doesn't appear to be in pain like I was when I had to hold it with my bare hands.

"Ben...can you hear them?"

"I sense nothing Rey."

I don't understand. Even now I can hear those trapped voices reaching for me.

His eyes narrow as he shifts from me back to the dagger and I note the piercing light in his gaze.

He's thought of something.

"What is it?"

I see the flicker of surprise as he lowers the dagger between us and notice he's keeping it tucked close to his body and away from mine.

"Something I remembered...from my training."

"With Snoke?" I wrinkle my nose, even saying his name makes my blood simmer and I wish we could kill him all over again.

But Ben is shaking his head at me.

"No...with Skywalker. It was something I read in the Jedi chronicles."

He's piqued my curiosity again. I haven't had time to thoroughly examine the Jedi texts.

"Which was?"

He's walking away from me, turning to gaze upon the starscape and yet there is something in his profile that makes me think he isn't actually seeing it.

His thoughts have turned inward.

"Before the fall of the Council and the Clone Wars," the quiet cadence of his voice draws me in, "the Jedi could be counted upon in the thousands. Each with a unique affinity for the Force. Anakin Skywalker, for example, could understand machines and technology to an almost sentient level. Obi-wan," a mocking smile that holds too much bitterness that I don't understand, "was recorded to have a natural touch when it came to animals. Such were the abilities of the Jedi."

This is fascinating but I'm confused.

"What has this to do with the dagger?"

I have the sensation that he's watching my reflection in the glass despite the fact that he hasn't turned to look at me.

"From what you've described, it seems you have the ability to read an objects past. A rare but known ability that preludes the Clone Wars."

A shuttered look when he returns to my side that is impossible for me to interpret.

"Have you done this before?"

I meant to tell him no but a memory stirs and I follow the thread.

Now I'm the one pacing as memories from over a year ago surface.

"Yes...but only once."

"When?"

I close my eyes and fold my arms, keeping the cloak tucked close to my body as I wander.

"When Han picked up Finn and myself in the Falcon and took us to see Maz," I remember seeing another world for the first time and couldn't believe how much green life, the abundance of water, could be held by one world, "he was looking for a way to get us to the Resistance."

The memories are vivid and it's as if I am reliving them all over again.

"They were talking and I heard a faint voice calling out to me. I followed the voice and it led me beneath the castle, to an abandoned room. I found a small, wooden box filled with ancient relics. A lightsaber was among the relics and I picked it up without even knowing what it was..."

"What did you see?"

"I saw the face of a man whose eyes held terrible secrets, as if he had a burden no one should have to bear...but it was gone and another face appeared," the cloak slips from my shoulders and I pull it back into place, "it was Master Skywalker...but I didn't realize it was him until I found him on the island. He was younger then, he didn't carry the years of guilt and regret that he did when I met him..."

"Was that all?"

"No...I saw something else...," I turn and look at Ben, past and present merging into one, "I saw you."

Shock in his eyes and I've managed to surprise him.

"You were surrounded by snow and ice, your red saber glowing and the mask over your face," memories tumble through my mind, evoking the emotions I had felt upon seeing him for the first time.

"I was terrified," I can't stand still and I'm back to pacing but I don't see anything but the vision from a year ago, "because you were reaching for me...and I forgot about Jakku and my parents and the reason I had to go back. When I saw you...all I wanted to do was find you."

"Why?"

I startle, the dark cadence of his voice pulling me from my memories and back to the present. The echo of that time still lingers as I look to him from where I stand.

I'm halfway across the room and I didn't even notice.

"I heard you speak a single word. 'No'. It was the same word, over and over again and I heard my own loneliness, my own sense of abandonment in your voice."

There was someone out there just as lost as I was. Just as alone. I forgot about needing to wait for my parents to come and find me, to be a good girl and be patient.

All I wanted...was to find this person who was just like me.

And that had terrified me.

"Maz found me shortly after that. She told me that what I was seeking wasn't behind me but in front of me."

I knew, somehow, that she had been speaking of Ben. But I pretended that I didn't know and made myself believe she was talking about Master Skywalker.

"What did you say to her?"

A bitter smile twisting my mouth, unbidden.

"I told her I wanted nothing to do with the lightsaber. That my place was on Jakku."

