A/N- A continuation of the story without a month's interlude! My heartfelt gratitude for all your kind words and the support of my readers who have stuck by me!
Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars. Never have, never will. I simply play in their world.
Reviews! Like it? Hate it? You know what to do.
"In my head I am hunting for myself,
but I come up empty again.
The night grows so wide it could be
a cavern and I am somewhere
underneath it,
inside it,
lost.
But travelers always leave
lanterns behind and as I feel
for the candle there arrives
a memory of bronze-colored light."
-Ache
Rey
Time seems to fluctuate then stop altogether, the universe holding its breath to see what we'll do next.
I have become intimately aware of the man across from me. The creak of leather as he shifts his weight, the steady rhythm of his breathing.
His calloused fingers pressed warmly against my flesh, his grip strong but not hurting.
I stare into drowning eyes, watch the scattered stars gather like motes of light against a midnight ocean.
"I have never attempted anything like this before."
A quiet confession that pulls at my heart, nervousness and something else shadowing his words.
A hesitation...as if telling me that he doesn't know everything somehow makes him less.
I clasp my fingers around his wrists tightly, feeling the bite of leather dig into my skin.
"That makes two of us."
Despite my own nerves I can feel a smile trying to break free and I don't hide it. His eyes widen briefly and that fluttery feeling I get when I'm around him returns ten-fold, pushing back my anxiety.
"Ben, I don't expect you to have all the answers every time I ask a question." I shake my head but keep my hands firmly locked around him.
"You're not omniscient," I cock an eyebrow at him, "even if you like to pretend you are."
He lifts an arrogant eyebrow in response and a shaky laugh escapes him.
I give a silent breath of relief when I sense some of the tension draining out of him. I hope the smile I give him is encouraging.
"We'll do this like you said, together."
His dark gaze roams my face as if searching for something and it is a tactile caress that makes my heart stutter in response.
"Do you trust me Rey?"
I might have thought he was teasing me it was such an absurd question.
But his eyes watch me in deadly earnestness and the low pitch of his voice tells me that this is no joke.
That is the question isn't it?
Do I trust this man enough to spill the secrets of my soul, my very essence, into his waiting hands?
"I trust you Ben."
It's not a difficult question to answer after all. Leia told me to follow my heart and I'm doing exactly that.
My breath catches when his lips curve up slightly and I see the man I made love to so long ago peeking through the cracks.
"B-mmph!"
His lips slanting across mine, our wrists locked and I can only sit here, shaking and trembling when his mouth steals my senses and leaves me reeling.
"Rey."
He breathes my name, our mouths hovering over each other and I blink, not remembering closing them at all.
His dark eyes hold none of the scorn, the cynical arrogance from before. They are gentle and vulnerable and so beautiful I swallow painfully to look into them.
"Remember what you just said."
His words make no sense but I can't look away from his eyes when they flair like a dying sun and I feel as though I'm falling...
...where did all light go? I don't remember it being this dark but I'm not afraid.
I seem to be lying down and I sit up, rubbing my temple, wondering why I have this vague notion that I've forgotten something.
"Amirah we have to go."
I snap my head in the direction of a male voice. There was something familiar about the cadence, a rough growl that isn't unkind.
He speaks with urgency and I get to my feet, searching the dark for the speaker.
"Drystan...are we really going to do this? Is there nothing else, no other option?"
A painful beating of my heart, pounding away at my chest until it hurts to breathe.
I know that voice. Soft and lyrical, tinged with sorrow.
How could I not know my own mother.
Lost in the darkness, I chase these phantom voices.
"We have no choice. If he finds her what she will suffer at his hands is far worse than anything you could imagine."
The darkness recedes and I'm gasping for air, I feel as if I've been running for hours...for days...
"But she's our daughter..."
"That is precisely why we have to do this. I'm sorry...I never wanted any of this for us...for you..."
A burst of light and I stumble throwing up my arms as I'm blinded.
The voices have disappeared and panic grips me as I cry out.
"Easy Rey. I have you."
A warm hand grasping mine, a lifeline that I cling to.
I know that voice. A whispered caress, silken shadows with that singular touch of melancholy that steals my will.
"Ben."
I whisper his name and the world around me converges.
I can see.
An image suspended in time. A woman, slender and tall, dressed in colors that remind me of the sun reflecting on water. Azure and gold. A loose tunic leaves her arms bare, pants tucked into ankle boots.
I stare at her face with avid hunger.
Her eyes are a shade darker that what I see when I glance in the mirror, more bronze than amber. But her mouth is the exact same shape as mine.
Her hair is plaited down her back, the color of sunset. I tremble to see a small child cradled in her arms protectively, a wookie doll clutched in small hands.
Oblivious to what is happening around her but the longer I stare at my child self I see a single eye just barely cracked open.
Only pretending to be asleep.
The man has his hand lifted as if to touch the woman and I stare at this familiar stranger. His hair is unruly, windswept, a darker shade of sable than my own. The shadow of a beard around his jaw as if he hasn't shaved in a few days.
His eyes are a startling citrine with a faint ring of black in the middle. He was dressed in working leathers, a blaster holstered at his side.
He looks like a pilot. Or a mercenary.
"Who..."
I didn't realize I had spoken out loud until Ben answers me quietly.
"Your parents."
A tear hot and wet, scalds my skin as it slides down my face, joined by another.
These were the faces of my parents, the ones I could never remember.
"My mother...she was called Amirah." I look at the man, "this is my father...Drystan."