I lift my eyes to his and a sigh escapes me.

"Then you showed up minutes later as if I had conjured you from a dream. You shoved your lightsaber in my face and kidnapped me."

"I...sorry about that."

I stare at him and when he won't meet my eyes, I let out a short huff.

"Ben you are a terrible liar. You're not sorry at all."

A ghost of a smile before he moves with deft grace to cover the space between us.

"You're right. I'm not. I have never regretted finding you Rey."

I really should just hand my heart over to him but I sense he took it long ago before I even knew it was missing.

"You're such a thief Ben Solo."

He lifts a winged eyebrow at my odd comment and I refuse to elaborate.

"We've regressed. What does my visions from your lightsaber have to do with the dagger?"

"As I speculated, you have the ability to pull past events from an object...but it seems you can go a step further and look into future events as well."

"Huh. So what else did the Jedi texts say about other affinities?"

"I don't recall."

His bored tone makes my lips twitch in repressed amusement. He can be such an elitist sometimes.

"You seem to only remember stuff about the Jedi when it concerns me. Am I the exception?"

I meant it to be teasing but the slow, intimate look in his eyes makes me swallow and clench the folds of his cloak in my fingers.

"You have always been the exception Rey."

He reaches out and tucks back a few strands of hair away from my eyes.

Sparks dance beneath my skin where his fingers glide across.

"Ben," I can't stop the pleading in my voice, "stop distracting me and tell me about the dagger."

He sighs and steps backs, dropping his hand from my face.

I feel bereft of his warmth and yet I'm the one who told him to stop.

"Do you want the literal translation or jut a general overview?"

I growl at him and contemplate smacking him for being so obnoxious.

He lifts the dagger and I watch as his eyes scan the runes before tucking it out of sight again.

"They tell of the Emperor's wayfinder being held in an imperial vault on a moon in the Endor System. There are coordinates that lead to the correct moon and where to begin the search."

My mind is running full tilt now at the information he just revealed.

Endor. That was the name that Finn had blasted into my mind before the Falcon disappeared into lightspeed.

They had succeeded in gaining the information from Threepio.

So they were going after the wayfinder, just like I had told them to.

I should be happy, relieved to hear that everything was going the way I hoped it would.

Poe and Finn tracking the wayfinder while I made my way to Exegol.

So then why did that nagging, persistent feeling of being wrong still haunt me.

There was something else that I was missing. I just don't know what it is.

"Rey."

I'm already turning my attention back to him when he calls my name.

He's holding his hand out to me.

"It's time."

Thoughts of the wayfinder, my friends and Endor fall away as fear grips my heart.

I need to know who I am, who my parents are and where I come from but...

"I'm scared Ben."

I whisper the words even as I move to take his hand.

Our fingers tangle as he pulls me close. He's the only one who gets to see me like this. Vulnerable and scared.

Not the 'perfect' Jedi everyone expects me to be.

"I know Rey," a soft murmur as I feel his fingers in my hair, "but I told you before, I'm going to be right here with you. You won't do this alone."

I nod and take a deep, fortifying breath before lifting my head from his chest.

"I'm ready. Tell me."

"What do you remember about your parents?"

I blink and that is not what I was expecting to hear from him.

"I...I don't. Just fragments...nightmares mostly...but you know that."

I grip his hand tight, I must be hurting him but he doesn't pull away.

"Yes you do," his voice is insistent, "think back. How old were you when you were left on Jakku?"

"I," my head begins to pound as I try to remember, "five...I think...I don't know."

"Five. Old enough to remember the faces of your parents. Think Rey, think of your mother. What did she look like? The sound of her voice?"

"I," my nails dig into the back of his hand, "I," a vision swims in my eyes, blurred and distorted. Pain lancing through my brain, a white-hot agony that burns away the feeble image and I cry out, my legs shaking.

Ben's grip is the only thing that stops me from falling over.

He lowers me to the ground, braced on my knees as our hands remain entangled.

"Ben...what's happening to me?" I feel like I'm going to be sick, "why can't I remember?"

I look up, focusing on his face. The sharp edges of his cheekbones, eyes of shattered starlight, lips compressed into a tight line.

The pain in my head lessens and the bout of nausea passes, my stomach settling.

"I suspect that your memories hold information so traumatic that you couldn't handle it as a child."

Despite the haze of pain inside my head, I force myself to think past it.

"You're saying...I did this to myself? That I'm the reason I can't remember?"

A short nod of his head, a glitter of something dark and feral in his eyes.

"Yes. That is exactly what I think. Rey...we can bring back your memories...but you're going to have to face your nightmares."

My heart is pounding and I would have stumbled to my feet if not for the fact that he was gripping my hands so tightly my fingers were almost numb from the pressure.

I was prepared to do just that but blind fear has my teeth chattering, a panic so ingrained it's like a blade held across my throat.

Which feels wrong. I'm an adult now, not a child to fear every phantom shadow in the dark.

Phantom shadows. I breathe past the choking fear, using my connection to Ben as my anchor.

This fear...suspicions stir and I force words past the hollow ringing in my head.

"Ben," I say his name like the most fervent prayer, "help me."

He lets go of my hands and I would have bolted despite my best efforts yet he seamlessly finds my face, anchoring me before I can move more than an inch.

The heat of his palms scalds my skin and burns through the fear. I can feel his pulse, calm and placid as the deepest ocean.

My breathing slows, my heart no longer trying desperately to break through my rib cage and that terrible feeling of needing to run, to hide, abates.

My head begins to clear.

I cover his hands and close my eyes, our foreheads touching.

"That's it Rey, just breath. Listen to my heartbeat. Feel my touch. Find your center."

His word, murmured low, are almost hypnotic and I fall into a dreamlike trance.

"Ben."

I sigh his name, the lodestone of my heart and follow his instructions.

"That's it. Now open your eyes."

I obey his gentle command and stare into shattered eyes.

"How do you feel?"

"Better. How...Ben how did you do that?"

It was like he took my fear and replaced it with his own calm.

I may not know a whole lot about the Jedi arts but I know that the things he and I do together...that's not something normal Jedi can do.

His eyes flicker and I tighten my hold on his hands, not letting him pull away.

"What secrets are you hiding from me now?"

"What makes you say that?"

I huff out a breath and close my eyes, resting against him.

"Ben...I know when you're about to hide something from me."

"How?"

He sounds utterly perplexed and I stifle the urge to laugh.

"Because you won't look me in the eye when you speak. You only do that when you're trying to hide something."

He sighs and his calloused thumbs rub over my cheekbones, a pleasurable friction and I wonder if he even realizes he's doing it.

"It seems you've become adapt at reading me."

I pull away and lower our hands, joining them so I can look at him properly.

He stares at me with unguarded eyes and a touch of melancholy steals over me.

"Is that such a bad thing? To know you?"

"No, but my soul...Rey, it is a dark, broken thing. I-"

I put fingers to his lips.

"Don't." I've felt his soul against mine and it is not as dark or as broken as he believes, "Ben...what are we?"

He presses his lips to my fingers, his long lashes veiling his eyes and I feel him trembling beneath his calm.

The silence lengthens and I wonder if he's going to continue to ignore my question.

But he sighs and straightens, pulling my hand from his mouth but keeping it firmly in his own.

His eyes are clear but oddly vulnerable and I realize he's dropped his guard completely.

"We are a Dyad in the Force."

The word means nothing to me yet I feel a stirring in my soul.

Something that had been missing now found and settling back into place.

"A Dyad?"

"Two that are One. It allows two Force-users to connect through time and space. To share each other's power, emotions...and memories."

He was describing...us. Our bond. The way we could sense each other, even if we were halfway across the galaxy.

No wonder it seemed I could never escape him.

Or stop myself from missing him even when I knew it was wrong to feel the way I do about him.

"How...how do you know that?"

Not quite a smile but his eyes lighten briefly when he speaks a single name.

"Maz."

Why am I not surprised. There was more to that old woman than I think anyone truly realizes.

I was going to have a long talk with her when all of this was over and done with.

But something about his explanation makes me pause.

"You said...memories? Ben, can you see my memories? The missing ones?"

A slight nod of his head.

"Yes. Your dreams, or in this case your nightmares, spill into me. But they don't affect my recollection the way they do yours."

This was it. This was how I could remember what I'd made myself forget.

Our palms turn over so that we grip each other's wrists.

"Show me Ben."