The names of my parents.
I turn and bury my face in Ben's solid chest, weeping to remember the names of my parents. I don't if my tears are that of joy...or rage.
Joy that I now have the faces of my parents and names to go along with them...or the rage that these people who were suppose to love and protect me abandoned me and forgot my very existence.
His fingers stroke my hair as I wrap my arms around him, leaning into his strength. He doesn't beret me or tell me to stop and get a hold of myself.
He's just here. Offering me his silent support, the comfort of his arms.
It is all I need.
The tears stop as quickly as they came and I take in a fortifying breath and lift my head to look at him.
His fingers slide away from my hair to wipe away the moisture from my eyes and his tenderness is nearly my undoing.
"Ready?"
I nod my head not trusting my voice just yet and turn in the circle of his arms to stare at the captured image.
"What is this?"
"A fragment of a memory I was able to tease loose."
"Where are we?"
"In your subconscious. Deep within in your sleeping mind where you are the most vulnerable."
I turn partially in his arms, not bothering to hide my shock.
"How by the Force did you manage that trick?"
I snap my mouth shut as I realize I just answered my own damn question.
The Force.
A snippet of a memory, a bright flair of light in his gaze just before I lost consciousness and the murmured words that I needed to remember that I trusted him.
He's done this before to me. Used the Force to send me to sleep but only this time I agreed to it.
In a way it makes sense. After all, this started because of my nightmares.
"So now what?"
A weary sigh as he drops his arm from my waist and I move without conscious thought closer to my parents.
"Now we learn the truth behind your nightmares."
My throat tightens and I clench my fists to stop the shaking. I know what's coming next.
"How?"
His hand on my shoulder and the images of my parents begin to dissolve like a mirage in the desert and I cry out reaching for them.
I have never forgiven them for what they did to me but that doesn't mean I can't help but want them back.
His hand grips my shoulder tight, forestalling my attempt to get to them.
I close my eyes as the world shifts and the disorientation that goes along with it.
"He's found us. I'm sorry Amirah but we can't outrun him any longer. The ship's taken too much damage."
I snap my eyes open and swallow hard.
I know this place. The hull of a ship, the cargo area with the nets and the scent of old spices and rotting meat.
The ship shutters violently and I hear a small voice cry. My mother races past me and gather's up the tiny girl into her arms.
"Quiet Rey, you have to be strong now."
A strangled sound emerging from me as I realize this is the beginning of my nightmare.
"Amirah! You have to calm Rey down! I can feel her power!"
I stumble back and into Ben who is at my side.
"I...I don't remember this."
"Wait and listen."
"Shh Rey, look at me. Everything is going to be alright. You need to calm down."
She sounds frightened and I don't know why.
She pushes the child version of me who is crying closer to her body. I can see her shaking, even as she tries to remain calm.
"Drystan! Her eyes..."
I hear swearing from the cockpit as the ship lurches again and Ben grabs hold of my waist before I can tumble to the ground.
This is only a memory so then why does it feel so...real?
As if we're actually here, reliving the event.
My father must have set the autopilot because he's in the cargo hold and grabs me from my mother.
I stare down at my younger self, shocked at what I see.
My eyes are not their normal amber. They are the color of hammered gold except for a small, sliver of amber at inner edge.
"Rey! Rey...look at me darling. Look at daddy."
But the child me doesn't respond, I look as though I'm in a trance and I see the flash of panic in my father's eyes...the same gold as my own.
"Amirah! He's found her. My father...Palpatine has found her!"
White noise inside my head at that name.
"It can't be...it can't be..."
That man, my father...he just called Palpatine...his father...
The Mad Emperor. The tyrant whose reign ended millions of lives, who enslaved an entire galaxy.
The terror of that name...the fear that is installs when it's spoken or even mentioned...
How? How could I possibly...
The ship lurches again and Ben and I slam against a wall as the child me is flung from my father's arms.
"Drystan!"
"It's Ochi! That slime-spittle, wharf-rat humping son of a Rathan! Amirah take control and head for Jakku! It's our only hope. I'll take care of Rey."
His voice is grim and my mother stares up at him with wide, unblinking eyes before she comes back to herself and runs for the cockpit.
I watch, uncomprehending, as my father picks up the child me in his arms. The child me doesn't respond, arms loose at her side, eyes staring straight ahead.
There is no sign of the wookie doll from before.
"Rey...my little girl...if only you didn't have the blood of a Palpatine...I'm sorry...I'm so sorry. All of this my fault."
I can feel Ben, his breath next to my ear as if speaking but I can't respond...I can only stare in horror at the scene before me.
I watch as my father sets my child form down and crouches in front.
"I won't let him find you Rey. I won't let him perform that ritual on you..." His hands on the side of her head and the child begins to scream and cry but he doesn't let go.
My head is pounding, throbbing in response.
"This is for your own good...so you must forget. Forget all that you are. All that you know...forget..."
Tears streaming down his face when my little self slumps over as if unconscious, seconds or is hours, later.
"I love you Rey...mommy and daddy love you...we'll come back when it's safe...but you have to be strong on your own now."
I can't breathe...I'm gasping for air...
"Rey! Rey!"
A voice screaming my name but I don't know it...hands grasping my wrists, spinning me away from this terrible scene and I stare up at eyes like pools of midnight.
"Rey. Come back to me. Rey!"
A sickening sensation...of falling...the world thrown into chaos as light is chased away by crushing darkness and I scream in fear or rage...I no longer know...
